Dave Barry's Blog, page 147

DINALLY

Apple iOS will now stop turning the F-word in your messages to 'duck'.

(Thanks to Annette)

p.s. We are sure you understand this article may be NSFW, so we will not mention it.

UNLIKE A LOT OF MEN

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base." ��� Dave Barry

True.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

UPDATE FROM SCHMANCE

The cars here are very small.

Q.How small are they?

A. You can park inside the restaurant.

On the other hand, the pencils are humongous.

The countryside is teeming with cute old cities like this one, which was built centuries ago and does not contain a single WalMart.

This bridge was built by the Romans. Eventually they went back to Rome, but they left the bridge here because it is extremely heavy.

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BEWARE - THEY ARE GETTING SMARTER

Flying squirrel fakes his own death "for attention" 

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SHALL WE PLAY A(NOTHER) GAME?

Alien-like message sent to Earth in a test to prepare for the real thing

(Thanks to The Perts)

UPDATE

In Schmance, when people need to say that the plumbing is working properly, the phrase they use translates to English as "All the water is marching." We think this is a wonderful expression that we should adopt in America to just generally indicate that things are OK, as in this example:

Q. How are you today?

A. All the water is marching!

UPDATE

Schmance is a land of many mysteries.

Medical care here is free, but primitive.

This woman is wondering: "What percentage is my smartphone?"

Many top musical acts perform here.

There are zero vampires here. ZERO.

Here we are standing in a randomly chosen location with our old pal, co-author and bandmate, Mr. Ridley Pearson. The gentleman at right obviously awestruck, but he is pretending not to recognize us.

UPDATE FROM SCHMANCE

Here I am climbing the famous Eiffel Tower, which is named for the man who invented it, Gustave Tower. In this photo I am catching my breath midway through the ascent, which is approximately nine steps. The view from here is spectacular. You can see all the way back to the ground.

GOOD LUCK DRIVING 'EM

Ford is...warning owners of nearly 143,000 Lincoln MKC compact SUVs to park them outside and away from buildings and other vehicles because they could potentially catch fire, even when not running.

(Thanks to Asher S.)

STICK WITH THE CHICKEN FINGERS

An arrest warrant states the woman bit into the hot dog from a Sonic Drive-In but ended up with a small plastic bag containing the drug in her mouth.

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)