August McLaughlin's Blog, page 56

The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest III: Original Edition

“The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.” — Sam Levenson, “The Beauty of a Woman”

Welcome to our third annual Beauty of a Woman BlogFest! I started this fest two years ago, after readers were beautifully responsive to a post I shared about moving past my eating disorder. Thanks to remarkable readers and writers like you all, it’s become a positive light in the blogosphere and a gift to may each year. You are all ROCKSTARS!

This week is also National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, making the theme and stories even more meaningful. As you read contributors’ words, I hope you’ll consider ways to further embrace your own inner and outer beauty. You deserve it! If the notion seems selfish or less important than other responsibilities in your life, remind yourself that the most powerful work we can do for others derives from self-nurturing. If there’s one thing our world could use more of, IMO, it’s positive role models. Thanks, with all my heart, for joining us!

How to participate and potentially win fun prizes:

Click on the links below to read participants’ stories between Thursday, February 27th and Sunday, March 2nd. Prizes will be awarded by way of a drawing, one for each category, next week. (To read stories from the Girl Boner category which ran earlier this week, visit this link!)

To have your name added to the prize drawing:

Comment below this post, based on the prompts at the end = 1 entry
Tweet this post, tagging me @AugstMcLaughlin = 1 entry
Share this post on Facebook, tagging me or my author page = 1 entry
Participate as a blogger = 5 entries
Read and post a comment on all of the posts below, then let me know you did so (in a comment on this post or via Twitter) = 10 entries

PRIZES: Winners from the drawing for each fest category will receive Starbucks and Amazon gift cards, valuing $5 to $50. I’ll also select two BOAW Girl Boner posts to read on Girl Boner Radio.

Bloggers: If you signed up for this category and your post is missing below, I haven’t yet received your link (or somehow missed it!). Please send it to me via email or Twitter and I’ll add it promptly. Thanks!

Beauty-FULL Contributions:

1. Kathryn Chastain Treat: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest 2014

2. Patricia Sands: Beauty of a Woman 2014 ~ Hear Us Roar!

3. David W. Walker: The Beauty of a Woman

4. Kassandra Lamb: Beauty: A Matter of Mind Over Matter

5. Barbara McDowell: Beauty in Stages:  Reflections on My Younger Self

6. Jess Witkins:  Beauty of a Woman Blogfest: 1 Billion Rising

7. Susie Sylvester: Beautiful Woman, God’s Design

8. Kourtney Heinz: BOAW: The Beauty of a Body in Motion

9. Catherine Johnson: BOAW BlogFest: Kat Apel

10. Ashley: Positively Body Image

11. Audrey Kalman: Three Beauties and a Redefinition

12. Lynn Kelley: Beauty of a Woman 2014: My Morphing Body and Mind

13. Marcia Richards: BOAW BlogFest — Where Your Beauty Lies

14. Kate Wood: Beautiful Goddess

15. Elizabeth Mitchell: BOAW The Most Beautiful Woman I Ever Met 

16. Ingrid Schaffenburg: The True Beauty of a Woman

17. Kecia Adams: Beauty of a Woman Blog Fest III: In Praise of the Selfie

18. Scott Moon: Touched by Fire for BOAW 3

19. Jenny Hansen: What Are YOUR 21 Layers of Beauty? #BOAW3

20. Mike Sirota: Redux: When Art Creates Life

21. Marla Martenson: The Beauty of Following Your Bliss

22. Dana Myles: Beauty of a Woman Blog Fest, 2014 – This one’s for YOU!

23. Shan Jeniah: The Beauty of a Woman Blogfest III – finding Beauty in a Life of Lovely Chaos

24. Sheri Fink: Embracing the Beauty of Your Dreams (Despite Fear and Doubt)

25. Eden MaBee: BOAW — Us

26. Katy Brandes: The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest III

27. August McLaughlin: How to Gain Beauty by Embracing Your Body — An Interview with Dr. Jane Greer*

*My entry is an interview on Dr. Jane Greer’s radio show, Let’s Talk Sex!, via YouTube. Feel free to tune in for as little or long you like.

How do you define beauty? What makes you feel beautiful? Any thoughts to share on this year’s fest overall? Remember, you have 4 days to check out and comment on all of the posts for 10 extra chances to win a groovy prize! If you do so, let me know via a blog comment below or Twitter (@AugstMcLaughlin) by next Tuesday, March 4th. Thanks again for participating! ♥

The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest III: #GirlBoner Edition

“True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows and with passing years only grows!” — Sam Levenson, “The Beauty of a Woman”

Welcome to our premiere Beauty of a Woman BlogFest Girl Boner Edition! I’ve perused contributors’ stories, and WOW, are you in for a treat. To say that I’m honored to share my bl0g-living room with such insightful, witty, bold and inspiring writers is a tremendous understatement. Whether you’re participating as a blogger, reader or both, please know that your support means a great deal to all of us!

How to participate and potentially win fun prizes:

Click on the links below to read participants’ stories between Monday, February 24th and Thursday, February 27th. Prizes will be awarded by way of a drawing next week.

To have your name added to the prize drawing**:

Post a comment below this post, based on the prompts at the end = 1 entry
Tweet this post, tagging me @AugstMcLaughlin = 1 entry
Share this post on Facebook, tagging me or the Girl Boner Facebook page = 1 entry
Participate as a blogger = 5 entries
Read and post a comment on all of the posts below, then let me know you did so in a comment on this post or via Twitter = 10 entries 

PRIZES: Winners from the drawing for each fest category will receive Starbucks and Amazon gift cards, valuing $5 to $50. I’ll also select two BOAW Girl Boner posts to read on Girl Boner Radio! 

Bloggers: If you signed up for this category and your name and post are missing below, I haven’t yet received your link (or somehow missed it!). Please send it to me via email or Twitter and I’ll add it promptly. Thanks!

**For more stories and chances for prizes, check out the original fest here, running from February 27th – March 2nd! I’ll conduct two drawings; one for each category.

1. Susan Lee Miller: The Beauty of an “Older” Woman Is…

2. Ginger: ~Daydream for a Succubus~ (BOAW 3) 

3. Petite Esclave: Beauty

4. Kitt Crescendo: Sacred Sexuality #BOAW3 #GirlBoner

5. Dani Walker: My Sexuality Is Not an Inferior Trait: Embracing Womanhood. Embracing Female Sexuality.

6. Raani York: Revenge of the Ugly Beast

7. Inion N. Mathair: The Era of…Women**

8. Jean Franzblau: A Love Letter to My Clit

9. Susie Lindau: The Boob Report – Sex and Yes! Sex!

10. August McLaughlin:  The Orgasm That Changed My Life*

*I read my entry on Girl Boner Radio. If you’d like to leave a comment by way of a review, click the button that allows you to open the show in iTunes. While I appreciate the support, reviews aren’t required for the prize drawing. **Because Inion’s post is on a Tumblr site, comments aren’t required there either.

What do you find most beautiful about your sexuality? What steps have you taken, or will you take, to further embrace it? What most struck you about participants’ stories?

Thanks for festing with us! I hope you’ll join us again later this week, from Thursday to Sunday, for posts in the original Beauty of a Woman category and MORE chances to win prizes. I’ll announce gift card winners and read two of the above stories on Girl Boner Radio next week! ♥

#BOAW3 BlogFest Reminders and Some Fun News!

“To love beauty is to see light.” – Victor Hugo

Who’s excited for the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest? I sure am! For those of you who are wondering what I’m talking about, next week, bloggers across the country will be sharing thematic thoughts and stories on their respective blogs. Here on Monday, our premiere Girl Boner Edition day, you’ll find links to the sexuality-related posts. On Thursday, posts on the broader, original theme will appear here. If you haven’t yet participated as a reader or writer, I hope you’ll consider it!

Everyone who participates as a blogger and/or reader will have chances to win gift cards, valuing $5 to $50. I’ll also select two Girl Boner participants’ submissions to read on my radio show the following week. (Have I mentioned that I’m SO EXCITED? :))

A few reminders for bloggers*:

Make sure you email me a link to your post and your post’s title the night before your fest day—Sunday, February 23rd for Girl Boner posts and Wednesday, February 26th for original-theme posts. Your post should appear on your blog that day as well, or by 7am on your fest day.

Include the logo for your fest and a link to my blog http://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/ in your post, and invite readers to visit my blog between Sunday February 24th and Wednesday March 3rd to read submissions from both fests and for chances to win prizes.

*If you haven’t signed up for the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest and would like to, there’s still time! For details and to register, visit this link.

Some fun news:

Last week after essentially baring my soul on the radio for an upcoming episode, I had one of those vulnerable, “I wonder if anyone is listening to my show…” spurts–I know you writers can relate!—I learned that Girl Boner Radio holds the #1 stop on iTunes’ New and Noteworthy list. HOLY COW! I was and remain stoked by the honor. Prior to that, I honestly had no idea if more than the handful of folks who’ve mentioned listening or posted a review had tuned in.

The experience reminded me that self-doubt is a normal, fleeting thing. If we simply forge on, doing work we believe in, everything will work out—likely better than we’d imagined. 

The timing couldn’t be better, as I’m promoting the BOAW BlogFest on my show on the air on Monday. New and Noteworthy recognition is known to increase downloads, which means that bloggers’ beauty-FULL stories will gain more worthy attention. YEAH-HOO!!! That’s like primo icing atop a truly scrumptious cake—minus the sugar-overload downsides.

Thank you for supporting the BOAW fest & Girl Boner Radio. This cake is for YOU!

MORE fun—TONIGHT (2/20/14) on Twitter:

If you’re around this evening, I’d love it if you’d join me and the AFTERGLOW crew for a Twitter chat featuring climax tips and tricks! You know you don’t want to miss the chance to chat with world’s most incredible vibrator. The chat starts at 6:30pm PST, using the hashtag #AfterGlowChat.

Any thoughts or questions to share about the BOAW BlogFest? What have you learned about self-doubt—and how? Will you be joining me on the #AfterGlowChat on Twitter tonight? I love hearing your thoughts. ♥

#Afterglow: A Vibrator Like No Other

What do you get when you combine the health perks of UV light waves, the scrumptious buzz of a vibrator and the expertise of one of the world’s leading gynecologists? I’ll tell you: a sensual toy that keeps on giving (and giving, and giving…).

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Dr. Ralph Zipper, creator of AFTERGLOW®. This vibrator may well be the most incredible sex toy a woman, or anyone, can buy. We discussed his journey into the adult pleasure industry, how AFTERGLOW® works to increase pleasure and enhance physical wellness for women and more.

Here are just a few of the benefits this luxurious vibrator offers:

UV light waves stimulate blood flow, relax muscles and lower the risk of bacterial growth—guarding against yeast and bladder infections.
Versatile to boot, AFTERGLOW® provides 85 different combinations of light energy and vibration for customized arousal.
Its unparalleled pleasure capabilities are designed to stimulate frequent and intense orgasms! (Can I have a Yes, Yes, YES??? )

At $250, AFTERGLOW® is definitely an investment—and a highly worthy one, in my opinion. You can learn more and purchase your own at AfterGlowScience.com. For more fun, follow @my_afterglow on Twitter. (Yes, this vibrator even tweets! ;))

To listen to the full radio show episode, including my interview with Dr. Zipper and highlights from my first experience with the wonder-toy, pop over to Girl Boner Radio on iTunes! I’d love to hear what you think. 

Romance Hilarity, Online Dating and Soulmate Love with @MarlaMartenson

“It can be wonderful to be with your soulmate, and it can be very challenging to be with your soulmate.” — Marla Martenson

Earlier this week, I had the pleasure of interviewing Marla Martenson on my radio show. Chatting with the witty, insightful matchmaker truly rocked my world! I highly recommend pulling up a chair and a vanilla soy latte before hitting play.

Play or download the free podcast of our interview via iTunes—or using this link—to learn the following:

Recent findings about what adults REALLY want for Valentine’s Day (Hint: It’s not chocolate!)
Marla’s funniest—and true!—dating stories
What makes the LA dating scene, er, unique!
Marla’s definition of a soulmate and how to attract one
Her dos and don’ts for online dating
The best ways for singles to celebrate Valentine’s Day
An outrageous excerpt from her latest memoir, Hearts on the Line

If you’ve enjoyed Girl Boner Radio and believe in its mission, for every woman to embrace her body and sexuality, I hope you’ll consider posting a rating and review on iTunes. To learn more about Marla’s fabulous work, visit her website and connect with her on Twitter. Many thanks for the support! ♥

For more romance and Valentine’s Day fun, check out these links:

Marla Martenson: Love is in the Air!

Dr. Sara  Nasserzadeh: What is Valentine’s Day Really About?

Jenny Hansen: Foolproof Fun for Valentine’s Day (Relationship NOT Required)

Susie Lindau: With or Without a Lover, This Valentine’s Day is Yours!

BonBonBreak magazine: And Now I Celebrate Valentine’s Day by Alexandra Rosas

National Eating Disorders Association (by yours truly ;)): Become Your Own St. Valentine: 5 Ways to Love Your SELF

How do you define soulmate? Do you agree with Marla’s definition? What did you think of her dating tips and stories? What’s your favorite way to spend Valentine’s Day? I LOVE hearing your thoughts. ♥

#GirlBoner Radio on iTunes! + 5 Ways to Support Sex Positivity

“Growing up, I decided, a long time ago, I wouldn’t accept any manmade differences between human beings, differences made at somebody else’s insistence or someone else’s whim or convenience.” — Maya Angelou

If as a kid growing up in Minnesota someone would’ve told me that I’d one day dedicate much of my life and energy to sex positivity, I probably would’ve laughed—loudly. I also would’ve wondered what the heck that even means. Now that I’m done so, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. That isn’t to say it’s an easy path.

Last week, after controversy my production team handled with marked grace passed, Girl Boner Radio was approved for distribution on iTunes! Thank flippin’ goodness. Since then, I’ve been feeling much the way I did upon my debut novel release last year—like a nervous new mama who wants nothing more than to nurture and protect her infant, hoping with all of her heart that the world will embrace her and her dreams. While those dreams are ever-evolving, one biggie is that Girl Boner—the brand, the radio show, the eventual book, etc.—will contribute to sex positivity in broad-scale, impactful ways.

What IS sex positivity?

Simply put, sex positivity is the idea that all sex, as long as it is healthy and consensual, is positive. It means recognizing and embracing peoples’ differences regarding sexual preferences, including style, orientation and even asexuality (which affects about 1% of adults), and not judging others based on their sexual lifestyle choices. In my opinion, it also means embracing our bodies and sexuality as natural and wondrous, while doing what we can to minimize negative stereotypes and influences, such as the dieting and pornography industries, that damage our body image, sexual self-esteem and sense of self worth.

While sex positivity may seem like a no-brainer to many of you, it’s remarkable how deeply and vastly our culture and countless people in it promote the opposite.

Why is it important?

So. Many. Reasons! A sex-positive lifestyle promotes positive physical and emotional wellbeing, guards against depression, stress and anxiety and promotes healthy body image and self-esteem. It also helps ensure strong, lasting intimate relationships, in and outside of the bedroom. On a larger scale, sex positivity makes the world a more loving, accepting and gratifying place.

5 Ways to Support Sex Positivity

If you believe that healthy, consensual sex and sexuality as a whole are worth embracing, you’re already contributing to the movement in important ways. To take your efforts further, consider the following steps.

1. Listen to and review sex-positive radio shows and podcasts. Reviews and ratings are hugely important for radio shows and podcasts. On iTunes, high numbers and ratings directly lead to increased search engine rank and online promotion. In the case of Girl Boner, positive reviews and ratings will also lead to greater exposure and airtime when contract renews in three months. (In other words, if you listen and like what you hear, honest rating and reviews will be much appreciated!)

2. Purchase and review fiction and nonfiction books that promote healthy messages about sexuality. I read Kitt Crescendo’s novelette, Three For All, recently, and raced off to review it pronto. She depicts sexuality in such a relatable, uplifting way—and wow, is it saucy! Similar to radio shows and podcasts, positive reviews help ensure greater success and sales for the author, allowing them to continue their fine work.

3. Share sex-positive programs and products throughout social media. Social media provides phenomenal ways to interact with sex-positive folks and share and gain access to empowering material. If you come upon an awesome sex-positive book, article, radio show or movie, let people know! Groovy hashtags include #sexpositive, #sexuality, #BringBackDesire and, of course, #GirlBoner.

4. Speak out against sex-negativity. Inspired by Miss Representation, a FABULOUS organization, I spent time during the recent Super Bowl tweeting commercials that promote sexist ideals and interacting with others doing the same. Anytime you view sexist or otherwise sexually demeaning media, tweet about it using their hashtag, #NotBuyingIt. If you notice a friend or loved one speaking negatively about her body or telling sexist jokes, call them out. In many cases, people don’t even realize the unintentional harm they’re causing until someone points it out.

5. Cultivate sex positivity in your life. Cultivating positive attitudes and behaviors regarding sex in your own life is arguably the most powerful way to make changes in a culture that often deems sexuality taboo. Whatever negative attitudes or harmful barriers you have, make shifting them toward the positive a priority. Sex positivity doesn’t mean running out to have as much sex as possible or becoming extremely vocal about your beliefs, though both can fit within a sex-positive lifestyle. It doesn’t also doesn’t mean venturing into sexual territory that makes you uncomfortable. On the contrary, it means embracing your sexuality however you feel most healthy and fulfilled.

To listen to Girl Boner Radio on iTunes, visit this link:

Other sex-positive programs worth supporting:

The Loving & Lasting Radio Show with Ande Lyons Get “tuned in and turned on!” with Ande Lyons.

Coming Out Kinky, A Grown Up Story: A sex-positive play by Jean Franzblau

Sex Talk From Behind Our White Picket Fence: Honest, Sex-Positive Information for Couples

In the Bedroom with Laura Berman on the Oprah Winfrey Network

How do you feel about sex positivity? If you’ve listened to Girl Boner or checked out the above links, what did you think? Any related links to share? What are your sex-positive goals or dreams? Any questions you’d like answered on Girl Boner Radio? I LOVE hearing your thoughts.

Thanks so much for the ongoing support! ♥

My Big Brindle Heart: A Love Story

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” — Laozi

As I sit down to write this, tears fill in my eyes, not because I’m sad or offset by an empty page, but because that’s what love does. It raws and humbles us, leaving even the most gregarious of writers speechless. Other times, though we may struggle to find the proper words, it compels us to speak up.

Before I met Zoe, the deaf American bulldog who wriggled her way into my heart, I thought my life was pretty swell. After overcoming a severe eating disorder and a marriage I now hesitate to call one, I was fulfilling my dream of living and working as an actor in Los Angeles. I’d recently moved in with my then boyfriend (let’s call him Clyde), who seemed like beyond wonderful to most everyone who knew him. People perpetually called us the “perfect couple.” Little did they, or even I, know the truth.

The longer we were together, the more I found myself slipping into the depressive state I’d long been sporadically prone to—an unexplainable darkness that was beginning to take a toll on our relationship. Sure, there were issues: arguments we’d have, my apparent oversensitivity to emotional bumps, his feeling somewhat threatened by my obsession with my craft and career. Namely, I blamed myself.

What I hadn’t yet realized was how much insecurity remained since healing from my eating disorder, which the relationship seemed only to magnify. One of those issues was my difficulty feeling comfortable alone. I hadn’t lived alone since my time in Paris, when I gravely ill with anorexia. During nights alone during Clyde’s frequent work trips, I had flashbacks of the heart abnormalities I’d had in my tiny Parisian flat, when terror over where the flippity flop in my chest might lead kept me from sleeping.

Bittersweet Paree

“We should get a dog,” Clyde suggested one day, aware of my love for animals and hoping the companionship would help. He’d never had a pet, so we agreed on fostering first. I completed the proper paperwork and a week later drove to the West Hollywood shelter to retrieve Zoe.

Out of the dim darkness of the neighborhood street popped this huge, mostly white head, its wide eyes, one brown and one blue, absorbing me. She walked over and sniffed my feet while her handler briefed me on dog sign language and Zoe’s basic lifestyle needs. How a deaf dog would help me feel safe was beyond me, but I didn’t care. The connection I felt with her was instantaneous.

She hopped into the backseat of my clunky Ford Taurus as though doing so was customary. Sitting in the driver’s set, I caught her happy expression in the rearview mirror, which seemed to say, “Let’s go home!” I couldn’t wait for Clyde to meet her.

By the time he did three days later, Zoe and I were attached. She followed me everywhere, kept a paw on my foot whenever I sat and checked on me as often I peeked at her throughout the night. Taking care of her me gave me sense of purpose and fulfillment I’d never before experienced. Meanwhile, my heart ached. Dogs don’t live all that long, I knew, anticipating one of the toughest experiences I’d ever face when her time came to leave. But there was no going back, not that I wanted to. When you love another truly and deeply, all you can do is love them more.

Clyde saw things differently. As soon as he glimpsed Zoe, the light left his face and disgust took over. He shook his head, barely needing to say what came next: “You’re kidding, right? We can’t keep her.”

The rest of his words blurred together as tears streaked my cheeks, Zoe huddled close to my leg. As a physician, Clyde had seen one too many injuries caused by pitbulls, which he associated with Zoe’s breed (and I associated with cruel owners). Zoe reacted to his distaste by leaning harder against my leg, seeming nervous and protective.

Perhaps if I’d been stronger, I would have found a way to move out and keep her that day. It was Clyde’s house and I had no place to go that would ensure Zoe’s safety. As painful as the notion was, I knew I had to bring her back.

The shelter couldn’t take Zoe for another week, so for seven more days, I lived with the wondrous dog my heart had already broken for twice. Clyde tried to give her a chance, to no avail.

“I’m not ready to let you pay so much attention to someone else,” he said—words that would echo in my mind as one of soon-to-accumulate red flags. Then he left to stay with family until Zoe was gone. Returning her to the shelter was one of the most trying days of my life.

Over the following few months, my depression that had temporarily lifted near Zoe returned full force. I frequently cried myself to sleep, dreamed of her and woke up most mornings expecting to see her. I’d asked Keri, the owner of Ace of Hearts adoption company, to let me know if they ran out of options for Zoe, at which point I would do whatever I had to help. Since she hadn’t called, I figured Zoe was either safe at the shelter or in a loving home.

Meanwhile, my relationship with Clyde grew rockier and I began to wonder if our problems weren’t “all my fault,” but derived from insecurities we both had. They seemed to knock up against each other’s like ships in a hurricane while we clung to hope for the shore.

One day I sat down with my guitar and wrote a song called Cinderella: “Sweet Cinderella, you live and breathe alone. You sweep your secret circles, wondering how you missed your throne…” I didn’t realize until writing the last line, “the Cinderella’s me,” that indeed she was. I wasn’t writing about the desire for someone to rescue me, but about a woman who’d lost sight of herself and her dreams. It was time to rescue myself.

Strengthened by the revelation, I began booking acting and modeling jobs after somewhat of a depression-induced hiatus and searching for my own place. I told Clyde I wanted to live on my own for a while, that it would be good for both of us. He disagreed and without actually saying the words, we broke up.

My criteria for my new residency were simple: If I could afford it and have a pet, I’d take it. My options were limited, but just before heading to Minnesota to visit family for Christmas, a new ad appeared on Craig’s List. The guest house advertised fit my aspirations to a tee.

Tom, the landlord, wasn’t home when I visited, so he arranged for a neighbor to show me around. The incredibly warm, handsome man named Mike gave me a tour. We chatted with ease as I completed my lease agreement at his kitchen table, his pet bird clinging to my finger, as though he was helping me fill in the blanks. “He’s never done that before,” Mike said. We both laughed.

Tom’s wife returned during my visit. Not only is Heidi one of the most buoyant women I’ve ever met, she rescues animals and the pair had two cats and a beagle. Eunice, the senior beagle they’d rescued after she was found crippled in an alley, was sitting on their sofa wearing Rudolph ears. I squealed, rushing over to hug the festive pooch, certain I’d found my new home.

I had reason to feel unsettled that holiday season; breakups are never easy and there were numerous unknowns in my life. My parents and siblings, surely expecting the teary typhoon I’d been during previous breakups, seemed concerned. But all I felt was hopeful. Something inside me told me that everything was changing for the better and the challenges in my life weren’t stress-worthy.

Unable to sleep Christmas Eve night, I headed to my parents’ living room where my dad gave me a dog magazine he thought I’d enjoy. My heartbeat sped. The cover featured Keri, the owner of Ace of Hearts, with two American bulldogs. I took this as a sign. Why wait? 

I raced to a computer and emailed her, asking whether Zoe was still available. Minutes later, she emailed me from a ski lodge in Aspen: We’d love for you to have Zoe! For the first time in months, my tears consisted of sheer joy.

When I retrieved Zoe for the second and last time, she pranced over and hopped into my car, seeming as though she’d been waiting forever: “It’s about dang time!” (If that wasn’t her thought, it surely was mine.) The incredible woman, Jill, who’d sheltered and taught Zoe sign language when no one would adopt her told me that she’d cried after I left—one of many commonalities between Zoe and me, I’d learn.

I took Zoe in on a foster-to-adopt basis, thrilled beyond measure to share the guesthouse with my new best pal. I’d been told that one reason she may not have taken to my ex-beau was her tendency not to trust men, so when Mike came to meet her, I warned him to take caution. Seconds later, Zoe rushed over to him and threw her front paws affectionately up on his shoulders—instant friends. As Mike and I developed a friendship of our own, Zoe spent many nights with her head out my front door, gazing at his house. (Sorry, Mom and Dad. I lock the door now—promise!)

The following Valentine’s Day, I made the adoption official. That same day marked the beginning of a romance between Mike and me, a plot we’re pretty sure Zoe and Wombley, his little green bird, had in mind all along. A year and a half later, we wed on the step we met on before loved ones. In the over five since, our “zoo” has remained a happy one.

The zoo gang

If not for my big brindle heart, I’m not sure I would have moved fully past remnants of the eating disorder and depression, left a harmful relationship, started writing full-time or met my wonderful husband. He often jokes that Zoe and I are cut from the same cloth, and not merely because we’re both so darn sensitive, passionate and stubborn. People either look at Zoe and say, “Wow! She’s so lovely and unique!”  or shy away, perplexed or terrified. Truth be told, people have reacted similarly to me over the years.

Last November 1, Zoe was diagnosed with a rare, incurable form of cancer during a routine medical exam. We were told that she’d likely only live a couple of more weeks. That was nearly three months ago. Against all odds, she has been thriving. We don’t know how much longer we’ll have her, but we do know that we will love her with all of our hearts throughout. Much because of her, I feel strong enough to take whatever hardship may come. She deserves that.

Even now, as we share this challenging part of Zoe’s journey, she’s teaching us the importance of savoring life, the power of unconditional love and that the very uniqueness that makes us stand out and feel solitary at times is precisely what makes the world beautiful. For all of that and who she is, I’ll be forever grateful.

Savoring the sunset

“…if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” — Mother Teresa

4 Reasons You Could Be Lacking Oral Sex

“Oral sex is a lot like regular sex: You probably don’t get enough of it, it’s not like it is in the movies and it’s over too fast.” - Cracked.com

Do you agree? Speaking for me personally, I’d say no. Oral sex is awesome but not my fave, and I’ve long been happy with how often I’m on the receiving* end. Speaking for the majority of folks, however, I’d say heck yeah! Cracked is right.

*I’m not big on the giving/receiving terminology; oral sex should be a shared activity, enjoyable for both partners, IMO. For clarity’s sake, I’m sticking with the typical jargon.

Research shows that while oral sex has become less taboo in recent years, many men and women desire more, and women are significantly more likely than men to have gone down on a lover yet lack the opposite. None of this is terribly surprising, all considering.

Daydreaming about oral sex, groovy. Having it? A COMPLETELY different ball game.

If so many folks desire oral sex, why are so many feeling deprived? I believe it boils down to four main reasons:

A lack of communication: Your partner won’t likely know you desire more oral sex if you don’t articulate it. If you’re concerned about hurting you partner’s feelings, don’t voice your desires by complaining or criticizing. Communicating our needs isn’t hurtful if we frame it positively. You could say something as simple as, “I love the way it feels when you go down on me.” If you’re not sure whether your partner is happy with your oral sex frequency, ask!

Shameful attitudes about sexuality: A reader recently pointed out that one of his lovers refused to engage in oral sex because it’s “disgusting.” As we discussed last week, it’s important to embrace our sexual anatomy for what it is: beautiful, natural and worthy of TLC. If you find oral sex gross or embarrassing, ask yourself why. Sometimes awareness that our attitudes need shifting is all it takes to stimulate (scrumptious pun!) positive changes.

Fear (or ignorance) of the unknown: If you’ve long believed that oral sex is wrong or simply haven’t much experienced it, you probably won’t engage in or enjoy it. If you’d like to change that, fantasizing is a useful way to start. Once you’re comfortable enough and your partner seems game, act on your fantasies.  If you and your partner haven’t found ways to make oral sex rock your worlds, read about it. Talk about it. Experiment. You won’t know what you’re missing until you try.

A lack of passion or intimacy: During my appearance on the Craig and Robbie Hour, cohost Craig Olsen told me that most of his straight guy friends complain about “not getting sucked enough” after getting married. (He also swore that all guys want more blow jobs, stat!, and that fulfilling that need is the way to make any man happy.) Research actually points to the opposite: Married folks tend to have more sex, more sexual variety and more oral sex than singles—but there are always exceptions. Here’s one reason oral sex could tank after saying I do:

Oral sex is a deeply passionate, intimate expression of love, lust and desire. Once the euphoric falling-in-love feelings stabilize and lives and relationships become more hectic or routine, it’s vital that we keep the passion alive. Those love chemicals keep swirling if we nurture them, and dwindle if we become complacent. Emotional passion in our lives and relationships pave the way for sexual excitement. If we prioritize adventurousness and intimacy, sexy awesomeness will come!

I suppose that oral sex minimizing with marriage could also stem from a desire to make an exciting first impression while dating. If you or your partner never really loved oral sex to begin with, perhaps it’s time to cultivate ways you can.

As with most parts of sexuality, finding what works for us alone and within a relationship is key. If you love oral sex and your partner doesn’t or vice versa, find ways to incorporate both of your sexy faves into your lifestyle. We all have different needs and wants, and there’s nothing wrong with one partner’s desires because they mismatch the other’s. Prioritize your own and each other’s pleasure, communicate your wants and needs and listen to your partner. A little sex-geared communication goes a long way, and can make for seriously awesome foreplay.

Are you happy with the amount of oral sex you engage in? Which list item(s) do you relate to or see the most merit in? Do you agree with Craig’s assessments that most men want more oral sex and it tends to plummet after marriage? I love hearing your thoughts! 

Reminder: If you want to celebrate real beauty or the beauty of sexuality, don’t forget to sign up for the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest 3! We have two categories this year and some truly exciting prizes. Men and women are welcome! Register here.

Craig, Robbie and the #GirlBoner in Between

“Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.”  — Woody Allen

Put another way, laughter is the most fun you can have without sex—at least it can be. If I’d had any doubt before last Friday, gifted interior designer Craig Olsen and , a celebrated E! TV host, doused it. Together they host The Craig and Robbie Hour, a funky blend of radio, the web and TV that airs weekly, covering everything from their social lives and celebrity interviews to, as of last week, Girl Boner! I had the pleasure of appearing as a guest and WOW. There was no holding back!

What is a Girl Boner? Does size matter? Where is a woman’s G-spot, and how does one find it? We explored these saucy questions and so much more.

To watch the episode, click on this image:

Did I mention that this show is not exactly PG?

Fun, right? If you dug it, I hope you’ll consider subscribing to their podcasts via iTunes and posting a review. You can also connect with Craig (@CraigOlsen) and Robbie (@RobbieLaughlin) on Twitter. If you’re curious about the helicopter move we discussed, check out this post, by Natalie Hartford. FYI, the failure rate is roughly 100%.

What did you think of the show? Any thoughts to share with the dynamic hosts? Do you agree with Craig’s assessment that straight men desire more (and more and more…) oral sex? We may be exploring that topic further soon. Regardless, I hope you’re having a brilliant, #GirlBoner-embracing week! ♥

To sign up for the third annual Beauty of a Woman BlogFest taking place next month, stop by the registration page. We’d love to have you!

How Do You REALLY Feel About Your Girly Parts?

And by “girly parts” I mean your vagina, vulva, clitoris, labia, cervix and so on. Don’t just read the words—say them out loud. How do you feel when you do so? How would you describe your own? How often do you explore them with your eyes or fingers?

Women tend to think too little and too negatively of our sexual anatomy. From societal messages and gaps in sexual education, we’re taught in plentiful ways that our sexual parts are unworthy of love and attention, places only designed to bear or avoid bearing children, unattractive-looking or worse—disgusting.

Some of the most damaging messages about female sexual anatomy are the least obvious, in my opinion, because what we fail to recognize as problematic, we’re highly unlikely to change. Last week on the Craig and Robbie Hour, I shared an example from a book by intimacy expert Dr. David Schnarch, which is eerily similar to a conversation I’ve had with many girlfriends over the years. Here’s an example:

Over dinner recently, a girlfriend asked me if a man’s semen really changes flavor based on his diet. It sure can, I told her, and the same goes for women.

She laughed. “Gross. I don’t even want to know…”

“Why is that gross?” I asked.

She went on to explain that she won’t kiss her boyfriend after he’s gone down on her, for fear of tasting her vaginal flavors in his mouth. And since she adores kissing, she’s been hesitant to let oral sex play out. If it does happen, it’s usually one-sided.

“Do you like how he tastes when you go down on him?” I asked.

“Sure,” she said, semi-blushing. “I don’t mind it. Kind of sexy.”

If I were her, I told her, I’d make a point of trying to enjoy my own flavor—alone and then with my partner. (“Taste it on my own fingers?” she asked, quivering. Of course! Why not?) I’d also think seriously about why I held such negative beliefs about aspects of my own sexuality, yet found my partner’s enticing. I tell her this because I know what it’s like to go from sexually repressed and shameful about my body to empowered, and want every woman to experience the freedom, strength and joy doing so brings. I also know that these issues typically run far deeper than they often seem; any “ugliness” we fixate on externally often has internal roots. 

I’ve said it many times and I’ll keep saying it, because it’s true: Embracing our sexuality is a glorious gift we give ourselves, then share with others. When we hold our selves back with negative beliefs, placing barriers between ourselves and our sexuality, we hold ourselves back from life to the fullest. Repeat after me: “My genitals are beautiful!” Good. Now, repeat! (If anyone’s giving you funny looks, please send them here! ;))

10 Signs Your Sexual Anatomy Deserves More Self-Loving

1. Your call your genital area your “girly parts,” “down there” or nothing at all.

2. You have no idea where your clitoris and think “pleasure button” has something to do with a TV remote.

3. You’ve never even searched for your G-spot.

4. You seldom, if ever, masturbate.

5. You’ve never looked closely at your sexual parts.

6. You don’t really know what you enjoy sexually.

7. Your partner doesn’t know what you enjoy sexually.

8. The last time you saw the gynecologist, a Bush was president.

9. You’d rather eat stale pretzels than taste your own sensual flavor.

10. Sex seems like a stressful or embarrassing obligation or a waste of time.

If you relate to any of the above, I hope you’ll consider revamping your relationship with your sexual anatomy, aiming to celebrate and embrace the beautiful wonder it is. Doing so may not be simple, but it’s very doable and starts with awareness.You’re far from alone in your struggles and my total hero for desiring change!

For practical tips on embracing your sexy self, check out How to Feel Sexier Naked and Gain #GirlBoner Gusto: 20 Ways to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone. For an empowering piece on celebrating the Great Wall of the Vagina (woo hoo!), visit Trish Causey’s blog.

How do you feel about your sexual parts? Are you offset by your flavor or your partner’s? What’s helped you gain sexual confidence? Any questions about your Girl Boner anatomy? I love hearing your thoughts! ♥

If you haven’t yet signed up for the 3rd annual Beauty of a Woman BlogFest and would like to, stop by the registration page. We have two categories this year: Girl Boner and original. So exciting!  I can’t wait to fest with you all soon.