Jonelle Patrick's Blog, page 71

The Perfect Barbie Wedding

This ain’t no bridesmaid dress – in Japan, brides disappear about halfway through the reception and return in a the princess-y gown of their dreams.

After you finally got Kenji to go down on one plastic bendable knee and propose, what could be more perfect than to dress up like Barbie for the wedding? In America girls put away the impossibly-built doll with her wardrobe of rubber shoes long before they get old enough to fill out a lookalike gown, but in Japan the brand has successfully colonized adulthood. Behold Barbie Bridal, with nails to match!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. Photos from Nail Max magazine.

How Did You Ever Survive Without A Luxury Potato Holder?

How are you going to stash those fries so they don’t get grease all over the fake fur seat covers in your rolling blingmobile? Shibuya 109 DAD store to the rescue! Tart up your car with a single french fry caddy, or go whole hog with the DAD Front Table, to take all your vices on the road in style!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. She drives a ten year old Toyota, which no number of luxury accessories could possibly disguise.

The Puzzle Building

I always wonder…what kind of company has it’s headquarters in this Shinjuku skyscraper?

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Photoshop Yourself In Real Life

Want to flaunt a tattoo without giving your mom a heart attack?

     Airbrush!

Want to cover up that fire-breathing festival fool ink you got in a drunken fit of enthusiasm at the last King Of Tattoo convention before you go home to see the folks this summer?

     Airbrush!

Want your makeup to look like you just stepped off the assembly line at the Barbie factory?

     Airbrush!

This ad for airbrush equipment assures us that “This summer, body art is hot!” and tutors nail artists in all the latest techniques for embellishing skin, nails, and even hair for the steamy months ahead. While the wedding art does seem a bit of a stretch, I predict hipsters all over Japan will breathe a sigh of relief that their fits of rebellion don’t have to last long enough to be regretted anymore.

With fake body art, even these painful locations can be decorated without shedding a tear.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

When I Grow Up, I Want To Be A…

Saw this in Harajuku, perfect spot for Japanese moms to point out to their surly teenage children that if they don’t study for their college entrance exams…

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. If this novelist thing doesn’t work out, now she has an alternative career path.

Fermented Soybeans + Vanilla Ice Cream = ???

From the test kitchens of intrepid single guys come these taste treats, made solely from junk food obtainable at any corner convenience store! Let’s accompany the judges as they determine just what combos deliver a flavor bomb that has nothing to do with the ingredients!

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Sticky Fermented Soybeans + Vanilla Ice Cream = Turkish Ice

The food most dreaded by foreigners at breakfast time teams up with vanilla ice cream to deliver an eating experience akin to the strangely stretchy ice cream treat served up by guys in fezzes at Ice Cream City. Judges award this unlikely combo a 98% flavor match!

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Rice + Milk + Soy Sauce = Tamago Kake Gohan

If you’re craving that children’s breakfast classic of rice with a raw egg stirred in, but your fridge only contains an aging packet of microwave rice, a few gulps of milk and a crusty bottle of soy sauce, don’t despair! Combining these three ingredients delivers an 88% flavor match, according to this intrepid judge!

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Milk + Salty Pickled Plums = Cheese

No way! Seriously? Milk plus umeboshi (one of the saltiest mouth-puckerers known to man) sounds like the kind of combination your grandmother warned you never to try lest your stomach shrivel up and die on the spot, but – go figure – the judges gave this one a 65% flavor match to cheese!

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Tofu + Yogurt = Cheesecake

Next time you’re craving a honkin’ slice of sin from a New York deli, why not stir a carton of yogurt into a tub of tofu and call it cheesecake? Or…not. Judges say it’s a 45% flavor match. You got a problem wid dat?

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Cola + Coffee = Sausage

A faux sausage-flavored drink. I think I’d rather not have known this. Flavor match: a questionable, yet rather surprising, 38%

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Cucumber + Honey = Melon

Jonesing for a melon, but all you have is a fridge full of cucumbers? If you close your eyes, click your heels together three times, and sluice on some honey, you might just be able to convince yourself you’re noshing the fruit of your dreams instead of the veggie of your nightmares. Flavor match: a barely believable 20%

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Mandarin Oranges + Seaweed + Soy Sauce = Salmon Eggs

Pudding + Soy Sauce = Raw Sea Urchin Eggs

Let’s not and say we did. Even though the judge only gave it a 5% flavor match, whatever those combos tasted like can’t have been good.

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Pudding + Soy Sauce = Fried Pork Cutlets

It’s fortunate that this miracle recipe produced a minus-20% flavor match, because eating something that feels like pudding but tastes like fried pork cutlets would be enough to send just about anybody running for their courtesy airsick bag.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. She has not tried any of these miracle recipes, but is considering them as murder weapons for future thrillers.

Tokyo Nighthawks

I guess all over the world, little islands of warmth and light attract the nighthawks for a cuppa and some companionship. I chanced across this Hopper-esque scene while taking pictures late one night in Shibuya, on the fringes of Love Hotel Hill.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

St. Nyancat Of Matchmaking

If you want to find the gf/bf of your dreams, this is the place to do it! The gods of the Imado Shrine in Asakusa are apparently better at forking over perfect mates than the yenta in Fiddler On The Roof. This shrine is also the birthplace of the maneki neko cats you see waving good fortune into every kind of business, from sushi bars to dentists’ offices.

OK Cupid has a divine rival, judging by the number of people asking the nyan-gods for a dreamy date.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. If you’d like to visit the Imado Shrine next time you’re in Tokyo, here’s a map!

How About A Hot Night Out At The Club Gosick?

In most countries, you might end up at the Club Gosick at the end of a long night of clubbing if you’re really unlucky, but in Japan – the land where “thin” is pronounced “sin” – you’d be in for an evening of luxurious Lestat-style hostboy attention instead!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. Curious about what a night of luxurious  hostboy attention might be like?  What’s it like to visit a host club?

Salad Pizza

Now that we’re deep into the dog days of summer, doesn’t the very idea of nomming down a hot slice heaped with stomach-bombing meats kind of make you shudder? Enter…the Salad Pizza! Sure to please the ever-dieting bikini wearers as well as the lone vegetarian throwing a wrench into the Friday night beer fest, this little beauty features no cheese, no tomato sauce, no meat – just lettuce, tomato and balsamic vinaigrette on a crispy pizza crust. Make mine a double!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.