Betsy Talbot's Blog, page 25

Reverse Culture Shock: Food, Fat & Physical Activity

One thing our journey has taught us is to pay attention – mostly because everything is new all the time when you travel for a living. We have to make decisions every single day on lodging, transportation, food, and activities. In cultivating this habit of paying attention, we’ve had a side benefit of losing a combined total of 70 pounds (32 kg).

How is that, you ask? We’re paying attention to what we’re eating, when we actually get hungry, and how we move every day. It’s become second nature because for the most part it’s how people around us act. This is why landing on the shores of the US after 2 years away was such a shock.

Today I’m going to share our observations on how paying attention helped us lose weight, gain energy, and achieve healthier blood counts. And I’m also going to scare the shit out of you over the increasingly unhealthy lifestyle of many Americans and how this will greatly affect our chances of living the lifestyles of our dreams. (I’m guessing your dream doesn’t include daily medications or preventable physical limitations.) You’ll also learn how people in other countries consume food and stay healthy (or not).

Ready for a little tough love? Keep reading.

Do I look fat in these facts?

People are big in the US. Bigger than people in any other country we’ve visited (and that includes the cheese-eating French, the sausage-consuming Germans, the potato-eating-and-drinking Russians, the steak-munching Argentinians, and the fish-n-chips-scarfing Brits).

Americans are generally the richest yet most unhealthy people we’ve seen on our travels. Americans are not just tall or big-boned – we are mostly overweight and tending toward obese.

I always knew Americans had a weight problem but the enormity of it didn’t register until we came back after a 2-year absence. And it’s not just me making the observation.

Just this summer the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine rated the fattest nations in the world and the US came in at #3, right behind the island nations of Tonga and Micronesia. (Click here to find out how your weight compares to adults in other countries.)
When you add up all the world’s weight and divide it by country, the US accounts for 1/3 of the weight total even though we make up only 5% of the population. In contrast, Asia makes up 61% of the world population and takes up only 13% of the total in weight.
Even more alarming, the US incidence of diabetes has almost doubled since 1995 (you can really freak yourself out by clicking through this map from 1995 to present to see how it has changed).

During our visit to New Mexico I went to the cardiologist with my brother for his annual checkup. The waiting room had 30 people in it, 2 of whom were normal weight (and they were home caregivers, not patients). It makes sense that unhealthy people would be at the cardiologist, so I did the same count at several other places – restaurants, bars, the movie theater, and stores. It always came out to at least 50% overweight people.

Despite these facts and observations, I’m not here to harp on why we individually get obese and unhealthy – our issues from childhood, the dollar menu at McDonald’s, or the buckets of popcorn at the movies.

As usual for our site, I want to focus on the actions you can take right now to improve your life based on what we’ve learned from our travels. (And we’d better do it fast, because US ways are creeping into their societies and it won’t be long until they’re obese, too, and all the lessons are lost.)

What People in Other Countries Eat

People in other countries don’t typically have as easy access to ‘convenience’ foods as we do. Their meals are prepared in a kitchen from recognizable ingredients and are served on a plate. It doesn’t look drastically different than what their grandparents would have eaten: variations on soups, casseroles, stir-fries, salads, pasta, veggies, and sandwiches. Fruits are eaten as snacks as well as the main ingredient in many desserts.

They generally eat what is in season because that is what is most readily available. (Not so in the US, where you can have anything anytime with very little effort.) They also have an incredible amount of pride over their local and national specialties and offer them as insights into their culture. Their identity is partially explained by their food.

At dinner one night in South America a German man said to me:

The reason there is no equivalent to ‘bon appetit’ or ‘buen provecho’ in English is that your food is nothing to get excited about.”

He was a jerk, but he had a point, at least about our general appreciation and enjoyment of the act of eating.

 

Our own diet changed as we traveled. We began eating more fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Meat became a side dish. We stopped eating processed food because it simply wasn’t as easily available. No more Twizzlers, microwave popcorn or boxes of salty or sugary snacks. We had to buy new clothes because the ones we brought with us were getting too big.

When we arrived in Ecuador, we were genuinely surprised at the flavor of eggs (such bright yolks!) and the juiciness of a chicken not hopped up on hormones. In fact, the chickens we ate usually came from the front yard of the restaurant or a nearby farmer.

The fruits were delicious, and we began drinking real fruit juice for the first time in our lives. (Just last week I ate lunch with my dad, where he chose a lemonade drink labeled as 0% real fruit juice – I’m not kidding!)

Despite this, we recognized all food is not healthy around the world.

YUM! Brands, the company that owns KFC, Taco Bell and Pizza Hut, does 40% of it’s fast food business in China.
In South America, children are getting fatter because increased individual income means sugary drinks like Inca Cola and bags of chips are easy for parents to buy. You can see rotted front teeth of small children in Ecuador and Peru who regularly suck on sugar cane as a snack.
You can find McDonald’s in almost every country in the world. (Ronald McDonald stands with his hands together for a bow to patrons entering McDonald’s in Thailand.)

Even with these unhealthy examples, overall people are still closer to a normal weight than in the US. So what else could be at play?

How People in Other Countries Eat 

The best part about house sitting is being able to live like a local. While house sitting in La Garriga, Spain this summer we shopped at the butcher, the baker and the vegetable market every day and the outdoor Saturday market each week. We practiced our Spanish with the shop owners, learned their tips in preparing certain foods, and got a little sunshine while we did our daily errands. We normally stopped for a coffee afterward, which was served in a ceramic mug with a small cookie by a smiling woman. Food was a social experience from the shopping to the cooking to the eating.

When drinking coffee in the morning, there is no drive-thru at the Starbucks. People actually go in to order their coffee and drink it there, standing at the bar as they down an espresso or paying a bit more to sip a cappuccino at a table. (And you only have a cappuccino in the morning, never in the afternoon or evening.) Coffee is served in ceramic cups, not paper or styrofoam, and you never get free refills, even at a diner.

The drive-thru is a US invention, and we are the only culture we’ve seen who regularly consumes meals inside a car (or even thinks of eating inside a car, actually). Meals are generally eaten at a table, on ceramic or hard plastic plates, and with metal flatware. Even at outdoor markets, we’ve more often than not gotten proper plates and flatware to eat our meals (though Asians do frequently serve ‘to go’ market food and drinks in plastic bags).

Meals are taken at the table, not while walking down the street, in the car or on the subway. In fact, we rarely see anyone eating outside unless they are at an outdoor cafe.

Portions are much smaller than in the US. Warren and I have been sharing restaurant portions during our visit, but we’re still eating much more than we did outside the US. It is really a mountain of food at every meal, and because we eat so fast in the US we don’t give ourselves time to note we are full. When our brains finally catch up, we’re miserable from overeating.

Eating in other countries is generally not done as a secondary activity to something else, like reading a book, watching TV or surfing online. It is almost always social. People dine with other people, and they don’t finish in 30 minutes. We’ve had countless dinners with new friends and with just each other when we truly enjoy the experience from start to finish, enjoying the meal and the conversation and not rushing through. What could be more interesting than a conversation with your mate or friends?

Waiters bring your check when you ask for it, long after you enjoy your coffee, not when they are ready to move you out for the next group of diners.

But even when people in other countries eat together and savor their meals, they consume some fattening foods like ice cream (helado is sold everywhere in South America), paté, chocolate, and meals soaked in butter and cream (I’m looking at you, France). There must be something else keeping them healthy.

How People in Other Countries Move

The US is a car culture. A right of passage for most high school kids is to get a driver’s license and car, and they long for the day they can finally be “independent” of mom and dad to go out to see friends. In other countries, public transportation, bicycles and walking are the main ways of getting around, and kids are independent from their early teens to go to school, visit friends, and explore their environments.

People in other countries walk far more than we do, even if it is just to walk to the subway or bus stop, and this habit continues throughout their lives. Walking is a normal activity every day, and many people walk or bike to do their errands. They think nothing of walking several blocks to the store or to visit a friend, even very elderly people.

In Lucca, Italy we watched the locals walk and jog around the top of the ancient city walls for their morning exercise, chatting with friends and neighbors along the way. In Chachapoyas, Peru, the main square is a meeting spot for locals and you can find families and couples strolling together after dinner every evening. In Amsterdam, bicycles are the main form of transportation for all residents – moms have little wooden carts on their bikes to transport the kids to school – so it is not a surprise most residents are very thin. In Mongolia, people walk to herd their animals and ride horses every day, which is a good thing since they mainly just eat meat and cheese. Babushkas in Russia still walk to get their daily foods and work their summer gardens in Siberia.

Even people who have cars only use them when they plan to go a significant distance, relying on their feet for local errands and transportation. It is unheard of to drive just 3 blocks, something people in the US do every day.

When you make movement part of your daily life, you don’t have to count calories. Warren and I have been walking as our main form of exercise for over 2 years now, and we’re stronger and healthier than we’ve ever been. We walk to shop, sightsee, and sometimes specifically for exercise. We regularly walk 5+ miles per day without even thinking about it. Here in the US, we’ve had to plan out our walks – even driving to them occasionally! – because most cities are not set up for foot traffic.

How This Applies to You

The US does a lot of things right. We are a prosperous country. We enjoy an abundance of food, and we are fortunate to have many choices in the way we eat and live. But this choice does not come without risk.

When we choose the fastest solution to fuel our bodies, we usually make bad decisions.
When we eat in our cars or at our desks, we are denying ourselves the pleasure of enjoying our dining experience and bonding with others.
When we snack in front of the television at night, we become zombies, mindlessly staring ahead and biting into any food product in our way. The Zombie Apocalypse is already here.
When we use the car to go everywhere, we decrease our physical independence a little bit every day as our muscles shrink and our heart works harder to carry our additional weight.

I’m not here to tell you to eat better, exercise every day or stop eating so fast (okay, maybe I am a little bit). What I really want to impart with this article is the idea of simply paying attention, the one thing we’ve implemented in our travels to lose a combined 70 (32 kg) pounds in 2 years.

You don’t have to subscribe to a new diet plan, buy a book, avoid certain foods, get a membership, or write anything down. You simply have to pay attention:

Pay attention to what you’re eating and how you’re eating it. How can you make it better so you feel good and live longer?

Pay attention to how you’re enjoying the everyday. When you make your healthy meals and exercise enjoyable, you’re apt to continue doing them.

Pay attention to what your body tells you. Are you hungry, sleepy, restless? Give your body what it needs when it needs it.

Pay attention to how much exercise you get through the course of your day. Are you maintaining your strength and vitality or letting it slowly seep out as you sit through life?

Pay attention to how you use the fortune at your disposal. Are you buying processed, junky food as your main source of nutrition, or are you investing in your body by maintaining it with health foods the majority of the time?

Food and exercise are no different than any of the other lifestyle subjects we discuss on this site. When you pay attention to something in your life, you are in a better position to understand it, learn from it, and improve it.

Pay attention to how you eat and move and you’ll be better equipped to live the life of your dreams, whether that’s in your own backyard or halfway around the world.

And isn’t that what it’s all about?

Find out how learning to gracefully handle change and growth helped me become more comfortable with my body and my life in Strip Off Your Fear: Slip Into Something More Confident. Available in paperback, Kindle, or ebook.

How to Handle Feedback

If you’re going to say what you want to say, you’re going to hear what you don’t want to hear. ~ Roberto Bolaño

When you continue to stretch your boundaries, try new things, and morph yourself into the person you want to be, you’re going to draw more attention than the average Joe. And with that attention comes opinions…lots and lots of opinions.

Working hard to change your body, your mind, your spirit or even your bank account will generate feedback whether you ask for it or not. It will often not be what you want to hear, and today we’re going to talk about how make it work for you.

Smart people learn from feedback; smarter people learn to filter it first.

The wrong way to deal with feedback

Those suckers who have the nerve to question your expertise deserve the harsh tirade they get. I mean, how dare they? They aren’t doing all the hard work you are, and they know piss-all about what’s what. In fact, you can’t even remember why you ever let this caveman in your life in the first place. Un-friend, asshole. Take that!

(Warren hates it when I un-friend him.)

Am I the only one who has that instant reaction? If I am, you can stop reading. I’m obviously way more damaged than you. But if you also have an instant reaction to lash out, proclaim your innocence/expertise, and defend yourself against doubters and detractors alike, then this information is for you.

Why we lash out

We lash out from insecurity, from the fear that someone has seen through our charade and knows we are not confident in our message or effort. They are shining a light on something not quite right, still in progress, or otherwise squishy. It’s like trying on a bathing suit in a dressing room and suddenly having the door flung open and cameras aimed at you as you stand in a 3-way mirror.

Or maybe I’m just being dramatic.

It’s so much easier to turn our insecurity, discomfort, and lack of confidence around on the other person. Why put all that energy toward fixing our own problems when we can just blame the messenger?

If you doubt what I’m saying, think about the last time you got negative feedback on something you know you’re good at or something that isn’t even true. It just rolls off, doesn’t it?

When someone gives you negative feedback that stings of the truth, even slightly, you do whatever you can to convince him he’s wrong so you can convince yourself he’s wrong.

Where feedback comes from

When we opened up our lives in 2008 to document the planning and execution of our big dream to travel the world, we weren’t prepared for some of the feedback we got:

This is really irresponsible.
You must not care much about your family and friends.
Your career is never going to recover from this.
You must hate your life.
It’s too dangerous out there.

The use of charged phrases like “abandoning your family” and “running away” would cause even the most determined person to question their motives.

First, a truth about feedback (positive and negative): We are all selfish creatures, and we take in all news with our own lives in mind. Our internal radios are always tuned to WIIFM (What’s In It For Me?).

We hear a bit of news and our first reaction is created from our own values, experiences, strengths, and insecurities.

When you realize that everyone’s mind works this way, including your own, it frees you up to view both positive and negative feedback in a different way (and to perform a bit of self-therapy when you react to other peoples’ news!).

Someone who has experience in what you are doing will be able to give you excellent feedback, even if it is tainted with their own feelings. A mentor, teacher, or peer has a better understanding of the pros and cons of what you are doing and what it takes to improve. Someone on the sidelines is more likely to focus on their feelings or fears about it because they have no other point of reference.

We had far different responses to our decision in 2008 from the long-term travelers we met than from those who didn’t even own a passport. Guess which ones we paid attention to?

All Feedback is Not Equal

All negative feedback isn’t necessarily bad. We need constructive criticism to make our projects better and to evolve as human beings. We aren’t born knowing it all, and thanks to helpful feedback from mentors, teachers, and peers, we don’t have to learn everything through experience.

Unfortunately this excellent feedback is easily overwhelmed with the crap from everyone else, from the bland “great job!” comments to the occasional “you suck!” ones. Neither of these do a thing to help you along your path to being a better person, though ironically these two are the easiest to believe of all the feedback you’ll get.

So how do you get to the good stuff, the squishy middle ground between “awesome!” and “terrible!” that is actually helpful for you?

You’ve gotta get a filter.

Create a Feedback Filter

Armed with this information, it becomes easier to set up a filter for the positive and negative feedback you receive. (It is just as dangerous to live in a bubble of “you go, girl!” as it is to live in a constant stream of put-downs.)

Do what the famous athletes, writers, actors and musicians do: Don’t read your own press, positive or negative. It only serves to artificially inflate or deflate your ego and has no bearing on your actual skill level or performance.

Your raving fans will love everything you do, and your haters will still find a flaw if you bring about world peace or find a cure for the common cold.

Instead, actively request for feedback from trusted sources. Ask yourself:

Does this person have my best interests at heart?
Can I trust them to give me bad news as much as good?
Does this person have experience in what I want to do?

Find the sources who mean something to you and listen when they speak. Your mentors, teachers, peers, and even competitors can help you become better at whatever you are trying to do. Tune out the background noise from the people on the sidelines who have no investment in your success or failure so you can hear the experts speak.

You’ll never please everyone, but if you continue to evaluate your performance and put forth your best effort it won’t matter what everyone else thinks. You’ve already won over your toughest critic.

Now get out there and do great things. People need something to talk about. 

Peer pressure exists whether you are 17 or 57. Learn how to speak up, go against the grain when necessary, and feel confident enough to live the life you want in Strip Off Your Fear: Slip Into Something More Confident. Learn more here.

Reverse Culture Shock: Politics

We’ve watched a volcano erupt, rode camels through the hot Gobi Desert, and weathered a Force-12 storm in the unpredictable Drake Passage, but none of that prepared us for our scariest adventure yet:

Returning to the US at election time.

We’ve been asked repeatedly since our return to the US about reverse culture shock, and no topic is more requested than what we think of the election.

We’ve been watching from afar these past 2 years, reading US news sources but also international ones, and of course listening to the opinions and ideas of people around the world about our country. In our travels we’ve seen programs and initiatives that really work, and we’ve seen horrible failures. We can learn from both.

Campaigning

We can’t imagine how those of you who live in the US have been able to stand the months of negativity and “the world will end if you vote for that candidate” hysteria. We had forgotten just how crazy it gets.

Many countries have more than 2 political parties. Candidates know they have to work together at some point because they will  rarely have a majority. It forces them to play well together, or at least appear to play well together.

In the United Kingdom, election dates are set by the Parliament, which then “dissolves” for a few weeks until the election. It gives the candidates time to state their platforms, run on their records, and otherwise entice votes. After the election, Parliament is quickly reestablished and life goes back to normal.

Can you imagine just a few weeks of photo ops, dramatic commercials, and name-calling? It would be almost bearable. As it is now, some people are perpetually running for office, and those who are elected start thinking of their next campaign almost immediately. It makes you wonder how they ever get anything else done.

Politics doesn’t have to be hateful. Officials can disagree and still respect each other. Negotiation and bipartisanship means giving a little and getting a little, which would be easier to accomplish if we had more than 2 parties vying for majority.

It’s not about an individual official ‘winning’ or taking something away from the other side; it’s about achieving more for our country as a whole.

Civil rights

Did you know gay people can legally marry in Colombia? It’s a pretty macho culture, and despite this they have recognized the right of consenting adults to create homes and lives together with the same benefits as heterosexual couples.

Argentina, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, Iceland, The Netherlands, Norway, Sweden, Spain, South Africa, Mexico, Portugal, England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland, and Ireland also have some form of legally recognized marriage for gay adults.

My heterosexual marriage has never caused my gay friends to question their sexuality, so I have no doubt the reverse will also be true.

Gay people will love, fight, raise children, cheat, celebrate milestone anniversaries and divorce in the same percentages as heterosexual people do. This already happens in other countries with hardly a flutter of notice. As a melting pot country proclaiming freedom and personal liberty, we’re not walking the talk when it comes to the rights of our gay citizens. I hope we correct that soon.

Healthcare and Insurance

By far, this is the single biggest issue people from other countries discuss with us. They can’t imagine how the richest country in the world can leave its citizens without access to affordable healthcare. One memorable quote is “I don’t understand why your people aren’t rioting in the streets over this!” They are also surprised to find out our health insurance is generally tied to our jobs, and changing jobs could leave you in the lurch medically due to lapses in coverage and pre-existing conditions. They don’t understand what your job has to do with your healthcare.

We were pretty insulated in our view of healthcare before we left. Like most people, we just accepted it as the way things were. After seeing – and using – healthcare systems around the world, our eyes have been opened. We’ve never waited as long to see a doctor in other countries as we did in the US. We’ve never gotten lab results or test back as quickly as we have outside the US. And in all instances, we’ve had good, quality care from practitioners who spend time with us, even emailing us after appointments to make sure we understand our results and medications. We’ve paid cash for every affordable medical and dental visit.

We’ve questioned our new friends and people we meet on our travels about healthcare in their countries, and they are generally positive. Not a single person we’ve talked to wants to convert to the US system of healthcare. In fact, many people are discouraged from even traveling here because of the high cost of travel insurance and healthcare for the US.

(Warren and I pay more for 2 months of coverage visiting the US than we do for 10 months’ combined coverage for every other country in the world.)

I don’t understand putting politics ahead of the basic health of your citizens, especially when it impacts everything in a society: the ability to work, pay taxes, and raise families, not to mention the strain on our hospital resources from uninsured patients and the high cost of reimbursing those hospitals.

Women in the World

Women have excellent healthcare in Western Europe, and their healthcare decisions are their own. They have lower infant mortality rates than us (we rank #34 in the world, just behind Cuba) and longer lifespans (82.76 years in the EU vs. 80.9 in the US). Prostitutes in The Netherlands even have a formal health plan.

We’ve seen in Ecuador  and other emerging economies what happens when women aren’t able to control their bodies. These typically indigenous women don’t have family planning options, so they have more children than they want or can afford and live shorter lives.

In terms of politics, women hold more political offices in Europe and in many places in the world than in the US. We currently rank 80th place in percentage of elected offices held by women, tied with Morocco and Venezuela at 17%. We lag behind countries like Rwanda, Cuba, and Uzbekistan.

In our own travels, we watched a woman run for president in Peru. We twice visited Germany, which has been led since 2005 by Chancellor Angela Merkel. President Cristina Kirchner has led Argentina since 2007. The Prime Minister of Thailand is Yingluck Shinawatra, who had to jump in right after the 2011 election to manage the intense flooding damage in Bangkok. The Prime Minister of Denmark, a country routinely topping the quality of life lists, is Helle Thorning-Schmidt.

If women are trusted to run entire economies, I’m fairly certain they can manage their own body parts without government oversight.

Environment

Until you’ve had to chew your air, you won’t appreciate the benefit of government oversight of precious assets in our environment. We were in China for 3 months, and we can count on one hand the clear days with no visible air pollution. People wear face masks on a regular basis, and there are days when children and old people are advised to stay indoors due to poor air quality.

My eyes burned every day we were there, and I had a nagging cough until we reached Mongolia.

In Thailand and Laos, rice farmers are allowed to burn their fields in the spring, polluting the air so bad for miles around that children can’t play outside for recess.

In Peru, trash is piled high along gorgeous rivers and mountains because there are few adequate trash disposal systems in rural areas.

Access to clean water is a challenge in many countries, with animals allowed to graze in the same water humans drink. The water in some areas of China is a fluorescent green from all the chemicals dumped without restriction from factories.

These are the kind of assets you can’t easily regain once gone. There is plenty of room to make money and build business without wrecking the air we breathe, the water we drink, and the beautiful landscape of our country.

Being #1

This trip has made us even more patriotic than we were before we left. The US does a lot of things really well. But like a big family, we are not blind to each other’s faults, and where the US can do better, we should.

Just saying we’re #1 won’t make it true, especially when we rank so far from #1 on important issues like infant mortality but top the list on annual per capita healthcare costs.

We can learn from other countries, both by what works for them and where they fail. But if we’re not paying attention to them, even on issues that don’t directly impact us, we’ll never pick up these lessons. We can’t be #1 by only thinking about ourselves.

You may not be gay, female, of childbearing age, poor, sick, or lack health insurance. But you are human, and I know that by reading this site you want more out of your life.

I’m probably preaching to the choir, but on the off chance you aren’t planning to vote so other people can have the same opportunity for health and happiness you do, I urge you to reconsider.

You can’t fulfill your own dreams while at the same time denying others the right to pursue theirs.

We’re Married with Luggage, and we approve this message.

Recognizing You Don’t Fit Anymore

All of us have encountered situations where we feel something is just slightly off or is not working. It is a nagging feeling, hard to put into words, but it’s clear that something is not as smooth as it once was. It could be in a relationship, returning to our childhood home, or a friendship that seems to be changing.

Recognizing this moment and accepting it for what it is can help you to move beyond the moment and take actions if necessary.

Recognizing you don’t fit anymore

Arriving back in the US for our first visit in 2 years has been a bit overwhelming. We’ve loved re-connecting with our friends and catching up on 2 years of change – new babies, new jobs, and new dreams. But what’s been most surprising is the realization that I don’t quite “feel right” here.

Wandering through the streets of our old Fremont neighborhood in Seattle I’m struck at the familiarity of it all. Our favorite restaurants are still there, my favorite dessert place still only takes cash, and the Troll statue continues to monitor activity under the bridge. It all looks so similar but something just seems off.

I love Seattle. For 2 years of travel I’ve compared places to this city and extolled the virtues of the Pacific Northwest to countless individuals. This is where we were inspired to change our lives and follow our dream so Seattle holds a big part of my heart. To feel slightly out of step with the city is rather disconcerting.

The feeling is subtle and completely unexpected. While everything is familiar I have a sense that I don’t really belong here anymore. I see familiar places and recall great moments or experiences. I see members of my tribe walking in the rain with their layers of fleece and realize that my outfits no longer stick out. Yet still there is a nagging sense that something is out of place.

What the hell is going on?

It’s You That Changed

The truth of course is that Seattle has not changed. It is still the amazing city with a vibe and energy that I adore. The people remain warm and quick to offer a smile. Pedestrians still stand patiently at the crosswalks waiting for the “walk” symbol, regardless of the time. It is quirky, creative, and a place like nothing we’ve found in the world.

What has changed is me. My experiences and interactions while traveling the world have altered my perspective. I’m no longer the same person I was before, which means that Seattle no longer hold the connection to me that she once did. Now I find that the world has changed me such I no longer fit into that place we left 2 years ago.

As we all go through our lives, change is inevitable.

We meet new people
We expand our minds through books, conversations, or experiences
We start new jobs
We get married
We have children

Each time we add something new to our lives we open ourselves up to changing how we view the world and those around us. Over the course of time this change can cause us to feel out of synch with others that may not be going through the same changes. We slowly find that our connections with friends seem off or that we don’t feel like our “home” fits us anymore.

As you change it is normal to feel that you don’t quite fit with those around you. Your path through life is not the same as everyone else and you can’t expect that everyone else will change in the same way.

There are times in our lives where we feel things just don’t fit (or, more directly, where we don’t fit). Whether it be with our relationships or our home town we realize something just isn’t quite right and discover that we’ve changed. Embracing this change is the best way to move beyond and begin addressing the out of synch feelings that may be overwhelming at times.

Embrace the Change in You

We all change and grow, which means that our connection with people and places will change. New experiences will allow us to view the world around us in new ways. However, you cannot force yourself to fit into a situation that no longer suits the person you’ve become. You are growing and as a result your attitudes and ideas are changing all the time.

Realize that your friendships will change over time. Can you really expect that over the course of your life your relationships with friends won’t change? It is bound to happen and being able to accept the change, and talk about it openly, is far easier than continuing to try to keep a friendship in the same place. As your get married, have kids, and change your career who you connect with is bound to be altered. This does not mean that you need to throw those old friendships overboard, but at the same time it may mean you are not as close as you once were. Friendships are always changing, but talking about it can help ensure you all both on the same page and set the expectations for the future.
Your hometown may start to feel too small. As you learn more about the world, you may find that you don’t quite fit with your home own. You want to live somewhere new and have new experiences. Your hometown will always hold a place in your heart, but it does not always need to be your home. Accepting this can open your mind to living in new places and find a place where you fully connect again.
Understand that it’s possible that you and your partner may drift apart. As we live our increasingly hectic lives it is possible to become slightly (or possibly not so slightly) out of touch with those closest to us. You feel that you’re not fully connected when you talk. You don’t seem to be aligned on your goals any longer. You seem to be fighting more. Despite living together every day, we can easily be living different lives. The key is recognizing this feeling and do something about it ASAP. Sit down and talk with your partner about your concerns. Let them know you recognize something is off, but you can’t quite tell why. Opening a dialog will allow you to explore together the disconnect and start the process of repairing the gap to get back to being aligned and ready to take on the world together.

Once you identify that you “don’t quite fit” you can begin the process of acceptance. Embracing the changes in your life, and how they came about, can get you on the road to new experiences and rediscovering the joy of “fitting in”.

What’s next: we’ve received a lot of emails and questions about our next destination and plans. After Seattle we’ll be visiting friends and family through the end of the year. Then we’re kicking off 2013 by continuing our lives of adventure. We’re considering Mexico or Colombia right now, but nothing is firm – which we absolutely love.

How to Get Unstuck

Editor’s Note: Looking for examples to get unstuck right now? If you are in the Seattle area, join me live on 10/25 with Rachel Whalley of Healing for Good Girls and emcee Debb Whitlock of the Femmenation Radio Show as we reveal the juicy stories and powerful strategies that took us from stuck to free and insecure to confident. Buy your ticket  here . (Did I mention there would be wine?)

In the first week of our visit to the US we’ve been asked approximately 800,000 times how to get unstuck or move through a tough situation. (It’s been a busy week.) It’s a popular question, and it shows just how many people feel confined in some way or another in their lives.

People often look at our lifestyle as a way to throw their cares and problems in the wind, focusing on new experiences and shedding the old crap that leaves them feeling depressed, mad, or frustrated. They think because of our lifestyle we have the answers to their problems.

Well, it turns out we do, but not in the way you might think.

When you get stuck

Have you ever gotten your hand stuck in a jar while doing the dishes? You have to soap it up, move it around, squish your hand and gradually work it off. Worst-case scenario, you might even have to break the jar, but either way it requires some action and adjustment on your part.

It is the exact same method in real life when faced with a big problem or an underlying dissatisfaction with life. You have to find a sufficient lubricant to make things mobile, and then you have to move around until you find the position that gives you the release you need.

(This is sounding an awful lot like sex, but for once I don’t meant for it to.)

You can’t just change your surroundings and expect those problems to go away. Leaving the kitchen with a peanut butter jar on your hand and going to work will not make the peanut butter jar disappear. Putting on a great outfit will not make the peanut butter jar go away. Traveling halfway around the world will not remove the peanut butter jar from your hand.

You can’t avoid/hide/distract yourself enough to make the peanut butter jar disappear. And there is no way you can avoid occasionally getting stuck, whether you eat peanut butter or not.

How you get unstuck

So back to the original question on how to get unstuck.

How in the hell do you get rid of the stupid peanut butter jar on the end of your arm, the one that’s driving you crazy, keeping you from living the life you want, and making even the simplest things in your life more difficult?

Everyone gets stuck at some point. But for every person breaking free, there are dozens who simply stop living and spend their days complaining and regretting their situation. You aren’t one of those people, so we’re going to show you how to get unstuck in 3 basic steps.

Identify the source. You can use the 5 Whys method to determine what’s really bugging you. Are you unhappy at work because you haven’t gotten a raise, or is it really because you don’t feel like your contributions are noticed and appreciated?
Find an example. You aren’t the first person in the world to have this problem. There are those who have gone before you and solved it in numerous ways. Do your research live, online, and in books to figure out which solution out there fits you best. Google is your friend, and so is your neighborhood bookstore.
Take action. How can you best start soaping up this jar and extracting it from your life? The small, everyday adjustments are more effective and less painful than simply busting the jar or cutting off your hand. (You wouldn’t believe how many people cut off their hands.) Make a plan, and take action on the plan.

Be prepared for sticky situations in the future

I’ve been stuck plenty of times in life, and I expect it to happen again occasionally in the future. It isn’t a judgement call on you that something is not going right in your life – it happens to everyone – but it is if you let it continue.

Develop the skills for getting yourself unstuck, and you’ll never have to envy anyone else’s lifestyle again.

Looking for an example to get unstuck right now? If you are in the Seattle area, join me live on 10/25 with Rachel Whalley of Healing for Good Girls and emcee Debb Whitlock of the Femmenation Radio Show as we reveal the juicy stories and powerful strategies that took us from stuck to free and insecure to confident. Buy your ticket  here . (Did I mention there would be wine?)

Lessons on Reaching a Goal

Editor’s Note: If you are considering a big life change like ours, you can find out exactly how to rally your emotional, social, and financial resources to get it done in our book, Dream Save Do. Now let’s get to today’s article.

Ingredients:

13 buses
45 trains
2 camels
2 horses
2 cars
3 boats and ferries
5 days of walking

This is what it took to complete our 18,000-km journey from Thailand to Portugal without using a plane. We finally arrived at our finish line destination of Lisbon, Portugal, on October 4, 6 months and 3 days after we started.

How does it feel to complete a big project like this?  (Click here if you can’t see the video below.)

The trip was not without hardships, fights, or disappointments. This is life, and it rarely works out exactly how you think it will. Most of the time, this is a very good thing, opening you up to possibilities you never considered before.

That said, we did learn a few lessons from this journey:

Disappointment often comes from unrealistic expectations. We projected far more on China than she could deliver, and it tainted our enjoyment of this grand country.
When you try something new and challenging with another person, there will be disagreements. This is why you see so many fights on shows like The Amazing Race. It is stressful to make so many individual decisions about transportation, food and lodging every single day, but it is also the only way to freely enjoy a journey and take advantage of opportunities along the way. We’ve learned how to fight productively.
We’ve learned a bit more about our core personalities: Warren that he doesn’t have to live up to a false ideal he has of himself, and me to discover I’m actually an introvert and need time alone to recharge after social situations.
We both learned to live more in the moment, making decisions as they were needed instead of far in advance. While this did cause some stress, it freed us up to travel according to our current mood and not a previously determined itinerary. The best tool in this plan was our pass from Eurail.com that allowed us 15 days of travel on trains all over Europe. We sometimes didn’t decide where we were going next until we were on the train platform, and that was exhilarating.
Completing this 6-month journey with the self-imposed restriction of no planes challenged our creativity and strengthened our bond as partners. It pushed us to do things we might not have considered before, taught us the savvy to get out of some sticky situations, and left us with a feeling we can do just about anything if we are together.

We end this particular journey with a 2-week cruise back to the US, where we’ll visit family and friends for a few weeks before we begin our next adventure. We have no idea exactly where that will be just yet, but we know it will be warm and sunny.

We already have plans in the works for our next big writing project, and this one includes you in a very big way. 2013 is going to be a great year, and we’re excited at the adventures it will be bring for all of us.

Thanks for sharing in this grand journey, and keep your virtual bags packed for our next one!

Are you in Seattle? We’d love to see you at our meetup on October 23 or at Betsy’s Fear-Busting event on October 25. (Click the links for details.) 

Don’t Know What Your Dream Looks Like? Start Here.

Some people are born knowing what they want to do with their lives. They have never not wanted to be an astronaut or a veterinarian or an artist, and they begin working toward this dream at a very early age.

Good for them.

But if you are like most people, you didn’t inhale your life’s purpose with your first breath of air. Many things sound appealing, but nothing really jumps out at you as the one. You feel as if you’re drifting, just waiting for something to happen.

You wonder how some people can be so certain about the life they want and wonder if you’ll ever feel that way about yours.

The good news is you can.

Why Things Get in the Way of Your Happiness

There was a powerful Superbowl commercial a few years ago for job search site Monster.com. Small kids were filmed saying things like, “When I grow up…

For people not working in an ideal job or living the life they wanted, it was a wake-up call to connect with their earlier dreams.

No one wants to be any of those things in the ad, but because we don’t always know what we do want, we have a hard time saying no to the wrong things and saying yes to the possibilities in front of us. Mediocrity drifts in because we have nothing with which to combat it.

Before we know it, this limbo leads to getting sunshine blown up our skirts and working full-time as yes-men.

We get caught up in the status quo, following trends and accepting things as they come to us with minimal complaint. We tolerate things we never thought we would: long commutes, debt, unfulfilling work, and unhealthy relationships.

It’s not all doom and gloom, of course. We can usually manage to live pretty good lives despite our lack of focus. But if you have the nagging feeling things are not as good as they could be – that you are missing out on something, even if you don’t know what that is – today is the day you start moving into focus, going from just ‘pretty good’ to ‘incredible.’

How to Clear the Path to Happiness

This focus results from 2 distinct actions, both the ‘chipping away’ of the negatives and the ‘adding up’ of the possibilities. Both work in concert, clarifying your life down to the essentials so you can see your options more clearly.

This is the sweet spot when your dreams have a fighting chance of making themselves known to you and you have the space and energy to bring them to life.

#1: Chipping Away the Negatives

Like Michaelangelo chipping away at the marble that would eventually become the statue of David, you must also chip away what is not ideal in your life. The things that drain your energy, cause you distress, or add extra work without extra benefit are holding you back from identifying your dreams and making them real.

What would you NOT miss in your life if it magically went away tomorrow?

Job
Commute
Home maintenance
Unhealthy relationships
Debt
Poor health
Fatigue

Take a piece of paper and list every single thing without guilt. No one else will see the paper but you, and it doesn’t matter if you have 1 thing on the list or 100. There is no judgement here, just a simple exercise to determine the size of the block containing your David. You have to give you chisel some direction.

What bothers you about each thing specifically?

Because we are creatures of habit, we have a tendency to replay things in our lives. You may hate your job and your relationships and your duties at home because all make you feel subordinate to other people’s needs or like people are not listening to you. The irritant might be cleaning house for your entire family every weekend while they relax, but the root problem is feeling unappreciated and not speaking up about your needs.

A great exercise on finding the root cause of your feelings is The 5 Whys. You continue to ask yourself why something bothers you until you get to the real problem, one you may not have even realized in your surface complaint.

The reason we advocate getting to the root is to understand what is really draining your energy and causing you distress so you won’t repeat it with new activities and relationships going forward. It’s like your friend who keeps dating losers. Until he/she figures out why, it will be the same type of mate and the same type of turbulent breakup time after time.

What irritants can you change, reduce or eliminate from your life?

This is where you start chipping away. You have a list in front of you along with the real thing that’s bugging you about them.

Now you see your irritants in black and white, and now you can do something about them.

Brainstorm at least 3 ways you can change, reduce or eliminate each irritant/root cause in your life. Don’t think about how others will react or what is realistic. Just brainstorm the options without thought to judgement. You might be surprised at how many realistic options you have in front of you.

Some things you can do right away, like reducing the irritation of your commute by listening to soothing music, podcasts or books on tape. Others are first steps toward bigger plans, like halting your credit card spending immediately to stop increasing your debt as you begin work to pay it down, leaving the junk food at the store to begin your path back to health, or rebalancing your relationships as you learn to speak up for yourself.

In the instance of the weekend housework, you may discover you are doing more than expected by your family, or that they think you enjoy housework or that their efforts won’t live up to your expectations. A conversation with them about the problem may be all it takes to rebalance the work load, saving you from vacuuming around them with resentment on Saturday afternoon as they surf the Internet and watch movies.

As you start chipping away, don’t try to change everything at once. Focus on one thing at a time, appreciating the space that opens up when you do and how your overall energy level and outlook changes in response.

#2: Adding In the Possibilities

Once you’ve started chipping away at the negatives, you’ll have more space and energy in your life. It’s a good feeling, one that will give you better rest at night, more enjoyable relationships, and more energy to pursue the things you enjoy. You won’t feel the need to crash out on the couch every evening just to recover from your day. So let’s find a place for you to utilize this newfound energy for happiness.

What would you like to add to your life?

Much like you imagined your life without its irritants before, now you are going to imagine the possibilities. This list is sometimes harder than the negatives list because we so easily identify what is not working. Possibilities are often more subtle, and it takes some time to draw them out.

What new things interest you? Learn a language, fly on a trapeze, dance the tango, make a movie, start a business, etc. Check out the lists at www.43Things.com or see what kind of meetups or classes are going on in your area if you need inspiration. Write down anything that sparks your interest as a possibility.
What existing things would you like more of in your life? Exercise, friendship, free time, alone time, parties, travel, writing, culture, cooking, gardening, yoga, meditation, etc.
How would you like to share your gifts with the world? Volunteer for a cause you support through your time, talents, and connections.

What inspires you about each possibility?

Just like we analyzed the negatives, we’re going to find out what energizes you about these possibilities and what needs they fill.

When you know exactly what feeds your soul, you can look for more of it in your life.

Your interests may all feed into one overall interest, like helping other people, feeding your creativity, discovering new things, or deepening your relationships with other people. Perhaps you like diverse things like scrapbooking events, your running group, and book club all for the same reason – you get to do these normally ‘solo’ hobbies with other people.

You can use The 5 Whys for this exercise, too, getting down to the nitty gritty of why you like to do certain types of things more than others. This is the magic, knowing what energizes you and looking for more of it in your life.

How can you add more of these things to your life?

This is where you start adding things to your life. Your list gives you a starting point to try things on and see what fits in the newly opened space in your life.

Make a list of what you want to add into your life and then put checks next to a couple you want to try first.

Some things you can ‘test drive’ almost immediately, like signing up for a class or buying season tickets to your local playhouse. Other things you can begin in small ways, like walking around the block after dinner every evening as you work up to more heart-pounding exercise.

Your bigger goals will take some time, like learning a complex skill, starting a business, or writing a book, but you can start taking steps now to make them happen. The important thing is to be open to new things and to look for the types of relationships and activities that feed your spirit.

If you are looking for direction, an effective strategy is to imagine what an ideal day in your life would look like.

How would you feel when you woke up?
What would eat for breakfast?
How would you spend your day?
What kind of people would you know?
Where would you live?

When you have this idea firmly visualized, start thinking of the components that make up this ideal day. For instance, if you imagine yourself hanging out with artists or creative people, you should probably start looking for those kinds of friends now. If you want to be healthier, you’ll have to start exercising and eating better now. If you want to eventually live in a farmhouse, it’s time to stop buying things for your city apartment.

Whatever you visualize as your perfect day can begin to take shape with your actions now.

Creating Your Dream Lifestyle

More than likely, you will be stronger at one of these actions than the other. I am more of a “strip away the negatives” kinda gal and Warren is more of an “add up the possibilities” kind of person. But we both employ each side to create the lives we want, and when we can work together toward those goals it is even more powerful.

The beauty of this process is that it works for everyone on every type of goal. It is fully customizable to YOU. You can create a life with more of what energizes you and less of what drains you, even if you don’t figure out what you want to be until well into your adulthood.

And that, my friends, is the recipe for happily ever after.

Our next big project is all about dreaming and creating opportunity in your life. Click here to sign up for our weekly email message to get behind-the-scenes info as we build it and be part of the creation process.

Living the Dream: A 2-Year Anniversary

Happy Dream-iversary to us! It’s hard to believe we are now at the end of year 2 of living our dream and just 4 years out from the tiny spec of an idea that led to it all. Every day we are more grateful that we said yes to our deepest desires and did the everyday work to create this lifestyle.

What We’ve Learned About Living

Our second year looked very different from our first, and we learned some different lessons this time around.

Jointly, we became a stronger team, fighting more productively and delivering 2 very big projects on time. We stuck with our budget, including the newest rule of not using our travel funds when we settle down in a place to work for a long period of time. It gave us some confidence in our ability to make our lifestyle work long-term and showed us where we need to work better while we still have the cushion of savings to tide us over.

This dream is ever-evolving, and we are changing right along with it.

We undertook a pretty serious adventure in this overland journey across Asia and Europe, and it took us working together as a team, being flexible, and learning to live with uncertainty. These are skills that will be very useful in our everyday lives.

We’ve learned to enjoy the world our way, on our schedule, and on our budget, despite what other people think or say we should do. We’re getting better at letting go of things we cannot control.

We’ve been overwhelmed and humbled at the hospitality of friends and generosity of strangers, and we are working to be the hosts and helpers where we can, paying it forward.

We’re a bit thinner and healthier than this time last year due to better eating and plenty of outdoor exercise, and we like seeing this “reverse aging” process in our photos.

Individually, we came up with some surprising lessons and discoveries, too.

Warren’s Personal Discoveries

Warren feels like he’s finally finding out who he really is and what makes him happy. He is paying attention to how he reacts to things and has pushed himself to test his boundaries. In some ways he has reverted back to his original path, realizing it is okay to not like something or be what he thought he wanted to be.

He has a deeper self-acceptance than before and appreciates his own history and the history of the world much more. He’s delved deep into political issues around the world, researching the events leading up to current situations and learning a lot about the human condition in the process.

When you learn about other people, you can’t help but learn about yourself.

He’s written more in the past year, covering difficult subjects with his own no-bullshit, practical style.

His biggest surprise was Mongolia, which continues to be his favorite destination thus far. He also fell in love with train travel, which is a good thing since we spent so much time on them.

Betsy’s Personal Discoveries

This was a year of big challenges for me. Writing such a personal book was a watershed event, releasing the constraints I had put on myself and my writing for years. But it did not come without a cost, and I felt it in my gut every single day.

Up to the day of the book launch I could have scrapped the whole project out of fear of exposure, but I learned to work through it with Warren’s help (which didn’t always feel like help and took a lot of courage on his part to offer). It is one thing to share attitudes and habits you believe in with others but quite another thing to share the messy personal experiences that led to them.

(Just wait til you see what I’ve been writing lately.)

I discovered quite by accident that I’m an introvert, and the tools I’ve learned for managing my energy make me happier and better able to withstand the rigors of this adventurous life.

Not only that, but I finally overcame my addiction to Diet Cokes on January 1, a personal triumph for me.

What’s next?

Our overland journey is now at an end, but we’re still avoiding planes to savor slow travel. We’re on our way to the US via ship, taking 2 weeks to decompress and relax, staying offline the entire time.

After we arrive in the US we’ll spend a few weeks visiting family and friends and then house sitting through the New Year. After that, we embark on our next adventure, which we’ll tell you more about in the coming weeks.

Hint: It concerns dreaming for people who don’t yet have a specific dream (if this sounds like you, you can help us by filling out our quick and anonymous survey). It also concerns a warm climate.

We had no idea when we started this second year of living our dream how it would turn out, and I don’t think we could have predicted it if we tried. But we have remained true to our goal of seeing the world slowly, sharing our lessons along the way, and intentionally setting about personal and professional growth.

The way we live out our dream is sometimes a surprise, but the ability to do so is something we work hard at every single day.

Thank you for being on this life journey with us. The next year is going to be incredible, and we can’t wait discover new things with you!

Are you in Seattle? Come out to our welcome back party on October 23 or grab your seat at Fear-Busting, a powerful event Betsy is hosting with Rachel Whalley of Healing for Good Girls on October 25. (Outside Seattle? Don’t worry – we’ll be getting around.)

Image to Inspire – Letting It All Go

I took this shot the first month of our new life in October 2010. Each time I look at this picture I am reminded what complete relaxation looks like and I’m encouraged me to seek it out as often as possible.

We spent our first 2 months looking after a friend’s home in Ecuador, which included this wonderful outdoor Japanese style hot tub overlooking the hills and with a perfect sunset view. Betsy got in one evening and it was clear she had completely shed all cares and concerns of our previous lives. She had found the life that suited her.

What brings you this level of peace and happiness? How can you add more tranquility to your days?

Share your thoughts with us on our Facebook page. Join the discussion to define your dream life.

Dreaming for Introverts

A few weeks ago we were sitting around the kitchen table of the farmhouse in Slovenia with our friends Russ and Michelle. I was telling Michelle about a recent discovery about myself, that I was an introvert.

Introversion is the not the same thing as shyness, and I was telling Michelle how I gain energy from being alone and it drains my energy to be around other people. Me in a social situation is almost like watching the battery signal go down on your laptop or cell phone. I perform very well for a set period of time, but when I’m done, I’m done. I can’t do anymore, and I need to retreat to recharge.

Later that night as we were getting ready for bed, Warren told me he overheard our conversation. He said learning that I gain my energy internally gave him more understanding of me than he’s had in years (and he’s no slouch in the understanding department). While he always knew I “hit the wall” at a certain point socially, he never understood it before that moment. It was a lightbulb moment in our relationship.

I sought out Beth Beulow, ACC, CPC, the Introvert Entrepreneur, to give me some further understanding on the issue of being an introvert and how that plays out in relationships and formulating and chasing dreams. We recorded a 30-minute chat that is well worth your time if you are an introvert or live or work with one. When you understand why you are the way you are, it makes it so much easier to create a life that fits. And isn’t that what we’re all about at Married with Luggage?

(If you can’t see the video below, click here.)

Some highlights from the discussion

The definition between introvert and extrovert. It all comes from where you gain and drain energy. If people energize you, you are more likely an extrovert. If you enjoy people but need to “rest up” afterward, you are likely an introvert. Knowing this helps you modulate your energy for the events and people most important to you.
Introverts are not antisocial; they just need more time to recharge after social situations.
Knowing you are an introvert gives you a vocabulary to start talking about what you need. In our relationship, I’ve said a million times that I need time to process, think things through, or be alone, but it wasn’t until Warren understood that I gain energy from being alone so I can be with people later that it became clear why.
Say what you want and need without guilt, apology, or defensiveness. Needing space or time to be your best is reason enough, but you can’t expect people to read your mind or create it for you. You have to make it happen.
A happy introvert is a rested, prepared, recharged introvert. And when you are taking care of yourself, you’ll have such a great balance most people won’t even believe you’re an introvert if you tell them! (Not that there’s anything wrong with that…)
Being an introvert is not the same thing as being shy. Introversion deals with energy, and shyness comes from social anxiety or fear. I am a very confident person and shyness is not a problem for me, but because I didn’t understand the distinction before now I never even considered that I could be an introvert. Shyness is something you can get over. Introversion and extroversion are permanent personality traits. You are one or the other (along a scale, of course).
Ways to tell if you are an introvert or extrovert: Do social events drain you or leave you energized? Do you normally want to think things through before speaking, or do you want to talk things out as you go? Do you need to rest up before social events or schedule them out?
How to deal with conflict and challenge in an introvert/extrovert relationship: The good news is your relationship is not doomed! The main goal is to talk out your preferences for handling conflict BEFORE the conflict happens. In the heat of the moment is not the time to say you need to be alone. You also can’t leave your extrovert partner without a way to process his or her feelings out loud. Their needs are just as important.
How does an introvert gather the support of others and often ‘go against the grain’ to make big life changes? It requires a level of self-awareness to know how your dream is going to work for you. Once you are confident in this, it will be easier to state it to other people. If you are confident in it, others will leave you alone to go about it. If you are wishy washy, they’ll never leave you alone to do it.
How does introversion play into how we dream and see ourselves in the future? We can’t choose other people’s dreams as our own. We have to know how our energy plays into our happiness and what would sustain it best. Take the time to make your dream fit you instead of the other way around. Ask yourself what will bring you the greatest satisfaction and define your goals that way.

The most interesting part of the discussion for me comes at the end, when Beth says you have to know yourself and be confident in what you want and need. While this might be a recommendation for a introvert, we think it is a pretty damn good recommendation for life in general. In fact, you’ve probably heard us say it about a thousand times.

So whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, knowing what energizes you, what drains you, and what would make you most happy is key to designing the life of your dreams.

After that, all you’ve gotta do is say it out loud.

Learn to speak up and say what you want, even if goes against the grain, in Strip Off Your Fear: Slip Into Something More Confident. Available in ebook or paperback.