Pat Hatt's Blog, page 187

Instead Of That Do This! You Can't Miss!

Would it not be interesting to do the opposite of what you usually do just to see what happens at your zoo? But what opposite would that be? There could be many opposites at ones sea. At least for some things while others just hide away in the wings.

Instead of sitting, stand.
Better for your back at your land.
Or so they say.
Another opposite is to lay.

Instead of going to work,
Call in sick with a smirk.
Jump a boat to Timbuktu.
We may never again see you.

Instead of no say yes.
Could leave you in a mess.
But instead of yes say no.
Then it evens out at your show.

Instead of being nice,
Tell all what you think with spice.
You may get a fist to the face,
Or maybe a nice embrace.

Instead of driving away,
Walk at your bay.
Get some exercise too.
I hear that's good for you.

Instead of a kiss give a lick.
Okay, that may be kinda sick.
But it is another affection way.
Dogs do it, ummm okay.

Instead of talking out your butt,
Listen at your hut.
That might be a better skill.
But talking out your butt could thrill.

Instead of whining, do.
Too bad many believe it to be untrue.
Whine, whine and whine some more.
Just get it over with at your shore.

Instead of looking down, look up.
A new view with face out of a cup.
Or cell phone and texting fluff.
I know, cause for a huff and puff.

Instead of sleeping in bed,
Dance the night away causing neighbors dread.
Hmmm okay, maybe not,
Sleep the cat needs a whole lot.

Nine out of ten is not bad here at my pad. Or maybe just eight, licking like a mutt might not be a good fate. Now that cat has made you think or just brought you to the brink. Either way I can still give sass with my ever so opposite little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Whoopdi Friggin Doo Sticks It To You!

Robbie Raisin is back and ready to show all at the Whoopdi Friggin Doo shack, how to stick it to all. Sort of like gum to a wall. So here we are today. What do you have to say? This is a stick up. Give your best retort and don't hiccup.

Hank, how would you stick it to all at your hall?

Without a break # 47
Gates of heaven!

Break 47 bones. That will get moans. R, what about you? More words than two?

Nice try!

I guess not. He must suffer from brain rot. So Grumpy Goo, turn them blue.

I was not amused at all
Almost ready to fall

You will fall on them you say? That would make them pay. Ninja wannabe, stick it to all from sea to sea.

I just featured you! It would look bad...

I checked, you lie. No whoopdi friggin doo cry.  Truedessa stick it to those who strike a snarky pose.

I think the cat likes to play trick, a bit of a brat

Ummm cat on the brain? Want a candy cane? Claudia are you ready to stick it, come on, just a bit!

oh dang it!!

Can't even say damn? Do you like spam? WorqueenDan, stick to each fan.

The cat needs skinned, that's for sure
Take away your ability to purr!

Sorry, no taxidermy here. What a weird cheer. Keith with the long name, make stick it fame.

You can never stop blogging
If you do, you'll receive a flogging  

Hmm a flogging you say, is that like drowning in a litter tray? Manzanita, it is your turn, bring the burn.

You scared your readers half to death
They thought you started taking meth

No druggies allowed. Bet your worms are proud. Betsy, can you speak and send all up the creek?

Rolled my eyes the whole way through
and thought, 'this is a bunch of doo-doo.'

You have crap on the brain? I hope it doesn't rain. Betty, stick it to the petty.

I would even have given you a dime!

Money for me? How nice of thee. Teresa Powell Coltrin, tell all today where to stick it at your bay.

Ooooooooooh, I WILL get you back!!!!! :) 

Hmmm say it scary and things may get hairy. Oui Oui, stick it to ever cat tree with glee.

Thanks for all the help trashing the house! 

Hmm okay, nod and agree I say.  Rosey, let all have it. Don't hold back a bit.

What a braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!! Oh my gosh, you need your behind kicked a good swift kick or two. I totally fell for it and was thinking, 'no way, not the cat!!' grrr.. I wish I had a dog right now.

Someone has anger issues. Need some tissues?  Anne, can you top that at your mat?

A feckless bastard
you are for
treating us like retards.

Say what you really feel. What is her deal?  Mary Kirkland, time to play. Have your say.

Someone should spank your little rhyming ass

Frisky at your sea? Whatever gives you glee.  Tabbies o trout towne, who still can't spell, raise a little hell.

pay bax a bitch

I think that will come through. You and Anne should form a crew, Robyn, do you have a potty mouth as well? Come now, do tell.

That wasn't nice at your bay

So polite, no wonder celibacy is still in sight. Was that a low blow? Brian, take it away with your flow.

grrr...i was like wtf
then realized...you suck

Do you growl like a bear? That may make people stare. I think Brian scared all away. No longer do any want to play. What? It was his smell? I guess he can raise a little hell. Nose hair hell is the same. Bears aren't tame. That is all for today. Tune in next time to Whoopdi Friggin Doo to play.

**********************
You all sure stuck it to something. Not sure what at my wing. Maybe you should stick to sticking gum to the wall. Unless you are potty mouth Anne at your hall. But then she is full of gas, which is well known to all, including my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer. 

Wink, Wink You Stink!

Ever come across a stinky person at your sea? Of course that is a dumb question from me. If you have not than you live under a rock. Anyway, they can sure cause shock. The cat would flat out say. But I have been told you need to go the more tactful way.

Smell that air.
Fresh and rare.
Stop and stare.
Did in walk a bear?

Insult to bears.
But who cares?
Get some nose plugs.
Can't blame pugs.

Now what do to?
Can't just go ewww.
Creative with stink.
Before you hit the brink.

Grab a kid.
Let them flip their lid.
Kids say the darnest things.
They'll say stink rings.

Put your shirt over your nose.
Now strike a fancy pose.
Wave that hand too.
Could look strange at your zoo.

Say that person really stinks,
Pointing and giving a few winks.
But say it to the stinky person about another stinky one.
Hey, sometimes have to use gossip to get things done.

Give them a gift.
Run in quite swift.
Drop it when they are away.
Deodorant on display.

Hold your breath.
Let them know they bring death.
Then yell fresh air,
When they leave your lair.

Get a water gun,
Fill it with mouthwash for fun.
Then whenever they flap,
Spray it into their yap.

Or just go umm duck it.
Put a bunch of water in a bucket.
Carry to where they are,
Then dump it over them with a "you stink" har har.

Now you have some good tips from the cat to take care of stinky people at your mat. I do not mean a fart here and there. I mean those that burn your nose hair. They do it all day long. They come on strong. Whether stinky lad or overly scent drenched stinky lass, keep them away from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

It's A Mad Mad Mad Pad!

Ever notice how there are so many words for one thing? You humans do like to express yourselves at every wing. It just makes the cat...well we will get to that.

A bad day,
At your bay.
You aren't happy,
And not sappy.

You are mad,
At your pad.
Mad as hell.
Oh well!

You aren't pissed.
Oh! Add that to the list?
You aren't ticked.
That one was picked?

You aren't upset.
That is a safe bet?
My, testy aren't you?
Oh, that one too?

Peevish you are.
I like that one by far.
Crabby as well?
Aren't you swell.

You must just be irate.
Such a sad fate.
Shout it on Twitter,
Tell all you're bitter.

Go for it crank pot.
You will be so hot.
What? Rather I say cranky?
Do you need a hanky?

You are getting rather cross.
Maybe you need to floss?
Now you are in a huff?
Maybe you need a fluff and buff?

Oh sit there and stew.
Wow, you are turning blue.
Isn't that supposed to be red?
Am I hurting your head?

Be nice while mad,
Here at my pad.
Okay, just a tad.
Displeasure is had.

You humans are mad and not in a good way at your pad. Even mad means different things. Like a phone with different rings. No wonder you can't make up your minds class. Sure beats my mad mad mad little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Little Work Out Shout!

So with Pat working out every day at our sea, a lot of them are, sadly, viewed by me. You humans are strange. But we already went there at my range. Ever look at the names off them though? What the umm duck you may say at your show.

There is Atlas Stones,
Some kind of backwards moans?
Is that like blue balls?
Beats me, can no longer give cat calls.

The Monster Walk.
That will make all talk.
Frankenstein or a vampire?
Maybe a namer they should hire?

Get ready for a Muscle Snatch.
Grab Arnold and steal a batch?
He may terminate.
Such a sad fate.

Hmmm Rack Pulls you say?
I don't know about that at my bay.
Isn't that sexual harassment of some sort?
I don't think it would hold up as a sport.

But if pulling is not your taste,
Rack Delivery will get there post haste.
Be careful when you dial the number.
I hear they come when you slumber.

Then you can do a Rocket Jump,
That will get you over the hump.
Or maybe into it.
I don't judge at my pit.

And if you can't say a word,
Do Good Morning and look absurd.
Maybe even quack like a duck.
Put a hat down and get a buck.

You can also get a good view,
Just let Windmills come due.
Flap with the breeze,
Get rid of those fleas.

The river may be rising soon.
Use the Sandbag Load to stop it by noon.
Where will you get the sandbag?
Maybe go to a farm and play tag?

When all is said and done,
When working out is no fun,
And you just want to be shot,
The Shotgun Row can do such a plot.

Who names these things? A rat with wings? Don't even go into the yoga names. They sound like they are from ancient Greek games. But at least you can add mass, even if the names make no sense to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Advice For A Price?

So opinions are like assholes they say, everyone has one from bay to bay. But is advice the same racket or would that go in another bracket? I guess we shall see as we go on an advice spree.

People are great,
People are grand.
They can relate,
And lend a hand.

Advice for this,
Advice for that.
Advice they piss,
Or is it scat?

Read a post,
Read a paper.
Advice they host,
About every caper.

They know all,
They know you.
Just give a call,
Away they moo.

They are smart,
They are wise.
Take to heart,
Attracting flies.

You should hear,
You should see.
Forget their beer,
Just gives them glee.

Listen up!
Listen near!
Fill your cup,
Have no fear.

Follow me,
Follow him.
Advice is free,
From the dim.

They did a search,
They had a look.
Asked at a church,
Their off the hook.

It was found,
It was wise.
They will astound,
Until the Internet dies.

There you are. I guess advice is like the crap on your shoe you get when you walk near or far. It stinks and needs to be wiped off of you. But oh no! The Internet empowers every zoo. Pfffft stick it up your rear. Best advice from my sphere, never take advice from someone who has not been through what you have been through. Just tell them to stick their advice up their gazoo. Or you could get crass. That would be fine by my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Scream And Shout Freak Out!

Oh my god! You would think when that was said someone turned into a cod. The cat goes under the bed when such a freakout causes one dread. It is a scary sight. Maybe their curlers were screwed in too tight?

You can't make me pay.
I won't, I won't I say.
That just will not due.
Do you see what is in view?

Freak out galore.
Crazy came through the door.
I think nut job is right,
For this so called plight.

Look, look look!
Do you see what took?
It says this!
How could you miss?

Umm because I don't care.
Even when aware.
So just shut up.
There are worse things than a pup.

But but don't you know?
You could fry below.
You are in for an awakening soon.
Just wait for a full moon.

A bad saturday mornig cartoon,
Could sure explain this loon.
Sadly she wasn't on paper.
Maybe those lips I could staple or tap her.

I will not pay.
I don't care if I'm overdue today.
I will have to buy another thing.
Here give me this little bit of bling.

Sure, be a dumb nut.
Spend more money at your hut.
Give it all away.
Hmmm idea at my bay.

I can't believe you did that.
You are such a bad cat.
You let, sorry Rosey, 666 be what I had to pay.
There is just no way.

Whoopdi friggin doo.
A number like any other in view.
Maybe I should turn it upside down.
999 won't make any frown.

Maybe the cat should go and have everything end up 666. Then they would have more than one picks. Having to buy an extra book or two because they don't want 666 in view. But then they could just run away and not have a very nice day. So I will leave the 666 to the nut job lass who is waaaay far gone even for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer. 

Mortal Kombat Or Something Like That!

It seems some fake representation of Drazin wants to have fun. He wants to make the two light hearted fools done. Does that ring a bell? He did try and cause Cassie and I hell.

They were on a boat,
Then poofed away like a missing coat.
Or some kind of static.
It wasn't automatic.

There was the god,
With the mind of a cod.
He wanted to kill them both.
I guess he doesn't like growth?

The Gawker is there,
With is mohawk hair.
Grumpy Goo too.
Yep, he's still blue.

Old one eye comes to play,
With her creepy display.
Optimistic what's his name,
Also tries for fame.

But do they win?
Does donkey kong do them in?
We shall see,
With a Mortal Kombat, sorta, spree.





Did you guess the winner? Poor Gawker is a sinner. Those animal mating shows are just new lows. What? He said it first at his sea. It had to be used by me. So just call on Donkey Kong when you need to squash a singing bass. He sure works for the fake representation of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Could Be Right Does Not Take Flight!

Look here and look there, look around everywhere. What do you see with every human spree? The humans all think they are right. Wow, 7 billion think they are all right at every site.

Every one is grand,
At every single land.
There is no way,
Right isn't at play.

We are right!
Our ideas are tight.
We are right!
Right = might.

We are right!
Get out of my sight.
We are right!
Go fly a kite.

We are right!
Suffer your plight.
We are right!
Day and night.

Why think wrong?
Right is our song.
Wrong isn't right.
Go fly a kite.

I might be wrong?
Not in Hong Kong.
Not in Timbuktu.
Not at any zoo.

Don't think that way.
Right has to play.
Wrong needs to go,
Forget such a flow.

I might be wrong?
That word is strong.
Easier to go with right.
So go fly a kite.

Where is my head?
On a pillow in bed.
I swear I'm right,
It's not up anything tight.

I can never be wrong.
This has gone on too long.
I am simply right.
With every thing I say at my site.

Ever think what would happen all around if humans wised up and did not follow like a hound? Thinking no matter what the topic is, whether things in religion or the 9 to 5 biz, that they might be wrong? Instead all seem to have to be right from here to Hong Kong. So before you give off sass, just remember, I could be a wrong little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Round Twenty Five Proves They Are Still Alive!

They come back time and time again at my den. They just want to be heard, no matter how absurd. So that cat likes to give them some fame. At least they are wise enough not to include their name.

"go away stupid thing"

Wow, you are just rude. What is up with the attitude?

"cuba gooding jr bald head"

Sorry, you need to take a Boat Trip. A Chill Factor may drop your lip.

"anime moving boob"

I knew anime was good for something. Boobs are king.

"boobie prize"

See what I mean? They sure make a scene.

"i love round ass"

Errr umm okay. I guess they like another display.

"dirty mind quotes"

If you go to the gutter every day, you have a dirty mind, okay?

"blow jobs r us"

I knew that would come back to haunt. That scary day does taunt.

"Brian stole my round and round phone"

Was it the gawker or the cat with the hat? Now why would you guys do that?

"Flipping in the daylight dudes."

Errr ummm okay. You just flip away.

"Fried leg tastes yummy"

A cannibal at my sea. Stay the hell away from me.

"Sorry, you lose grandma."

Awwww talking about your nanny. Did you shake your winning fanny?

"My cat's farts stink."

Did you cough and blink at your cat fart clink?

"Bad dogggges grope bad girls."

Somehow I doubt it is the four legged kind. Go play with the guy with a dirty mind.

"sample my gum ma"

I hope it is just gum. It is nice your ma is your gum chewing chum.

And the winner of the day with their great display, may come as a shock. But you are used to them at my dock. So sit back and stare, but viewer beware.

"Tabs on hilltop women veginas for me"
So is that like a female vegan or something? Wait! I do not want to know at my wing. Now aren't you glad they stalk me and not thee? Would you want cannibals coming after you? Brian your phone stealing will not do. Who steals old wind up phones anyway? Are you too cheap to pay? We will bury that mystery in the grass as I am not sure it should ever be solved by my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.