Dave Barry's Blog, page 3963

WE THOUGHT IT FELL OFF YEARS AGO

Jacko scared that his nose will fall off (Thanks to Ralph)

EVEN FOR SQUIRRELS, THIS IS LOW

(Thanks to Clown Puppy, jon harris, Gary, Horace LaBadie, Cynthia, Jeff Meyerson, DavCat and Rich Klinzman)

GOOD TIMES IN ARGYLL

(Thanks to Siouxie)

IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, THERE'S ALWAYS BEER

Marine experts have given 25 octopuses a Rubik's Cube each in a study aimed at easing their stress levels in captivity. (Thanks to Janice Gelb)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now: turkeys. (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson) Update: Also, deer.

YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL

A Pittsburgh-area teenager has been suspended from middle school when a random search turned up an eyebrow shaver in her handbag. Officials at Linton Middle School in Penn Hills recommended at a Wednesday disciplinary hearing that 15-year-old be expelled for...

PRINCIPAL OF THE YEAR SO FAR

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Jonathan Carl)

THE APOCALYPSE IS AAAAAAAAAAAAGH

(Thanks to Andy Walker)

HAVE NO FEAR, RESIDENTS OF TARPON SPRINGS

The police are ready to spring into action any year now. (Thanks to Allen at Division)

NOW THEY'RE USING BRAZEN PARROTS

Which would, of course, be a good name for a rock band (Thanks to cynthia, Allen at Division, Jeff Meyerson, and Russell Mc)