Dave Barry's Blog, page 3909

IT'S GOING TO BE HELL GETTING THEM THROUGH THE METAL DETECTOR

There's talk of racing horses at Miami International Airport. (Thanks to Jenny Kellner)

IS THERE ANYTHING THEY CAN'T DO?

(Thanks to Gregg Geil)

ATTENTION, WEDDING PLANNERS

This is how it's done. (Thanks to Andrew Hoenig)

SURRENDER IS IMMINENT

(Thanks to CJrun)

WE CAN QUIT ANY TIME WE WANT

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

SUDDENLY, GUYS ALL OVER INDIA ARE PRAYING FOR DROUGHT

(Thanks to Allen at Division, Baron vonKlyff, RussellMc and Bob Brogan, who observes, "This must be why it rained at Woodstock.") (Note that these are all guys.)

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY FOOTBALL PLAYERS SHOULD SPEND THE OFF-SEASON IN NIGHTCLUBS

Pittsburg State's Joe Windscheffel Out for Season After Zebra Attack (Thanks to nursecindy and RussellMc, who observes, "He's gonna be afraid of referees after this.")

WE DON'T WANT TO EVEN THINK ABOUT THE WEDDING NIGHT

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

DEFINITELY BETTER TO GIVE THAN RECEIVE

The rectangular, olive-green box with the words 'Front Toward Enemy' raised the suspicions of Goodwill workers.... (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE WONDER IF THE FLEEING THIEVES WERE PRECEDED BY GUYS FURIOUSLY SWEEPING WITH BROOMS

More than a third of Australia's total supply of stones for the winter sport of curling have been stolen from a refrigerated lorry in Melbourne. (Thanks to Barbara A and Jeff, "A Canuck in Moscow")