Evan Sanders's Blog, page 23

No One Taught You How To Be Happy

Anyone who is trying to sell you on this idea that they know the key to happiness and exactly how to be happy and that they’ve got a door for you to follow through is selling you smoke.

There is no door to happiness.

There’s no place where you can go to get to find that sense of fulfillment within yourself and that sense of happiness. The happiness is not there… it’s here.

It’s when you’re truly dwelling in the moment…being present with what’s going on in life… expanding your view past what is wrong, what the problems are, what the current challenges are…

That’s where happiness lives. Because as much as life might be challenging you right now, go out into nature or to expand your view or to truly allow yourself to open up to the possibilities of life instead of closing everything off and building walls and shutting everything away that’s what connects you with the idea that…

“Yeah things may be tough right now, but if I’m in this world…if I’m truly being present…I will find that there are things to be joyful about.”

When you truly connect to a tree or to a flower or to an animal…as much pain as you might be in…if you truly are present with that thing or that person…it’s going to bring out different feelings in you.

Happiness isn’t this place or island that you get to, but it’s really being here. Even when you have goals in life, when you are in the act of doing them, that’s truly making you happy when you are in the act of expressing yourself or you’re in the act of following your purpose.

Happiness exists but that exists in the moment right. It’s not this faraway thing that is unachievable where people are always looking at it as the goal. “The goal in life is this place called happiness.” But it’s not a goal to get to – it’s a thing to be in.

You must be happiness. You must allow for the ground upon which it needs to grow – to be fertile and to be there and to be watered and to be truly present with it.

Because if you’re always looking “there”… you’re never gonna be” here” and that’s where your opportunity lives.

It’s truly being in the moment…being grateful…being appreciative and connecting with what you have that makes for true happiness.

It’s here, not there.

Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

What It Takes To Boost Low Self Esteem

You are capable more than you could ever possibly imagine.You are capable of amazing things. You are capable of making the dent that you want to make in this universe. You are capable of changing people’s lives.You are capable of changing your life but you have to believe that you have the capacity to do that. You see when you were a child you believed anything was possible and then as time went on people tried to make you believe all sorts of other things that might or might have not actually been true.

They are not your ideas but they limited you…they stopped you from being who you were truly meant to be. You were meant for amazing things in this world but the only issue is is that you got lost in the fear and the doubt and the worry and the stories that limited you and stopped you from becoming those things.

Let go of those stories. Let go of the stories that tell you that you can’t because those stories are built upon very limited views of what’s possible in this world…and I can tell you that many many many things are possible if you can drag yourself out of the darkness and into the light.

All possibility lives there.

You can make this happen for yourself. You can change. You can help others change. But first, you have to believe that that is actually a possibility for you because if you don’t believe that it’s a possibility for you, you’ll never do it.

You’ll stay stuck in the same place for the rest of your life and you’ll never move and you’ll stay an ideal land or fear doubt and worry land and never make a move. You have to be willing to go for it to head out into the unknown…this great unknown where it’s just meant to be explored by you.

You’re meant to discover. You’re meant to be curious. You’re meant to play in this world and you’ll be able to do that if you just let go of all of the fear. Remember FEAR stands for false evidence appearing real. It’s not real most of the time.

Most that time that you look directly into your fear and you allow for the light of your wisdom to shine onto it you will see that there’s nothing there and even if there was something semi-solid there it begins to disintegrate.

Allow for your wisdom, allow for possibility, allow for light and allow for love to be able to disintegrate these fears that are holding you back from being who you are truly meant to be.

You are meant to be something special on this planet. You were born onto this planet with unlimited potential of what was possible for you and you only stopped believing that when other people told you that it was not possible for you.

It is possible but it starts in here (your heart).

You have to believe that first and when you get this right…the rest of your world no matter what’s out in front of you will change. Change your mind and everything that you see is going to change drastically. Know this in your heart to be true.

Exist in possibility and watch your entire world change.

Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

Developing Mindfulness And Why It Matters

This practice of mindfulness and the idea of mindfulness which often gets very convoluted at times is really about being where you are, doing what you are doing… when you are doing it.

Being with the person when you are with them and not being anywhere else. Maybe that’s even being with yourself in that present moment right? The beauty of mindfulness is that connects us truly with the thing that’s going on right now. When you’re in the past or in the future you’re not giving your attention, your energy, your concentration to what is happening right now so you truly never connect.

It’s like those tourists that you see at these wonderful monuments and they’re just out with their cameras and they’re just clicking for photos and they’re not connecting…they’re just trying to get the photo. They’re not actually trying to connect with the place, to be with the place, to be part of that experience, to feel it go through their bones, to feel that energy and the good energy or the bad energy…they’re not actually being mindful.

So this idea of mindfulness…and a really quick way to describe it is be where you are and to be doing what you’re doing whether that’s washing the dishes or folding your clothes or studying something or being with the person that you’re in a relationship with.

That’s true mindfulness. And, from that mindfulness…from that connection gives birth to energy and joy and love and all of those wonderful things when we truly connect with what’s in front of us.

Finding Your Passion And Creating Your Future

So from time to time I have people ask me about how to find your passion, and how did I find my passion and what is passion? Unfortunately most don’t even know what they are passionate about!

I think it’s a great question to ask. I think it’s a wonderful question to ask…and one to deeply consider. There’s a lot of happiness that lives in that place. A lot of people in this world are doing things that they just hate doing and when you ask them what they do for fun they don’t even know how to respond.

So I want to talk about passion today. Passion is this wonderful seed that resonates deep within your soul and it’s connected to who you are. When you start to even ask the question of “What do I really like doing? What am i passionate about? What makes me happy?” it puts you on a path towards really discovering what that seed is in the first place.

Finding that seed and understanding what that is and connecting with that is the first step. So it’s going to take some time.You’re going to have to inquire into it. You’re going to have to figure out what it is that really makes you happy and what you connect with and ask the question long enough – not from an anxious place of where you HAVE to do this or blah blah blah – but just from a place of like… “Okay I’m just want to ask this question, “What is my passion? What am I happy to do ? What comes really easy for me? What do I enjoy?” That is the first step.

Then, once you find that sense of passion and enjoyment you have to invest the time…you have to invest the energy…you have to invest work. Just because you have a passion doesn’t mean it won’t ever feel like work. Trust me, there will be times when you really feel like things that you’re doing are work. However, when you start to nourish that seed it begins to grow and when that seed begins to grow your heart becomes encouraged.

You have this sense of like “Oh god it’s clicking!” It’s like two puzzle pieces fitting perfectly into each other. You know that this is what you were really meant to do.

The thing about everyone who has ever done anything amazing in this world and really changed it and really lived their passion out – the architects or painters or a fighter pilots or whatever it may be – they had to invest a ton of time and effort into it and they had to nourish that seed. They had to protect that dream and all sorts of things came along the way to try to prevent them… to try to stop them… but they just kept going because they believed. They believed that this seed was really meant for something more… it was meant to be a big tree

But it took time for them to grow. It took time for them to become what they actually were meant to become.

So asking the question, “What do I really love?” is the first step and once you figure out that question… once you actually come to something…then you’re going to have to take a significant amount of time to really get good at it.

But it will a lot less feel like work to you…and the other part is you won’t hate it. You’re doing exactly what you need to be doing. You’re doing what you love. You’re following your destiny. There’s no greater journey to take.

Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

Please take two seconds to subscribe to the YouTube Channel here – http://btrman.me/YouTubeBMP

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FINDING YOUR PASSION AND CREATING YOUR FUTURE

So from time to time I have people ask me about how to find your passion, and how did I find my passion and what is passion? Unfortunately most don’t even know what they are passionate about!

I think it’s a great question to ask. I think it’s a wonderful question to ask…and one to deeply consider. There’s a lot of happiness that lives in that place. A lot of people in this world are doing things that they just hate doing and when you ask them what they do for fun they don’t even know how to respond.

So I want to talk about passion today. Passion is this wonderful seed that resonates deep within your soul and it’s connected to who you are. When you start to even ask the question of “What do I really like doing? What am i passionate about? What makes me happy?” it puts you on a path towards really discovering what that seed is in the first place.

Finding that seed and understanding what that is and connecting with that is the first step. So it’s going to take some time.You’re going to have to inquire into it. You’re going to have to figure out what it is that really makes you happy and what you connect with and ask the question long enough – not from an anxious place of where you HAVE to do this or blah blah blah – but just from a place of like… “Okay I’m just want to ask this question, “What is my passion? What am I happy to do ? What comes really easy for me? What do I enjoy?” That is the first step.

Then, once you find that sense of passion and enjoyment you have to invest the time…you have to invest the energy…you have to invest work. Just because you have a passion doesn’t mean it won’t ever feel like work. Trust me, there will be times when you really feel like things that you’re doing are work. However, when you start to nourish that seed it begins to grow and when that seed begins to grow your heart becomes encouraged.

You have this sense of like “Oh god it’s clicking!” It’s like two puzzle pieces fitting perfectly into each other. You know that this is what you were really meant to do.

The thing about everyone who has ever done anything amazing in this world and really changed it and really lived their passion out – the architects or painters or a fighter pilots or whatever it may be – they had to invest a ton of time and effort into it and they had to nourish that seed. They had to protect that dream and all sorts of things came along the way to try to prevent them… to try to stop them… but they just kept going because they believed. They believed that this seed was really meant for something more… it was meant to be a big tree

But it took time for them to grow. It took time for them to become what they actually were meant to become.

So asking the question, “What do I really love?” is the first step and once you figure out that question… once you actually come to something…then you’re going to have to take a significant amount of time to really get good at it.

But it will a lot less feel like work to you…and the other part is you won’t hate it. You’re doing exactly what you need to be doing. You’re doing what you love. You’re following your destiny. There’s no greater journey to take.

Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

Please take two seconds to subscribe to the YouTube Channel here – http://btrman.me/YouTubeBMP

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Don’t Worry About The Problem

DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE PROBLEM

Waste absolutely no time worrying about the problem.

Don’t spend any time in a place of “Oh god I don’t know what to do?!”

Waste no time worrying. Waste no time squabbling. Waste no time being pessimistic.

It doesn’t fix…it doesn’t solve…it does no good for the situation in front of you. If you want to be a true leader, when everyone else is panicking about something, you are looking for a solution. This is not a “problem” but a “situation.”

There are no problems just situations that you have to deal with.

When you can be fluid and solve these issues strategically and tactically by saying, “Okay we are going this way!” then life is going to be a lot easier to navigate.

Spend no time worrying about the problem. Be all about solutions.

Click to video above to watch the full episode.

Evan Sanders

The Better Man Project

If you want to subscribe to the YouTube Channel, please take a moment to subscribe here – http://btrman.me/YouTubeBMP

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Finding Those Deep Connections

I think in many ways I’ve distrusted the possibilities of what lay before me.

It doesn’t matter what it is – career, job, love, relationships, passing of the bad.

It’s that fear. The fear dissolves all of the good and sends me back into the darkness. It’s the fear that tears the light away and makes me see with very clouded eyes.

As the darkness rolls in, I become a lesser version of myself. I’m not wise in that place. I’m not loving in that place. I keep people at a distance and look to isolate myself from the world. I understand now that I’m just scared. I’m afraid of getting hurt.

But that’s not the deepest wisest version of who I am.

Lately, I’ve come across those deeper connections. 

As I’ve sat down to meditate, started to change what I consume drastically, set better intentions throughout the day and create more and more, I have connected into something far more loving and caring within. I’ve walked through the trees and finally turned the phone on to video these thoughts and feelings that seem to come from deep within my belly.

Often, I don’t even remember what I said after. It’s only until later that evening when I start uploading my work that I really get to hear what I was putting out there from my heart.

These connections are feeding me energy. They are illuminating whatever I was scared of with light and everything has started to disappear in the face of that.

I used to be incredibly worried about many different things all the time and now those worries have also drifted away. They have either softened or retreated back into the ocean completely. I understand that this is only possible in the presence of light.

There’s no need to sabotage anything.

A long time ago, I struggled deeply with making big changes in my life and sabotaging them. I would cut them down, muster up the courage to start again, and then somewhere along the line cut them down again. When I look back, I can see the vicious patterns that kept me a slave to my own mind and I didn’t have much capacity to break them.

I didn’t ever sit down in silence.

I didn’t ever quiet my mind and understand that there were different ways of doing things.

My feeling disconnected with life, that feeling of being alone, drove me to do things that hurt me and made me even more alone. That’s the sick joke about stories that are manufactured in your head. They often fulfill their own prophecy and make it ten times worse than what you originally had thought.

There have been many people who have guided me along the path and have helped me become who I am today. They helped me look deep inside myself and understand the places where I needed to grow and what I had to do to let go of the things I was holding onto the tightest.

There was anxiety in this path.

But, in time, all of that quieted down. As the discovery of who I really was deepened the confidence arose as well.

When you really begin to believe in yourself, the future doesn’t make you as nervous. You know that no matter what, you will be able to face the moments that challenge you with your own wisdom. 

I believe in who I am.

I know that at the heart of me I am a good person. Are there things that get in the way of that sometimes? Absolutely. But at the core, I am good.

I am doing my best every day to become more and more in alignment with that.

That journey has and continues to be the most worthwhile path I have ever stepped foot on.

Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

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Accepting Full Responsibility For How This All Goes

It might be a bit strange to say this at this point, but I’m accepting full responsibility for how all of this goes.

My life. My body. My spirit. My feelings. My thoughts. My actions.

All of it.

I think for a long time I was leaking some of that power. I think a lot of that had to do with my past. Maybe there was some blame still there. Maybe there was an unwillingness to take full responsibility because if I did then that would mean there was no one else to have any say in how things have turned out.

I can see that pretty clearly now. I can see how that kept me from becoming who I am truly meant to be.

The past few days since the turn of the year have been…transformational.

They have represented a metamorphosis of thinking, responsibility, awareness and effort towards creating something that I have seen in my mind time and time again. Everything that has come across my path has had a very clear meaning to me and I can see how I am continually steered in the direction that I am already headed on.

Once in a while I go just a bit off the path and then something in life happens to guide me right back on  track.

Going back and reading many of my old blogs has been enlightening in other ways. It has helped me really get back in touch with how things started and who I was back then. I can see the mistakes in thinking, the errors in judgement, the victories and the thirst to connect with myself on a deeper level.

I can see that young man trying.

I’m proud of that.

Often, when you go through these spiritual journeys, pieces of you feel like they are dying off. Who you thought you were – or constructed yourself to be – is often pretty far off from who you really are.

I had a very large period of anxiety throughout the past few months where I was being taken in one direction but my mind kept on trying to keep me latched on to the old. For a while, it was quite successful. However, I think with patience even the most challenging of times shift.

Now, having stepped into what I’ve known I should have really been doing all along, things are moving very quickly.

My mind was like a big dam stopping as much as it could from flowing downstream. I removed that wall and off I went.

The more and more I go through all of this the more I come to the same conclusion that my spirit knows exactly what’s good for me and often I have to usher along my mind and discipline it to just listen. It puts up one hell of a fight and throws every story at me possible, but when I finally get past that, everything that takes place is far better than I could have imagined.

Trust.

I have to learn to trust that intuition even more and more.

You never know where life is going to take you. It could throw a massive curveball at you and take you in a direction that you never thought you would go. Most of the time, being at war with that direction – a healthy direction – is what causes so much suffering.

You have to go with it.

You can’t be at war with life…you will lose. I’ve learned that lesson well.

You have to be with it. Trust in it. Trust in yourself and your wisdom.

You will never go wrong.

Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

 

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When I Turned On The Lights

I once walked in darkness.

I remember times and periods of my life where I thought I couldn’t see any light at all. I thought that’s where I was meant to be, wandering in the dark, helping others get out of their own.

I can help them see the stars…I would tell myself.

I was always looking up in the night sky at the little glittering lights so far away feeling as if I was somehow stuck in a cave. Even during the day, I was there dealing with my darkness and couldn’t really understand why things were the way they were.

It was a lie.

A delusion.

My mind was playing tricks on me.

None of that was aligned with the truth. And then, it happened…

::flip::

The lights went on.

In the land of darkness lives your fear, doubt, worry, anxiety…they are deep dark roots of a poisonous tree. But in the land of light, lives love. It illuminates all. It connects you with gratitude, joy, happiness…truth. You see for the first time. You experience all that there is.

I had forgotten that I was the light.

I was made from the light.

The darkness I was experiencing was a lack of light – love – in whatever was happening in my life. There lived all of these things that afflicted me. There lived a haunting shadow of my past that seemed to rule over me. But when I turned on the lights, all of that disappeared.

When I turned it on even more, who I really was started to unfold in front of my eyes.

I don’t know exactly what it was that brought me to this point, but I can tell you without a doubt in my heart that knowing this completely has been worth anything that has ever happened in my life. Walking and dredging through the mud to be able to now understand the the light within me could shine upon all of my pain and suffering and dissolve it…well, it has made these years the greatest lesson I have ever learned.

And so I looked up to the sky once again and said…

I understand now. 

The path that lays ahead of me is answerable to a single question, “Will it be love or fear today?”

I know that the fear lives within the dark and I know that love lives within the light. This darkness is only the absence of light. This fear is only the absence of love.

So when you feel that fear…pour on the love.

Dissolve it.

Delight in its retreat.

It can’t survive in the light.

It can’t grow in a space of love.

You are the light.

Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

 

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As The Water Ripples

One change.

One significant change and everything else is in flux. It moves. It shifts. The whole is altered by the smallest of actions.

One intention.

One seed.

That single seed has the power to grow into something magnificent. Water it with care. Nurture it. Look after it. Ward off the weeds. Keep the ground clear and you will see its potential to grow into a massive tree.

It’s often the small little acts that get overlooked. But those things matter. They matter because they are connected to the whole and have far greater impacts than you can see.

Just as the rock creates ripples in the lake your actions create the same effect through the universe.

It’s my deepest intention this year to become more and more aware of exactly what I am thinking and doing. I have started to catch my judgements. I’ve started to be aware of the thoughts that run through my head and replace them when they do not serve me. I have heard the inner critic and its fears and brought light to the darkness.

I am taking more and more responsibility for how I show up in the world.

As I walk the beginning steps through this new year I am reminded of everything that happened last year and the years before that. The lessons. The victories. The failures. The dedication to making changes every single day.

I have been built upon that foundation and see that there’s much more learning to do.

Much more becoming.

Much more being.

We don’t always get to choose the lessons that arrive our way and how they are packaged. But that’s not our job. It’s not our job to ask why they turn out the way they do, but rather rise to the challenge – no matter how great – and to shine in our wisdom.

I think I spent a lot of time in my life wondering why things were happening the way they did.

I wouldn’t sign up for that class again.

Instead, I am spending more and more time seeing through the problem that faces me and seeing it as an opportunity to grow. Yes, I still get triggered. Yes I still suffer. But the suffering doesn’t have to continue by the means of endlessly focusing on the reasons why things may or may not have shown up.

It was a waste of time.

Life is our greatest teacher.

It gives us the ability to grow and become something greater every single day. Don’t spend a lot of time questioning how the world seems to unfold. It’s a mystery. We can’t predict the future and have no idea what is coming our way.

But we can see into ourselves and understand who we really are deep down to our core.

When you connect with that love deep inside of you, you begin to understand that while we live in a place that unfolds in mystery, we can show up answering that call with great courage and passion.

It’s about intention.

It’s about love.

It’s about connecting with your true self.

Everything else will come and go. But this journey, the one we are on for the time being, is the greatest of all.

Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

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