David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 130

What Could This Be A Euphemism For?

What could this be a euphemism for? It’s clear they aren’t actually offering to build to suit, because why else use the quotation marks? They aren’t quoting. They even italicized. Why do that? Are they just going to build whatever and it had better suit you or they call their lawyers? What?

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This isn’t some quick handwritten sign either. Someone actually printed this, someone professional.

Maybe it’s drug code.

I Have These Books Too!

I pushed you to buy my books Apocalypse All the Time and Not Quite so Stories on the last two Mondays. However, I have these books too!

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You should buy them.

I’m Enjoying This Way Too Much

I’m enjoying this way too much.

I don’t even remember which Danger Mouse episode this is from. I vaguely remember this, but only really vaguely. I just keep watching it though.

 

Note, I did end up looking it up and I do remember it. From “The Dream Machine”:

Greenback: Oh, and one last thing, Penfold. Don’t, whatever you do, say “rock”. (disappears)

Penfold: “Rock”?

(a rock falls out of thin air and hits DM on the head; it sprouts legs and a mouth and runs off, laughing silently as DM turns to glare at Penfold)

Penfold: I don’t get it, Danger Mouse, I only said “rock”.

(a second rock falls out of thin air; DM tries to dodge it, only for it to stop in midair, sprout arms, and hit DM repeatedly over the head with a large sausage. Greenback can be heard laughing as Penfold gives the camera a surprised look)

DM: Look, Penfold, just don’t say… R-O-C-K.

Penfold: R-O-C-K?

(steel-plated letters spelling ROCK appear one at a time, then a train whistle sounds as they trundle off screen… and then across the background… and then we hear four offscreen crashes as DM yelps in pain)

DM: (from under the pile of steel-plated letters) Penfold…

Penfold: Yes, sir?

DM: Have you got anything for a headache, Penfold?…

This Is Better Than Any Post I Could Come Up With Today

This is better than any post I could come up with today.

We’ll just go with it then.

Tomorrow! Don’t Yell At Me Episode 18!

Tomorrow night! Don’t Yell at me Episode 18 Saturday March 18th, 7 PM at Still Cellars 1115 Colorado Ave Longmont, CO ($5 dollar suggested donation)!

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I’ll be reading along with Jay Halsey, Jack Buck, Grace Hortonopoulos, Jane Ripley, Vinnie Colitti, Tameca Coleman, Charly Fasano, Leah Scott, and Madi Chamberlain! Also including music by Xavier O Luain, the film The Pink Concept, and the mystagogue holland show.

Come on out!

This Animated Gif Has Me All Nostalgic For Losing At Carnival Games

This animated gif has me all nostalgic for losing at carnival games. Much as I wanted to play them as a kid and would mentally get pulled in by them, I don’t think I was good at any of them. That was probably the point.

Also, this is life.

I Love My Cats

Imagine you’re out later than normal, seeing a production of An American in Paris, so that you get home only 15 minutes before bed. Imagine rushing around to get what you need to done before bed, getting to bed only 20 minutes late, but having driven your blood pressure way up so it’s going to be hard to get to sleep.

Of course, the cats were supposed to be fed at 8 and you didn’t feed them until 10:45, making them panic and bolt down their food as quick as they could, which is why just as you’re starting to get to sleep at about half past midnight (remember, you have to get up for a full workday at 6AM), you realize there is a cat puking on you.

Yes! Puking on you. On the bed, on your blanket, on your hands as you try to grab the cat and do something. It’s half past midnight, you’re so tired and half asleep that you can’t think straight, and there is cat vomit everywhere. Soaking into the bed, your blanket, you, and so on.

You frantically try to clean up so you can get back to bed and try to get some kind of sleep. You wash your hands. You have to run downstairs to get stuff to clean the vomit off the bed. The blanket is so far gone that you have to wash it and try to find another. No, best not to let it soak in until morning…better run it now even though it will make noise as you try to sleep. No, the blanket you grab will not be warm enough and you’ll sleep even more poorly due to being uncomfortable. Yes, you’ll have to run downstairs to put the cleaning stuff away, then back to get the stuff again when you find more puke upon coming back upstairs, then down again to put the stuff away again.

The cat responsible watches you from a nearby hiding spot the whole time.

Then the cats walk all over you the rest of the night, disturbing what little sleep you can possibly get. The one sleeping by your head keeps getting up to turn around, kicking your head occasionally when not doing that. The multiple ones on your legs come and go, shifting most of the night.

You do manage to finally sleep, but wake up a little before your alarm goes off anyway. Your head burns and your eyes feel like you’d rubbed salt into them.

I love my cats.

Come Hear Me Read At Don’t Yell At Me Episode 18 Saturday March 18th At 7 PM At Still Cellars 1115 Colorado Ave Longmont, CO

Hey! Come hear me read at Don’t Yell at me Episode 18 Saturday March 18th, 7 PM at Still Cellars 1115 Colorado Ave Longmont, CO ($5 dollar suggested donation)!

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A bunch of stellar people are going to be there. Readings from Jay Halsey, Jack Buck, Grace Hortonopoulos, Jane Ripley, Vinnie Colitti, Tameca Coleman, Charly Fasano, Leah Scott, Madi Chamberlain, and me! Music by Xavier O Luain. Also including the film, The Pink Concept and the mystagogue holland show.

Don’t miss it!

Buy Not Quite So Stories Too!

I posted “Buy my book!” last week for Apocalypse All the Time, but don’t forget Not Quite so Stories!

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Buy my book for that too!

Jon Konrath Animated Gif Google Image Search

I did a google images search for “Jon Konrath animated gif.” This was one of the first results. I don’t know what it’s related to, I refused to even go find out. I just liked it.

It works for me.

Buy Jon’s books.