Pat Hatt's Blog, page 170

Let's Join In At My Bin!

So today the cat is going to help you out. Although you may end up sitting there with a pout. I can't help what you are. Don't go blaming my sand bar. Anyway, so away we go with a quiz show.

Are you old?
Are you dead?
Do you have a bald head?
Then you are a walrus at club med.

Do you like food?
Are you rude?
Do you spit?
Then you are a thing that flushes umm shit.

Do you date?
Do you mate?
Do you cry?
Then you are a newt with a glass eye.

Can you run?
Are you a nun?
Are you confused?
You are a mime that is abused.

Are you in shape?
Is your head like a grape?
Did you answer that?
Wow, you are a plump rat.

Would you save the girl?
Would you take a truck for a whirl?
Would you jump off a bridge?
You are a goat on a ridge.

Who do you like more?
Do you snore?
Do you have money?
Congrats, you just look funny.

Would you jump?
Would you hump?
Would you sneeze?
Wow, you're a leaf in the breeze.

Will you stay?
Will you play?
Will you bite?
You're a Barney night light.

Can you sing?
Ready for a fling?
Do you like spring?
Congrats, you are this, that or the other thing.

Did you answer the cat's quizzes correct? Can you stand erect? Wow, you are a human and not some stupid thing in a quiz. That must really want to make you go take a whiz. I know, I know, you have another quiz to do at your show. Wowee, you may find out you're a singing bass. That is so impressive to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Scoop That Poop!

So we figured it was time we were on display in another way. The It's Rhyme Time video was done years ago. So why not have a little update to show? Haven't changed much at our sea but Cassie stole my tp. Just wait and see. That mean old Cassie.



Some days some tasks,
Go getting missed by you.
But we are there to
Make sure you always clean our poo.

There's no litter box too big, no litter box too small,
When you smell it whether you're short or tall,

Bend and scoop,
Clean that box
Bend and scoop,
Or we'll pee on your socks.

Your nose never fails,
Once our business is through.
So keep your end of the transaction that came due

Bend and scoop,
Clean that box
Bend and scoop,
Or we'll pee on your socks.

We'll flick litter all over,
Down the hall and on the wall,
And you are the one that has to clean it all.

Bend and scoop,
Clean that box
Bend and scoop,
Or we'll pee on your socks.
Are you a scooper at your sea? You know that will impress me. Hey, beats a dirty diaper or a shovel for a dog. But the stink may give you brain fog. Still you better scoop in mass. So says my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Would You Embrace This Strange Place?

So the cat has found another place for you to travel to. Warning, you may not come back to your zoo. So pack a big bag just in case. Today Hoia Baciu Forest in Romania we embrace.


 Hoia Baciu Forest is the place to be.It is the Bermuda Triangle of Romania you see.There all kinds of things taking place.They even get visitors from outer space.
Supposedly much has occurred there.Exaggeration may be at play by more than a hair,But so many things seem to be said,That it does leave thoughts in your head.
UFOs have been spotted a ton.They fly through the air when out goes the sun.There they fly and zoom,Bringing forth doom and gloom.
Said to be a place that can send and receive,As in you step in and this Earth you may leave.A portal to another dimension of sorts.I wonder if they play any sports?
Or maybe other realities could come due.There is a difference between the two.Not sure any of that is true.But a story did come in view.
A 5 year old girl got lost in there,She came out 5 years later unaware.The same clothes on her back.Maybe a wardrobe the aliens lack?
The demon eyes were said to be seen.They glow and bounce like a jumping bean.What is a jumping bean anyway?Beats me at my bay.
Ghosts haunt the place.Poltergeists even embrace.Creatures of all types come to stay.I guess they just can't get away.
No Bigfoot though.That would top the show.Bigfoot needs to go there.He would make the ghosts choke on his hair.
People have come out though.They had rashes and were sick from head to toe.No idea why they got such a thing.Oh and electronics also don't work or ring.
Now don't you want to hop a plane and go there? You will surely enjoy such a scare. No way you say? You are no fun at your bay. Go meet and greet an alien and get probed. Maybe they'll be kind enough to let you get disrobed. The ghosts may not have such class. Don't forget to report back, if you make it out alive, to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

What Comes To You As You View?

So Pat is working on some secret project thing and it does not have a rhyming ring. Yeah, he is doing another non rhyming book. How dare he at our nook. So he is trying to get the cover right and figured he'd let all see the one he got now at my site. Using the rhyming cat, I will have to scratch him for that.





As you can see,The idea has to do with him, me and Cassie.At least in a round about way.Fully though, he can't say.
All four versions will be used.I sure look amused.But how can all four be used you ask?Ahh, that is part of the task.
The title will obviously go on the TV screen.Nice and easily and clean.That was my goal there.So left space to spare.
Main thing though.What do you think when they show?Do you think kids book?As it is far far far away from that at my nook.
Do you think comic strip?As that may be hip.But not it at all.Hopefully humorous though at my hall.
Do you think it is a cat book? As that isn't true at my nook.Maybe done through cat's eyes though.As we know cats are in the know.
Think it is crappy?Wants to make you take a umm nappy?Cassie can sure smile.I guess she doesn't think everything is vile.
Just checking what is the first thought.Then I'll see if it goes with the plot.For if it is rhyme or entirely cats,Those sure aren't the going for stats.
Blink and look,Let me know at my nook.For this could work,Unless it isn't a perk.
This one will be way way way out there,Different from much I have done at my lair.Well at least from each book,May still have perspectives seen at my nook.

So thoughts at your sea? Let them fly to me. Then we'll get back to regularly scheduled ranting with ease. Doing that is a breeze. Let the thoughts flow in mass as that works fine by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Stay Out Of Trouble And Avoid The Rubble!

So we are back with more things you can say here at my bay. The cat wants to help you out so you stay out of trouble and don't get buried in a pile of rubble. This time it is things you can say about a movie, but which your partner won't find groovy.

That one really blew.
You won't get a screw.
All the best moments were in the trailer.
You may become a wailer.

Maybe the sequel will impress more.
Watch out for that encore.
Not as good as the one that came before.
Ouch, run for the door.

The end credits can't come fast enough.
You may lose some of your umm stuff.
That one sucked so bad.
May lose your lips at your pad.

Logic left the building with that one.
May get a kick to the bun.
A great thrill ride until the end.
That you surely may want to amend.

Halfway through I got bored.
You may end up floored.
That was quite the flashback to happier times.
You may get kicked out with the mimes.

That was one horrible ride.
You may go out with the tide.
I never want to see that again.
You will get sent to the dog pen.

That was not worth the price of admission.
So ends any and all ambition.
I was ready to leave at the intermission.
May want to leave that as an omission.

That was one big turd.
May never again utter a word.
I wish I had the screener.
Things may sure get meaner.

Where can I get the special edition?
Get ready for a bad transition.
All special effects and no meat.
Run away down the street.

That was shorter than I expected.
You may get neglected.
Wow, that really dragged.
You just may get red flagged.

The cat could go on forever but he thinks he has helped you out enough with this endeavor. Got any you can add? Don't want people getting beat up by their partners at their pad. Or maybe they are into such a pass? No need to share that with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

They Like To Pile In To The Jail Bin!

The dumb criminals are back for another go around at my shack. I could do a post every day for a year on these nuts. There are that many dumb ones in ruts. But that is no surprise at all. Plus it would be too restrictive anyway at a my hall.

There was a pair,
Who didn't forget underwear.
Sadly, they left their phone on though.
And butt dialed 911 on the go.

One guy was running away,
Not wanting to pay.
It looked like he was well ahead,
Oopsy, ran right into a parked cop car, such dread.

Another sure could run,
Took off after the deed was done.
He ran towards the sliding door,
Used the wrong side and glass in his head decided to explore.

One guy decided to rob a convenience store.
He thought it would be easy at such a shore.
He went to hop the desk and get to the cash.
Steel chair to the head ended his bash.

One tried to run away,
But dropped the loot he stole with much on display.
His saggy pants fell as he ran.
He fell proving to be a flash in the pan.

Criminals hiding out,
Believed a great shout.
Free beer for all.
Gave their address, oopsy, down they fall.

Mask, check!
Ready to make all hit the deck.
Get ready for the greatest criminal ever chants.
Easy to find, as he was wearing clown pants.

A game can come in handy too.
A cop entered a broken into zoo.
Said Marco as he went inside.
Polo was returned with such pride.

A guy comes to rob a place.
The ski mask is covering his face.
But it wasn't on great.
So takes it off, redoes it, camera takes the bait.

And the best one of all.
This guy tried to rob a family's hall.
But a big epic fail took seed.
Police were already inside taking statements about another deed.

Doesn't it make you feel grand that these idiots are caught with little fuss across the land? That last guy should have at least looked into the window or maybe notice the cars with sirens that can glow. So ends this dumb criminal pass. You humans truly don't impress my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

I Called It With This Fit!

Would it not be grand to live by the rules of kids across the land? It would be much easier I suppose and cause a few less woes. Or maybe not. I guess we shall explore this plot.

The front seat is there.
With one simple declare,
"I called it!"
Can't even have a fit.

It was called.
You can be appalled.
But you have to sit in the back,
After such an I called it attack.

What can you do,
With this at your zoo?
Much I bet.
Just follow the pet.

Lottery prize is grand.
All buy tickets across the land.
But no need for you.
You called it first at your zoo.

So you win.
Everyone thinks it is a sin.
You then stand in line.
Pfft this law is divine.

You called the first spot.
Move ahead a whole lot.
Even the DMV,
Can't stop thee.

Want that job?
Can't give it to Bob,
Because you called it.
All applicants have a fit.

But you called the thing.
Corner office at your wing.
But why stop there?
Call the presidency at your lair.

Save money on campaign crap.
You called it first on the map.
It is now all yours.
Go on world tours.

See how that works?
Doesn't I called it have such perks?
It should be a new law.
No one will come after you with a hacksaw.

What? You don't agree with me? The front seat is all it works for at ones sea? Damn, I guess I will have to buy a ticket. After all people may picket. Hank just called #1 at my grass. I guess that works too for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

When Well Meaning Hate Is Your Fate!

So the cat has a few and I am sure you do as well at your zoo. There are those people that are nice enough to thee but you still want to shove them in the sea. So how do you handle well meaning people you hate? Stuff them in a dog crate?

There they come.
The rather dumb.
The rather annoying.
Hate you aren't enjoying.

But along comes hate.
Thanks to some trait.
They just irk you,
And they haven't got a clue.

So what to do?
Say what's true?
That is one way.
But may ruin their day.

Instead pass gas.
They will forget any sass.
Stick your finger up your nose.
Yeah, that would cause everyone woes.

Talk to a stranger.
That could bring danger.
Walk faster the other way?
Get some exercise, come what may.

Spit when you talk.
That will end their squawk.
A little spittle on their face,
And away they would race.

Be a close talker.
They'd then be a walker.
Have bad breath too.
Could scare away a few.

Pretend to be germy.
That could make some squirmy.
Pretend the phone rang,
But on you they still might hang.

Tell them your cat is waiting.
That won't get any hating.
Or maybe you have a date.
Say the date hates their hate worthy trait.

Or just ask them to borrow money.
They won't find that funny.
They will be long gone rather quick.
See, you can get rid of them slick.

There you are class, now you can scare them away in mass. Any good tips to scare away well meaning people you hate? The truth is too easy a fate. The non well meaning people you hate is another story. With them you can just get gory. You can then use more than gas, unless yours is toxic like that from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Little How To Between Me And You!

You see them here and there, you see them everywhere. There is a how to guide on this and that. Now some may be where it is at, giving wise advice and such. But then there are those that are out to lunch by much.

How to build a house.
Go ahead, mighty mouse.
Step by step by yourself.
In 50 years you'll put up the final shelf.

How to fix a car.
My, you will go far.
Turns out you weren't in the know,
As you caused the engine to blow.

How to get a date.
Damn, need help with a mate?
Getting a date is as easy as can be,
A good one, not so easy.

How to be a great cook.
Is this Gloria's nook?
If not, you are screwed.
Sorry, not really, to be rude.

How to win at the lottery.
Better off taking up pottery.
With odds like 1 in 516,000,000 taking place,
You are better off giving your dough to mime face.

How to make money.
Another that is funny.
You spent money on a guide to make money,
See the irony there, honey?

How to build a robot.
You might find a nice plot.
But Skynet you won't make,
If in a how to guide you have to partake.

How to get fit.
Are you dumb at your pit?
It is called exercise.
Damn, with one word the cat is wise.

How to train a cat.
Pffft like you can do that.
We do what we want to do.
Just flush your money down the loo.

How to speak to God.
My, the brains of a cod.
Maybe you do the hokey pokey and shake it all about.
Hmmm doing that naked could make any being shout.

The cat is through with his run on the how to. Any how to guides you find useful at your sea? Are you going to admit the dumb ones to me? The cat promises to not get too crass. Yeah, I wouldn't believe my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Still Insecure You Say? I'll Make That Go Away!

So the cat has a sure fire way to cure any insecurity you have today, unless you are very very old like Manzi though, and in diapers, unlike Manzi, at your show. If that is the case stop now, your diaper rash may get offended by today's meow. Then what do I care? Read away at my lair.


Raise your head high.Look to the sky.No insecurity is had.Just be nice and glad.
What? Still mad?Still oh so sad?Still in a rut?I bring you a butt!
A tummy hanging over.The love of every rover.Then wings of a gnat.Did I mention the fat?
Even if just maybe,The fat is baby,Fat is fat.Let's move on from that.
Droppings that slide,Creating an incoming tide,But brown and not blue.Bigger than pigeon dropping too.
A rash that will itch,Like one rolled in a ditch,And caught some nasty disease.Also a smell with the breeze.
Are you getting me?Now be happy.Still not there?One more thing at my lair.
That isn't rain.Not fuel from a plane.Remember the rule of yellow,Don't let it touch you bright or mellow.
See, poof, insecurity gone,All thanks to my lawn.What it is still there?Sigh, fine I'll spell it out so you are aware.
As insecure as you may be,At least you aren't something else at your sea.Like a fluttering ancient child,With a diaper that never gets changed, extra fat, an ass rash, creating rain, creating slimy snow and running wild.
See, now you are no longer insecure. Doesn't that just have such an allure? Cupid must be a tough gig indeed. Always on the go even when a loo is in need. At least you aren't that. Now no need to be insecure about any other scat. If you find that coming to pass, watch out for a bombshell mass. You have been warned class by my ever so secure little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.