David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 267

AMC Needs Someone New To Write Ad Copy

I recently visited an AMC theater for the first time in a while the other night to see Man of Steel with some friends. My wife went and bought a soda from one of the new multi-flavor coke machines they have there, and I got a bit of a surprise. Take a look below. Doesn’t it seem like AMC needs someone new to write ad copy?

After all, it seems hard for me to believe that someone in America might not know who Superman is. If they don’t, it seems fairly likely that English printed words might not be the best way to reach them.

Granted, maybe not everyone knows his birth name is Kal-El. Maybe not quite everyone knows he comes from Krypton, but I’m already starting to be pretty doubtful about that. Someone not knowing that he was raised in Smallville, Kansas by Jonathan and Martha Kent? Getting even harder to believe. However, when you get to his secret identity as Clark Kent, that’s just about the limit.

Frankly, if someone doesn’t already know that…they probably don’t want to know. Who is Superman? If you have to ask then you probably don’t care. I’m just saying, AMC only has so much ad space on this cup. It cost a lot of money to print. There had to have been a better Superman related message they could have some up with. Some ad copy person somewhere (or the executive who told them to do this) needs to find another job.

It’s Pretty Bad When Charlie Sheen Calls You Out On Lifestyle Choices

I admit it, I had to laugh when I heard that Charlie Sheen got mad and ripped Farrah Abraham a new one. Granted, he did it because he got mad that she leaked their private text messages to the world. However, that’s beside the point. What is the point is that Charlie Sheen was calling her out about her lifestyle choices.

Admittedly, I have a few qualms about Farrah Abraham’s lifestyle choices myself. Granted, she probably has more money than I do. However, I can’t think that her recent decisions have been good for her future life or the future life of her child.

But, regardless of any of that…she got called out by Charlie Sheen.

I mean, that’s kind of like Keith Richards taking you aside and saying that you might want to lay off the drugs a bit. It’s like Fat Albert saying that you could stand to lose a few pounds. It’s like Joseph McCarthy saying that you’ve become a touch too judgmental. True or not, it’s a bad sign.

After all, we’re talking about the man with tiger blood here. He might have been saying those things out of anger, but one would be well advised to take stock of one’s life at that point. It isn’t often that someone like Jenna Jameson tells you that you might want to play hard to get a little.

Have You Checked Out My Story In The Current Bartleby Snopes Yet?

Hey, have you checked out my story “The Des Moines Kabuki Dinner Theatre” in the current Bartleby Snopes as of yet? If not, you should head over and check it out. You should really check out all the stories, but I’m obviously most concerned with mine in particular. I’m pretty proud of this particular story. Of course, I also have a hidden motive as well.

You see, Bartleby Snopes awards story of the month to one story per month. The winner gets an automatic place in the Bartleby Snopes semi-annual print/pdf edition. As you can imagine, I really want that.

Now, story of the month is actually voted upon (voting opens near the end of the month and runs for about a week), but web hits on the actual story matter as well. That’s why you should go and check my story out. Then, when voting happens, I wouldn’t mind if you voted for it too. The other stories already up this month are some really good ones…so I’ll be able to use any help I can get.

Austrian Hotel Is Forgetting Key Jester Selection Criteria

Apparently, there is an Austrian hotel that is advertising for a jester. According to the article I read, the idea is apparently to treat guests like royalty and the hotel reportedly stated that successful candidates need to be “communicative, extroverted, musical, creative and imaginative.” However, I don’t think this hotel has remembered to consider the Jester selection criteria that are truly important.

After all, what about whether or not candidates can keep the vessel with the pestle straight from the chalice from the palace? If candidates can’t remember that the “pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle” whereas “the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true,” then they have no business being a jester.

I mean, if they can’t even grasp something as simple as that, how are they ever handle things if someone breaks the chalice from the palace? If something like that happened, then they’d have to remember that the “pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon” and “the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.” If they don’t have the ability to deal with the former, they’d just be hopeless when it came to the latter.

Frankly, these are just things for which a jester must be prepared.

Personally, I applaud this Austrian hotel for trying to keep this honorable profession alive in these modern days of economy and strict practicality. Still, that’s no excuse for gambling with human lives. If jesters don’t have these qualifications then someone very well could end up dead. It’s no joke. I think this hotel needs to consider their jesters a little more carefully than they are apparently doing so far.

Goodreads Is About To Shut Up For The Year

Well, only a few more days and Goodreads will shut up for the year. No, I don’t mean that Goodreads is closing. I just mean that it’ll only be a few more days before they stop bugging me to increase my reading goal for the year. Very shortly, they’ll just say that I’ve completed my 2013 goal.

I’m reading Ian McEwan’s Atonement right now. That should take me a couple of days and will be the 150th book I’ve read this year. Coincidentally, that’s my Goodreads goal for 2013…and it’s only mid-June.

Does that mean I’ll stop reading until January? No, it just means that I won’t be getting any more “Wow, you’re [#] books ([#]%) ahead! Try increasing your goal!” messages when I check Goodreads. I’ve been getting these things for months, which isn’t surprising since I’m going to meet my goal for the year in mid-June.

Still, I don’t want to increase my goal…and I really don’t want to be bugged about it. I’ve been setting my goal at 150 for the last couple of years now and have only been reading that much per year since 2010 (for example 2009 was 105, 2008 was 76, 2007 was 50, and 2006 was 30). In fact, I read 169 books in 2010, 318 in 2011, and 249 in 2012. I don’t need to challenge myself to read more; it can start interfering with my writing. I just want to make sure I’m reading a minimum of a good amount per year, and I think 150 is that.

As such, I set my goal at 150 annually now. Quite likely, I’ll read more than that, but I won’t care about the amount over. Thus, the constant Goodreads messages to increase my goal just annoy me. It’s always pleasant when I hit goal for the year and make them go away.

I Can Think Of A Place Snowden Might Be Hiding That No One Might Have Thought To Check

I suddenly thought of a place that Edward Snowden could be hiding that people might not thought to check yet. I’m sure you all know who Snowden is by now, the contractor employee and former technical analyst for the CIA who outed the current NSA scandal involving phone and Internet monitoring. Just peek at this recent article detailing that his contracting firm just fired him for breach of, as if this doesn’t become a murky question, “ethics” violations. Anyway, the article reports he is believed to be hiding in Hong Kong…but I had another idea since people haven’t been able to find him yet.

Think about it, there are a ton of old Borders locations that are just out there sitting empty. I don’t know how many, but all the old Borders locations that I used to go to that I’ve checked anytime recently were still just sitting there vacant, many with their signs still on the building. Has anyone thought to check if Snowden is inside one of them?

After all, who would notice if he snuck inside a vacant Borders and hid out there? No one goes there. It’d be the perfect hiding place…much better than Hong Kong.

Now, I’m not saying that Edward Snowden is hiding out in a vacant Borders store. I’m not even taking a position on the whole Snowden/NSA debacle. I’m just saying that if he did hide out in one of the old Borders stores and it could take years before anyone thinks to look there. I don’t know how crafty Snowden is, but there is certainly the chance that he is at least that crafty.

Study Suggests That Some Designated Drivers Might Not Understand What That Means

A new study suggests that many designated drivers may be drinking before doing so. The study found that out of those investigated who identified themselves as designated drivers, 35% drank before driving and at least half of those had blood alcohol levels of at least .05. To me this suggests one important thing: many designated drivers may not understand what the term means.

After all, ‘designated driver’ is supposed to mean the person who is designated to drive and therefore doesn’t drink. Thus, I would be concerned that any designated driver who drinks may not understand the role they are supposed to play. Perhaps this role should be re-explained to them.

Granted, many of these drivers may not be legally drunk when driving. The study only mentioned that many had BAC up to .05, which is generally below the .08 legal limit in many states. However, many states (including mine) have a lesser charge to drunk driving where the driver is impaired by alcohol or such to any degree. Frankly, the only sure way to be legal is for the driver to not drink. This may be too much, as someone may be able to have a beer or two and still be safe, but the designated driver role implies a bit more.

I just think it’s weird that designated drivers are drinking. It just seems to me that if you’re going to specifically identify yourself as a designated driver, you might want to just not drink at all. Other people obviously have different views, but if you’re going to drink anyway then why have a designated driver?

Although, I suppose a driver who is .05 or less is better than a driver who is .08 or substantially more. I’d still prefer a .00 if I could get it.

Rocky Mountain Oysters

I like to try bizarre foods once in a while. There are things I won’t eat, but I’ve tried plenty of things that might gross out a lot of Americans. Some I like and some I don’t but I’ve tried some strange things. Duck feet, chicken feet, raw sea urchin, raw quail eggs, raw oysters, gefilte fish, chicken hearts, turkey hearts, haggis, beef tongue…I’ve tried a lot of things. And now, at The Buckhorn Exchange in Denver, I’ve finally tried Rocky Mountain oysters.

Now, some people might not know what these are, but others do and might already be cringing. For those who don’t know, Rocky Mountain oysters are deep-fried bull testicles. Yes, people eat these. I’ve heard about these for years and figured I might as well go ahead and try them (I also tried the rattlesnake which was served on top of some kind of cheese dip, but I’m going to talk more about deep-fried bull testicles here).

And, actually, they weren’t that bad. They weren’t really that squishy. They were actually kind of chewy, though not jerky chewy or anything. As for taste, they didn’t really taste like that much. It was deep-fried animal skin-like tissue and pretty much tasted like such. I didn’t notice anything particularly distinctive or horrifying about it.

They were okay, though I wouldn’t particularly go out of my way to eat them again. I wouldn’t avoid eating them again, but they didn’t taste so good that I’d seek them out over other deep-fried animal flesh.

Anyway, that was my most recent odd food experience. Rocky Mountain oysters aren’t as frightening as some people think, but they’re actually pretty ordinary deep-fried fare when you get down to it. I just wonder what odd thing I might try next.

Someone Please End The World

I admit that I am pleased with myself when I’m able to be witty. I know it’s kind of stupid, but I enjoy it. At least I can acknowledge it, right? However, there are some things which are just so bizarre that there is simply nothing to say. This is one of those things:

Please, someone end the world now. Humanity has had its chance and we’ve failed. It’s time for it to be over now. Things can only get worse from here.

Omaha Effect At John T. Price’s Reading For “Daddy Long Legs” At Tattered Cover In Denver

My Omaha readers will likely already be familiar with the term ‘the Omaha effect.’ This is a phenomenon related to Omaha where, despite living in a city of 450,oooish-800,000ish (depending on whether you include the metro area and where you draw such boundaries), you run into people you know in bizarre situations. Sometimes way off in other parts of the country. I’m thinking about this effect again after having moved from Omaha about 5 years ago because I saw it again last night.

I was at John T. Price’s reading for his new memoir Daddy Long Legs at the Tattered Cover on Colfax in Denver (which, incidentally, was a great reading). I was talking to John afterwards while getting him to sign some books for me (I’d taken a literature class with John back in 1999 and had already read and loved his Man Killed by Pheasant and Other Kinships and Not Just Any Land books, so when he mentioned he was coming to town I definitely attended). Interestingly, the woman behind me in line had also taken a class with John. However, she hadn’t heard about the reading beforehand.

Imagine this: a former student from the University of Nebraska at Omaha is in Denver and shopping at a bookstore. As she shops, she hears a voice talking. It sounds like a professor she took a course with back in 2006. She looks a little closer…and it is her professor!

What are the odds? Seriously, what are the chances that you attend a university in Nebraska, move to another city, and happen to hear a former professor of yours reading from his or her book in a bookstore in which you just happen to be shopping?

The odds have to be staggering…but that’s the Omaha effect and how it operates. I just got a kick out of that one and decided to share.