Dave Barry's Blog, page 3971
May 20, 2009
CREEPING FASCISM
Now they want to take away an individual's right to use a snake as a jump rope. (Thanks to Siouxie and Jon Harris)
ALCOHOL MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED
PORT ST. LUCIE — A 39-year-old man accused of battling police and daring an officer to use pepper spray was arrested after saying, “Someone put a ditch in my truck,” according to recently release records. (Thanks to Danny)
I DON'T CARE IF I EVER GET BACK
Woman loses tooth, gets hand stuck in Mets toilet Key Quote: It's unclear if the toilet had to be destroyed to free her. (Thanks to Cheryl Howard, Siouxie, Andrew Hoenig and Martini Shark. And Danny and oneblankspace. And Emily J.)
FLORIDA WILDLIFE UPDATE
Ha ha, just kidding. It's actually an update on this item. (Thanks to Ellie Brecher, who - even though she'd read the above story - tackled the newsroom fridge, sans hazmat gear. "I was looking for some immediate job satisfaction.")
WHY WE LOVE THE INTERNET
Operating like a sort of Wikipedia for the boring bits of films, it lets users nominate moments in films where the plot dawdles, and urination may safely take place. An approximate point in the film's running time is given for...
THE ONLY ALTERNATIVE WAS TO THREATEN TO GUM HIM
Staten Island man used gun to reclaim false teeth from business associate, cops say (Thanks to Danny)
A FUNDAMENTAL RIGHT IS REAFFIRMED
Goose shooter cleared over wayward toilet seat pot shot (Thanks to Dr. Doug)
YEEPERS
Shrew Shot Venom Through Blood-Red Teeth "Mega Shrew" would be a good name for a rock band. (Thanks to Cynthia)
DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER UPDATE
If the Dog is after you, it's best not to run.
