Evan Sanders's Blog, page 18

This Way, You Can Make It Right

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It took me a long to to get to the place where I could do this.

It took me thousands of failures, a rollercoaster of up and down moments, many false starts and an equal amount of recommitments.

But I’m finally doing it. I’m finally locked in.

I don’t know if this is the way it is for everybody, but I find the first week of starting a new journey particularly difficult. It’s like the mind has so much momentum of living in the past ways of being that when you try to start heading in a different direction, there’s this undertow that tries to rip you back.

But once you get through that phase, and for me it’s usually about one week, it almost feels like it’s the easiest thing of all. I guess that’s what momentum does for you – it realigns you on the path you have chosen and gives you some staying power.

Fear is one powerful thing. I think back to all the times that I have tried and failed and realize that much of those missteps were rooted in fear.

I didn’t want to let go. I didn’t want to let go of what I was doing – even if it was temporarily – because I liked the safety of what I knew.

And yet, there was this other side of me that was almost begging me to let go and to finally set myself on a course that would heal me on the deepest of levels.

I know that this is part of growth and part of the process. Once you work through one thing there’s always another to move through. That’s just the way it is.

I’ve come a very long way since the beginning of this all. I’ve taken it upon myself to face my deepest fears and no matter how uncomfortable I got or how many times I failed, I continued to come back over and over again until I broke through.

Fundamentally, all that I am right now is built upon the back of failure and will.

Success was only an outcome of all of those times I fell and got back up.

I can see the value in that. I understand that this has given me a perspective that allows me to relate to almost everyone. I also see that having this resilience – and having broken through many of my own boundaries – gives me the ability to help other people navigate through theirs.

For the first time in a very long time, I can’t see what comes after this. I think that’s a gift. I also think that’s a sign that I’m doing exactly the thing I was lead to do.

I’m on the right path. My conscience is clear. My intentions are pure.

This way, I know I can make it right.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

What’s Coming Will Come And We’ll Meet It When It Does

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Courage to me was never about feeling completely fearless. It’s always been about looking my fears dead in the face and continuing forward no matter what.

I have lost countless times on this journey. The tally marks are well stacked up in the losing column and would probably be overwhelming to look at if I tried.

But I have had some wins. Big ones.

And, in life’s mysterious ways, some moments that were actually supposed to be wins turned out to be crushing losses. Those are a bit harder to stomach.

But when I look at all of it in total, I am reminded of my favorite speech my Theodore Roosevelt once again.

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I would rather be defeated endlessly than to give up trying altogether.

No matter what I’ve gone through to get to this point, nothing can ever take away the experiences I’ve had, the relentless attitude I’ve built from the ground up and my will to continue moving in the right direction.

It wasn’t always that way and despite being confronted with moments that broke me, I have found ways to carry on.

It’s a surreal moment to be sitting here writing today knowing that I have reached the end of a very long path and am standing at the threshold of a door I imagined so long ago.

While my mind didn’t think any of this was possible, there was something in my soul that knew far better.

Of course there are answers. Of course there’s a way through.

To be honest, the hardest part of all of this was finding my way here and settling my mind enough to finally move forward and do it. What’s being asked of me is incredibly simple. It doesn’t demand a complicated plan or the might of the heavens.

It’s…well, just in sync with what I need.

And that’s that.

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I’m going far beyond where I’ve ever been before. Even the last time I entered into the arena I didn’t fully give up the crutches that I usually fell back on.

I didn’t give it my all and I still had quite the adventure. This time around, it’s going to be pure. Through and through. All the way to the end.

I think when something really matters to you, you find a way to make it work. I haven’t always given my dreams my best because there was a piece of me that was worried about really going for it and failing.

But as I see it now, I’ve been failing all my life and that’s exactly how I’ve turned into who I am today and will be the primary reason for who I become in the future.

Failing is a gift.

It’s a mental, emotional, physical, spiritual course correction if you let it be.

Without it, I wouldn’t be in the place I am today, 1 day away from the greatest adventure of my life, with the beautiful intention of correcting past wrongs with one fell swoop.

So thank you for that.

Perspective is an interesting thing. It can be the thing that traps you in a cage or frees you to the endless possibilities of the future.

I’m sure that I will be spending the rest of my life dissolving old narratives that have restricted me in one way or another.

But I know this for sure – failure built me and will continue to forever.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

What's Coming Will Come And We'll Meet It When It Does

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Courage to me was never about feeling completely fearless. It’s always been about looking my fears dead in the face and continuing forward no matter what.

I have lost countless times on this journey. The tally marks are well stacked up in the losing column and would probably be overwhelming to look at if I tried.

But I have had some wins. Big ones.

And, in life’s mysterious ways, some moments that were actually supposed to be wins turned out to be crushing losses. Those are a bit harder to stomach.

But when I look at all of it in total, I am reminded of my favorite speech my Theodore Roosevelt once again.

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I would rather be defeated endlessly than to give up trying altogether.

No matter what I’ve gone through to get to this point, nothing can ever take away the experiences I’ve had, the relentless attitude I’ve built from the ground up and my will to continue moving in the right direction.

It wasn’t always that way and despite being confronted with moments that broke me, I have found ways to carry on.

It’s a surreal moment to be sitting here writing today knowing that I have reached the end of a very long path and am standing at the threshold of a door I imagined so long ago.

While my mind didn’t think any of this was possible, there was something in my soul that knew far better.

Of course there are answers. Of course there’s a way through.

To be honest, the hardest part of all of this was finding my way here and settling my mind enough to finally move forward and do it. What’s being asked of me is incredibly simple. It doesn’t demand a complicated plan or the might of the heavens.

It’s…well, just in sync with what I need.

And that’s that.

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I’m going far beyond where I’ve ever been before. Even the last time I entered into the arena I didn’t fully give up the crutches that I usually fell back on.

I didn’t give it my all and I still had quite the adventure. This time around, it’s going to be pure. Through and through. All the way to the end.

I think when something really matters to you, you find a way to make it work. I haven’t always given my dreams my best because there was a piece of me that was worried about really going for it and failing.

But as I see it now, I’ve been failing all my life and that’s exactly how I’ve turned into who I am today and will be the primary reason for who I become in the future.

Failing is a gift.

It’s a mental, emotional, physical, spiritual course correction if you let it be.

Without it, I wouldn’t be in the place I am today, 1 day away from the greatest adventure of my life, with the beautiful intention of correcting past wrongs with one fell swoop.

So thank you for that.

Perspective is an interesting thing. It can be the thing that traps you in a cage or frees you to the endless possibilities of the future.

I’m sure that I will be spending the rest of my life dissolving old narratives that have restricted me in one way or another.

But I know this for sure – failure built me and will continue to forever.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

I’m Willing To Take The Risk

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Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. – T.S. Eliot

Everything in my heart tells me I can do this.

Everything.

I’m not going to spend my time here writing about what I think will happen – that’s reserved for the journey ahead. But what I will do is write about what this means to me and the messages I’ve been receiving for some time now.

Whenever fear is present, especially when it comes to walking upon untraveled paths, there’s something special that’s about to happen.

Sometimes that fear gets the best of us and we stall or take a step back. But the funny thing is, no matter how long you’ve prevented yourself from moving forward, there’s always that calling deep within to go on and see what it’s all about.

That can lead to one very frustrating cycle of taking one step forward and a step backward over and over again. The intention is there and it’s pointing you in the right direction. But, the fear is still creating endless setbacks.

No matter how long this cycle lasts, there’s an endless ringing of the metaphorical telephone…calling you to continue to try until you get it right.

Throughout the past year, I’ve been learning some pretty important lessons on far deeper levels than I have before.

Bravery. Courage. Working with fear. Consistency. Trust. Faith.

These aren’t cheap lessons.

These ones I really had to earn.

The frustrations were real. The failures hurt badly. I fell time and time again but I always got back up ready to go. I always believed that it was possible for me to crawl up to where I saw I could be even if it was just a little bit at a time.

When I look back at when I started – February 9th 2011 – I can’t imagine how far I’ve come. I also can’t believe what my life would be life if I didn’t make that decision to begin all of this.

Looking back has given me the ability to see myself with a broader perspective and the capacity to dive in deeper with a whole lot of context. It has helped me understand what dots had to connect to bring me right into this moment.

I’m ready.

I’m ready to leave so many things behind and disintegrate old references for what life had to be like.

I’m ready to change in ways that I never thought were possible before.

I feel guided and supported on many levels and realize that I’m so far from doing this alone. The truth is, I couldn’t do this alone. I wouldn’t know how.

For years and years, I’ve always wanted to do something great. I itched for redemption, transformation, and metamorphosis. I wrote in the past about feeling like I was not truly walking the path that I was meant to. Deep within my bones I understood that there was something else out there for me I just had to find it.

While seeking into the outside world offered me a lot, it paled in comparison to what I learned from digging deeper and deeper within.

I could hear my intuition speaking to me and telling me to go in directions I didn’t really understand. While I had my doubts, I knew that there was always something to what it was saying and when I finally trusted it, I wasn’t disappointed in the slightest.

I have a chance to do something that corrects so many elements of my past and gives me another chance at truly thriving in life.

This is my one big shot. It’s the best time to do it. It’s what I was meant to do. I know it in my heart.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

I'm Willing To Take The Risk

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Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. – T.S. Eliot

Everything in my heart tells me I can do this.

Everything.

I’m not going to spend my time here writing about what I think will happen – that’s reserved for the journey ahead. But what I will do is write about what this means to me and the messages I’ve been receiving for some time now.

Whenever fear is present, especially when it comes to walking upon untraveled paths, there’s something special that’s about to happen.

Sometimes that fear gets the best of us and we stall or take a step back. But the funny thing is, no matter how long you’ve prevented yourself from moving forward, there’s always that calling deep within to go on and see what it’s all about.

That can lead to one very frustrating cycle of taking one step forward and a step backward over and over again. The intention is there and it’s pointing you in the right direction. But, the fear is still creating endless setbacks.

No matter how long this cycle lasts, there’s an endless ringing of the metaphorical telephone…calling you to continue to try until you get it right.

Throughout the past year, I’ve been learning some pretty important lessons on far deeper levels than I have before.

Bravery. Courage. Working with fear. Consistency. Trust. Faith.

These aren’t cheap lessons.

These ones I really had to earn.

The frustrations were real. The failures hurt badly. I fell time and time again but I always got back up ready to go. I always believed that it was possible for me to crawl up to where I saw I could be even if it was just a little bit at a time.

When I look back at when I started – February 9th 2011 – I can’t imagine how far I’ve come. I also can’t believe what my life would be life if I didn’t make that decision to begin all of this.

Looking back has given me the ability to see myself with a broader perspective and the capacity to dive in deeper with a whole lot of context. It has helped me understand what dots had to connect to bring me right into this moment.

I’m ready.

I’m ready to leave so many things behind and disintegrate old references for what life had to be like.

I’m ready to change in ways that I never thought were possible before.

I feel guided and supported on many levels and realize that I’m so far from doing this alone. The truth is, I couldn’t do this alone. I wouldn’t know how.

For years and years, I’ve always wanted to do something great. I itched for redemption, transformation, and metamorphosis. I wrote in the past about feeling like I was not truly walking the path that I was meant to. Deep within my bones I understood that there was something else out there for me I just had to find it.

While seeking into the outside world offered me a lot, it paled in comparison to what I learned from digging deeper and deeper within.

I could hear my intuition speaking to me and telling me to go in directions I didn’t really understand. While I had my doubts, I knew that there was always something to what it was saying and when I finally trusted it, I wasn’t disappointed in the slightest.

I have a chance to do something that corrects so many elements of my past and gives me another chance at truly thriving in life.

This is my one big shot. It’s the best time to do it. It’s what I was meant to do. I know it in my heart.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Into Deeper Waters

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Every once in a while you come across a moment that you know will change your life.

The other night, I had one of the most vivid dreams I’ve had in a very long time. I was standing in the house of one of my close friends, and saw this version of me – a different version – that was quite striking.

I saw flashes of what I looked like when I was young, a message that kept echoing “the clock turns back” and this version of me – the same age as I am right now – but more in alignment with what I looked like when I was very little.

I woke up perplexed.

It was like I had experienced something happening at the exact same time, in the exact same place I had been many times, but I was completely different.

Hmm.

This is not a coincidence.

The messages have been getting louder and louder as the months have gone on. Despite my struggles, I have arrived at a very unique opportunity, the same moment that I spoke about above, where I can change the course of my life in a drastic way.

It’s hard to explain what it feels like living a life that you know you’re not destined for. The way I’ve always imagined it is walking on two paths that are parallel but diverging significantly over long stretch of time.

You can see the other path.

You know what it would take to walk over to it – managing your way through the thicket and possibly suffering some scrapes and bruises – but you struggle to defeat the momentum of the path you had previously taken.

That’s where I’ve been in this chapter of my life. I have been struggling to move through the valley and the undercurrents of my previous ways.

All of these dreams, these messages, the things I’m being told in my meditation and the pull deep within my bones have led me to this point…right here…making the decision to travel to the other side no matter what it takes.

This all reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by Charles Bukowski. He said…

“If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.”

The perspective that I’ve gained from years and years of walking these winding paths cannot be replaced. It has offered me so much and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I’m prepared for what I’m about to do. But I still need some help. I still need my faith.

There is no possible way to walk paths that demand everything from you without faith and a whole lot of trust.

That, over the past 9 years, has been my greatest challenge.

Letting go of everything I have been in order to become who I am truly meant to be.

No matter the scars, the wounds, the arrows in my back, the betrayals, the abandonment, the shame, the grief and fear…I’m still here.

Fighting.

Believing.

Digging in.

Refusing to quit.

I’m letting go. I’m opening the door to who and what I’m destined to be. I’ve seen it for years now. I know what it will take. With faith, I will not fail.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Metanoia

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metanoia
(n.) the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life.

I’ve always loved that word and what it stands for. More than any other word, it is the complete embodiment of my entire purpose of writing and why I started this project.

I’m doing my best to change my mind, heart, self and way of life.

All of them.

The other day I came across a quote that read, “It ran into your family until it ran into you. You’ve been anointed to break the cycle. Generational curses end with you.”

Throughout the past year or so, I’ve had some difficulty stepping up to the plate and answering that call. To be honest, it can seem daunting at times. I also believe that the reason why I’ve struggled so much with it is because I’m also finding my faith again.

Many many years ago I lost touch with what I really believed in and through a series of perfectly timed events, I’ve started to reconnect with it. That process has been far from easy as I’m still dealing with these old elements of myself that continue to pop up and get in the way.

I think this is where the persistence comes in.

Even though I’ve been crossing the river and falling in more times than I ever could have imagined, there’s still that desire to get to the other side.

I’m not the most talented person in the world, but the one thing I do know I have is a sense of resilience that can never be doused out completely.

The journey to discover who you really are isn’t pretty all the time.

It can get messy. It can hurt. It can drive you batshit crazy at times.

But it’s worth it.

It’s worth going through the endless amounts of failure so you can finally experience what it’s like when it finally clicks.

The task I’m taking on every single day isn’t small. It’s a big ask. But deep within my heart, I know that I wouldn’t be asked to do this if I wasn’t capable.

So I’m going to keep on trying.

Keep on looking for answers and asking for help when I feel stuck.

In time all things will come to fruition.

Just keep going.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

The Role Fear Plays In Our Lives

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Fear plays a very interesting role in our lives.

In many ways, fear can be a crippling experience that effectively pushes the pause button on our progress forward. It can easily cause you to pull of the road for extended periods of time and freeze not being able to continue on the path forward.

However, fear also serves the function of letting us know that we are about to move past our initial limitations.

It signals growth to come. It signals opportunity.

I have been struck by fear many times and left paralyzed in the clutches of its teeth unable to make movement forward despite knowing deep within that I can.

Recently, after years of being trapped, I finally made movement forward through that invisible threshold and completely disintegrated the fears that once existed.

What’s even stranger is that it was easier than I ever could have imagined and felt just…right.

I guess that’s what happens for us when we fall into alignment with our deeper inner wisdom. You know, that voice that’s always softly guiding you towards the best path.

Being 10 days in and already experiencing just a fraction of what I know is possible for me, it makes me wonder at times what it is that’s just so crippling about fear.

I’ve spent a lot of time in the past breaking through these “boundaries” but every single time I grow and develop there’s a new dragon to slay. And as I sit here writing, I realize that maybe that’s a huge piece of it right there.

Our idea of fear is one of those things that causes more trouble than it should.

There’s the initial fear…but then there’s all the imagination that comes along with it. “Dragon to slay.” I can see that explaining it in that way only makes it worse even if it’s just an analogy.

A long time ago I came across this acronym for fear that explained it as False Evidence Appearing Real.

The perspective this granted me was huge.

It’s only appearing real…

There’s no dragon. There’s no cliff. There’s no leap.

All there is is you making the next small step.

The fears never end. They will always be there. But I think the real opportunity is to learn how to tackle them and move through them efficiently.

There will always be another edge to move past. That’s the beauty of life. It’s always unfolding and the opportunities to become more and more of who you really are continue if you are open to them.

In one way, it’s a shame that we allow fear so much control over us. But in another way it’s the key to help us unlock our will, strength and resilience.

When things are easy, everyone can be courageous.

But it’s when the darkness creeps in that you’re truly challenged to your core and have to really show up for yourself and others.

That’s how it has always been for me.

Feeling at home in the light.

Learning the most from the dark.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Set The Ships Aflame

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This moment means a lot to me.

Let me explain.

For many years, I followed the advice I was being given with promises of grand outcomes. However, these dreams never came to fruition no matter how much I relentlessly went after them. As you can imagine, that takes quit the toll on the soul. That makes you want to quit.

As time went on, there was this intuitive pull that I had to let go of what I knew in order to become who I was meant to be.

That’s when the answers started to show up.

They were very, very different than anything I’ve ever heard. They had significant amounts of depth, made so much sense to me and felt like I finally had an answer to so many different things I had been going through my entire life.

But I’ll be dead honest, it wasn’t easy beginning.

Even though I learned more and more and the dots connected on a level I never could have imagined, I still had trouble letting go of the ways I had been doing things my whole life.

There was a lot of fear there.

It’s not that I didn’t believe in the information – I did. It’s that I had so many stories intertwined into why I did things the way I had always done them and what it would mean to let those go for a bit.

I wasn’t quite willing to make that sacrifice.

So last night, before bed, I went through the list of all of the things I was going to be letting go one by one. I worked my way through them. I tapped into my intuition and it helped me see the truth of it all.

And then, I mentally set the ships aflame.

There was no going back now.

There was only forward no matter what.

I am walking forward with a plan and with huge amounts of faith. In many ways, what I’m about to do for an extended period of time is completely foreign to me. I have an idea of what will happen, but in truth, it could be so much more than I’ve ever imagined.

But here’s what matters more than anything.

I’ve made the choice.

I’ve made the choice to believe again and to show my faith through my consistency with this. That’s what matters.

I’m walking the path.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

What My Dad Taught Me While Fishing

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Out of the many things my dad has taught me, the life lessons that go along with learning how to fish have been some of the most memorable. Ever since my first catch in Colorado at 3 years old wearing green dinosaur pajamas, I guess you can say that I’ve been hooked.

For years, we have stood on the rocks of rivers together reading water, getting a feel for where fish were, celebrating when a “big one” was on the line, occasionally falling into the river and camping out under the stars amongst the trees. Here’s some of the little nuggets of wisdom he’s passed down to me.⁣

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Be patient. All good things come in time. You may not catch something for hours on end, but if you’re patient and you put in the work, things will begin to happen. He always echoes that famous saying, “Luck is what happens when preparation and opportunity meet.” But the only way you can get lucky is if you are willing to wait for your moment…and be prepared to seize it when it arrives. Don’t miss a strike. Always be ready. So above all, be patient.⁣

Focus and be present. It’s not enough to be full of big dreams. You also have to have a plan. Even more, you have to be able to focus on what you’re doing. When you’re fishing, you’re fishing. When you’re setting up your gear, you’re setting up your gear. When you’re reading water, you’re feeling into it. If you focus on what’s in front of you, you will minimize mistakes.⁣

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Always get your line back in the water. This is my favorite one. No matter how many times you may hook up on the rocks, lose a fish, or lose your gear, make sure you get your line back in the water. How else are you supposed to catch something?

You may fail in life, but you have to get back out onto the field. That’s the only way you can reclaim what you know to be yours. Get back up, do what you need to do to get ready again, and cast away. The next “big one” is always right around the corner.⁣

Be patient. Focus. Always get your line back in the water. Maybe these little lessons will resonate with you as well. I know they are etched in mine.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project