Himmilicious's Blog, page 13

In A Committed Relarionship

No situation is ever so worst in any relationship that could not be overcome.. it is just people stop making the same 'efforts' to MAINTAIN it the way they made to GAIN it..

.. holding the argument that "A relationship is two way efforts" -- well, wasn't it one way when you took weeks/months/years to convince your lover to accept your 'proposal' of commitment and promises to stand by each other no matter whatever it takes..

You failed to try once more, once again.. you failed not because you couldn't succeed but because you quit trying to achieve your lover 'once again'.

You never asked for your lover's permission or support to 'fall' for his/her love.. but you seek full support and cooperation to repair the broken glass..

Ask yourselves, did you make the same efforts to maintain it? Wouldn't it be better if you hadn't TAKEN FOR GRANTED and repeated the same mistake/ cause/ situation that shattered your lover's trust/ emotions / sentiments / desires / dream?
Only if you had cured the infection the then and not created the same environment again and only if you wouldn't have stopped making efforts to revive it.. 

It's not about being a man or a woman to initiate, nor it is about playing upper hand- it is all about the feeling you had when you were together in bed, or laughing over phone calls or holding hands in long drive.. 

A relationship is just like a plant - you have to nurture it forever with same efforts to keep it alive. The life long responsibility is called ' in a committed relationship'.

Confession of a rake

CONFESSION OF A RAKE

"Men.. they're just an another source of my live entertainment.."

.. Would have forgiven you, just like some other day.. Could have rolled back to the missionary fashion of dealings with you..
Should have killed you when you chose infidelity - even in the thoughts..
Was I just a slice of meat on your bread?
To enjoy, to relish, to satisfy the crave of your manhood? Or was it all just the journey to sending me in the brothel of love..? The path you showed me filming my eyes with dreams, my heart with desires, my existence to complete you , YOU being the origin of my thoughts and the horizon of efforts to make you happy..

I was a princess insulted like a whore.. who to blame? You My king? Who could never step out of his narcissistic Dominion.. Or the woman in profession of barter of body and soul? Or myself? To have such a weak dedication that your hate won over my love?

I see you enjoying my tears when I spread myself on someone else's bed, when the vultures eat the flesh from my numb body.. Exactly the was you demanded me to be-- "to be your whore"..
..Given you the keys of trust to lock me safely inside your arms, remember each time there was a theft in the security of your love lock- I begged to protect me and never let me go an inch away from you?
..and you never could overview your own security system blinded by prejudices of experienced planning..

Did everything to love you my love.. And would still do.. Anything to feel you..
Laugh louder so that my groans couldn't reach you.. Scream and shout to the level that the sound of slaughterhouse can't reach you..
Forgiving you is the easiest thing I did always, forgiving myself isn't my thing, like you said ' I adore the pain'...

Come, bed like me with everyone and feel 'how much I loved you'..

Last pages of my maroon diary - Himadri."

ghazal in progress..

उस दर्द की ज़ुबां थे वो आंसू, 
चीख कर निकले थे तेरे आखरी वार पर.. 
बस एक तू ना होता शामिल मेरे कातिलों की फेहरिस्त में, 
जान ही कहाँ बची के उठ कर लड़ लेते हम, 
ये किस मोड़ पर ला के तूने सुर्ख रंग बिखेरा, 
टूटे तो ऐसे टूटे जैसे बस टूट ही गए हम.. 
थी वही ग़ज़ल तेरी आँखों में बिछड़ते वक्त, 
कई शाम, छुप कर जिसे लिखते थे हम..
टूटे तो ऐसे टूटे के बस टूट गए हम..

Prokejru modification

There is too much political tussle on daily basis between being
"sympathetic attention seeking drama whore" and being "the sole legitimate owner of India possessing  superficial/ hypothetical magical powers" on my Facebook wall that I am so bloody confused who belongs to which party of being sanitary napkins to absorb the ideologies-- apparently without rational thinking, without questioning, without any logic behind the articulated statement (Facebook posts)!!!!!!!

Get some life people and stop being a toilet paper roll with which both political brothels are wiping their arses!

I support "kejriwal" so as per the codes fed into my system whatsoever a "modi-supporter" says is a subject to be discarded without giving a thought OR if I'm "modiwaadi" each and evey anti-modi or "prokejru" is mere an attention seeking whore to be screwed then and there!!

It's good to support - oppose and expressing your own ideology and point of view but 24*7*365 ranting the same thing makes other sick of you and your choices!

जाहिलों.. अपना दिमाग क्या आजम खान की भैंसों का चारा बना आये हो?

Fuck the what - A rambling note!

मेरे देश के भाइयों और बहनों...Celebrating 75k hits on blog 
Blog entry after a long with a rambling note *Fuck The What*In past two months, my life taught me many things and the long list of gists of the lessons are★ You needn't make someone your priority to the extent where your own individuality is wiped out.★ Fuck your time and time will fuck you, karma pays then and there.★ Nothing at the cost of your personal and professional growth and development.★ Be a bitch when it comes to take your hard earned money. Nobody is your daddy out there.★ Shut down internet, you can boom in all dimensions of area.★ Yes, it hurts to the core when the only "person" of your life with whom you shared everything - dies yet you move on.. Dogs are not animals.★ The most passionate and promising love relationships fade away with the time. It is not necessary to like the person you love.
Love, care, concern, liking and habit are entirely different concepts- sometimes you pick one to be 'together'★ If they suck, they're not worth it. Kick them out, don't hold on to the 70% pain for rest of your life because of 30% smiles they have given to you. Think practical.★☆ Kamal R khan is an asshole! Period. ☆★★ Don't pause your happiness for 'a man' till you reach 'men-o-pause'. World is full of sizzling meats if you mentally and emotionally quit the food causing diarrhea! ★ Fall in love with your work. Give your best screw the rest.★ Biggest companies can be managed by dickheads! Don't go by what black suits and clean shaved staff.★ Sooner or later when you realize that you're not happy in your LOVE RELATIONSHIP please don't ruin the life of your partner in the process of 'making him perfect' by trying to change him/her -- Stop being a MOM/DAD to your lover! rather change your partner and find someone you feel, is 'perfect'*→ *Slap yourself for having a definition of perfect. You're bloody selfish and run after your comfort to desire everything according to your wishes.★ Never stop "producing art" if you don't practice you'll end up as a "fart"★ Who's not a hypocrite? Look at yourself you double standard idiot.★ "Losing interest" is anything is worst than being failed or quitting.★ You needn't share everything with someone, when you could not keep it to yourself how can you expect other to keep it?★ Office bitching can be fun between two frustrated women employees- especially when you're the third person to listen ★ never lose your friends and loved ones in any whatsofuckingever case. Have people in your life, doesn't matter even if they're mean, fake, selfish, virtual or not available when you're sad.
Loneliness is the worst choice you make being depressed- don't forget even when you die, you need people to dump you in the garbage.★ Rakhi Sawant can get 2006 votes, hence India has certified chutiyaas!★ Never never never ruin your self confidence just because one narcissistic sociopath has continuously broken you emotionally and mentally. Don't become a fix for his ego supply.Eh don't remember your uncle who is always frustrated and discouraging ?★ Men/women who have a habit of saying "Always there for you" beware of them. They are the people to ruin your life. BEWARE!★ You are beautiful, that fat tire on your thighs are also beautiful, the big tummy is beautiful, small boobs or dark complexion or being weak in English or failing 8 times to complete 1 class, that scar and you are SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL.and not the least
★ Happiness is a choice you make. Cry, be depressed, try committing suicide, feel like a loser, worth less, being cheated, alone, used, insulted or anything. It's okay!
Take your own time and methods to overcome yourself.
It's completely normal to go through this phase or having such people in life who demoralize, depression, underestimate, demotivate or make you negative.
..... But once you are done with that shit 'tragedy drama queen' mode, just don't cry again for the same reason. Done with regrets? Now wake up and start from zero.Stay sexy pee-pals  someday somewhere we'll meet and pee together on some wall.. 

तू आदत है वो..

तो क्या हुआ जो हर रात तेरे बिस्तर पर बिछी हूँ मैं
मैंने भी हर रात तुझे चादर सा ओढ़ा है
तेरी अँगड़ाई, तेरी खुशबू, यूँ ही रह जाती हैं
हर सुबह मेरी सिलवटों में जिन्हें तूने छोड़ा है
बड़ा खाली सा रह गया है ये वक्त,
जब 'खुद को' तुझे परोसा करते थे,
हाँ, हुई होगी तुझे कभी मुहोब्बत,
पर तूने मुझे एक 'आदत' बनके तोड़ा है।

गरीबी - एक धर्म

पापा और मैं सन्डे की नाश्ते की टेबल पर बहुत बातें करते हैं। कल रात डायरेक्ट साब ने बातों ही बातों में एक सवाल पूछ डाला की भारत को इंडिया क्यूँ कहते हैं। अपने सूक्ष्म ज्ञान के अनुसार जो अधकचरा उत्तर मैंने उन्हें दिया उससे मैं खुद ही संतुष्ट न हो पाई तो सुबह सुबह अपने इतिहास प्रेमी पिता से पूछ डाला।

मेरा उत्तर लगभग सही था अंग्रेज और सिन्धु नदी।
खैर.. बात घूमते घूमते पहुँच गयी कनाट प्लेस के कुत्तों की सेहत पर और वहां से पापा ने शेयर किये उनके कुछ मार्मिक अनुभव -कलकत्ता, असम, दिल्ली, और कुछ शहरों के जहाँ उनकी पोस्टिंग रही।

वैसे तो इस बात को 30-40 साल से ज्यादा हो गए लेकिन आज भी हकीकत ही है, देखा तो मैंने भी है और मुझे यकीन है आपने भी।

कलकत्ता और मदर टेरीसा की कुछ बात  बताते हुए पापा ने बताया की एक साइकिल पर होटलों से बचा ठीक खाना और साफ़ जूठन गरीबों के लिए ले जाया जाता था जो की आज भी होता है।
उनकी आँखों देखी बात है की बड़े कूड़े के ढेर में से ठेकेदार खाना साफ़ करवा कर बेचा करते थे जिसमे सभी तरह का मांस होता था - मुर्गा, बकरी, गाय, भैंस और शूकर।
गरीब लोग आते और चंद पैसो वही ले जाते और खाते।
गरीब से मेरा मतलब ये नहीं जो घर में दाल रोटी खाते हैं या केजरीवाल के आम आदमी वेशभूषा में रहते हैं, मैं उनकी बात कर रही हूँ जो किसी फ्लाईओवर क नीचे कुत्ते के मूंह से रोटी छीन कर खाते हैं, मैंने भी देखा है।

लेडी श्री राम कॉलेज की मेरी एक मित्र थी जो आज अमरीका में शादी कर चुकी है उसके लिए हौंडा सिटी चलाने वाला गरीब था और मेरे लिए शायद पैदल चलने वाला गरीब हो क्यूंकि मैं खुद डीटीसी की बस और मेट्रो में रोज़ सफ़र करती हूँ और लाल बत्ती की गाडी में भी, और पैदल चलने वाले के लिए शायद भिखारी गरीब हो। सबके अपने पैमाने हैं

लेकिन यहाँ सोचने वाली बात एक थी, मैंने हिन्दू परिवार में जन्म लिया है, हालांकि मैं किसी धर्म को नहीं मानती, लेकिन खान पान में परहेज रखना डंडे के जोर पर  मेरी ब्राह्मण माँ करवातीं हैं पर उस इंसान को धर्म से क्या जो कूड़े में पड़े मांस के टुकड़े पर अपना जीवन व्यतीत करता है?
वो सिर्फ एक धर्म निभाता है - भूख
गरीबी भी तो एक धर्म ही है, और हम चाहे कितने गाँधी , मोदी, और केजरीवाल बदल लें भारत का एक बहुत बड़ा तबका गरीब ही रहेगा जिन्हें देख कर हम मुंह पर रुमाल रखेंगे और अनदेखा कर देंगे।
या अगर वो ऑटो में हमें छु कर पैसे मांगे तो गाली दे कर हम डेटोल सैनेटाईज़र लगायेंगे।

खैर, 30%  डैरेक्ट टैक्स और 70% इंडाइरेक्ट टैक्स देकर हम अपनी सामाजिक जिम्मेवारी पूरी कर रहे हैं और वो मेरी बात का विषय नहीं है

मेरी सोच और सवाल केवल एक बिंदु पर केन्द्रित है
क्या धर्म केवल उनके लिए है जो barbeque nation में unlimited खाना मंगवा कर बर्बाद करते है या उनका भी है जो उसी बर्बाद खाने और जूठन से अपनी भूख मिटाते हैं?
वो जनेऊ पहनते हैं की ख़तना करवाते हैं? आग पूजते हैं की मोमबत्ती जलाते हैं? सेवा करते हैं या कन्या पूजते हैं?

You're mine..

Your lips
Your body
Your skin
Your moans
the pain of my bites
The laugh of my tickles
Deep throat kisses
Pecks and smooches
Your closed eyes
Fingers in my hair
Face in my thighs
Those smiling cries
Your sweet tears
Your plump pears
Your juicy strawberry
And tangy mulberry
Those black berries
And pink cherries
Your demand
Your desires
Your crave
You, being slave

from hole
To your soul

You are all mine..

Rollercoaster of life

I have seen people who left me in their happiest moment..
and some, who walked away in my saddest phase.
I tried hard to stick and maintain relationships, friendships, kinship,
But all ships sunk in the middle of ocean..

I've seen people walking into my life when I'm shining bright, in the darkest night when I'm twinkling star, unreachable, untouchable, hard to afford..
Even if they quit chasing, they came back to chase again.

Life had been a journey so far, ridden on a rollercoaster..
Slowest of slow and fastest of fast.
Touching deep down of sorrow and the peaks of triumph.
Crossing the hurdle, falling and bruising heart,
Feeling pain and crying over the loss.

And meanwhile riding the rollercoaster of life, I grew up to a woman.
My breast had love, my womb has desires, my mind has dreams.
The man I loved a lot wasn't my father now.
Someone another, I met in school
Curly hair, Greek nose pointed,
My first love, never forgotten

On the rollercoaster of life,
Turning down and speeding
I lost my love, hurt, unjust, blamed, shattered..

I won't love.. no, not again

Wailing, sobbing, cursing, crying
My breast had love, my womb had desires, my mind had dreams and my heart had fear..
Fear of losing love again..
Fear of getting bruised, of the pain and the tears..

I don't wanna love, but I'm in love
With another man..
He made me laugh, love, blossom
Unlike my puppy love 
Trusted I geared the speed and drove again..

The rollercoaster of my life
And on the first turn
I lost my love, never forgotten..

No, no more, not again,
I won't love..

Sadly, slowly, timidly,
It drove again..
The rollercoaster of my life
A man came, fought for me
For my love and promised a never-ending dream
Of fairyland..

I'm woman..
My breast has love, my womb has desires, my mind has dreams and my heart has fear.
But I don't have love, in my soul.
Not of the people who left
Or who came to leave
But for I'm tired to drive
Slow, fast, uphill, downward, taking turns, jumping hurdles, ducking walls and speeding skills..
I'm tired to drive
The rollercoaster of my life..

In this weather, chai, one shawl and you in the balcony..

''This weather, chai, one shawl and you in the balcony.. ''

Wish you were here,
I'd have shared
some sips of chai
Leaning in the balcony,
Giggling over your jokes
Sometimes, resting my head
On your shoulders
Or hiding in your warm shawl

Wish you were here
I'd have tasted your lips
For long
I'm craving for kiss
And that beautiful song

Wish you were here,
Holding me in your arms
Leading the way of romancing souls..
I'd have followed your steps
In this weather, chai, one shawl and you in the balcony..