August McLaughlin's Blog, page 57

Announcing: The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest III!

“After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.”  — Philip Pullman

Like many writers, the preciousness of words and story led me to become one. They were my escape from difficult times in my youth and helped pave the way to my recovery from anorexia. As many of you know, Sam Levinson’s poem, The Beauty of a Woman, holds a special place in my heart for that reason. It found me at the seemingly precise right time, becoming somewhat of a mantra when my battle with ED (my eating disorder) seemed futile.

When I shared a story of my personal turning point with ED two years ago, I was so blown away by readers’ support, I decided to launch a celebratory fest that had ended up reaching thousands. Each one of you who’s participated is a tremendous gift! Not just to me, but to countless readers. We never know who our stories might reach, becoming the friend/inspiration/sunshine/cheerleader another so desperately needs.

Without further ado, I’m beyond thrilled to announce the third annual Beauty of a Woman BlogFest. Woo hoo!!! I hope you’ll consider joining us.

An exciting change!

Because we’ve had such awesome participation in the past, the fest will take place over a full week, participants’ posts appearing on my blog on two separate days. As a blogger, you can opt to participate in the original Beauty of a Woman BlogFest or the Beauty of a Woman, Girl Boner Edition. What’s the difference? While the original fest will address beauty in general, the Girl Boner segment will address beauty and sexuality, however you so choose.

Of course, everyone will be welcome to read and celebrate both!

How to participate as a writer:

1. Go to the signup page (using the link below or the tab above) and post a comment to reserve your spot, letting me know if you’d like to join the original or Girl Boner edition.

2. You’ll then write a post related to the fest theme to publish on your blog the day before the fest you’ve selected or by 7am PST the day of. Include the appropriate fest logo and a link to my blog (http://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com) in your post, inviting readers to check out the fest for fun, inspiration and chances to win groovy prizes!

3. This year, you must email me a link to your post the day before the fest day—Sunday, February 23rd for Girl Boner posts (for the fest on the 24th) and Wednesday, February 26th for original theme posts (for the fest on the 27th). If you schedule your post to appear by 7am PST on fest-day, please still email me the link in advance! Write BOAW in the subject line so I’ll be sure to spot it.

4. Throughout fest week, visit my blog to read and share others’ posts and potentially win prizes! Readers and writers who participate will have chances to win gift cards (up to $50 in value) and more. Seriously, it’s a lot of fun!

A special prize: To celebrate our very first Girl Boner BOAW edition, I’ll choose two posts from that fest to read on Girl Boner Radio on February 24th! 

If you have any questions, please post it below or send me a Tweet (@AugstMcLaughlin), email or Facebook message. To read Levinson’s poem, check out BOAW writing prompts, sign up and nab the logo, visit the BOAW III Registration page. I can’t wait to celebrate beauty with you! Remember, this fest is open to ALL—women and men of all ages. Feel free to invite your pals!

Lots and lots of love,

August ♥

Any thoughts or questions about the fest? Post them below! I love hearing from you.

Turned-On Tears: The Highly Sensitive’s Sex Life

“Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears.” — Edgar Allan Poe

Do you ever cry during sex? I’m not talking upset tears. I mean the euphoric, I’m-too-blown-away-for-words, soul-shook, HEART-GASM kind. One of the first times I did, my then boyfriend looked horrified. “It’s okay,” I said, sniveling. “I’m just happy!” Sappy is more like it, some might say. Others know better.

While most people are somewhat emotional after orgasm due to feel-good brain chemical release, some of us are more prone to intense emotions than others. Like many of you, I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP). While heightened sensitivity can pose challenges, I’ve learned to seriously adore its perks.

If you’re familiar with work by Carl Jung or Elaine Aron, PhD or read my post Learning to Love: Am I Happier Single?, you know that high sensitivity is fairly common, magnifying all-things-sensory in up to 20% of the population. Here’s a refresher on the basics and some interesting ways high sensitivity can affect our sexuality:

What is an HSP?

In short, an HSP processes sensory data far deeper than the average Joe/Joanne, which causes greater sensitivity to sensory stimuli, such as pain, aromas, textures, flavors and bright lights. As an HSP, you’re likely to experience heartache deeper and longer than most, but you also have a greater capacity for pleasure.

Even sexual pleasure? Yes indeed!

*pauses while HS readers and their partners cheer* It’s okay! Take your time.

Introvert or extrovert?

About 70% of highly sensitive people are introverts (HSIs), who gain energy from solace and quiet. The remaining 30% are extroverted (HSEs), gaining energy from interacting with others, yet valuing alone time than other extros (where I fall). Being highly sensitive and introverted doesn’t mean you’re shy, though you could be. Highly sensitive extroverts, a.k.a. high sensation seekers, don’t run around feeling deeply and LOUDLY, though—heck. We all have our moments!

How does all of this affect our sensual lives? Countless ways, including:

Gentleness, frequency and foreplay

While HSIs can be highly turned on by subtle cues (the brush of your lover’s hand on your leg, a soft kiss…), HSEs tend to want more sex and overt passion (intense fondling, deep kisses…)  than others. Both types tend not to need much foreplay in order to become aroused or reach orgasm (WOO HOO!), writes Aron, but going too hard or fast may offset the introverts; they’re so easily aroused that a little goes a long way. HSIs are also less interested in casual sex than HSEs, valuing and considering emotional connectedness regarding sex to the max.

Turn-ons and offs

Once we’re offset by a negative influence, HS people can move swiftly from mega-turned on to buzz-killed. For introverts, this might be the sound of loud, annoying loud music or an embarrassing moment. Sensation seekers may be turned off by a lack of intensity or find overly subtle cues perplexing.

While HSEs have an intense curiosity and need to explore in their love lives, according to Aron’s research, HSIs typically desire fewer partners and less sexual variety.

Emotional tension of any kind can work like a cold shower on highly sensitives’ Girl Boners, which is yet another reason it’s important to seek comfort with our sexuality, selves and bodies. It’s also particularly important for us to seek and maintain gratifying relationships, having a low tolerance for discontent. Since we’re empathetic, deep-feelers, the potential for beautiful connectedness with Mr./Ms. Right is immense.

HSPs are particularly skilled at fantasizing, reports Aron, and HS males tend to fantasize vividly about partners while masturbating. (Yumminess...) This is likely true for women, too, in my opinion, but we’re less sadly likely to admit to masturbating and fantasizing. And while I’m not aware of specific findings that support this, it only makes sense that when HSPs climax, we CLIMAX!!! Our capacity for pleasure, after all, is gargantuan. In my experience, highly sensitive people make the best lovers, partners and friends.

Regardless of how it manifests itself, high sensitivity brings greater intensity to sexual and intimate experiences. What’s important, as with so many areas of our sexuality, is finding what works for us and our partners. We’re all unique, with varied needs, challenges and desires. The more we lovingly discuss them, the better. Don’t you think?

Related links and resources:

The Highly Sensitive Person in Love, by Elaine Aron, Ph.D

Psychology Today: Understanding the Highly Sensitive Person: Introverted, Extroverted or Both?

HighlySensitive.org: Relationships and Highly Sensitive People

Space2Live: How Does Introversion Affect Your Sexuality?

Oprah.com: Am I Too Sensitive? Highly Sensitive Person Quiz

Where do you fall on the sensitivity spectrum? Are you more of an extrovert, introvert or ambivert (quite mixed)? How has your personality influenced your sex life? Would you like to learn more about introverts and extroverts in love? I LOVE hearing your thoughts and questions.

The next episode of Girl Boner Radio will air on Monday, January 27th—and the series will be available on iTunes soon! If you’d like to submit a sound clip for potential airing on an upcoming episode, email me for details. Thanks for your ongoing support! ♥

#GirlBoner Radio and the Power of Intent

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”  — Wayne W. Dyer

Wow. I debuted my radio show! It was a wonderfully surreal experience, the kind that feels natural and dream-like at the same time. I hope you’ll all check it out and consider subscribing via iTunes once it’s available—within the next few days. In the meantime, you’re welcome to listen to the premiere episode here: Girl Boner Radio Ep. 1: Girl Boner Beginnings. I’d love to hear what you think!

The whole experience has had me pondering the power of intention. Back in October, a publicist I was considering working with asked about my specific goals for Girl Boner. (“Besides change the world?” I asked. Yes…) As a pantser in life and writing, I tend not to make lists—but she’d asked, so I jotted down some items that had been on my mind. I told her I wished to appear on 3 to 5 major radio shows within the coming year. I also jotted down the names of experts and celebrities I hoped to connect with regarding Girl Boner. One of those names was Dr. Lisa Masterson—aka, Dr. Lisa—who I’d tried contacting through The Doctors TV show, without luck.

Within two weeks of making that list, I was contacted for 3 awesome radio show appearances. Woah, right? But it gets better.

Around the same time, I was assigned an article on walking shoes—not the most thrilling topic, but I was grateful for the opportunity. I posted an interview query online, and who replied? None other than Dr. Lisa. The physician’s shoe line TheraFit seemed perfect for my article, so we arranged an interview.

As much as I would’ve loved to have blabbed to Dr. Lisa about Girl Boner then, I aimed for tact and professionalism. I figured communicating well and writing a solid article would bode better, and hoped more would evolve at some point. In very little time, it did.

After the article appeared, Dr. Lisa invited me to appear on her radio and podcast series, Health in Heels. Not only did I have a BLAST chatting with the illustrious doctor at her affiliate recording studio, but the following day her production team offered me my own show. That makes my own show the fifth of the five I’d aspired for.

Getting cozy with the mic. I could get used to this!

Remarkable things happen when we set our sights on that which we feel passionate about. All it takes, I’ve learned, is a bit of openness, self-honesty and dreaming with intent.

I’m sure you all have related stories , which I’d love to hear! As for me, I could use a sudsy bubble bath and a hot fudge sundae, preferably in tandem… Wishing you all endless dreams come true. Thanks so much for sharing in my journey! ♥

So tell me! When has sharing your dreams out loud drew them into fruition? What happy surprises have derived from your willingness to not only work hard, but dream and stay open to possibilities? I seriously love hearing from you.

#GirlBoner Radio Sneak Peek! And a Chance to Make a Cameo Appearance

Wowzers! Girl Boner Radio officially kicks off next Monday, January 13th! I wish I could accurately express my excitement. Let’s just say my soul has a Girl Boner of the insatiable variety.

Actually, both! I was happy to see Dr. Lisa when I appeared on her show in November, but my latest GB excitement, as many of you know, is my podcast series/radio show that derived from that experience.

While I’m fortunate to have a super groovy production team, the show’s content is largely up to me. Guess what that means? It’s also up to you.

This show wouldn’t have come about without the support and loyalty of you fabulous readers, and I’d LOVE to involve you in the program as much as possible. For starters, here’s how you can make a cameo appearance in my very first episode!

Make a Cameo Apperance on Girl Boner Radio’s Premiere Episode!

Record a short audio clip (1 minute or less) of you answering one of these questions:

What is a Girl Boner?

What do you remember about your earliest sex education?

Be as serious or goofy as you wish! If chosen to air, your identity won’t be revealed unless you somehow work your name into the clip. Email me the clip (august at augustmclaughlin dot com) preferably as an Mp3, by this Friday, January 10th with Girl Boner in the subject line so I don’t miss it. I’ll consider clips as they appear until I have enough, so the sooner you record and send, the better!

Smart phones make recording audio easy, but feel free to use a fancier method if you have the chops! The clips need not be perfect, but your words should be clear. If you’d rather type and email or tweet me your answers (@AugstMcLaughlin), feel free. I may read a few responses on the air as well. Keep in mind that by submitting a clip, you’re agreeing to allow its on-air use.

Where can you listen?

The best way to hear the show will be via iTunes, where you’ll be able to download and subscribe to the podcasts for free. I’ll share links here and throughout social media as I have them starting next week. Huge thanks to all of you who’ve inquired! I so appreciate your interest and support. ♥

Think you’ll participate by submitting a clip? What other topics would you like to see featured on Girl Boner Radio? As always, I welcome your thoughts. ♥

What New Year’s Resolution Would You Set for Your Significant Other?

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.”  — Edith Lovejoy Pierce

I don’t often set New Year’s resolutions, but like many folks, I spend time around the holidays contemplating my previous year and what I hope the next will hold. This morning, I found myself contemplating other people’s goals—more specifically, resolutions I wish they would set.

I wish my friend Tracy would resolve to stop bashing her body shape and size and recognize the beauty she truly is. I wish the guy at my local gas station would stop uttering racist remarks. I wish every woman in the world would embrace her sexuality. I wish meat eaters would reduce their intake so that all cows could be raised free-roaming and grass-eating. I wish  Oprah would aspire to produce a Girl Boner TV show.

I wish, I wish, I wish…

Dreams, come true… There must be an app for that! #FairySelfie

Midway through my wish-fest daydream, my husband entered the room. We had the following conversation:

Me: What resolution do you wish I’d set this year?

Husband: To treat me as your lord and master. *snickers*

Me: Um… Take two.

Husband: Okay. How about to clean the counter? I just put my iPad down in a puddle of water.

Me: That puddle is there because I cleaned the counter! *smiles, batting eyes* Try again.

Husband: Okay, here’s a real one. Take a break from work every hour–ten minutes to walk away and rest your eyes.

Me: What if I’m in the middle of writing something really awesome???

Husband: Then finish and take a break when you’re done.

Don’t you just hate it when someone else is right? What my ever sharp and witty husband was getting at was the importance of self-care and rest. The latter, he well knows, isn’t my strong suit. I probably won’t be pausing hourly, but I plan to prioritize rest and play.

It isn’t easy to slow down or hit the pause button when our plates are full, particularly when we’re passionate about the contents. But as I continually learn, doing so strengthens us, our work and our lives in multiple important ways. The more we nurture ourselves, the more likely we are to bring our own aspirations into fruition. Besides, imagine all the fun and restful ways we can avoid doing housework!

 Your turn! What resolution would you set for a loved one? What are you striving toward?  

Wishing you a beautiful kickoff to 2014. ♥

My Capricarius Birthday Wish

Capricarious: (noun) People born between December 18 and December 25; outgoing, driven, loving, adventurous, stubborn, impatient folks; a term I made up; me. Synonym: Sagicorn.

I have mixed feelings about astrology. Star signs, while intriguing, long seemed like hogwash to me, partly because I never fully fit into the capricorn-box. (Me, patient and inhibited? Not so much…) When I read about the Capricorn/Sagittarius cusp, though, I began to wonder; the descriptions really seem to incapsulate me. Regardless, I find it all fun and entertaining, occasionally too-spot-on to discount and respect all views regarding their validity. (How very Capri-pragmatic of me! )

Since today is my birthday, I’ve decided to make a wish:

I want everyone who reads this to take one bold step toward a dream. You don’t have to report back to me, though please feel free! I just want to give you all a little nudge, which is equal parts selfish and selfless. The whole world brightens when we live authentically and pursue our passions—in all aspects of our lives.

And because I’m a Capricarious, I want you to do it NOW or ASAP! Whatever you’re thinking of now that makes your heart pound or your palms sweat, step toward it. Do so with gusto and stop telling yourself you can’t, shouldn’t or lack what it takes to do so.

Chances are you’re far more beautiful, courageous, talented and capable than you realize. Even if you weren’t, passion, hard work and perseverance are gold. They pave the way to whatever dreams we pursue, which would not be present in our hearts and minds if we lacked all it takes to fulfill them. That’s my humble opinion, but it’s also right! #TheSagittariusInMe

Whatever you do, please don’t let others’ thoughts or conventions stand in your way. Though I jest about sign blend-age, I believe with all my heart that we need not—should not—attempt to squeeze ourselves into any figurative box. The only label that counts is your name (your identity and passions) and whether or not you honor it authentically.

I love you all. Thanks for the ongoing support! ♥

Happy holidays! I’m off to eat cake…

How are you like/unlike your astrological sign? Any other Capricarious/Sagicorns out there? Care to share your dream steps? I’m always eager to hear your thoughts!

Move Over Weight Loss! 8 Wellness Resolutions Worth Setting

“It is only possible to live happily everafter on a day to day basis.” – Margaret Bonnano

About 45 percent of Americans typically set New Year’s resolutions, according to University of Scranton research conducted in 2012, and weight loss tops the charts in popularity.

Not exactly the most joyful outlook of the new year…

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather focus on gaining something wondrous than losing something I loathe. Luckily, positivity isn’t only enjoyable, but makes obtaining our goals easier. Here’s a prime example: Saying we want to lose weight immediately places focus on what we find detrimental, working like a mega-volt highlighter on those added pounds. We walk around hyperaware of our “flaw,” a state that can trigger food cravings, stress, depression and even weight gain. This is only one reason weight loss efforts tend not to work for long or at all.

The solution isn’t giving up on weight-related issues, in my opinion, but meeting them in alternate ways. More often than not, lifestyle problems are rooted much deeper than how many servings of ice cream we eat or workouts we skip. It only makes sense that we dig deeper when setting our sights on change.

Rather than aiming to diet, struggling through workouts you hate or fill-in-the-self-tortorous-blank, why not prioritize self-care? Taking care of ourselves makes way for goodness of all kinds. Doing so is also fun, healthier and safer than typical wellness-related resolutions and the closest thing I know of to a superpower. When we embrace it…MAGIC!

That’s more like it!

Whether you plan to set New Year’s resolutions by January or simply strive to better yourself in general, I hope you’ll consider taking a positive stance. All of the following goals can help pave the way for enhanced weight control, wellness and, most importantly, overall happiness.

8 Wellness Resolutions Worth Setting

1. Look in the mirror and express self-love daily. “I love you.” “You’re beautiful.” Say them out loud! Look into your own eyes and mean it. Stare until you see something embraceable. It may sound silly, but I’m telling you, it works. Choose an affirmation that suits your area of challenge, or change it up with new affirmations every week. For a list of ideas, pop by the Huffington Post: Body Image Affirmations: 10 Mantras to Help Stressing Over Your Appearance.

2. Eat more nutritious, whole foods. Focus on more (of you, of wellness, of healthy fare…), not less (of you, of “bad” foods…). Seek tasty ways to savor healthy dishes. Restrictive diets don’t work, but nourishing your body and soul so do! The more you enjoy them, the more you’ll crave the same. If you work best with guidelines, dodge diets and consider these Intuitive Eating principles instead.

3. Engage in physical activities you enjoy. Take a dance class. Hike with friends. Walk your dog. While hitting the gym isn’t a bad thing, particularly if you enjoy it, we’re more likely to stick to and have success with activities we delight in. (Makes sense, right?) The 2008 Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans recommends that most adults aim for 2.5 hours of moderately-intense activity per week. Aim to spend that time not in misery.

4. Prioritize sex! Speaking of enjoyable exercise… Routine sex promotes everything from strong immune function and libido to improved energy levels and a longer life. (Sign. Me. Up!) Prioritize physical intimacy with a partner and engage in solo sex. Seek ways to enhance all of your sensual experiences. Remind yourself that doing so isn’t selfish, but respectful and healthy. To learn more about the benefits, check out Girl Boner Perks for Jollier Holidays.

5. Keep a gratitude or dream-seeking journal. As many of you know, I mentor and provide nutritional counseling for people suffering from eating disorders. A technique that works well for them—shifting their focus from body and food fixation to emotional fulfillment—works brilliantly for weight control and overall wellness. If you find yourself stressed about food or shunning your physicality, don’t aim to shrink your body; expand your dreams and your willingness to pursue them. Journaling grateful thoughts is a proven way to boost inner and outer wellness.

6. Allow yourself some wiggle room! I wrote an article last year about research headed by Katrina Leupp, a doctoral student of sociology at the University of Washington, on the tendency for “Super Moms” to get the blues. The study showed that women who cut themselves some slack—ask for help as needed and learn to “let things slide,” have lower instances of depression. The same holds true for our lifestyle habits. If we aim too high, we’re likely to fall flat. In whatever area you tend to be hardest on yourself, commit to easing up.

7. Say ‘no’ when it means saying ‘yes’ to your wellbeing. It’s been called the “disease to please,” the common tendency to feel so compelled to please others, that we get lost in the shuffle, overextending and often compromising ourselves on others’ behalf. Committing to saying ‘no’ when saying ‘yes’ would stand in the way of your physical or emotional wellbeing is a primo goal worth setting. As etiquette specialists Kim Izzo and Ceri Marsh smartly said, “A gift isn’t a gift if it’s an obligation.”

8. Practice mindfulness. With few exceptions, this one does not come naturally to me—but lordy, is it important! Learning to eat mindfully instead of diet can turn something stressful or blasé into a gratitude-filled, fortifying experience. Staying present while we’re driving can literally save lives.  Too many times over the past year, I’ve caught myself physically in one place and mentally in another. While I’ll always embrace daydreaming (it’s arguably a writer’s job, right?? ;)), I’m committing myself to being more present in my daily life.

What goals or resolutions are you working toward? What are your favorite ways to stay physically and emotionally fit? Any questions or items to add to my list? I love hearing from you—so much so, I’ll even don my nutritionist’s cap if you have dietary questions.

Wishing you wondrous holidays! ♥

Hot and Hungry: 6 Signs of Female Sexual Arousal

“Arousal begins within the mind, then seeps out where fantasy propels physicality.”  — Kristie LeVangie

Do you remember the first time you were sexually turned on? I don’t. But I do recall when my internal crush-struck butterflies began flapping their wings during grade school and boys stimulated more giddy perspiration than disgust. Then something foggy and confusing known as adolescence happened. (Hmm…) During high school, I remember feeling insanely turned on by my first serious boyfriend. Even when the relationship became sexual, I had little clue about the specifics of what I was feeling. The unquestionable mix of curiosity, intrigue and supercharged hormones, I quickly called love.

Giddy butterflies + whoppers of orgasms = BLISS!

Confusing lust or general horniness for emotional connect and love are mistakes many of us make early on. How can we differentiate when most of us scarcely understand our sexuality at all? Add the facts that female sexual arousal is less straightforward and varied than men’s, discussion of personal sexuality remains fairly taboo and female sexuality wasn’t even studied until fairly recently and its mysterious is, well, no mystery.

Even with the aforementioned odds stacked against us, maturity and experience often bring clarity. (Thank  flipping’ goodness!) We ideally learn much about our bodies and their supreme abilities to be turned on and experience mind-blowing, gratifying pleasure. We learn what stokes our frisky fires and puts them out and hopefully share wondrous sexual intimacy not only with ourselves, but with trusted partners. Love and lust need not always pair up, but it’s pretty dang wondrous when they do!

While different strokes (scrumptious pun!) work for different folks and we all display arousal* a bit differently, here are some common ways it shows.

*Some women aren’t fully aware of their arousal, particularly if haven’t learned to fully embrace their sexuality. If you’re one of them, please check out Sexual Confidence: How to Feel Sexier Naked and Solo Sex and Body Image for some tips and inspiration!

6 Signs of Girl Boner Giddiness (i.e., We’re Turned On!)

1. We start fantasizing. You know what I’m talking about ladies! You’re sitting across the dinner table from your beloved and suddenly he isn’t wearing a sweater and chomping on pizza, but naked and licking his sexy lips. No, YOUR sexy lips. Yum! You really, really want some…

2. We have wanton eyes. There’s a reason Hungry Eyes is among the most sexually arousing tunes, according to a Spotify study. Our fantasies and wants can’t help but show in our eyes—for some of us more than others. If a lover locks eyes with us meanwhile, we’ll want him or her even more. Our pupils may dilate as our Girl Boners grow.

3. We use want-filled words. Depending on our comfort level and personality type, we may use words to subtly or overtly essentially say I WANT SEX! If there’s any confusion about your arousal level, talking is arguably the most powerful tool for clarification. Make sure to keep your words positive when communicating arousal to your partner. “I’d love to see you naked right now” will work much better than a frustrated, “Can you not tell that I’m turned on?!?“

4. We reach out and touch. This one also varies with personality, a topic I’ll likely explore here soon. Regardless, touch is a  powerful, natural and nearly involuntary way to express sexual desire. Touching a partner in intimate places—areas not often touched by others, such as the inner thigh, or even touching his hand or cheek often shows turn-on. If we venture into the crotch area—NEON FLASHING LIGHTS! ;)

5. We arch our backs. (The mere thought makes me want to purr…) Many of us naturally arch our backs during arousal, which exaggerates particularly sensual body parts, such as our rears and breasts. It also creates a sort of “come hither” physique that can turn both parties on. This can all happen during foreplay, sex and even casual exchanges, such as chatting with your lover.

6. We lick our lips, blush, swell and moisten! As we discussed in Girl Boner Physiology: The Female Body Turned On, our bodies work all kinds of magic in the form of added wetness and swelling as we move from turned on to lovemaking and ooh-la-la orgasm. These shifts derive from increased blood flow to our sexual organs and the brain signaling us to prepare for kissing, cuddling, intercourse and so much more.

Hot, right? Simply talking about sex and sensuality can be a turn on—as it should be! If you haven’t started chit chatting with your partner about the ins and outs of your sexual relationship or explored your own sexual needs and wants fully, there is no time like the present. Start where you feel comfortable then take baby steps or larger leaps ahead as you’re ready, understanding that sexuality is a journey and an adventure that we should enjoy throughout our lives.

What’s our most obvious arousal sign? Have you observed your arousal state? (If not, I highly recommend it!) How do you and your partner communicate about arousal and whether to have sex? Any items to add or questions to share? I love hearing your respectful thoughts! ♥

#GirlBoner Gifts: Super Sexy Stocking Stuffers

“A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver.”  —Thomas á Kempis

Have you ever received a gift so wonderfully thoughtful you about melted like Frosty in a heatwave? *sigh* I sure have. It’s not the price or magnitude of gifts that counts, but the spirit in which they’re given and the thoughtfulness the giver invests. I can’t think of many gifts more loving than those that enhance intimacy, relaxation and erotic pleasure. Bestowing such gifts on ourselves can add sparkle to our own holidays. Consider them Girl Boners to your Girl Boner.

When choosing a sensual gift for another, make sure you consider their wants and needs, versus purely your own. (Giving lingerie to a woman who’s not comfortable wearing it is about as thoughtful as giving a woman who practically lives in lacy negligees frumpy flannels.) If you’re unsure whether a sexy gift is within your partner’s comfort or pretty-please zone, ask! You may be surprised by the response. And besides, sensual talk is sexy! The convo. itself may become a gift, IYKWIM.

 Another fabulous option? Fill a stocking with sexy gifts for you and your love to share. Isn’t that what the holidays are really about? Whether shared or savored on your own, the following gifts may be just what you need to set the festive flames  a-roaring! Peruse the  recommendations from me and a few of favorite sex-positive peeps, then let us know in the comments which ones most entice you! Have ideas of your own to add? We’d love to hear those, too.

1. Aloe Cadabra Gift Set

Lubricants are one of the best ways to make sex more savory and orgasmic—and Aloe Cadabra lubricants are my FAVE! They have a luxurious non-sticky consistency, taste and smell delectable and since they’re aloe-based, they promote supple skin. Gift set: $29.95 Individual: $9.95 via AloeCadabra.com

2. Sensual Massage Oil

Little says I love and lust for you as supremely as a sensual massage. This organic oil by the Body Shop is moisturizing, non-greasy and scented with Tahitian vanilla and other ingredients said to provide aphrodisiac benefits. $18.00 retail, $14.00 via Amazon.com

3. Love Coupons

Hoping for a 2014 filled with sensual play and romance? Love coupons provide a primo way to share your fantasies and celebrate your partner’s, setting the stage for a sultry year. LoveCoup allows you to create customized vouchers using fun graphics, choosing everything from gender and face shape to hair color, and text of your choosing. $24.95 via LoveCoup.com

4. Kama Sutra Getaway Kit

This romantic getaway kit can help ensure sensual sizzle whether you travel or celebrate holidays stay-cation style at home. The convenient travel case comes with sample-size lubricant and body oil, sweet honeysuckle honey dust, a feather applicator, French Vanilla Crème Body Soufflé cream and a scented romance candle. $34.99 via KamaSutra.com

5. Candy Cane Undies 

What better way to show your man how sweet his penis is than with candy casing? Or by inviting him to enjoy all your Girl Boner has to offer with , “If you lick my candy cane, I’ll stuff your stocking” panties? If you and your guy find thongs as uncomfy as I do, fear not. These won’t be worn long! Or maybe they’ll just make you both laugh—also groovy. His: $11.24 via Amazon  Hers: $13.99 via Cafe Press

6. Loving and Lasting: How to Stay Tuned In and Turned On in Your Marriage

For you married pairs, this book edited by the phenomenal Chief Passion Curator of Bring Back Desire and host of the Loving and Lasting Radio Show Ande Lyons is a must have! It’s brimming with useful insight from 20 of her favorite romance experts on ways to reignite lost passion, better communicate with your spouse and have a heck of a lot of fun in the process. Pop it in your honey’s virtual stocking! $2.99 via Amazon.

7. Vanilla Bondage Kit

This sexy suggestion comes from my friend and fellow blogger, Kitt Crescendo.”I love this product because it’s great for a little sensation play without being too scary or intimidating!” she said.”It can be used to play ‘Guess That Food’ (a la 9 1/2 weeks) or to explore your partner’s body without worrying about what they might be thinking.”  Kitt said she’d trace chocolate words on her lover’s body then make him decode the lick-able message. (YUM!) The silky, cream-colored restraints come neatly stored in a sweet container. $15.00 via Pure Romance

8. LELO Ida Vibrator

Ande Lyons, Passion Curator at Bring Back Desire, calls this vibrator for couples absolutely delicious. “The demonstration video will have your #GirlBoner jumping for joy!” she said. Worn in your vagina during sensual play, this toy stimulates your G-spot and clitoris while bringing a stimulating buzz to your man’s penis. (*August melts.*) $199 via My Secret Luxury

9. F*ck Me Perfume Potion

This come-hither concoction was formulated by Yolanda Shoshana, a Clairvoyant Seduction Alchemist with Girl Boner gusto to boot! “I love this perfume potion because it oozes seduction and sex,” she said. “It is deep, exotic and downright erotic.” Best of all, its mysterious notes are designed to inspire self love, confidence and passion. LOVE. $38.00 via Courtesan Charm

10. Bombshell Orgasm Balm 

Because all of our lips need TLC! This yummy balm contains all-natural ingredients geared toward enhancing arousal and orgasm. Apply a tiny amount to your clitoris and labia before foreplay for intensified pleasure. Perfect for spontaneous sexy play on-the-go, you won’t want to leave home without it! $9.99 via LoveHoney.com

Simple and DIY Ideas:

A hand-written, sensual love letter
Homemade heart-cookies with sexy messages
A framed sensual quote or photo
Bubble bath with sexy instructions involving you!
Sexy decorated undies!
A blindfold (The real gift will be what you do with/to once it’s on!)
Sexy shoes or panty hoes
Tingling lip gloss 
A water-proof notepad for writing saucy notes to your partner mid-naked steam! 
Naughty (meaning oh-so-nice!) chocolates

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Which items entice you? What goodies would you add to the list? Remember, you can also connect with me and the #Girl Boner community via Facebook and Twitter! ♥

Dreaming Like Nobody’s Judging: 10 Facts About Chasing Our Dreams

Dance like nobody’s watching. I’m not sure who said this originally, but I love the message: Let go. Act crazy if you want to! Meanwhile, stop caring what other people think. Applied to our dreams and passions, the notion is pure magic. How about dreaming like nobody’s judging?

This week a dream I scarcely realized I had came into fruition, making me more grateful than ever for dreaming out loud. After appearing on Dr. Lisa Masterson’s radio show, Health in Heals, her reps phoned me, asking if I’d like to host a show of my own. Girl Boner Radio will kick off January 6th! I’m not sure I could be more excited. When I arrived at the recording studio for my first production meeting on Monday, I nearly cried. The place was decked out in sparkly decor as though my giddiness had materialized, and a grateful feeling of “You’re on the right track. Keep going,” struck me. The message on the wall, “…planet Earth is listening,” seemed to affirm it. When we share dreams, people listen. We never know where that may lead.

I thought back to just over a year ago when I launched my Girl Boner blog series. I wasn’t sure what would happen once I hit publish, but I knew something would. Something had to because my heart, brain and instincts were screaming at me to speak up, and when we act on our dreams, groovy things happen. If I’d kept my Girl Boner dreams bottled up (pun scrumptiousness!), they’d have stayed dormant, likely causing stress and regret. More importantly, if all of you fabulous readers hadn’t been receptive to my efforts, I’d likely have no radio show or other fun prospects to speak of. Thank you with all of my GB-loving heart. ♥

Since I’ve been swimming around in dream-think lately, a virtual gush-pile of WHOOPEE!, I thought I’d share facts I think we can all stand to be reminded of. After you take a glimpse, I hope you’ll share your own thoughts on dreams.

10 Facts About Dreams

1. They’re practical. For many folks, ‘dreamer’ conjures up images of whimsical fairy tales and spacey hippies with their eyes fixed toward the clouds while the “real world” tromps on. In reality, most dreams are goals that set our hearts aglow, make us stronger contributing members of society when we pursue them and make practical sense if we stop and think about it. (The question should always be, “Why not?”)

2. They come true if we let them. And by let them, I mean not stand in their way. It’s easy to talk ourselves out of seemingly lofty goals. If we don’t try, there’s no chance of failure. But that’s just sad. We all deserve better.

3. They vanish if we ignore them. Our dreams deserve the light of day and the chance to come true. If we don’t nurture our aspirations, they’re likely to shrivel up like plants I try to take care of. I nearly think of mine as offspring. I want what’s best for them and will do anything in my power to ensure their thriving.

4. They invite naysayers. We’ve all had others criticize our dreams. Such criticism often derives from insecurity, jealousy, misunderstanding or misguided concern for our wellbeing. (“But how will you pay the bills?” “What will people think of you?” “That sounds so hard!”) The very uniqueness that makes our dreams wondrous frequently prevents others from understanding; if ___ was common, would you strive for it? No, because dreams are extraordinary. We should use naysayers’ words fuel to work harder.

5. They invite collaboration. Dreams are team ventures, whether we conjure and manage them on our own or not. That’s one reason we need to open our hearts and mouths and let them roam free! When we dream out loud, others not only hear them but often step up to play a role.

6. They’re powerful! I agree with what Eleanor Roosevelt said, that “future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” When our dreams are alive and well, our worlds illuminate—a beautiful thing, because giddiness and gumption make for awesome fuel and brighten up others’ lives as well.

7. They are gifts to ourselves and others. If we squelch our desires, we limit joy for ourselves and others. Another favorite quote of mine derives from my favorite philosopher, Oprah: “There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It’s why you were born. And how you become most truly alive.” So true, right? Withholding our dreams, on the other hand, arguably steals those gifts before they’re given.

8. They aren’t monetarily measurable. Money and a lack thereof seems to stand in the way of many people’s dream pursuits. While putting food on the table is vital, I think it’s important to remember that much of the most important work ever done doesn’t draw in money from the get-go. “Getting rich” isn’t an authentic dream, in my opinion. If we pursue our passions, riches of many kinds follow. If we fixate on money, we’re likely to turn into unhappy curmudgeons. (Think Scrooge.)

9. They can surface and evolve anytime. Dreams shouldn’t limited to our youth or postponed for impractical reasons. When we follow our instincts and passions, new dreams can flourish at any time; we don’t even have to know where we’re specifically headed, other than in the proper direction. If we fall down, we can stand back up and keep going. Many bumps and hiatuses evolve into turning points.

10. They’re celebration worthy! Simply having a dream is a gift—don’t you think? I recall a time when I had little sense of purpose. That apathy was worse than deep depression. If we’re blessed with ambition and a cause, we best cherish it. That means celebrating all along the way. Don’t wait to celebrate future accomplishments until you reach them; party now and perpetually.

What dreams are you working toward? Have any dreams or outcomes surprised you lately? Any points to add to my list? I always welcome your wonderful thoughts.