David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 269

Finally Science Does Something Worthwhile: Printing Pizza

I was just wondering what I was going to post about today when I ran across this article about how someone is designing a 3-D printer that can print pizza. Finally, science is actually doing something worthwhile for humanity.

You might think I’m joking, and I kind of am (I very much appreciate much of what  humanity’s scientific efforts have brought us). However, I’m also kind of not. All kidding aside, I really could go for a pizza that can be printed in my kitchen. If it works, I’m sure things wouldn’t stop there. I could really go for a printer that makes food for me.

Granted, this pizza is probably going to be completely disgusting at first. The powders they are working with right now to try to make the pizza apparently involve algae, duckweed, grass, lupine seeds, beet leaves, and insects. That doesn’t sound promising, but I’m sure technology will advance. All kinds of things can end up tasting good if enough things are done to them (I believe one of the common red dyes used in food today is made from beetle wings).

Also, I’m sure those fond of natural foods aren’t going to like this. Who knows what eating printed food could do to us long term. There is also the question of whether or not something like this will ever be within the reach of the ordinary home consumer.

However, all that is beyond the point right now. Right now I’m thinking about what life would be like if the printer next to me could make pizza. Right now, that sounds kind of good.

Dear Bing: I Don’t Really Care If You Are Better Than Google Or Not

Bing has been spending a lot of money recently on advertisements to convince everyone that they are better than Google. Frankly, I wish they’d cut it out. I really don’t care. Maybe some of the rest of you do, but I don’t.

All the commercials seem to involve people trying to find something in both Bing and Google and then picking which is the better results. Of course, in the commercials, people always pick Bing. I’m really surprised about that one.

Personally, I use Google mainly for the fact that their main page is relatively clean. As such, it loads quickly. Bing’s main page, on the other hand, has a bunch of crap on it that I don’t want to see. That crap takes time to load. I want to bring up my search page and start searching. If I want news feeds or page suggestions, I go to a page for that sort of thing. When I’m searching, I want to get started as quick as possible.

Frankly, I don’t notice too much of a difference between one search engine and another. I never have. Does one give better results than another? Probably, but knowing how to search helps a great deal. Also, even if what I want isn’t the first thing, it’s usually pretty high up on the list. There aren’t things I’m looking for on Google that I’m not finding. Bing just isn’t putting forth a supposition that is going to appeal to me.

Worse, they are actually doing themselves a disservice. By bothering me all the time with their commercials…they are ticking me off. Every time I think of Bing now, I think of how they keep irritating me and won’t leave me alone. That isn’t convincing me to use Bing either. (I do, however, admit the possibility that maybe these ads are working on everyone else and I’m just the odd man out).

So, Bing, just stop. You’re wasting all that money. Stop bothering me and try to figure out another way to beat Google.

Quit Stalking Yourself

Okay, see if you can believe this. Cheryl Nelson (age 52) was apparently unable to get over her ex, Kevin Haarsma. What did she do? Well, she created a fake Facebook page for her ex, made it look like her ex and his new girlfriend were stalking Cheryl, and then called the police. Multiple times.

Of course, she was caught. She didn’t seem to realize that she shouldn’t use her own computer to do something like this. Doh!

Frankly, I wasn’t laughing so hard at this until I found out this woman wasn’t twelve. I understand people get upset over relationships…but this is a bit much. Well, at least she didn’t main or kill anyone, but still. This definitely puts her high on the ‘loser of the year award’ (for which I’ve probably been a previous contender myself).

According to the article, Cheryl was also in trouble for check fraud. Police have apparently offered not to charge her as a habitual offender if she pleads guilty to unlawful report of a felony and unlawful posting of a message. Personally, I think that’s rather big of them. If it were me the sentence would involve someone following her around repeating: Quit stalking yourself! Quit stalking yourself!

An Upside To ‘American Ninja Warrior’ Denver Auditions

I heard something about athletes doing something for a ninja show in Denver (‘American Ninja Warrior’), but frankly I was trying to ignore the whole situation. I wasn’t sure what it was all about, but I was sure it was nothing good. However, then I found out that it was auditions for a ninja show being held elsewhere and I started to see an upside.

After all, if these urban people who see themselves as ninjas make the auditions…won’t they have to go somewhere else? I can’t help but see that as a good thing. It would prevent them from trying to be ninjas on their own time in my neighborhood. This is exactly the sort of amateurs I don’t really want hanging around.

I mean, I’ve seen Ninja Academy:

I’ve seen American Ninja:

I just feel like I’ll be a little bit safer if a bunch of people from Denver who think they are ninjas go elsewhere for a while. I wish them luck (so they stay away longer and I don’t end up with climbing claw marks on the side of my house).

I Can’t Support Booing Bieber

Let me preface this by saying that I am not fond of Justin Bieber. I don’t care for him or his music. I don’t think I’m his target demographic, but that’s not the point. However, I find myself in the uncomfortable position of not agreeing with the people who booed him when he accepted his Billboard Milestone Award.

Keep in mind, I tend to confuse Bieber with Boober from Fraggle Rock. Note the similarities:

                              

Anyway, I do hate this guy. Probably unreasonably, but the fact remains. However, this was an award ceremony. This guy (whether or not anything thinks he should have gotten one) was getting an award.I just think some manners might have been in order.

Let’s face it, people listen to this guy. He ranks highly on whatever it is they were judging him on. As much as I may think the guy sucks, obviously not everyone agrees and it seems like we should just accept that. Perhaps we should be doing something about the fact that people want to listen to him as opposed to booing him when he gets awards.

It’s just a thought. Personally I’d still rather throw rotten tomatoes at him than listen to him, but I’m not going to. I’m polite.

There Goes Any Weight I Lost: Voodoo Doughnut Expanding To Denver

Well, there goes any weight I’ve managed to lose. Voodoo Doughnut is apparently coming to Denver.

Mind you, I’ve never particularly had a big problem with weight. However, in recent years I did let things slip a bit. My wife and I decided to start eating better and I dropped almost 35 pounds in 2-3 months. That’s all going to go to crap now that Voodoo Doughnut is coming to town.

Just take a peek at some of their doughnuts. Voodoo doll (“Raised yeast doughnut filled with raspberry jelly topped with chocolate frosting and a pretzel stake.”):

Bacon Maple Bar (“Raised yeast doughnut with maple frosting and bacon on top.”):

Captain my Captain (“Raised yeast doughnut with vanilla frosting and Captain Crunch.”):

Diablos Rex (“Chocolate cake doughnut with chocolate frosting, red sprinkles, vanilla pentagram and chocolate chips in the middle”):

That’s just a few. There are many, many more. All of them interesting, all of them likely deliciously bad.

Obviously, this is good for my taste buds and bad for everything else. I’ve been wanting to try this place since reading about it in James Bernard Frost’s A Very Minor Prophet, but I haven’t been to Portland in years (and usually only just passing through. Now I’ll have Voodoo Doughnut readily at hand.

I didn’t pay a huge amount of attention to where it’s going in, though I know it is pretty close to my house. The article mentions that the location is going to be on East Colfax near a lesbian bar, a tattoo parlor, and a medical marijuana dispensary…but that could be a lot of places on East Colfax.

Dear Facebook: I Don’t Want To Give Anyone A Gift Card To Starbucks/Target/Olive Garden

I know that Facebook has been scrambling like mad to try to find additional ways of making profit since they turned out to not make as much money as the IPO suggested, but this gift card thing is really ticking me off. I’m sure you’ve seen this, presuming you are on Facebook. Wish someone a happy birthday and Facebook will pop up a window suggesting you buy them a gift card to Target, Starbucks, Olive Garden, or similar.

It’s also spreading. I commented on a friend’s post the other day that had nothing to do with his birthday and Facebook ‘helpfully’ suggests: Why not buy him a Starbucks gift card?

Why? Because I don’t want to. If I wanted to, chances are I’d have done it already. Throwing up another pop up window is more likely to get in my way and screw up what I was trying to do than get me to buy something. Frankly, most people I would buy a gift for would not commonly be getting Starbucks, Target, or Olive Garden gift cards anyway.

Of course, I know that this is just the price of using Facebook and it is only going to get worse. I understand this and am trying to accept it as best as I possibly can. However, that does not mean that I won’t complain about it. I like complaining.

You Can Wear A Pocket Protector Even If You Wear T-Shirts

A friend of mine was recently bemoaning the fact that he was nerdy enough to use pocket protectors, but was unable to show it because he wore mainly pop culture themed t-shirts. I felt bad for him, but I knew for sure that our consumer driven culture had the solution for him out there. Of course, I found it.

Stick on pockets! It’s the perfect solution. After all, he only couldn’t demonstrate his nerditude because he didn’t have any pockets on his t-shirts. Now he can just stick on some pockets…and then protect those stick on pockets with pocket protectors.

Of course, I started thinking a little more and wondered just how much of a nerd my friend really was. My thought was that if he was really such a nerd…how come he hadn’t invented this product himself? The situation definitely raises a few questions, and as of yet my friend has not provided any answers (mainly because I haven’t asked).

Perhaps he is more of a geek than a nerd. Though there is a technical distinction, some people do get the two mixed up from time to time.

Waffle House: Stay Trashy

I guess it’s been a while since my wife and I went to Waffle House (maybe over a year or more, since we started trying to eat healthier). We decided to finally go again this morning and drove up in front of our normal one to see this:

Obviously, our normal Waffle House was out. Apparently, pretty much the whole block was being taken out because of a new Denver light rail line. Thinking quickly, we located one near Thornton and went there.

However, as we were eating breakfast, I saw a sign that Waffle House was having a calendar contest. You were supposed to submit a picture that captures what makes Waffle House your favorite place to eat. Remembering the picture I’d just taken, I couldn’t resist. Really, I couldn’t. I got home and submitted the above photo for the 2014 Waffle House calendar contest. I told them, along with the photo, that Waffle House is my favorite place to eat because it’s trashy.

Do I hate Waffle House? No! I love the place. However, given the way circumstances lined up this morning, I just couldn’t avoid making the joke. Hopefully Waffle House will understand and won’t ban me for life.

Uncanny Link Between Australian Politician And Jimmy Carter

I just came across an article about an Australian politician who was apparently attacked by a kangaroo and I started thinking about a possible link to former president Jimmy Carter.

Apparently, Shane Rattenbury, Australian Capital Territory municipal services minister, was out jogging when he startled a kangaroo. A squabble ensued. Rattenbury later joked about it as an attempted mugging, noting the kangaroo failed to get his wallet or watch. This is all fine and good, since neither him nor the kangaroo were seriously hurt, but does anyone remember the incident with Jimmy Carter and the rabbit?

Carter was apparently fishing from a canoe and a freaked out rabbit swam at him, hissing and all kinds of stuff like that. Carter apparently smacked at the rabbit with a paddle, though he later claimed to only have splashed water at it. Just as with the kangaroo attack, the press had a field day.

Getting to the point, I’m noticing a trend of politicians getting into squabbles with wildlife. Is there some kind of anti-human animal conspiracy link between Carter and Rattenbury?

This sort of bizarre incident doesn’t seem to happen often, but it has happened more than once. I don’t know what the link is, but there appears to be some kind of link here. Perhaps we need to consider the possibility that the animals are out to get our political leaders. They may just not be very organized yet.