David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 266

Dumbest Casino Name Ever?

Due to a recent comment on an old post of mine about the Imperial Palace in Las Vegas, I just learned that the Imperial Palace is no more. Apparently, it is now The Quad Resort and Casino. This is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard.

It’s been since Labor Day in 2011 that I’ve been to Las Vegas, so I don’t know when this happened. However, I do know that I don’t like it.

The Quad? That isn’t a name for a casino. That’s a green space on a college campus where kids hangout. I know the Imperial Palace was getting a bit run down and maybe the name wasn’t associated with good things anymore, but it was associated with an older, cooler Las Vegas. The Quad is just dumb.

I don’t know if this means that they’re ripped up the old Imperial Palace. Are the Dealertainers still there? Frankly, I don’t know all what this means. I’m suspicious, though. The Imperial Palace might have been a bit trashy, but I loved the place. I loved staying there when I went to Las Vegas. I don’t know if I’ll ever want to stay at the Quad. Maybe if it’s the cheapest, since it is located in a good spot, but I’m not sure if that’s what they were going for here.

This is just another unwelcome change to what I know and love about Las Vegas. The Stardust is gone, many things are gone. Frankly, too much is gone. At some point, I might not want to go to Las Vegas anymore so I don’t have to be sad when I don’t even recognize the place anymore.

(Unrelated note: if it isn’t July 2013 yet and you haven’t voted for story of the month over at Bartleby Snopes, consider popping over and voting for my story “The Des Moines Kabuki Dinner Theatre.” You don’t have to sign up for anything, give any personal information, or install any apps to vote. Spread the word.)

Vote My Story “The Des Moines Kabuki Dinner Theatre” For Bartleby Snopes Story Of The Month?

I had a plan. As soon as voting opened for the story of the month for June at Bartleby Snopes, I was going to start pressuring everyone to vote for my story “The Des Moines Kabuki Dinner Theatre.” After all, winners of the story of the month automatically get a spot in the magazine. I really wanted “The Des Moines Kabuki Dinner Theatre” to be in issue 10 of the Magazine.

However, a few days ago I received word that “The Des Moines Kabuki Dinner Theatre” had already been selected on its own merits for inclusion in issue 10 of the Magazine. As such, I didn’t have as much (as much) reason to hound everyone into voting for my story. It would still be cool if people liked my story enough to get story of the month (really cool), but it didn’t have to happen anymore for the story to get into the Magazine.

As such, just make sure you vote. I won’t bother you about who to vote for (much). There are some really good stories this month (check them all out here), so be sure to check them out. Then vote for your favorite (hopefully mine).

I Get To Tell My Wife “I Told You So”

It isn’t often that I get to tell my wife: I told you so. However, tonight I get to do so. As such, honey, I told you so.

You see, we went to see The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged) at The University Theatre tonight in Boulder. It was a good production of the show. However, when we bought the tickets, my wife wanted to sit in the front. “I want to be able to see,” she said. I told her that wasn’t a good idea, because the show involves audience participation. If you sit close, you may be involved. I wanted to sit in the balcony, which would have been fine since there really aren’t any bad seats at the University Theatre in Boulder. “Oh, it’ll be fine,” she said. “We’ll sit off to the side and no one will mess with us.”

To my wife I again say: I told you so.

You see, there is a portion in the production where the crew is doing Hamlet and they pull a woman up on stage to be Ophelia in the ‘get thee to a nunnery!’ scene. The woman is told to scream, and then they pretend she did it badly. They workshop it. Another audience member is forced to play her flighty ego, dashing back and forth across the stage. The rest of the audience is forced to be her id and superego, doing various things like waving arms and chanting “Maybe, maybe not.” chanting “Paint it an inch thick!” and chanting “Cut the crap, Hamlet! My biological clock is ticking and I want babies now!” Then Hamlet shouts “Get thee to a nunnery!” and she is again told to scream.

Yup, my wife got pulled up on stage to be Ophelia. I told you so, honey.

Of course, I can only revel so much in my victory. After all, who do you think they pulled up on stage to be the ego, forced to run back and forth across the stage? Yup. It’s hard to run back and forth across a stage in flip-flops.

I Finally Broke Down And Bought An iPhone

Well, I finally broke down. I got an iPhone 5 yesterday.

As any regular reader of my blog knows, I thought about getting an iPhone for a while now, but I’ve fought the idea of not having an actual physical keyboard. However, my HTC EVO Shift 4G was getting older and fewer and fewer smart phones had physical keyboards anymore (yes, Greg, I know some Blackberry models have them, but I’m not interested in a Blackberry). I just decided to break down and get an iPhone 5.

Of course, this decision was not made in a vacuum. Of course, I blame my wife.

My wife had a newer HTC (no physical keyboard). She had gotten a glass of iced tea at home and left it on the table when she got up to do something. As one might have expected (though my wife apparently didn’t), one of our cats knocked the glass over. I suppose I should feel lucky that it didn’t get her laptop, but it did get her phone. The phone still worked and we managed to get all of the apparent water out by leaving it in rice overnight, but we knew it was only going to be a matter of time until the water we couldn’t see corroded something and the phone crapped out. My wife insisted on a new phone.

As you might expect, she’s been wanting an iPhone as well. However, her contract isn’t up for a few months and we would have had to pay full price. There was no way we were doing that. She had the safety plan, though, and suggested we pay $100 to get her a replacement HTC. However, I know full well she’s still going to want to pay the $200 in a few months when her contract was up to get an iPhone and sooner or later I’d break down and get one too. $400 of eventual cost for switching to iPhones is less than $500 of her getting a replacement now and then us switching later.

As such, I had to get an iPhone and give her my old HTC EVO Shift 4G. It may not have a physical keyboard, but though my iPhone is taller and wider than my HTC EVO Shift 4G, it’s actually half as thick and much lighter and thus fits in my pocket better. Of course, I made the salesclerk shut off auto correct before I left the store. I had no desire to participate in this.

I’m Too Lazy To Write My Blog Post Today So Let’s Just Look At The Cover For “Thunderbird” by Jon Konrath

I’m too lazy to write my blog post today so let’s just look at the cover for Thunderbird by Jon Konrath:

Let’s just look at it for a while. This is Konrath’s newest collection of absurd fiction. The description on Amazon states:

Absurdist writer Jon Konrath returns with another collection of hilarious and demented flash fiction. Descend into a manic world of Kafkaesque insanity and paranoia including FDA drone strikes against weight-loss clinics, amputee porn, a celebrity kickboxing match between Yo Yo Ma and Manuel Noriega, and hobby shop exorcisms. The author of the cult classic Rumored to Exist continues his surreal nonlinear journey through a nightmarish terrain of Jeff Spicoli-themed restaurants, indian casino abortion clinics, and an apocalyptic landscape laced with insane humor and nonstop non sequitur references to pop culture, medical technology, military machinery, and extreme heavy metal. This collection of 26 short stories and flash fiction pieces explores the human element through deranged comedy in what demonstrates Konrath’s bizarre style of experimental writing. Bonus: The paperback edition of Thunderbird also includes the short story “The Zombies of Kilimanjaro,” an undead parody of the Hemingway classic.

In fact, you can go over and buy it on Amazon. I did.

Anyway, maybe I’ll recover from my laziness and write a real post for tomorrow. Then again, maybe not. Maybe I’ll just spend the day (like today) reading Thunderbird and won’t have any interest in writing a post. We’ll just have to see.

It Is A Rule That Caffeinated Coffee Gets Made First

Rule: caffeinated coffee gets made first. I did not make up this rule. I am not announcing it. This is merely a universal law that must be followed upon the penalty of severely unpleasant things. Do not violate this rule.

This comes to mind because the facilities person at my office (who is normally in charge of making the coffee, among other arguably more important duties) is on vacation. Because of this, people who are not normally responsible for making the coffee have generously been taking it upon themselves to make sure coffee gets made. This is laudable and I am not complaining about that.

However, I went to grab coffee first thing this morning and saw that only one pot of coffee had been made thus far. This would not have been a problem…if whoever had made it hadn’t chosen to make decaffeinated coffee first.

I will repeat that. There was no coffee. Someone generously decided to make some. To get the coffee circuit started in the morning, they made decaffeinated.

This was wrong on so many levels. Why would someone do that? Well, probably because they drink decaffeinated. However, they have to understand: they drink coffee for enjoyment. No decaffeinated drinker drinks coffee for any actual real purpose. Decaffeinated coffee is pointless. However, normal coffee drinkers drink coffee for a real reason: to wake up. If you take up room int he coffee circuit to make decaffeinated before caffeinated coffee is made, you are putting your drinking pleasure ahead of actual purpose and potentially irreparably damaging the core functioning of the office.

Do not do this.

Frankly, I would rather whoever it was had made the hazelnut coffee instead. I still wouldn’t have drank it (because it is disgusting), but at least the hazelnut coffee has caffeine and has a reason for being made.

Granted, you can’t really complain at a volunteer and whoever made this was clearly making the kind of coffee they wanted. Still, this person has to know that this incorrect performance of coffee circuit protocol violates all known laws of decency and decorum. Do not mess with caffeinated coffee drinkers coffee. We are very brittle about it.

Will George Zimmer Build An Army Of Customers To Retake His Men’s Wearhouse Throne?

Personally, I was a bit surprised when I heard that Men’s Wearhouse dumped George Zimmer. Apparently, Zimmer didn’t agree with the direction of the company and they fired him. It just floors me, though. I can’t even think of that company without thinking of his smiling face:

and his promise: “You’re going to like the way you look. I guarantee it.”

Would I even be interested in buying from Men’s Wearhouse without George’s guarantee? Isn’t he my entire mental picture of the company? Well, it probably doesn’t matter. The last time I bought suits I bought from Men’s Wearhouse, but it isn’t like I buy suits all the time.

However, the more important question is what George will do now. Will he take this lying down? For those familiar with Nebraska Furniture Mart, you might remember a similar debacle with their founder, Mrs. B (Rose Blumkin). The company forced her out because she was getting even nuttier in her old age. However, she formed a new discount store and did so well competing that they bought her out and had to bring her back in. She retook her throne.

Will George do the same thing? Can he? Will he wander the land, rounding up loyal customers and armaments, eventually storming the corporate palace to retake his throne? Will he behead his enemies and crush all the non-believing shareholders with an iron fist? Will there be blood?

I just don’t know. George seems like a mild-mannered guy, but no one has ever taken his company away before. He built a highly successful empire. People like that don’t always just roll over when attacked.

Kung Fu: I’ll Block Any Facebook Game You Throw At Me

Perhaps I have not been clear. I do not play any Facebook games. I will not play any Facebook games. If someone sends me a request for a Facebook game, I will block that game. I probably won’t be upset about the request; I know some of these games trick you into it (except the one or two people I almost never hear from except for tons of game requests I’ve received from them despite the fact that I’ve blocked all the previous ones they’ve sent). Regardless, I won’t play.

In fact, here is a list of the Facebook games for which people have sent me requests, and which I have subsequently blocked:

FrontierVille


FarmVille


CityVille


Café World


What Colour Are You!!!


Best Friends Forever


Diner Dash


Games by GSN


It Girl


Salon Street


Causes


Zynga


Mafia Wars


Treasure Isle


Top Words


Zombie Lane


Ravenwood Fair


Randomania


Social Interview


Animal Party


Birthdays


Pet Tales


The Smurfs & Co


Pioneer Trail


Empires & Allies


Ravenskye City


Mafia Wars 2


Gardens of Time


Social Empires


CastleVille


BINGO Blitz


Truths About You


My Holiday Cards ★


Yearbook


Social Wars


Bingo Bash


Zynga Rewards


My Calendar


Birthday Calendar by Davia


Zynga Slingo


BranchOut


Hidden Chronicles


Klout


Flixster


Answers™ About Me


Angry Birds Friends


Magic Land


Fish World


Mobsters 2: Vendetta


Treasure Madness


Glassdoor


Bubble Safari


Temple Run


Happy Aquarium


Zynga Bingo


Ruby Blast Adventures


The Ville


I want to add your birthday


SimCity Social


What Member Of Slipknot Are You?


ChefVille


Cheezburger


Solitaire Blitz


YOU DON’T KNOW JACK


Press Your Luck


FarmVille 2


Who Viewed You


Pyramid Solitaire Saga


Happy Pets


Bubble Safari Ocean


CoasterVille


The Sims Social


Lucky Slots


Dragon City


Best Casino


GameHouse Slots


Jackpot Rush Slots


3D Slots


QBet Casino


House of Fun


Slot Galaxy


Sync & Swim


Zynga Slots


GameHouse Casino


Disney City Girl


Village Life


The Price Is Right Slots


Pengle


Lucky Play Casino


Bubble Witch Saga


Buggle


Running With Friends


Pet Rescue Saga


Candy Crush Saga


Bubble Island


Diamond Dash

As I said, though, I probably won’t be mad if you send me a request. I’ll block it, but I won’t usually be mad. It’ll just give me an opportunity to add to my blocked list. Seems like I can block any Facebook game anyone can throw at me.

It’s Important To Research As Fully As You Can Before Commenting

I was thinking this morning about a radio show call a friend of mine heard one time that demonstrates how one needs to research as fully as possible before commenting. I know that one can always miss important aspects of a situation no matter how careful one is. Still, one is always well advised to be as meticulous as is possible to avoid embarrassment.

The embarrassment I’m thinking of in particular, and the call to the radio show, concerned the Smash Mouth song Walkin’ On The Sun. My friend was listening to the radio when he heard the DJ take a call from a guy who just wanted to applaud Smash Mouth for their anti drug song, Walkin’ On The Sun.

The DJ was confused. “What do you mean?” the DJ apparently asked.

“You know,” the caller reportedly asserted, “it’s got that bit where it goes: ‘Put away the crack before the crack puts you away.’”

The DJ paused. After a moment, the DJ apparently said: “And what about how the beginning of the song starts: ‘It ain’t no joke I’d like to buy the world a toke?’”

The caller hung up.

Now, I’m not a great one for song lyrics. I usually don’t pay that much attention to the words, presuming I can even understand them. However, if you’re going to call into a radio station about something like that…you might want to listen a little more carefully to the entire song. Just saying.

Cat For Mayor

I know that there are some who might say that house cats cannot be trusted with significant political offices. To some extent, I agree with that statement. Cats are cute, but they definitely have their own agendas. Still, the town of Xalapa in eastern Mexico apparently is willing to overlook this prejudiced view of cats. A black and white cat is running for mayor of that town.

I saw the article and immediately checked it out. I thought at first that the spokescat for 9Lives was getting into the political arena. This turned out to be a different Morris (perhaps this Morris is planning to use the name recognition to his advantage), but I still found the situation interesting.

Apparently, people have been getting so sick of the politicians available that they have been nominating animals by way of protest. Morris is just one such case. The article reports that there are similar candidacies for Chon the Donkey in the border city of Ciudad Juarez, Tina the Chicken in Tepic (the capital of the Pacific coast state of Nayarit), Maya the Cat in the city of Puebla, and Tintan the Dog in Oaxaca City.

To some extent this is funny, reminding me of the political sequence in Brewster’s Millions. I do think that people who are fed up have a right to show it, and this certainly does show it. However, at the same time, it’s kind of an empty protest. If the actual political officials available are that bad, this doesn’t do anything to prevent them from getting elected or to get anyone better in the race. It is a bit humiliating to the actual politicians, but it doesn’t really change much.

In the end, I’m not sure where to come down on this. I can empathize with these people; I’ve certainly felt that I sometimes just pick the best of a bad situation when voting. Still, a witty protest and nothing more just allows the situation to continue.

Oh well, at least it’s funny.