Lynn Kellan's Blog, page 27
July 22, 2013
My worm wears a hat.
Visiting colleges is somewhat like visiting a museum…
you have no idea what you’re looking at.
Is this a worm?
Or a “w” with a hat?
Is this a family?
The line in the cafeteria?
The number of signatures you need to drop a class?
Are these two letters?
Or Martian antennae?
Bookends?
What a relief to encounter a recognizable statue.
Clearly, it’s Robert Frost.
Wait a minute.
Notice his rugged features?
His sculpted cheeks? His solemn mouth?
Ohhh, Robert. May I call you Bob?
I think I’m in love.
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This post brought to you by Fatigue.
It’s time to stop touring colleges when you fall in love with a statue.
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What do YOU think this is?
July 19, 2013
Show me something good
On vacation, my husband promised to show me the exotic sights of New England.
No, no, no.
I see deer all the time.
Show me something unique, dude.
Oh, yeah. That’s what I’m talking about.
For the rest of my trip in Vermont, I looked for moose.
I kept my camera ready to catch the elusive moose in action.
Alas, six days passed and no moose appeared. I began to lose hope until…
Finally. I’d see a moose in 1,452 feet. Awesome.
I was not disappointed…but a bit perplexed.
Are moose black and white? I didn’t think so.
No worries. I spotted a real moose on the last day.
Do you see it?
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Have you ever spotted a moose?
July 17, 2013
This is the only reason I will get back on a horse
Something weird happened on vacation.
I woke up in time for lunch, and headed outside.
It was dark.
Had a Martian ship blocked the noonday sun?
I ran back to our hotel to protect my family.
It was too late. The Martians took them all.
Not only that,
the little green men ruined our clock.
July 15, 2013
My butt hurts
The first time I got on a horse, it sprinted away from the pack and headed to parts unknown.
I swore I’d never, ever get on a horse again. Unfortunately, I have a short memory.
Years later, my husband suggested we go for a horseback ride through the Tetons.
I agreed, only if they put me on the gentlest horse available.
That gentle horse sprinted along the entire trail.
Yeehaw! I swore I’d never get back on a horse.
Last week, my kid wanted to take a horseback ride through the Vermont mountains.
Stupidly, I agreed. What else could go wrong, right? RIGHT?
Here I am, before the ride. Notice the uncertain smile,
the tight shoulders, the sweat pouring down my brow.
Here I am after the ride.
Notice the bloody scrapes.
My horse loved to walk against briars.
I have a feeling she was trying to knock me off.
I managed to take one good picture of the vista.
The rest of the time, I was hanging onto the saddle for dear life.
Next time I consider getting on a horse,
please remind me not to do so.
Thank you.
July 12, 2013
She married a deaf man with too many secrets and fell in love.
I’m delighted to announced that my novella, Anything You Ask, is available for all ebook formats.
If you’re looking for a quick read to pass the time on vacation, this might be for you!
Published by The Wild Rose Press for $3.99
Click HERE to order from Amazon.
Click HERE to order for all ebook formats.
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After her husband dies, Danielle Cooper doesn’t know how she’ll support her two young sons and 400 acre farm. Her prodigal brother-in-law offers an unusual solution. He’ll pay off her debt in exchange for the deed. She agrees to a temporary marriage to transfer the farm, but can she trust him to keep his word?
Thrown off the farm by his father, Hale vows to reclaim the land he grew up on. Helping Danielle provides a way to redeem himself, but Hale’s feelings complicate matters. He wants to make their marriage a real one, but he has no idea if she can love a deaf man with too many secrets. Problem is, she won’t tolerate any more lies, and he can’t tell her why his family disowned him.
Now there is more on the line than just the farm. Staying together will require a special kind of courage. Can they let go of their painful past and embrace the future?
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28 five star reviews on Amazon
averaging a four star rating on Goodreads.
During our free promotion in May, Anything You Ask reached #1 in Contemporary Fiction and #1 in Women’s Fiction in the Kindle store.
July 10, 2013
Is that a hot dog, or an eyeball?
Someone was watching me.
I couldn’t shake the feeling.
My kid, who is much smarter than I am, said not to worry.
The things on the ground were just hot dogs.
Nothing to see here, Mom. Keep moving.
I managed a step but felt the same feeling.
Someone was watching my every move.
Inexplicably, I started to feel very sleepy…
like my eyelids weighed 50 pounds.
I changed directions.
My sleepiness vanished.
I had the sudden urge to hide.
Something sinister lurked in the courtyard.
My kid gave me a cup of iced coffee to soothe my nerves.
It worked. I had more coffee, and a croissant.
When I finished, my eyes looked like this:
Moral of the story:
Don’t drink five cups of iced coffee to soothe your nerves.
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What is your drink of choice this summer?
July 8, 2013
Why my vacation cost $200,000 for one day
Last week, we headed north to escape the oppressive summer humidity.
Along the way, we made a terrible mistake.
We looked at colleges.
A weird thing happened while we stood on campus.
We looked into our wallets, and couldn’t see any money.
I shot a questioning glance at my husband.
Usually, he has all the answers.
This time, he shrugged.
He looked pale.
We searched for information about this strange phenomena.
Could it be the ghost of future tuition payments?
Campus resources were surprisingly quiet on the topic.
To wipe the shock off my husband’s face, we took him to dinner.
We had a great meal. The food was great, the service divine, but the restaurant unnerved me.
Apparently, I’m not the only perfect wife around.
The one we visited cooked much better than me.
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Friends, should I worry?
Can my husband marry a restaurant?
July 5, 2013
Why there is ketchup in my hair
We had an uncomfortable July 4th.
Everything was going just fine…
until my clone showed up.
Apparently, her date with Gerard Butler’s clone didn’t go well.
He wasn’t expecting her, and she created quite a scene.
It didn’t take her long to figure out that I tricked her.
To express her displeasure, she squirted ketchup in my hair.
What a mistake. Nobody EVER touches my hair.
I darted past her, grabbed my laptop, and typed a couple of commands.
The sound of twisted metal pierced the air. My clone disappeared in a puff of smoke.
A grocery list landed by my feet. I snatched it up, happy to reclaim the job I’d given to her.
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After all, asserting one’s independence requires hard work…
and the willingness to run to the store for milk.
July 3, 2013
I fired myself and feel much better
Do you ever get the feeling your family doesn’t want you around?
Are you feeling ignored? Eschewed?
I’m beginning to feel the same way.
Nobody looks at me any more.
Even the dog is giving me the stink eye.
I think they all miss my super happy, super efficient clone.
Yep, I got rid of her. How, you ask? Why, it was easy.
I sent her a bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer,
with a note from Gerard Butler’s clone.
My clone stopped cleaning the house and left right away.
My kitchen is messy again…but I’m much happier.
How are you?
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This post brought to you by Anything You Ask, my novella.
Check it out if you’re a sucker for tortured heroes and marriages of convenience.
#1 in Contemporary Fiction and Women’s Fiction in the Free Kindle Store in May.
Currently available for $2.99 in the Kindle Select store. On sale for all ebook readers on July 10th.
July 1, 2013
I cloned myself and now I don’t like me.
If I had a clone…
she’d be in charge of food.
She’d have to do all the meal planning,
coupon clipping, list making,
cooking, and clean up.
She’d look darn good while she was out and about.
She wouldn’t wear yoga pants and t-shirts.
She’d take pride in her work.
She’d smile at everyone. She’d help little old ladies.
She’d be nice to crying toddlers and impatient folks.
She’d let everyone take her favorite parking spot.
Uh, oh. Everyone is going to LOVE my clone.
I detest her. That witch is stealing all my friends.
Ohmygosh, my family even likes her better than me.
Methinks this experiment has taken a horrible, unexpected turn.
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What job would you give to your clone?
