Dave Barry's Blog, page 3972

MIAMI WILDLIFE UPDATE

Here's a blurry taken-from-the-car CrapCam photo of one of the neighborhood peacocks. He didn't show us his full foliage, because he saves that to wow the female peacocks, and despite having a tiny head he figured out that our car...

IT'S SCARY OUT THERE

En route to Summit County Jail, the man told the officer “that he was 468 years old, and was being hunted across the country by priests, nuns and monks,” according to the report. (Thanks to Claire Martin)

A SHAMELESS PLEA TO WOMEN

I'm working on a book of humor essays, and I'm thinking about including a chapter in which I attempt to answer questions that women have about men, such as: -- Why can't men find fairly large objects inside a refrigerator?...

SWINE FLU UPDATE

It's worse than we feared. (Thanks to Claire Martin)

BECAUSE THE MEDIA NEED ALL THE HELP THEY CAN GET

Vancouver sex trade workers to be offered media training prior to Olympics (Thanks to Allen at Division)

A SERIOUS CONSUMER THREAT AND A GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

Exploding Patio Furniture Key Excerpt Implicating a Known Convicted Felon: Yvonne took her search to the Internet and found hundreds of complaints about the Martha Stewart patio table exploding. (Thanks to Danny)

CSI: BROOKSVILLE

Woman arrested with unusual object in pants Key Product Name: Big Mama's pickled sausage (Thanks to Danny)

A GRATEFUL NATION REJOICES

Blagojevich's wife considers reality TV spot Speaking of morons reality TV, we have this bulletin: Kim Kardashian: Sweating Makes Me Feel Sexy No word on how it makes her smell. (Thanks to catmanmax)

IF YOU MUST EAT CEREAL

...get a designated driver. (Thanks to Cynthia)

JESUS SIGHTINGS UPDATE

He has returned as a Cheeto. (Thanks to Siouxie)