Jonelle Patrick's Blog, page 74

Pooping On Laundry Prohibited!

Okay, this sign actually reads “Don’t Give Food To The Pigeons!” but it goes on to give a rather elaborate rationale for withholding bread crumbs from the little beggars. It seems that not only will feeding them provoke an unnatural population explosion, the poop from all those extra pigeons will be a scourge on local residents’ laundry.

I had to laugh, because in Japan, this approach will totally work. It’s bad enough that all too often, you look out the classroom window, see rain streaking the glass, and curse the fact that you bet on the 70% chance it wouldn’t rain. All the socks and underwear you own are hanging out on your balcony, and they’re all now soaking wet. Imagining coming home to find them covered in pigeon poop on the days it doesn’t rain should be enough to give pause to all but the most rabid bird lover.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo Mystery Series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Today’s Beauty Quiz: Are You Young Enough To Have Gray Hair?

Elephant Gray. In case you want to look big, as well as gray.

These days in Tokyo, the only people with black hair are those whose hair is actually gray, and the only people with gray hair are those whose hair is naturally black. To determine which group you should be in, take this handy quiz.

Agree, or disagree?

1: “Sunscreen, who needs it? I mean, who cares if you look old and haggard when you’re thirty?”

2: “Nobody I want to talk to has ever called me on a phone that’s hardwired to the wall.”

3: “What? This thing I’m supposed to check isn’t on Wikipedia. It must not exist.”

If you agreed with all the above statements, congratulations! You’re qualified. Get yourself to Shibuya Loft to buy some quality dye, then follow the step by step directions from Kera magazine below to achieve the ultimate in If You’re Young And Beautiful You Can Do Anything looks.

Visual kei style silver do.

Can’t decide between blonde and gray? Go gray with blonde roots!

I got interested in the visual kei music world while researching Nightshade , the first book in the Only In Tokyo mystery series.

Monkey Business

I was walking around the Decks shopping complex in Odaiba, and suddenly, MONKEY SHOW. Seriously. Right in the middle of the mall. A monkey show.

Of course, trained monkeys have been entertaining people for a long time in Japan – the tradition dates back to before the samurai era – but usually you have to go to Nikko and buy tickets to the Nikko Saru Gundan or hope that a trainer brings his primate performer to one of the big traditional festivals in Asakusa.

The costumed monkeys at the Nikko Saru Gundan, a famous tourist attraction in Nikko.

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Is this guy is one of those “Speak No Evil” types, or is he talking stink about what that lady in the front row is wearing?

This dude didn’t seem like a Secretly Angry Monkey who was just biding his time until he could show the audience what he REALLY thought of us, but I did kind of wonder what would happen if he did suddenly decide he was mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. Would his trainer be able to reel in that long leash before he did serious damage to the front row? And what would it be like, being a trained monkey? Did he enjoy performing? Or was this the monkey equivalent of flipping burgers? Where did he live? Did the neighbors object to having a monkey living next door? These just aren’t the kind of questions that usually come to mind back in San Francisco…

Yep, he made it. Easily.

And because he’s a Japanese monkey, a deep bow at the end.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo Mystery Series, published by Penguin/Intermix. If you want to visit Odaiba (where I saw this pair) or Asakusa (and take in a traditional festival where you might see a traveling monkey show), pictures and directions are on my website, The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had.

Welcome To The Monkey Show

I was walking around the Decks shopping complex in Odaiba, and suddenly, MONKEY SHOW. Seriously. Right in the middle of the mall. A monkey show.

Of course, trained monkeys have been entertaining people for a long time in Japan – the tradition dates back to before the samurai era – but usually you have to go to Nikko and buy tickets to the Nikko Saru Gundan or hope that a trainer brings his primate performer to one of the big traditional festivals in Asakusa.

The costumed monkeys at the Nikko Saru Gundan, a famous tourist attraction in Nikko.

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Is this guy is one of those “Speak No Evil” types, or is he talking stink about what that lady in the front row is wearing?

This dude didn’t seem like a Secretly Angry Monkey who was just biding his time until he could show the audience what he REALLY thought of us, but I did kind of wonder what would happen if he did suddenly decide he was mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. Would his trainer be able to reel in that long leash before he did serious damage to the front row? And what would it be like, being a trained monkey? Did he enjoy performing? Or was this the monkey equivalent of flipping burgers? Where did he live? Did the neighbors object to having a monkey living next door? These just aren’t the kind of questions that usually come to mind back in San Francisco…

Yep, he made it. Easily.

And because he’s a Japanese monkey, a deep bow at the end.

If you want to visit Odaiba (where I saw this pair) or Asakusa (and take in a traditional festival where you might see a traveling monkey show), pictures and directions are on my website, The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had.

Random Monkey Show

I was walking around the Decks shopping complex in Odaiba, and suddenly, MONKEY SHOW. Seriously. Right in the middle of the mall. A monkey show.

Of course, trained monkeys have been entertaining people for a long time in Japan – the tradition dates back to before the samurai era – but usually you have to go to Nikko and buy tickets to the Nikko Saru Gundan or hope that a trainer brings his primate performer to one of the big traditional festivals in Asakusa.

The costumed monkeys at the Nikko Saru Gundan, a famous tourist attraction in Nikko.

[image error]

Is this guy is one of those “Speak No Evil” types, or is he talking stink about what that lady in the front row is wearing?

This dude didn’t seem like a Secretly Angry Monkey who was just biding his time until he could show the audience what he REALLY thought of us, but I did kind of wonder what would happen if he did suddenly decide he was mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. Would his trainer be able to reel in that long leash before he did serious damage to the front row? And what would it be like, being a trained monkey? Did he enjoy performing? Or was this the monkey equivalent of flipping burgers? Where did he live? Did the neighbors object to having a monkey living next door? These just aren’t the kind of questions that usually come to mind back in San Francisco…

Yep, he made it. Easily.

And because he’s a Japanese monkey, a deep bow at the end.

If you want to visit Odaiba (where I saw this pair) or Asakusa (and take in a traditional festival where you might see a traveling monkey show), pictures and directions are on my website, The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had.

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The Boyfriend Of Your Dreams For Only $70!

He doesn’t leave his socks on the floor, he doesn’t hog the remote, and he doesn’t snore! But when you close your eyes and wrap your arms around your full-body-size hunk of burnin’ love and plug in your earphones, he’ll lull you to sleep by whispering sweet nothings in your ear!

You’ll never have to sleep alone again once you have one of these twelve swoonworthy “Weekly Sleeping Partner” character pillows with matching audio CDs. They’re the brainchildren of the designers of the Black Butterfly series of PC games – role playing fantasies that sweep women off their feet into a new life with the lover of their choice. In the much anticipated “Butterfly Lip,” every day promises to be a relationship roller coaster, including snackable casanovas who tempt the player to stray from the straight and narrow!

From the cute and shy to the aloof and angst-ridden, you’re certain to find the man of your dreams among the twelve virtual boyfriends of Black Butterfly! Each character swans into your life with a CD of pillow talk (left) and a two-sided, 160 cm x 50 cm body pillow (right).

Check out the goodnight whisperings from each of the characters by clicking on their pictures here! Sweet dreams, ladies!

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The CDs sell separately for around ¥1575, or you can order the CD and pillow for around ¥7000. If you don’t live in Japan, you can order the limited edition pillows and CDs from the extra-hip folks at White Rabbit Express, who will shop, pack and send anything from Japan for a ridiculously reasonable price. These are limited edition collectibles, so some of them might be sold out.

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The Cocktail & Manicure Bar

Can’t decide whether to drown your sorrows or get your nails done? Now you don’t have to! Get thee to the Bar Maria With Nail, and you can sip your favorite cocktail while getting your digits arted up! If your current life crises doesn’t involve The Boyfriend, the proprietor assures me that he’s welcome to come along – they do nail art for men too!

Bar Maria With Nail is at 7-12-2 Roppongi, 5th floor Phone: 03-5474-0169. The ¥500 cover charge includes one drink.

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I got interested in the how-tos of makeup and nail art while researching Fallen Angel, the second book in the Only In Tokyo mystery series. Men who work as hosts take advantage of all the beauty secrets known to women to make themselves look fantastic even when they wake up looking like a bad Before picture.

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Slightly Unclear On The Concept: Cookies & Creme Muffins

Isn’t the whole purpose of “cookies & creme” flavored snackables to allow us to deceive ourselves about just how many Oreos we’re pounding down, disguised as a more sophisticated food item? Not in Japan! Front and center, baby, with sugar on top!

Tokyo Streets At Night, Shining In The Rain

It’s rainy season in Tokyo right now. But the steamy, gray, days turn into magical warm nights, the pavement shining like a river of melted neon…

Princess For A Day At The Foreign Butler Café!

If your life’s ambition is to be waited on hand and foot by a handsome foreign man in tie and tails, get thee to the Butlers Cafe on the double! Not only will you be presented with a tiara to wear for the occasion, ringing the antique bell will bring the servant of your dreams running, with a, “Yes, my princess?” and a winning smile.

The tiara

According to the website, the butlers come from all over the world: England, Sweden, Germany, France, Italy, Canada, Turkey, South Africa, and Thailand. And all are graduates of “Butler University”! Let’s meet one of them, shall we?

Butler Eli (who is 183 cm tall and comes from France) tells us that his hobby is playing classical guitar, what he’d most like to do on his day off is pick roses in the castle garden, that he turns to the head butler Kazu for advice on how to be the perfect man. He thinks he’d be good at teaching butler’s manners, and the nicest thing anyone can say to him is to choose him as their butler, even though he modestly claims not to be at all attractive. (And because this is Japan, I bet the other thing we know about him is that he wouldn’t have been hired if he couldn’t make charming conversation with his Japanese customers in the lingua franca, so he’s probably put in boatloads of time studying for the JLPT Level One. Good to know that it qualifies you not only for the diplomatic service, but to elegantly dish up tea and scones!)

And what treats might be on offer for La Princesse Du Jour? You can go full monty with the “Princess Course” for $45 (Welcome Drink, Appetizer & Salad, Special Pasta, Main Course, Dessert Selection, Tea, and a Special Present) in the curtained booth ($5 extra per person charge), or sit at a regular table next to all the other royals and indulge in anything from Sea Urchin Carbonara ($15) to a stack of pancakes ($12). Tea is of course served in heart-shaped cups.

I love how in Japan it’s not only men who get to indulge their fantasies of being served by a character out of their favorite comic book! I discovered the world of maid  and butler cafes while researching Nightshade , the first book in my Japanese mystery series. If you’d like to visit the Butlers Cafe the next time you’re in Tokyo, go to the website and book a reservation. A map and directions are on my website, The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had.

All photos from Kera’s Boku magazine.