Jonelle Patrick's Blog, page 73

Perfect Summer Kimonos For Guys With Purple Hair

Glam is not usually a word that comes to mind when describing the traditional summer kimonos known as yukata, but Vice Fairy, my favorite host brand, outdoes themselves again this summer with the shiniest come-hither yukatas ever! Paired with obi belts that look more like scarves gone wild, this season’s offerings are sure to make an appearance on many a “date” this month, as customers invite their favorite hosts to squire them around to the fireworks events happening all over Tokyo in July.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Hangover Coffins: Rent ‘Em By The Hour

Next time you wake up and feel like you’ve died and gone to hell, spend an hour sleeping off that mandatory company drinking party in an oxygen-filled hangover coffin! You’ll not only emerge without that pounding head and queasy stomach, you’ll feel thinner, younger,  more relaxed and able to perform feats of athletic prowess with ease! Or so this subway poster claims, suggesting that sixty, ninety, or a hundred and twenty minutes sucking in pure oxygen is a boon for weekend sports warriors, the dieting, the aging, and the overworked salarymen of Japan. It’ll cost you, though: $50 for an hour of undoing that cherry blossom party with your classmates, $75 for an hour and a half of regretting chugging that bottle of Dom at the host club, and about $85 for two hours of discussing the meaning of life with the bartender at A Perfect Bar For Bananafish.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

The Ultimate Hangover Cure

Spend an hour sleeping off that mandatory company drinking party in an oxygen capsule, and you’ll not only emerge without that pesky hangover, you’ll feel thinner, younger,  more relaxed and able to perform feats of athletic prowess with ease! Or so this subway poster claims, suggesting that sixty, ninety, or a hundred and twenty minutes sucking in pure oxygen is a boon for weekend sports warriors, the dieting, the aging, and the overworked salarymen of Japan. It’ll cost you, though: a little over $50 for an hour, around $75 for an hour and a half, and about $85 for two hours.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Crafting With Cat Fur!

For the ultimate mottainai (“don’t let anything go to waste”), round up all those floating clouds of cat fur in your apartment and craft some nyan-tastic gift items!

Finger puppets!

Sweater hole patches!

Book covers!

Be forewarned, however, that even though cats seem to produce prodigious amounts of fur when it’s loose and drifting around one’s apartment, after examining the ideas in Kaori Tsutaya’s how-to book, it would appear that if one wishes to knit a sweater for anyone larger than a cockroach, one might have to go into an auxiliary business:

For serious fur farming, consider opening your own cat café.

Harvest season coincides neatly with the months one would rather NOT be indoors with a felting needle and a pile of fur…

…so if you’re serious about cat fur projects, you can sort those hairballs into jars, organized by breed and color.

Harvesting the raw materials is easy, although patience and planning are required. Try not to get yourself up against a gifting deadline that might tempt you to just shave your kitty to get that last crucial installment of raw materials.

Once you’ve hunted and gathered, get out your felting needle and follow these easy steps. I just discovered that this book has actually been translated into English! It’s called “Crafting With Cat Hair” and is available from amazon.com.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

The Flavor Store

Vanilla? Puh-leese! That’s so last millenium! What about mugwort? Or cherry blossom? Or essence of red bean? If you’ve got a hankering for a cocktail that tastes like violets or a cake with a hint of persimmon, get thee to Flavor Land on Kappabashi Street!

This tiny boutique sells every flavoring you can think of, and some you couldn’t imagine in your wildest dreams. They come in water- or oil-based (depending on what you want to mix them with) with food-safe colors in every hue of the rainbow to match. And many of them can be bought in small quantities – if you speak Japanese, you can ask the shop attendant to pour your selections into 100 ml bottles like the ones I bought!

Anyone for a yuzu martini or a shiso-flavored cupcake?

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. If you want to visit Flavor Land the next time you’re in Tokyo, directions and more pictures of what to do on Kappabashi Street are on my website, The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had .

Emergency Parenting Supplies

The baggage sling under the stroller belonging to the family I saw on the train the other day wasn’t carrying diapers or baby food or extra clothes or toys. Just a giant bottle of saké.

It’s A Duck! No, It’s A Dog!

Pet humiliation sinks to new depths with this muzzle that will turn any self-respecting pooch into a quacker. I saw these at the giant pet emporium out in Odaiba, and unlike the fluffy pink afro wigs and Princess Leia costumes that marked the previous low point for canine companions, this time it’s not just small dogs who can feel the shame. These muzzles come sized to embarrass even the most stately breeds!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo Mystery Series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Try Eating THIS After Three Beers

OMG. Did we order THAT?

     We did.

I didn’t expect the Cream Puff Tower to be so…towering

     Or feature so many tiny pirate swords.

How do think we should eat it?

     Chopsticks?

That’s a recipe for a lap full of whipped cream.

     Forks?

The insides will squish out all over the plate.

     Fingers?

You’re kidding, right? This is Japan. We’ll give gaijin a bad name.

     Well, I guess that only leaves one thing.

What?

     Well, if God didn’t mean for us to eat cream puffs, he would’t have invented tiny pirate swords.

***

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo Mystery Series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Try Eating THIS After Three Beers!

OMG. Did we order THAT?

     We did.

I didn’t expect the Cream Puff Tower to be so…towering

     Or feature so many tiny pirate swords.

How do think we should eat it?

     Chopsticks?

That’s a recipe for a lap full of whipped cream.

     Forks?

The insides will squish out all over the plate.

     Fingers?

You’re kidding, right? This is Japan. We’ll give gaijin a bad name.

     Well, I guess that only leaves one thing.

What?

     Well, if God didn’t mean for us to eat cream puffs, he would’t have invented tiny pirate swords.

The Taxidermy Vending Machine

Forget all that tedious freezing your butt off in the woods with your shotgun – now you can get your very own stuffed animal head from a vending machine! Plus, the meticulously crafted Hunting Selection Trophy is sized for the typical Japanese apartment: so small you have to put your bed away before you can open the door to the bathroom.