Polly Campbell's Blog, page 3

Why Your Self-Care Practice Is Good for Me, Too

Don’t skip the healthy habits that are essential for keeping you (and me) well.

Fourteen years ago, I was diagnosed with melanoma. I was the mother of a 9-month-old who rarely slept, and while I was foggy with fatigue,��nothing snaps your head back and focuses your attention like your own desperation to survive.

It was a clarifying moment for me because I realized then that nothing much mattered if I didn���t have a healthy body. Couldn���t love without it. Couldn���t work without it. Couldn’t support my family, mother my child, help my friends, encourage others. And��with this realization, I set about protecting this body more diligently.

Some of those changes stuck. I still eat healthier than I did before. Wear gallons of sunscreen. Manage my stress. Exercise regularly. Others I���ve had to curate over the years. Practice new habits until they became a lifestyle.

For many people, the novel coronavirus is providing that same kind of clarity. A survey conducted by The Harris Poll claims that 80 percent of the adults in the U.S. say they will be more attentive to practicing regular self-care when the pandemic is over. Though nearly half are having a hard time doing it now.

Here���s the thing: Now is exactly the time you need to practice self-care, and it doesn���t have to be hard.

Holistic Health Habits

The term “self-care” isn���t my favorite, though it is descriptive and clear. It feels narrow. Limiting. Even off-putting. Self-care sounds like we must drop everything else to care for ourselves alone. It feels selfish. It can also smack of martyrdom. Sigh: I will take care of the world first��and then tend to my self-care.

The tone just isn���t right. Self-care is holistic. It is not one thing or the other. It���s all of it. I���ll take care of me, and we can take care of each other.

So, I���ve started thinking about the self-care-ish things I do as holistic health habits. Behaviors that help me manage and release stress, connect with others, find meaning, feel strong and healthy in my body, and experience overall well-being. It���s about fun and connection and engagement. Nourishment of the brain and body.

And it���s inclusive. When we take time to care for ourselves, we are better able to care for others. When I am strong and well and calm, I can support you in your wellness. If we give some attention to this kind of self-care, we can thread these healthy habits into everything we do, creating a circular pattern that elevates our lives and the experiences of those we encounter.

Ever dealt with a person who was stressed out, unhappy, and in physical pain at the grocery store or bank counter? They aren���t always easy to be around. And those bad feelings are contagious in the way that a virus is. As we have seen, we are at risk individually��when members of our community are unwell, mentally or physically. When you take care of you, you are also helping me.

And right now, with the backdrop of stress that many of us are experiencing as a pandemic races through the global population, we must incorporate these kinds of holistic habits to stay well. Sustained stress depletes our immune system and��increases our risks of viruses, chronic illness, heart disease, high blood pressure, depression, and just about everything thing else we don���t want to deal with.

Creating a Holistic Health Habit

No matter how you say it, holistic health habits must be comfortably integrated into our daily routine to be successful. Too often, we put these things low on our to-do list. We see fun as frivolous, or stress-management as something that will happen when we get everything else done. But, of course, we never finish everything, so it continues to get pushed away until we are sick and unhappy and depleted. Exhausted and at our most vulnerable for viruses, chronic illness, heart disease, depression.

Now is the time to build holistic health practices into the moments throughout your day. Consistency matters. Not only will you feel better, but you’ll have stronger immunity and be primed for greater productivity and engagement in the world.

This means that, by taking care of yourself, you���ll also have the energy, clarity, and generosity of spirit to stay focused and productive at work and be able to help others. In return, those things will also enhance your well-being. Ready to create your own Holistic Health Habits?

Here are some ground rules:

Add supportive behaviors, before you worry about getting rid of the bad habits.Identify things you can do to support your entire self, mind-body-spirit.Don���t make this hard. Make it doable.Take deliberate action every day.

Many of the things that can improve your health and mood can be easily worked into your regular routine��the way you fit in an appointment or a meal. For example, I get up about 15 minutes earlier and do a gratitude exercise. While I���m drinking my first cup of coffee, I write down at least five things I���m grateful for and pause after each one to soak it up for a few seconds.

When I���m cooking dinner or doing another household chore, I listen to my favorite podcasts. Good for my mental health and growth. A walk in the sunshine is good for body and spirit. And��I always schedule in some quiet time. Time where I sit alone, outside or in my office, to do a quiet mindful practice for a few minutes a couple of times a day. This reminds me to take some deep breaths, become present, and stop freaking out about everything. Of all the brief habits I build into my day, this is the most powerful for me.

Create your own customized plan. If you like walking, go��for one every day. Write it into your calendar. Playing the piano? Add it in after lunch. I schedule these things���particularly my exercise���like I do medical appointments or job assignments. It���s easier to make them happen that way.

Here are a few other tips that have helped me create more holistic health habits in my day:

Do something fun.��Do you like to paint? Pull out the watercolors for a few minutes each day. Love to visit with friends?��Schedule a Zoom date. Enjoy cooking? Try a new recipe.

Fun and play are the things we do simply for the enjoyment of it. That���s not a small thing, because play eases our stress and helps us become more creative and resilient.

Get outdoors.��I���m writing this on my laptop on the back deck,��and the squirrel hanging from the bird feeder is a better distraction than Facebook. Greenspace and the natural environment lower our stress and increase well-being. Take your lunch break outside, go out on the front porch for a minute, mow the lawn, go for a morning walk at the nature park nearby.

Take time out.��Our brains need time to restore from the barrage of stimulus coming our way all day long. When I don���t get at least a few minutes of quiet in my day, I am more distracted, irritable, impatient.

Without time to restore, we are prone to burnout and trauma and��more susceptible to sickness. But��a few minutes of quiet scattered throughout the day is a holistic health habit that will help your mind-body-spirit��reset. Turn off the phone. Sit outside, or head to a back bedroom.

Somedays, you can even find me hiding in a closet (not kidding) or parked in some scenic spot alone in the minivan. I’ve got to get my quiet time. I’m healthier for it. And I’m easier to live with.

Other things to try:��A mindfulness practice for a few minutes in the morning, afternoon, and evening. Meditation. Sharing your feelings with a supportive friend. Physical exercise. A good night’s sleep. Sleep is vital to how our brains restore and manage stress. Journaling.��Gardening. A drive in the country.

Do a few of these things every day. Shape them in ways you enjoy. Sure, your activities may change from day to day, but you���ll be healthier, more relaxed, and more resilient when you build in time for some of these holistic health habits. And when one of us is healthier and happier, we all benefit, because good moods are contagious too.

This Happens to Your Kids When You Stress

Research shows kids pick up on our stress, even when we try to hide it.

I got up early to get some work done before my husband and daughter awoke. There was a puddle on the floor in front of the sink �����jerry-rigged pipe not doing the��job �����so I spent a minute cleaning that up. Then the dog needed to go out and I transferred the darks, still wet in the washer, to the dryer, and by the time I got to work, my daughter was pouring a bowl of cereal,��my husband was on a call, and I���d received some last-minute editorial comments that needed my attention before I could get to the project due around lunchtime.

My husband �����temporarily working at home ��� had dibs on our home office,�� so I set up shop on the dining room table next to the teen who was working on��algebra.��She was calm, mostly quiet except for a camp song she was humming off and on.

Me? I was feeling frayed by 9 a.m. When I try to weave my thoughts into a single stitch, my ideas unravel. Focus is fleeting. But my stress, that���s coming in loud and strong. It feels like I���m vibrating with it as I watch the clock tick closer to my work deadline. My neck feels tight and I want to cry when I delete a portion of the piece because I���m not paying attention.

But I keep quiet. Trying to calm, but feeling angry and impatient. I comb my fingers through my hair and stare at my computer screen, seeing my tight expression in the reflection.

Then, I feel the table start to jiggle. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice my daughter is now tapping her foot. Her leg bounces. Then she���s playing her hair, pulling it up and dropping it loosely around her shoulders. Then she sighs, throws her pencil down stomps away from her algebra.

���Ugh. I���m so stressed,��� she says.

I think she got that from me.

Though I try to play it cool and calm around here, stress can spread �����infecting our kids even when we���ve tried to minimize their exposure, according to new research from the��Journal of Family Psychology.

In the study, researchers watched kids and parents and found that when mothers tried to hide their stress or other emotions, kids felt in their bodies anyway, without knowing exactly what was wrong.

Kids pick up on things. When we downplay our stress or tell children everything is fine when we don���t feel fine, our children sense��that. They know something is up, said Sara Waters, an assistant professor at Washington State University and one of the study���s authors.

And families tend to be less warm and engaging with each other when members are suppressing or hiding their feelings, particularly when discussing tough topics or conflicts, according to the research.

I���ve noticed this kind of contagion before. Sometimes I’ll feel my mood shift from calm and easy to uptight and edgy��when my teen��walks tugging the drama of middle school with her. If I’m not paying attention, my stress will��rise to match hers.

Or my husband will be restless and worrying over something that happened at work, but his mood improves��when he comes home and is surrounded by our better feelings.

And during these days when we are all working at home, stress is popping like a pinball.

We don���t want to overburden our kids and contribute to the stressful feelings they are already experiencing, but acting like things are easy is only contributing to the stress around here, instead of making it better.

So, I fessed up. I sat down with my daughter and explained in basic (and teen-appropriate)��language, that I was feeling stressed by trying to find ways to help her keep her studies up while meeting my work deadlines when the routines were so different in our house now. And, I reaffirmed another truth. Though it���s a stressful time, we are��doing OK.��We can feel uptight and manage our stressed��feelings and feel better.

She���s a teenager, so she knows stress too. She��told me she’d felt something was wrong. She worried that I was angry at her. That made her feel anxious.

Without realizing it, our stress spreads to those around us creating a more stressful environment for everyone.

But we can interrupt this cycle by doing these three things.

Catch your feelings.��Recognize what���s going on in your body ��� tension in your neck or a stomachache, for example. Perhaps it���s recognition your mind is wandering, or you feel tired. Just notice. Don’t judge.

Identify the emotion behind the physical sensation.��Naming your feeling can help diffuse its intensity.

Then talk or write it out.��This doesn���t have to be a long drawn out conversation or a 20-page essay, but it���s OK to say ���I���m feeling a lot of pressure because I need to get this work project done��� or to express your emotions on the page. Get specific on the page about what���s behind the feeling.

By noticing, naming, and sharing our stress and emotions rather than suppressing them, we can neutralize the stress and keep them from infecting our kids and others. We���ll feel more relaxed and empowered too.

After a few minutes talking with my daughter, we both were more calm and connected. She went back to algebra. I got back to work, finishing up my project with minutes to spare.

It’s Not Personal, But it Can Stick

Andyone/Unsplash

A shift in perspective, a laugh, and a reminder that we don’t have to judge or be judged.

Years ago, I borrowed a bit of my daughter’s bubblegum toothpaste. Insane! I felt like I was getting cavities right there while brushing. My mouth did not feel clean. Or fresh. Or even like an adult.

You’d think I’d learn. Yesterday, running late out the door to a
television appearance I couldn’t find my lipstick. My teen girl, well, she has
plenty, so I checked to make sure my tetanus vaccine was up-to-date, ventured
into her room, and found a mug filled with dozens of sticks and glosses. I
picked out a good color, painted it on without looking, and waaa laaa found
myself covered in something called Cupid Shimmering Liquid Colorstay lip gloss.
And when they say colorstay, they aren’t kidding around.

I looked at myself in the mirror, blinded by the gloss, and
thought, as I blotted frantically with time ticking, OK. I’m just gonna own
this Cupid-shade shit.

I stopped worrying. Stopped taking myself so seriously. Started laughing. I’m a goof. Especially when I try not to be. When I’m trying to be my most adulty, crazy stuff happens. But that’s OK. I’m also human and alive in a world where we have shimmering Cupid Colorstay.

Perspective, people. What if we waved and smiled and laughed at ourselves and along with each other instead of always trying to tweak or change how we look? Instead of judging others for their size or style? We don’t have to take ourselves so seriously. We don’t have to bring the snark. Not everything is personal. In fact, really nothing is. We are the ones that assign that filter.

We are all working with what we have. And, here’s the thing what we have is good enough. Our heart beats without us thinking about it, our lungs expand. We get to feel and think and blink without our conscious thought. We are amazing.

Somedays we are super amazing and able to truly recognize that we are kick-ass awesome. Somedays we are wearing Cupid Shimmering Liquid Colorstay pilfered from our teen daughter.

But all days are better than the alternative. Let’s show up and enjoy it all.

It’s the Doing that Makes a Meaningful Life

“I’m terrified.”

That’s what a friend of mine wrote in a text this week. She’s growing her business, creating an event, and needed to write her marketing materials.
“I have zero skills in writing to market events,” she said. “But I have to start somewhere so I’m just freaking doing it.”

Right? Just freaking do it. There is so much to learn and experience and try in this life and it’s that doing, giving energy to the things we are curious about or compelled by, the things that we value and care about that adds meaning to our lives.

And meaning? Well, that adds years to our life and increases well-being. We are happier and healthier when we do the things that matter to us, according to Michael Steger, director of the Center for Meaning and Purpose at Colorado State University.

You see? It isn’t the sitting around talking about it for 4 years that adds the meaning. I know. Because I gave it a very good try. I spent years talking about creating my podcast, Polly Campbell, Simply Said. Finally, I signed up for a class, bought a mic and earphones, and launched in about three months. It isn’t perfect. And that almost kept me from creating it at all. But, it’s good and fun and I’ve learned so much. I’ve heard from listeners that they like it too, downloads are tripling each month, and all of this feels good and meaningful. Worthwhile.

It’s the process that matters most. The doing. And that’s where we get stuck because the process is imperfect and messy and scary.

Think parenting. It no-kidding sucks at times, keeps us from sleeping at night, and yet adds so much meaning and value to our lives.

Think about your job or volunteer efforts. These things take effort. Hard work. We don’t always want to do them. But we feel better when we get going. When we contribute and learn and grow. When we participate.

Life isn’t in the talking about. It isn’t in the planning. And perfection? Not an option.

Growth doesn’t work that way. This is why doing the thing that feels meaningful or important is also scary, because it matters and we want to get it right. And we won’t. Not every time out. But it isn’t about getting it right. It’s about doing.

It isn’t the outcomes that create an awesome life. It’s the living itself.

What will you freaking do today?

OK. Now, get after it. This is our time.

Tired All the Time? Not Anymore.

Seems most of us — as in 75-percent of us according to Gallup — regularly feel tired and burned out. But there are ways to recharge.

One biggie is to add in some small things that you find meaningful. Don’t worry about taking stuff away, or limiting your life. Instead, add in the good stuff first. Taking a moment to have coffee with a friend, or plant a flower, or walk the dog can help us recharge.

Woman’s World interviewed me on this topic and offers some other good ideas to buffer us against burnout.

Check it out and let me know, what do you do to avoid the energy crash?

Finding Silence in the Noise on Simply Said

Life is noisy, filled with distractions that add to our stress. Meditation is one way to find quiet and inner stillness. It eases stress, improves health, gives clarity. But, it’s not the only way to find quiet in the middle of a busy life. In this episode of Polly Campbell, Simply Said, I cover easy steps to meditation — seriously, if I can do it you can do it — and other ways to find some quiet during a chaotic day.

Check it out here: Polly Campbell, Simply Said http://simplysaid.libsyn.com/

Do This for 30-Seconds and You Will Feel Good

Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

I am so not kidding. For me this 30-second practice begins with my first cup of coffee. I get excited when I hear the coffee maker go on. Which tells you a couple of things: My life is actually pretty boring, and the coffee is super awesome.

When I have my first cup of coffee in the quiet of the morning, with the cat curled up next to me, it’s one of the best times of my day.

And, I take it all in. I smell the aroma steaming from the mug, and feel the sting of the hot against my lips and tongue, and then taste the bitter, and bold flavor. I savor that first sip. And, each morning, it seems to taste just a little bit better than the day before.

Savoring does that. When we pause in the moments of our days to take in the good stuff, to really absorb the scent, or flavor, the view or sound, to revel in the good feeling, we feel better. More alive. Less stressed. More present.

But something else happens, too. Savoring changes our brains. All of us are wired to identify trouble spots. But we can become trapped in what researchers call our own negativity bias. Always on the lookout for the bad. When we pause to savor the good stuff, we begin rewiring our brains to notice more of it. Savoring helps us become more positive, according to researchers like Loyola University psychologist Fred Bryant. 

When we make the time to savor the coffee or the smell the rose, or hear the purr of a cat, or feel that hit of love and connection we get in the grip of a good hug – we feel better. More resilient. More capable. Happy. And those big feelings can help us get us through the bad ones.

Ready to give it a go? Here are three ways to practice savoring.

1. Eat chocolate. See, this life-improvement stuff can be fun! Take a bite of chocolate or something else you love. Notice how it smells, feels, tastes. Just pause and absorb the experience and soak up the positive feelings that come. Notice what you are feeling.

2. Use all your senses. Challenge yourself to experience life with all five senses – even six if you’re willing to pay attention to your intuitive feelings. When you see a beautiful flower or cute animal, for example, take in the experience. Pause 30 seconds to absorb the experience and feelings that come.

3. Fire up the goodness. Do the things that bring you joy. Set aside a little time each day to do something that you love. Something that elevates you. It only takes me a moment to have that first cup of coffee in the quiet of the morning, but I wake up early to do it and I savor the experience. It stays with me. If you like to cook, schedule time to do it. And savor the aroma of the food, the sound of the chopping, the texture of the vegetables. Or, read a book. Go for a hike on a wooded path. Work in the garden. Take a break for a cup of tea or a long, slow shower.

Whatever it is, do something that feels good every day, and notice the feelings flood over you. You’ll feel the difference and begin to feel better about other things in your life too.

Change is Shift Between Two Possibilities

I’m midstream right now. In transition and not sure how things will go, but too busy swimming hard to feel too nervous. But a little nervous. For sure a little nervous. There is a low-level discomfort here in the middle zone.

I know it’s all unavoidable change, uncertainty, transition. I mean, look at the evidence: You are older today than you were yesterday, no matter what age your hair color says you are. You learn things; discover new people and challenges and opportunities. Perhaps, in an incredible display of awareness, you realize the kids should not, probably, eat peanut butter for EVERY meal, so you throw in a scrambled egg, you know, just to mix it up.

Energy is always moving and so we move, from one place to another in our hearts and minds and bodies and sometimes, from one end of the couch to the other – and we NEED to do this. Growth, creativity, expansion. It’s part of who we are as a species. Yet it leaves us nail-biting nervous and worried, and uncomfortable, like when our jeans are too tight after a big meal and we’re wondering if we can pop the button under our blouse without anyone having a clue. Just sayin’. It could happen.

When we shift off the place we know, away from the thing we finally got really good at, to who knows what, it feels stressful and TOTALLY ANNOYING.

Shifting into Uncertainty

Seriously. I just figured out how to do THIS job, now you go and change it on me? I was really good at being single, THEN I met him and had to figure all that relationshippy stuff out? I FINALLY got in the groove, (a few years late) of mothering a 6-year-old and now all of a sudden, she 9?! And listening to, what is that, Gangsta Rap. What the heck am I supposed to do with nine?  I can’t even come up with a new recipe. Thanks A LOT Universe.

These transitions mean we are always newbies on some level, trying to figure out how to adapt to the next shift. And that just makes me so tired.

But here’s the other thing: THAT CHANGE IS SO GOOD.

Change Brings the Good Stuff Too

Because while life will dose us up on drama, the things we LOVE MOST in our lives have also come out of this kind of transition and change. We fear and fumble around when we think of change and transition, but transition is simply the moving-forward mechanism that took us from permed and feathered to blowouts. See? All good.

This means you can STOP worrying about it. Whether you like it or not, you are TOTALLY GOOD at this change and transition stuff. You’ve had a ton of practice and it’s WORKED out.

Change and transition have taken you from crawling to walking, from diapers to using the bathroom while people are hollering through the door at you (Maybe that’s just me).  You have gone from walking to driving and from singledom to married-dom and sometimes, back again.

It was a change that took you from illness back HEALTH, from high to sober, and from work to layoffs to a DREAM job. From heartbreak to love. It is the link between dark and light.

Path Between Possibilities

Transition is simply the path between possibilities.

I’m swimming now in the middle of some minor transitions. Nothing big or scary, but things that have got me thinking. This is good because while I’m midstream, I get a better view of the shore.

There is clarity here in the middle because you can see both sides of the river. It gives you a chance to get clear about what matters to you, what you value and which way you are going to go.

And then, when you edge up close to that side of the river, the one you haven’t  been on before, you’ll climb out and take baby steps up the bank until you find a sunny patch and strip off your wet clothes and lay down, while a cute cabana boy serves you a mai tai – OR, perhaps you’ll find yourself lying in your wet jeans next to me. In a muddy spot. Too exhausted from swimming to walk another step. We’ll lay there a bit, like beached whales. Sand in our hair, dirt on our chin. And once we’ve caught our breaths, we will roll over and just get up. We will GET UP and do the NEXT BEST THING.

Because in the transition, the muddy middle ground, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO is take the next right action. Do the thing that makes sense RIGHT NOW. You don’t have to have skills, you don’t have to know outcomes. You don’t even have to know what will happen 17 minutes from now, you just do the next best thing and it moves you.

That’s all. Call a friend, take a nap, say a prayer, send a thank you, make a call or a list or a drink. Enroll. Hug. Laugh.

And trust me on this YOU WILL KNOW just what the next baby step will be. You will know the next best step because you have been here before in the middle and you know to get up and get moving. And you can do that.

You can do it just fine.

 

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