Pat Hatt's Blog, page 72

A Little Spell Raises Hell!

Humans are so so very strange. Some are so far out on the range. Maybe they fell into a cow pattie out there and it screwed with their gene pool without a care. Oops, I ticked off a dumb human somewhere. I better watch it at my lair.

Bippity boppity boo.
I put a curse on you.
Hear my cries.
I'm old and wise.

With some strange Latin,
I'll make you fatten.
At least it's Latin like.
A curse will still strike.

You'll forever be blue.
No help for you.
You'll forever be sick.
I cursed you some slick.

I made a potion.
I added baby lotion.
You'll now have kids,
With arms like squids.

You'll lose your mind.
A ghost you will find.
It will haunt you each day.
I summoned it this way.

I got a doll.
I pasted it to the wall.
Feeling that little stabbing?
That is me lightly stabbing.

I control your fate.
You'll be filled with hate.
I read from this magic book.
Your brains will now cook.

Hell will descend upon you.
You and your crew.
No one around you is safe.
I'll even make down below chafe.

And now for the whammy.
From here to Miami.
You will have bad luck.
May even get hit by a truck.

You have been cursed.
I've given you the worst.
Don't look at me like I haven't a clue,
Or I'll repeat my bippity boppity boo.

Have you ever been cursed at your sea? On the curser I'd take a pee. That is about all I believe in that. As fake as that made up thing call luck to the cat. Some actually believe they have been cursed though. Oh where the mind can go. At least cursed at let's you get out some sass. That seems a far better option to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

The Tell All Gets A Call!

The cat has seen a few here and there. Heck, everyone has at their lair. Most ignore but some explore. I guess they are nosy as can be. That sure doesn't surprise me.

Here we are.
Fame by far.
Can buy a ton.
But a new tale is spun.

One that's grand.
All across the land.
It will be a windfall.
Here comes the tell all.

Whoops, I lied.
But it's a wild ride.
I tell all the juicy stuff.
I know you can't get enough.

All from my point of view.
Who needs the view of two?
I speak the truth within.
It's on the cover I sin.

For I told all.
All that makes me stand tall.
All that gives me fame.
All that makes readers remember my name.

I didn't tell the rest.
That would be a pest.
It just wouldn't work.
You may think me the jerk.

When really it was him.
He is just so dim.
And it was also her.
Jerks they surely were.

I told you most.
Most that lets me boast.
That is all I need to say.
Who wants to hear both sides anyway?

Don't keep questioning me.
I told all to thee.
It is a tell all after all.
Sales will never stall.

No, it is never that.
Don't confuse me with a rat.
It isn't a Tell What Only I Want To Tell book.
It has everything pertinent so give it a look.

Pffft stupid tell all books can bite the cat. Most of it is a lot of scat. Made up crap or stuff added for extra snap. Kind of like reality TV. No reality in it for thee. Any tell all books you enjoy? Come now, don't be coy. The cat won't give you too much sass. I just may tell all with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

On The Rise, What A Surprise!

On the rise gets said a lot. Whether it is pulled from someones ass stats that are being taught or what have you. On the rise sure comes due. On the decline may get the shaft. I guess it doesn't have the best craft.

On the rise.
Raise your eyes.
Spot the skies.
Smell those pies.

Scent on the rise.
Not masked in disguise.
Try it on for size.
I tell you no lies.

Word to the wise,
Or the dumb like flies,
When using on the rise,
Could go lengthwise.

As in gutter cries.
Some may cut ties.
Others may despise.
Some may even baptize.

So may be good to downsize.
Don't let all on the rise.
Unless you get the eyes.
You know, the one of umm allies.

There is much it implies.
Let's hope no one dies.
Stats there are on the rise,
Like death by french fries.

Turn things clockwise,
Could be life by fries.
A growing enterprise.
All natural maximize.

Could very well energize.
Like the bunny's battery cries.
Maybe you could customize.
Watch out for the circumcise.

Or never finalize,
If you still want to fertilize.
Maybe even colonize.
But it's okay if you just supervise.

Time I made this stabilize.
Before some nuts I tantalize.
Don't need search engine nuts on the rise,
Even if them I utilize.

Anything at your sea on the rise? The rise sure gets the prize. Everything likes to rise one can theorize. Like the rhymes that amass like flies. So much goes with rise that I couldn't help but organize. Now I'll rise to pass some gas. I don't want that rising within my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Breaking In For A Spin!

I guess I'll break ground on this post today even if the post date is a year away. Actually it may be a bit more. I'm sure no one is broken up about that at their shore.

I need a break.
A break that's fake?
Why's it fake?
Because of the double take.

I need a break from the break.
Get hit with a rake?
Bitten by a poisonous snake?
Lose consciousness in a lake?

Would a break from a break = work?
That is breaking from the break perk.
Can you break from a break?
Is each break different like a snowflake?
 
That many may break the bank.
Did you use a tank?
Break sure is confusing.
Breaking banks may not be too amusing.

Maybe you break free.
That's the way to be.
Who needs the slammer,
Or a boss with a stammer?

Don't break a leg.
No need for a peg.
So break your fall.
Head my break all.

What was that from thee?
You'll break the balls of me?
Ha! Joke's on you.
I'm snip snip at my zoo.

Breaking up is hard to do?
Nah, can do it with a cell phone on the loo.
Not so hard in our estimation.
Sorry, we can't help with your constipation.

Has all hell broke loose?
Did it start with a goose?
Wouldn't that mean fire everywhere?
I'm not seeing anything as I stare.

Don't break to pieces if I break wind.
Cut me a break if I sinned.
I guess we'll just make a clean break.
A clean break from the break we can make.

Are you breaking up? Phone fall in your coffee cup? That may break your heart. Contact list now has fallen apart. Has this been breaking news? Do breaks give you the blues? Do you need a break from my breaking post? Maybe you need a break the most. I will now go break and nap with Cass. They broke the mold when they made my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

If Not 100%...Get Bent!

You humans sure put quite the spin on things. Do you just have these things waiting in the wings? Maybe monkey see, monkey do? Just don't go throwing anything that should be in the loo.

That looks grand.
I want one in hand.
I just love the look.
I'll get it at my nook.

Got it and used.
Wait, I'm confused.
It isn't that great.
Wasn't worth the wait.

You lied to me.
That much I can see.
What was that?
Do you think I a dingbat?

If not 100% satisfied you'll send me another one absolutely free?
That was rather wordy of thee.
But really, what the hell?
Do you just enjoy wasting minutes on my cell?

If 52% or 96% I get another?
I could get one for my mother.
How do you measure such a percent?
Is that what you meant?

Hold on a second there.
Why do I want a spare?
If your product is complete crap,
Why would I take a double lap?

Then two crappy things I'd have to chuck.
That just makes me go what the fluck.
I'll have double the crap.
Did that just come from your yap?

But it's absolutely free?
Free crap from thee.
Woweee, I say.
I don't have to pay.

I don't have to pay each morning one bit,
When I take a good shit.
Do you think I want a second one?
I suppose if constipation is being given a run.

I'm 76% satisfied today.
Can I get 24% more at my bay?
I don't want 100% more crap.
You are one silly human sap.

Ever see that in advertisements at your sea? Why the hell would you want more crap even if free? Then you'd have two of the same crappy thing. Does double the crap satisfy at ones wing? Beats the heck out of me. But if they have to offer that it usually means flee. For the product will shatter like glass. I think I'll remain simply a satisfied little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Odds Blog In A Fog!

Odds can blog themselves they say. They may be me today at my bay. We shall skip the me they thing as it is time for the odds to spring. Maybe with a bad Friday the odds may run away.

Sandra's Blog Odds In The Log
Is Friday here?It's almost near.What if it's not?Odds sink with this plot.
If Friday is skipped.Posting may be tripped.No good weekend mention.She goes into blog detention.
Bah, she travels too.Odds sink on cue.Grandkids as well.Oh no, not swell.
Little germs machines.Could stop all screens.Making her sick.No posts to click.
Cats at play.More than our bay.What do you know, Attention on the go.
Too much attention.Back in blog detention.How can that be?Maybe they should write like me.
But movies galore,Are sure still in store.So then comes the review.A trailer may show too.
The odds go up.She fills her cup.But then the weekend is taxing.No time for relaxing.
The odds sink.Drives one to drink.Weren't you doing that anyway?That is sure a weird thing to say.
Fun pics all aglow.They put on a Wednesday show.So odds for once a week,Are still given a peek.
Odds = Happy WeekendMust Be Some Friday Trend
Waiting for Friday at your sea? Do you start on Monday as it comes to be? Review movies too? Was the weekend taxing for you? Any germ machines near? They can be hard on each ear. At least on Friday all these questions didn't come to pass. No need to thank my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Caption The Odds With Some Gods!

Xerxes sure has had many a fling and he had many a ring. All stabbed and golden. A sight to beholden. Captioned and storied. Told in all his gloried. Along with old Trump. Odds are one is more of a chump.

Al Odds Corral
Xerxes is dead.So there's no dread.Unless he's a vengeful spirit,Then odds may fear it.
Others though,You never know.Captioned at will.Fitting the Bill.
Hey, all can fit in Bill.He just wants a thrill.But odds go down,If he comes to town.
Bush may send out a hit,For all Al's caption shit.Of maybe Fifty Shades of Smut,Will force all to his hut.
After all, no pics came due.They may blame him too.Or some regular Joe.You never know.
He loves his underwear pic.Those guys may not think it slick.Unlike Richard Simmons cheering.I'm sure of him there is no fearing.
But camping comes due.Odds go into the blue.Or would that be red?Who cares when the forest is your bed.
Animals galore.Some even roar.Some even eat.Tough or sweet?
Or just a hillbilly.Going all willy nilly.Deliverance comes to mind.Odds are so unkind.
Maybe he catches disease.Doesn't even need to say please.Schools hand them out like candy.Better keep some Lysol handy.
Odds = Closed Captioned For The Blogging ImpairedHmm, I Guess The Captions Made The Odds Scared
Do you caption photos too? Are you a captain at it at your zoo? Hopefully you avoid hillbillies and bears whenever camping. At least Al has a sidewalk loo so through the wilderness he won't have to go tramping. Xerxes may throw a fit. He was only mentioned for a bit. The cat better watch out for his vengeful sass. His piercing fetish may blind my little rhyming ass,

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Furry Odds At Play Here Today!

More fur is flying as the odds start applying. The fur may make some sneeze as it gets picked up by the breeze. I can wait while you pop a pill. Okay, ready for odds to fit the bill.

Brian's Home Odds Don't Roam
Odds are stuck.Won't board a truck.Won't board a boat.Won't even jump a goat.
Calm down hillbillies.Put back the willies.This wasn't gutter.No need to stutter.
Wait, he's spam.Wordpress toe jam.They don't like him,Commenting on a whim.
But the post is still there.Odds to spare.Each and every day.There at his bay.
Cats galore.Selfies in store.Some outside the door.Scary neighbors of lore.
Hmm, odds may go down,With scary neighbors in town.If they dig in the back yard,Odds may fall hard.
Toys at play.Can't join the fray.May get a smack.Sisters are mean at his shack.
Odds stay up though,As they too show.So many against one.That must be fun,
But then there's the hack.They go on the attack.That is just rude.Cat hair to choke on for the hacker dude.
Maybe a convention,Could get a mention.Travel lowers the odds.But only by a few nods.
Odds = Depends On The SisterBetter Keep It In Line, Mister
Have more opposite siblings at your sea? Thankfully it is just Cassie for me. She still tries to be the boss though. I let her think that so she doesn't become a foe. Go to any conventions lately near your hall? Some even throw a dog a ball. Would that be bone? Bah, screwed with the rhyming tone. Posts at Brian's Home every day come to pass. So him still being around is a safe bet to place with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Odds Have A Say Come What May!

Everything sure likes to have a say. Some are sure weird when their say is at play. Weird can be fun unless weird is a scary one. These odds have a saying though that is not such an odd show.

Susan Says Odds Far From Valdez
Odds are in.They are a sin.Almost as bad as snow.Not quite there though.
She likes 110 degree heat.Even thinks mowing the lawn is sweet.Did she fall and hit her head?Maybe when she rolled out of bed?
Odds are she'll survive.No heat stroke at her hive.If you like it you must.In such heat you trust.
But they may sink,After she gets a drink.Why is that?A farmer may lose their hat.
Farmer's almanac may lie.Could piss off some girl or guy.So could get a farmer stalker.Or maybe just a stern talker.
Or could be a nut,With brains in their butt.Your almanac lied to me.Now I will get thee.
Wow, such people may need heat stroke.Or just a good smack or poke.But odds are they are out there.Better watch out at her predicting lair.
The heat may never make her faint.But she may have to paint.Have to help the hubby out,With no time to shout.
Blogging goes down.Odds now frown.Plus there is family time.Odds now aren't sublime.
She goes to conventions too.At least a few.We know the odds there.Travel takes on a whole new fare.
Odds = Too Soon To PredictThose Almanacs Are Strict
Read the farmers almanac at your sea? Can be fun to see what comes to be. Enjoy the 110 degree heat? Bah, that sure isn't sweet. All that sweat sure isn't for me. Right up there with snow at my sea. But at least there is AC. A lot easier than some shoveling spree. I predict her posts will still come to pass. Although I could be a wrong little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Now We're Talking With Odds A Gawking!

Maybe you can gawk at the odds. They could be on paper attached to fishing rods. Maybe I'm fishing to make that work. Isn't being crazy a perk? Gawking can be too. But never ever is using one hand to wipe your poo.

WaystationOneOdds Make Me Run
(link dead. oh the dread.)
The Gawker is back.Again...again...again...at his shack?Is he though?The odds are low.
He goes everywhere.Places that are rare.Even sleeps in a back alley room.Odds are that can lead to doom.
Like wiping your butt with your hand.Blah, that is so not grand.We'd run far far away from that land.Or at least take plenty a tp strand.
Plus he's gawking.That doesn't take talking.Just large eyeballs.No posting on walls.
May catch some long named disease.That is worse than fleas.His odds aren't gawking well.Again they just fell.
Could take a nerf bullet to the eye.Oh me, oh my.Half blind would stink.Wonder if the eye would still blink.
A half blinker.Be quite the thinker.A half gawk.Now he can talk.
Could have an enemy arise.Go after him in disguise.He repoed their car,A long time ago at his sand bar.
Or maybe a comment nut.In a comment rut.Post on my whine of the day.Come on, Gawker, do it I say.
You didn't? How rude.Here's more than attitude.More of my whining thinking. Odds are sure sinking.
Odds = Gawk LaterI Think They Fell Into A Crater 
Ever go to a place with no tp? Ever have to use your hand at your sea? Blah to that in every way. Got any whiners at your bay? Comment back on their daily whine? Yeah, pfft to that says the feline. Hopefully no repoing comes due. The Gawker and Betsy are both sneaky with it at their zoo. The cat warned you should it come to pass. Don't say nothing is done for you by my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.