Dave Barry's Blog, page 3911
July 22, 2009
CHICAGO STYLE
Two men -- at least one of whom was a contestant in a beauty pageant -- were charged early Wednesday with using a trophy to beat a judge because they allegedly did not like his vote in the West Side...
WAIT... THIS IS WRONG?
Ohioan Charles Papenfus is cooling his heels today in a St. Louis jail, unable to raise the $45,000 bail, after a bitter exchange with a phone rep of a company that hustles car warranties. Papenfus, infuriated by the company's actions,...
IT'S HARD TO COOPERATE WITH A BULLET IN YOUR THIGH
NEW YORK – Kiefer Sutherland's legal troubles for allegedly head-butting a fashion designer in a New York City nightclub are over. The Manhattan district attorney's spokeswoman said Tuesday that misdemeanor assault charges against the actor are being dropped because the...
TROUBLE IN THE MIDDLE EAST
It's been going on for a while. (Thanks to insomniac)
YEP, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A BEAR, ALL RIGHT. OR COLLEGE STUDENTS.
When employees arrived to work the next morning, they discovered that a black bear had pooped and peed in the front office, scarfed down some Doritos, had its way with the refrigerator and tossed a file cabinet. (Thanks to Claire...
MIAMI UPDATE: SHARK ON A TRAIN
Hello Dave. Just when you thought you've seen it all. Being a native Floridian born and raised in Miami, I should know better. I took the attached photos last night while catching the Metro Mover by Bayfront Park to my...
AS IT SO OFTEN DOES
Theft ends in torn genitals (Thanks to Peter Metrinko) (Yes, we know this item is actually old and many of you already sent it in. But come on.) We saw Torn Genitals open for Black Sabbath.
HERE COMES THE BRIDE
All mechanical inside. (Thanks to Siouxie, catmanmax and Jeff Meyerson)
THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS
Now they're using plummeting tortoises. (Thanks to catmanmax and Jeff Meyerson, who notes that this would be a good name for a rock band) (meaning "Plummeting Tortoises") (as opposed to "Jeff Meyerson")
WHAT, PEOPLE DON'T DUMP SHARKS ON THE STREETS OF YOUR CITY?
Renato Martinez, 53, works at Garcia's, the fish wholesalers and restaurant on the Miami River. He said two men biked to the store, and offered to sell the shark for $10. Absolutely not, the staff told the men. Those men...
