Betsy Talbot's Blog, page 29

A Week of Excuses (Day 3): I Don’t Have the Time

This article is part 3 in our A Week of Excuses series. Why do we put off those things we want most in life? Why do we let excuses stand in the way of pursuing our dreams? In this week long series we dive into these questions, deliver actionable steps for common obstacles, and provide resources to help you take the first step to making your dreams a reality.

You are busy. You’re likely juggling work, family, a host of existing obligations and trying like hell to squeeze in a few minutes each day to relax in the ongoing effort to stay sane. This constant pull on your time can easily leave you in a state where “I don’t have enough time” becomes your default response for all your dreams. However, I’d like to encourage you to step back today and ask:

Is what I am currently spending time on more important than my dream?

Evaluate How You Spend Your Time

The first step towards changing this pattern is to see where your time goes. Take 30 minutes over coffee (or even better, a glass of wine) to sit down and review how you spend every hour of a typical week.

Pull out your list of your top 10 goals/dreams. If you don’t have one yet, quickly jot down a list of items that you would include after “I’ve always wanted to…”
Next, write down list of each activity in your life and how much time you are spending on each in a typical week (sleeping, work, commuting, watching TV, eating, spending time with your kids, reading, on the Internet/computer, etc). This does not need to be exact, but instead a rough idea of the total.
Once your list is complete (note, there are 168 hours in a week), calculate the percentage of time you are spending on each.

Now that you have your 2 lists, it’s time to review where you are. If you are like me this exercise will surprise you to see, in black and white, where your precious time is going. When I first did this exercise I was embarrassed by how much time I was wasting sitting in front of the TV. Once I freed up all that time (the number was higher than I’m ready to admit to myself) I found I could actually pursue goals that truly did relax me and make me extremely happy.

You Are In Control

This trade off in how you spend your time is all about decisions and is within your control. You are deciding how to spend your free time and can change how your time is allocated if you desire. You are deciding to work 80 hour weeks. You are choosing to go golfing for 5 hours each week.

Are you spending any time working towards your dream? Is there an activity which you could cut out completely and dedicate the time to leaning a new language? Could you spend 1 less hour a night on the computer to look at the stars? Can you work 3 hours less a week (or stop answering email at home) and dedicate the time to guitar lessons?

While the number of hours in a week is unchangeable, how we choose to spend them is generally within our control. The first step is to know where you are spending them and then make a conscious decision to focus your time towards your goals.

10 Goals You May be Putting Off

As this article states, it is possible to increase your intelligence and dive into new ventures by dedicating just 30 minutes a day.

Following is a list of 10 dreams that you may be putting off because you “don’t have time.” I’ve included a resource for each to help you take the first step with minimal time commitment. If you can dedicate a bit of time this week, you can begin reaching your goal.

Learn a new language – this happens to be at the top of my list and something I work on each day. Here’s a great resource to get you going, evening with limited time available.
Make a movie - our video interview with a woman who followed her dream to make a movie. She provides guidance on the steps she took to make it a reality.
Be an amateur astronomer – here are 12 easy steps to reaching your dream. Once you start viewing the immensity of it all it will give you a new perspective on time.
Begin practicing meditation – with an investment of just 10 minutes a day (surely you can find 10 minutes) you can begin practicing meditation with this easy to get started, step-by-step program
Start an Interior Design Business – this detailed article should take about 20 minutes to read and will provide the primer you need to get started on your dream
Take a cross-country trip across the United States – excellent story for inspiration and tips to get you motivated to get started planning your trip
Patent my invention – this can be a daunting proposition just to figure out the process so here is a simple breakdown of the steps to help you get started.
Start your own business – read a few stories of people who have done it to see the ups and downs
Read 100 books – GoodReads is a great resource to find what your friends love and start your list this week
Learn to play guitar – a full blown guide to getting started. It includes everything except the guitar itself.

Tomorrow we’ll discuss the Fear of Failure and provide suggestions for how to overcome this major inhibitor to your dreams.

A Week of Excuses (Day 2): I Don’t Have the Money

This article is part 2 of 7 in our A Week of Excuses series. Why do we put off those things we want most in life? Why do we let excuses stand in the way of pursuing our dreams? In this week long series we dive into these questions, deliver actionable steps for common obstacles, and provide resources to help you take the first step to making your dreams a reality.

Money is that huge hurdle that often stands between us and the things we want and is by far the number one reason why a dream remains merely a vague notion. We never seem to have enough of it no matter how much we progress in our careers and how much we make. Saving the money to make your dream a reality simply seems impossible with all you have in front of you today.

One of the most surprising discoveries is that, when pressed, the vast majority of people have absolutely no idea what their dream will actually cost. They have become so accustomed to saying “I cannot afford it” that when we ask how much they have a tough time putting down a figure. If you do not have an idea of what your dream will cost, then saying you cannot afford it seems rather silly.

Put a Price on Your Dream

The first step to achieving your dream is to do the research to find out how much it will cost. It is quite likely that someone has gone before you and has blazed the trail to help you in your quest for information. Dedicate 1 hour out of your weekend, or one evening, to sit down and dedicate it to coming up with a first draft estimate of how much your dream will cost. It does not need to exact, but will help to give you guidance on the size of the target you will need to achieve. Like with any project, knowing where the finish line sits is critical to being able to get your mind around the effort. Focus only on the costs, as this will be the first step towards making your dream a reality.

Determine how much your dream costs,
Set a savings target,
Evaluate your current spending,
Establish a clear saving plan,
Make cuts in what you are spending today,
Be ruthlessly diligent.

One of the best strategies we used while saving for this trip was to create our personal Phrase to Save. Anytime we thought about buying anything we’d ask “would we rather have this or apply it to our trip?” The answer becomes incredibly easy when you can compare something you buy today again your dream. When put into these terms the resulting savings will quickly add and and let you hit your target.

10 Dreams and the First Step to Get Started

Following are a set of dreams where money could certainly keep you from reaching your target. I’ve provided stories and resources to help you amass the cash you need to reach your goal.

Pay off all my debt – inspirational story from a woman who is climbing out of >$60,000 in debt
Go to space – luckily you’ll have time to save but you can book your tickets now with Virgin Galactic and set your date
Start a restaurant – consider joining a growing trend by starting a food cart for far less money and a nomadic food delivery experience
Buy a new house – consider skipping the McMansion and dive into the “small house movement
Visit Antarctica – last minute deals (we’ve seen up to 40% discounts) are always available as companies look to fill their ships. However, if you are not ready to just show up in Ushuaia, Argentina and wait for a deal then check out this compiled list of upcoming discounts and pack your bags.
Travel around the world for a year – we’ve tracked every penny since leaving and publish reports so you can see how much it costs
Buy a boat – we’re fans of putting out a Craigslist ad to find a friend with a boat. However, if this sounds too shallow then explore some great used boat options here)
Buy a vineyard – explore dipping your toe into the nectar business with a fractional ownership at a lower investment point (with a great dream come true story to boot of the owners).
Go on an African safari - explore some alternatives to your traditional image of a safari with these off the beaten path experiences.
Buy a motor-home/camper-van – there seems to be an entire world dedicated to the lives of camper-van owners, with a wealth of information and communities. Dive into the community to learn about the process and explore the benefits of renting vs buying, new vs used.

Do you know someone who has a dream but is struggling with this excuse? Click here to purchase a copy of Dream Save Do as a gift and help your friend take the steps they need to make their dream a reality.

Tomorrow we’ll continue our exploration of the obstacles that keep us from achieving our dreams. We’ll tackle the subject we’ve all encountered at some point: “I don’t have enough time”.

A Week of Excuses: Overcoming Why You Don’t Follow Your Dreams (Day 1)

Why do we put off those things we want most in life? Why do we let excuses stand in the way of pursuing our dreams? In this week long series we’ll dive into these questions, deliver actionable steps for common obstacles, and provide resources to help you take the first step to making your dreams a reality.

“you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one” – John Lennon, Imagine

We know you are a dreamer. You are here you have dreams, big and small, which occupy your thoughts through the day and possibly entertain you while you sleep.  Dreams that have been with you since you saw your first drum set at age 10. Dreams built out of your love of baking pies and a vision of your very own pie shop. A dream to open a studio that was born the first time you saw the painting of your closest friend who lacked the space to showcase and sell her art. You have visions of feats and accomplishments that set your eyes to sparkle each time you share the vision with others.

When you are ready, or when anyone is within earshot, you speak those 4 magical words:

“I’ve always wanted to…”

When your friends and fellow dreamers hear this phrase we know we’re about to hear a bit about your passion, what drives you as a person, and gives us an opportunity to connect with you in a very meaningful way. Dreamers love to hear about other people’s dreams because it means we have the chance to help you achieve them. Before you’ve even finished the statement our minds are racing for ways we can help you reach achieve your vision.

Don’t I recall a friend saying they need a drummer for a band their putting together?
I would be delighted to volunteer my well-honed services as a pie taster to support your dream.
I have a friend who owns a sculpture studio who I know would love to chat with you about her experience so you can learn more.

As fellow dreamers we can see you accomplishing your goal in our minds’ eye while you share why it means so much to you and how it came to be. We envision the day your dream comes true for you and start to get excited.

“BUT”, the word that changes everything

There is a tiny, 3 letter word that brings all this Kumbaya bonding to a screeching halt – “BUT.” Nothing brings us all back from the brink of happiness faster than to hear the words that comes next.

I’ve always wanted to play drums in a band, but I am scared to perform in public
I’ve always wanted to be a pie maker, but I don’t have the time to work on it
I’ve always wanted to open my own studio, but I don’t have the money

And there it is, the thing that is standing between you and what you’ve always wanted to do in life. The excuse that separates you from following your dream. The barrier that will keep you a dreamer and not a doer for another day.

Dreams are Easy. Action is Hard.

As you may have found, having a dream is relatively easy. You’re a dreamer after all. You create a list of things you’ve always wanted to accomplish, from tiny to life-changing and then compile a  complimentary set of excuses for why you cannot achieve each of these. Of course, it is never this methodical. These reasons become background noise and likely knee-jerk reactions for why you are not making progress.

Why is the step between dream and action such a problem? What is keeping you from making your dream a reality? Taking action on your goal is what separates dreamers from doers.

3 Reasons We Don’t Take Action on our Dreams

There are 3 root causes for why we identify excuses for not going after our dream. Fear, desire, and priorities. Each can be a powerful influence on our lives and what we will accomplish. By identify what the root cause which is keeping you from obtaining that which “you’ve always wanted to do…” we hope you can overcome the objections and take that first step to making it come true.

Fear:

It is quite possible that the idea of going after your dream is so terrifying that the idea of taking even the first step is simply too much to consider. Instead, you find it easier to keep the dream pure than to find out you cannot achieve it.

This is a feeling we all know at some point. Occasionally we add things to our dream list that scare the shit out of us. For me, it was rock climbing. For the last several years I’ve wanted to go rock climbing at least once. Part of the reason was to feel the excitement that so many others get to experience, while part of it was to finally confront one of my greatest fears – heights. However, I never really did anything to make this dream a reality when the barrier to accomplishment was extremely low. We lived in a city with numerous rock climbing walls. I had several friends who know how to do it, had the equipment, and would gladly have accompanied me. Plus, the investment of time and money would be extremely low. In truth the only thing that help me back was the utter terror in my stomach at the thought of clinging to the a rock wall with an immense  (note, anything more than 2 meters equals immense to me) uninterrupted space between me and the ground. For years I let fear be a barrier to something I wanted to accomplish.

Finally, earlier this year a friend in Thailand called me on the carpet, agreed to be my support, and helped me remember why I had this on my list at all. His nudge caused me to ask the hard question,

Is this really important to me or should I remove it from my list?

Answering that question is the key to resolving the conflict you face each time you confront your big, bad, scary dream. Do you see yourself able to overcome the fear or is the dream not obtainable? If you are going to keep it on your list, what small steps are you willing to take right now to make it a reality? Otherwise, you are not being fair to yourself, and keeping a dream you can achieve from ever getting on your list.

You Don’t Want it That Much

There are times, when we are really being honest with ourselves, that we look a dream and can say “I don’t really want this.” Instead we find that we want to be the type of person who wants to achieve it, but the idea of actually accomplishing the dream is far less appealing. Maybe the idea of travel is more interesting than the realities. However, since you love the idea of being a traveler you’ve adopted this as your default dream anytime someone asks.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Like with so many aspects of our lives, our dreams are not immune to peer pressure. You want people to view you as a traveler, when your true dream is to drive a race car. You feel more comfortable telling others, and ultimately ourselves, that our own dream is not interesting or may not fit with people’s perceptions of us. As a result you twist our deepest desires to fit some arbitrary mold of us.

Give yourself permission to follow your own dreams, not those others may expect of you. Go for what is in your heart, not what you think others project upon you. This is your life and you owe it to yourself to be honest with what you want to achieve in this life.

You Don’t Want to Give Anything Up

Of all the reasons we create excuses and put up obstacles to obtaining our goals, this seems to be at the root of most. We hear it over and over again. You love the life you have and cannot imagine giving anything up to make your dream come true. What is most surprising is that people seem unaware that this conflict exists.

Betsy and I hear this so often that we can see the symptoms coming from a mile a way. We hear the excuse and then ask a simple follow up question:

I don’t have the money – “Where are you spending money now that doesn’t fit your dream?”
I don’t have the time – “How are you spending your time instead of chasing your dream?”
I don’t know how to get started - “Who have you reached out to in order to help you?”

If your answer to each of these is that you are not prioritizing your dream then you are making a decision that your current life is more important than your dream. This is certainly not a bad thing but understanding that you are making a decision, actively or not, can help you realize why your dream is no closer to reality today than they day you envisioned it.

Dreams will require sacrifice in terms of time, money, and/or the lifestyle you have today. If you are going to travel the world, you will no longer be able to spend time with your family every weekend. If you are going to buy a home you will likely need to cut back on your discretionary spending. Analyzing your current lifestyle will help you to determine how important your dream is to you at this time and what you are doing to make it a reality. Taking the steps to align your actions and lifestyle today that will help you achieve your dream will be the first big step toward eliminating the excuses and achieving your goal.

Create Momentum

Take the first step towards your dream today by clicking here to get all the articles in this series delivered to your email as they are released over the next week. Creating momentum to making your dream a reality is the true challenge and the subject we’ll be covering in depth over the next week. The first step is certainly the hardest, but once you gain momentum you will be shocked at how quickly your dream materializes.

Each day of this series we’ll tackle one of the excuses we’ve heard the most over the last few years and provide actionable steps you can take to overcome it. In addition, we’ll provide a list of 10 dreams for each along with resource(s) to help you move your butt beyond the “but…” that is keeping you in place.

I don’t have the money
I don’t have enough time
I don’t want to fail or have people laugh at me
I don’t know how to get started
I don’t have anyone to do it with
I am scared

Get ready to go from knowing what you need to do to reach your goal to actually having the motivation to do it.

How to get the respect you deserve (a 3-step plan)

While you have been wracking your brain and working your ass off  to be deserving of the things and people in your life, you’ve dropped your guard on who and what is deserving of you. It’s time to put the jerks who slipped in under the radar on notice and raise your level of respect.

Becoming Your Own Best Friend

You’ve probably felt this way about a friend before and even said one or more of these lines when things got rough for them:

Your mate doesn’t deserve you.
Your company takes advantage of you.
Your sister is manipulating you.

Why is it so easy for us to come to the defense of a friend but so hard to do it for ourselves?

Any job, mate, friend, organization, or government worth having in your life is one that treats you as an equal human being, supports your dreams, lovingly calls you on your bullshit, and works to make your union more productive than your individual contributions would be. You are not a second-class citizen.

Your mate treats you as a partner, sharing decisions, responsibilities, and of course the joys and pains in life.
Your company values your contribution and expects you to challenge yourself and develop your skills in return for promotions and pay raises. They also want you to take rest periods to recharge your batteries.
Your family members support your choices and offer help when needed, expecting you to do the same as they actively work to live their dreams. They do not use guilt to get their way.

Resolving A Lack of Respect

As you move further down the path to live your version of The Good Life, these undeserving people will not ever gain a foothold in your life, or if they do it won’t be for long. But how do you handle those undeserving people and situations that existed long before you started mapping out your Good Life?

First, give them the chance to be respectful

“Babe, I get embarrassed when you criticize me in front of other people, and it makes you look like a mean person. We both know you aren’t, so if you have feedback for me I’d like to get it in private and I’ll do the same for you.”
“No, boss, I can’t work this weekend. I’ve already worked late 2 nights this week, and I need some personal time to recharge or I’ll be no good at all.”
“You’ve said that mom has always loved me best so often I think you might just believe it, sis. Since we both know it isn’t true, let’s drop it and talk about what’s really bugging you, okay?”

These kinds of statements are hard to say the first time, but they get much easier with practice.

Calling disrespectful actions out in a calm, nonaggressive way is the perfect way to recenter a previously healthy situation that has gone off the rails.

It may take a few attempts, but reasonable people respond to this and it can be a valuable first step in repairing the situation.

Second, build on successes

Did your mate say, “I didn’t realize I was doing that” or some other “a-ha” statement? Good news. You simply come up with a catchphrase to alert him or her when they slip up so it can be immediately rectified. In a short period of time, the situation should be resolved and the balance restored.

Did your boss say, “I didn’t realize you had already put so much extra time in. I appreciate the help and will ask someone else to go the extra mile like you did. See you on Monday.” When you reiterate what you’ve already done and make it clear you need to recharge to maintain your effectiveness, you send a clear message to your boss that you are a professional and your high standards extend to your personal life.

Did your sister say, “I always feel second-best next to you, and it drives me crazy.” This opens the door to talk about an issue she has been projecting onto you and removes it as a barrier in your relationship. You can help with this by encouraging her to stop comparing herself to anyone but earlier versions of herself, boosting her confidence and bringing you closer together.

These kinds of re-centering conversations can be revolutionary in a relationship, uncovering root problems and resolving any nagging issues before they get out of hand.

Third, distance yourself from assholes

If your mate said something like, “If you didn’t screw up so much I wouldn’t have to point it out,” then you are dealing with someone who probably doesn’t deserve you. If you really are that much of a screw-up, what does that say about him or her that they would stay with you? There is something deeper going on here, and the longer you let your mate use you as the emotional punching bag for their issue, the longer it will take for them to deal with it. By the time they do, you’ll be a ball of goo from all the years of put-downs.

Get thee to a counselor or a trusted friend to figure out your options for repairing this relationship or getting the hell out of there. Life is too short to live with a jackass, and you deserve more. We all do.

If your boss said, “You either work this weekend or you don’t have a job,” then you know exactly how you rank with your boss (and that he/she is a poor leader). If that doesn’t negatively affect your enthusiasm and work output, I don’t know what does. Now is the time to start looking for a new position within the company or a new job altogether.

You spend more time at work than almost anywhere else in your life, so it is important to at least feel like a human being while you are there.

If your sister sticks by her claims that life is unfair and you got all the love/luck/attention, you won’t be able to change her mind. Your best option here is to continue the phrase from above every time she starts whining. She’s looking for a rise from you to prove to herself the statement is true, and when you don’t give in she’ll eventually tire of saying it, even if she still believes it.

People who are not deserving of you will brush off your attempts at resolution, make fun of you for bringing it up, or try to justify actions they would never tolerate themselves if the tables were turned.

These are excellent signs of someone who is probably not deserving of your time. (Or, as sex columnist Dan Savage so eloquently says, DTMFA: dump the motherfucking asshole.)

Good practices

As you move forward in defining your ideal life and creating habits and relationships to make it happen you’ll see a sharp decline in this problem. Nipping these problems in the bud with a calm, rational statement of non-toleration will keep the confidence busters out of your life and allow you to get on with the business of living. It also does them the social service of letting them know they are out of line, whether they choose to respond to it or not.

It is up to you to determine how you are treated in this world, and by uncovering your confidence and setting a bar you’re putting everyone on notice:

You are a force to be reckoned with and deserve respect.

Shy about demanding respect in these situations? Uncover your mojo by reading Betsy’s personal and revealing book on speaking up and getting what you want in love, work, and life: Strip Off Your Fear: Slip Into Something More Confident.  

A Choice Between Screaming or Smiling

A couple weeks ago I dug into my heart and past to write about the death of my father. Sharing my thoughts and emotions has turned about to be a cathartic experience. Since publishing this article I seem to have opened up some long closed well of awareness within me…dammit. That shit was supposed to stay stuffed way down like all self-respecting men are taught from a young age. Alas, now that it is out there I may as well probe around a bit and see if I can use it to improve myself.

In the original article I argued for taking time to reflect on our past to see how specific events and experiences have shaped us. It is during these times of reflection that I believe we have the greatest opportunity for choice in who we will be going forward. We can choose to focus on the bad experience and wallow in the “why me” questions. Or we can choose to embrace who we are today, be comfortable that we can’t change the past and get busy living. Given the title of the article was “Embrace Who You Are Today” I will assume you know where I happen to lean.

I realize now that I don’t need to look in the past to practice being comfortable with who I am and how I react to the environment around me. There are a multitude of small experiences in the present which present me the choice in how I respond and what emotions I will feel as a result.

Responding to the Little Annoyances

While sitting here in China in my newly (albeit slightly) enlightened state of being I’ve found that there are more experiences than I ever imagined that let me practice how I choose to respond.  Every day there is some small event which presents the opportunity to scream in frustration. A child wailing on the train. A man (I wish it was only 1 man) smoking on the bus. A group of people pushing you forward while you stand in a swarm (lines are apparently forbidden here) waiting to enter a museum.

How we respond to these situations is the choice between peace and frustration, between punching someone in the throat and laughter.

Bad shit has happened to everyone

It’s happened to Brad Pitt, Genghis Khan, Marilyn Monroe, and Julius Ceasar and everyone who’s come before and after them. None of us is immune to these small (and sometimes not so small) frustrations in life. Where we can be different is in how we respond to them.

Look back on your most recent “less than pleasant” experience. Think about how many stories this one experience provided for you. The comedy, the audacity, or the sheer pain that you were able to share with others. Remember in the middle of these tough moments that you can choose how you want to live through them.

Here are a few ideas to help you the next time your entire bus of fellow passengers appear to be engaged in a contest to see who can smoke the most cigarettes in our 12 hour trip and then hock the biggest luggie (insert your own experience if you find this one is not directly applicable):

Start crafting the story you will tell friends when this is over. Capture each detail into your memory to ensure you accurately capture the sounds, sights, and smells (hopefully this last one is rarely needed). You want your story to be as compelling as possible so take the time focused on making the story come alive. You owe it to your friends to share this experience over a well earned drink.
Close your eyes, put a smile on your face, and imagine yourself sitting in your perfect chair in your perfect location looking out at your ideal scenery. Perhaps it is overlooking a mountain view in Ecuador, or sitting on the deck of a ship sailing across the ocean, or whiling away the time on a beach without a care in the world. What ever you do, don’t take your annoying offender with you. Leave them behind to frustrate those poor souls still sitting there.


Think of yourself as a cultural anthropologist. Explore the historical reasons why your offending party could have chosen such a behavior. Perhaps you can trace them to an ancient tribe known widely as Dickus Maximus. Perhaps they were dropped as a child, dislodging the part of the brain that recognizes there are other people in the world.

I realize that just saying, “hey I’m going to stop worrying about all these unpleasant experiences and just be happy” is not reality. But I do know that we can control our reactions to them with awareness and practice. Here are a few additional resources to help hone your skill:

40 Tips to help you release stress. Lessons from Buddhism and insights to help you realize “Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful.”
Do you feel you just must get it off your chest? This site lets you share your annoyance with the world and release those bad feelings. Their tag line says it all “Dear World – You Suck”. Reading this for 10 minutes will have you laughing out loud and forgetting your annoyance.
When all else fails to help you could turn to the ancient Chinese ritual of “da siu yan”, or “beating the petty little people”. For just $6 you can put a curse on the offending party, which seems like a fair punishment for that guy who believes that farting next to me on the train is acceptable behavior

Life is challenging enough without all these outside influences seemingly intent on driving you crazy. Despite my firmly held beliefs, Betsy is probably right when she tell me “these people are not out to get you”. They are simply going about their own lives, possibly with a bit less realization there are other people occupying the planet with them. Regardless of their intentions I can only choose to control my responses each and every day.

I’m confident I’ll reach the point that my urge to punch people subsides completely, but for now I’ll settle for not letting their behavior ruin my day.

The good news is there are plenty of opportunities to practice and I am committed to doing a bit better every single day. I believe this is all any of us can ask for every day…just be a little bit better than yesterday.

Do you know someone who would benefit from learning to let go of the daily annoyances? Note: There is an email link embedded within this post, please visit this post to email it. this over to them and introduce them to the Live the Good Life Movement.

How to stop worrying about the future (part II)

Thailand to Portugal by way of Russia with no planes allowed.

A trip over land and sea of 18,000 kilometers using trains, buses, camels, and ferries without an itinerary.

An experiment in ‘just-in-time’ decision-making to put fear in its place and concentrate on what really matters: living in the here and now.

It sounds pretty cool in a regular tone of voice, but we like to imagine it being said in Dolby Digital Surround Sound with the booming intensity of the movie-announcer guy, with a slight echo.

I have taken to calling myself Jason Bourne, though behind my back and with a voice louder than he should dare Warren mocks me with the nickname Mason Bourne (Jason’s clumsy and less famous sibling).

To say that we are excited about our Eurasian Adventure 2012 would be an understatement. It is the boldest trip we’ve undertaken so far, at least on purpose (apologies to the erupting volcano and the political coup – you were pretty incredible surprises).

The challenges to our own fears about leaving the future so unplanned in such an unknown environment are the real lesson here.

We want you to learn from our experience in how to stop worrying so much about the future.

Opportunities

I knew something would happen the minute I hit publish on our first article announcing the adventure. We boldly stated our end goal, to travel all the way to Portugal from Thailand without the use of planes. The next day, an opportunity dropped out of the sky and landed in our inbox:

“Want to come housesit at our guesthouse in Kerala, India?”

Um, yeah! One of our goals is to run a guesthouse or B&B for a short time, living on the other end of the life we’ve grown to love. But is this opportunity enough to derail us from our current goal?

We cut short our trip to South America last year to take an impromptu slow cruise across the Atlantic, and it was one of the best experiences of our travels. Could this be the same kind of opportunity?

We weighed it in our minds as we hiked Tiger Leaping Gorge for a few days. In the end, we realized it would be far easier for us to find a guesthouse-sitting gig in the future than to be perfectly aligned time-, location-, and budget-wise to attempt the trip across Asia and Europe again. We said no.

But the lesson here is not that we made the right decision. We made a decision, and our life will flow from it. There is usually no right or wrong, just left or right, up or down, A or B. Either way, we would have been okay.

Don’t get so caught up in making the right decision that you fail to make any decision at all.

Setbacks

As we traveled further north into the Yunnan Province, our goal was to enter Shangri-La and take the less-traveled Sichuan-Tibet highway to go east to the central Chinese hub of Chengdu. It would be a more rural and difficult journey, but it would take us through magnificent mountains and give us a taste of Tibet that we would otherwise not see until we actually get a permit to go there someday.

We discovered as we tried to book our tickets that the road was closed to foreigners at that time. There were protests, including people setting themselves on fire, and the government would not allow any outsiders near.

So we asked around and heard about Lugu Lake, a beautiful area popular with Chinese tourists and somewhat on the way to Chengdu. It was a relaxing destination, and we had some terrific experiences with Chinese travelers while there, plus one of the most spectacular walks we’ve ever had. The setback turned into a bonus.

As we got ready to leave this remote area, we were told we could catch a bus coming from Lijiang if there were empty seats available. We checked at the bus station and found out the bus was not running that day, but we did run into a Chinese traveler looking to go to Chengdu as well, and between her, the bus station clerk, and a minibus driver, we mapped out a way to get to Chengdu with a series of local buses and transportation we would have never worked out on our own. It started a long day of travel, our first night train in China, and plenty of sign language, but we made it – and in less time than if we had taken the original bus.

Setbacks are not always as they appear. Sometimes they are just road signs telling you to take the detour to make your journey more interesting or less difficult.

Rubbing this goat is supposed to eliminate all your worries. Sadly, it didn't work. No one can do it for you!

Options

Many of you have asked about our upcoming journey across Russia and Mongolia. We are excited about this leg, too, and it all depends on two things: getting our Russian visas, which are more difficult when you are out of your home country; and deciding how to travel across Russia, with a tour group or on our own.

We have been given a pretty nice offer of a discount to go with a tour group. It will be so nice to have someone else plan our transportation and lodging and negotiate the language for a change! But if we take this tour it will mean missing out on Nadaam, the Olympic-like festival that has been in place since the time of Genghis Khan.

The other option is to just book the individual tickets and wing it without a guide to smooth the way. It is not really that much cheaper to do this, but it does give increased flexibility in our timeline and destinations, making Nadaam a reality as well as some extended time living in the gers with Mongolian families. Again, we don’t speak or read Mongolian or Russian, so this is a more difficult option.

We are deciding which option to take this week because it impacts our timeline to exit or renew our Chinese visas. Our current location in Chengdu is where our travel plans diverge depending on which option we take.

Choosing one thing over another always comes with some kind of gain and some kind of loss; that’s why it is a choice. You can’t get away from this, so stop trying to have it all and have what you want most.

Crowdsourcing

There have been dozens of other smaller decisions in our journey so far, but the best surprises have been our ability to meet with friends as we make our plans public. Since making our final decisions on the Russian leg of our trip, we have been able to schedule a meetup with an English friend in Beijing in the next few weeks as well as coordinate a meeting with a journalist who wants to write about us. Who knew we’d meet a writer on her way to China?

We have also been able to better predict our timeline in Europe now with the Russian leg better visualized, and a friend in Germany is planning a reunion with us and some friends from our travels in South America.

Add to that the information we glean from other travelers as we make our way around the country, and we are better able to plan our journey as we go instead of sticking to some prearranged itinerary without the flexibility to respond to new opportunities and information.

When you share your decisions with the world, you’ll be surprised at how it rallies to conform to your plans. Keep it to yourself, and you’ll face every decision alone.

The world is yours

How this affects you

Four lessons on just-in-time decision making from the first month of our travels in the Eurasian Adventure 2012 plus a bonus:

The line between right and wrong is different than the line between choices. Think of it as left or right, up or down, or A or B. No matter what you choose, life will go on, so don’t get so caught up in the analysis of the choice that you fail to make it.
Setbacks are not always as they appear. Sometimes they are just road signs telling you to take the detour to make your journey more interesting or less difficult.
Choosing one thing over another always comes with some kind of gain and some kind of loss; that’s why it is a choice. You can’t get away from this, so stop trying to have it all and have what you want most.
When you share your decisions with the world, you’ll be surprised at how it rallies to conform to your plans. Keep it to yourself, and you’ll face every decision alone.
And the bonus: Give your big mission a name. We call ours the Eurasian Adventure 2012, and it reminds us just in repeating it of our end goal. Give it a name, and you give it life.

Just-in-time decision making can free you from the worries of the distant future. It is not the same as not planning for the future at all. It is more a marshalling of your best resources to solve the decision at hand and repeating this tactic as you go, always working toward your end goal but creating the steps by every decision you make, instead of forcing each step to conform to a fixed future you can never successfully predict.

Your assignment this week, should you choose to accept it:

Make a choice
Take the detour from a setback
Decide what you want most instead of aiming for it all
Share your plans
Name your mission

Need some help clarifying your own mission? Dream Save Do will show you how to put your money where your heart is. One reader used it to quit her job and get a book deal, another is now teaching English in South America, and several have started their own businesses. Click here to buy your copy on Amazon and pursue your own dream.

 

Renegotiating your wedding vows

Picture this: It is a warm spring day and it is our anniversary. How to celebrate this romantic occasion?

We go out for a drink, enjoy a nice dinner, and engage in a little contract renegotiation before we slide between the sheets.

Wait a second…did she say contract renegotiation? Is that a euphemism for a new sexual position? 

Not quite.

The weakness in the original contract

The day you get married/partnered/cohabitate/exchange “I love yous” is a day worth remembering. It is the start of something important in your life and a public commitment to share it with another person. You are high on love that day, and depending on who’s in charge of the punch, possibly also drunk as a skunk.

You begin your life together with the highest aspirations and best hopes.

You work hard to please your mate.
You can’t wait to see him/her walk through the door at the end of the day.
Your bedroom is like a private Circ du Soleil show every night.

Over time, the “new” of your relationship begins to wane and other things regain focus in your life.

Work becomes more important as you strive to create a successful career and solid financial foundation
Family takes priority as you have children or begin caring for aging parents
Financial obligations soar as you buy a home and cars and vacations and college educations – all the trappings of success

This is where your original vows to each other begin to fade into the background as the urgencies of everyday life intrude on your bond. You begin taking your partner for granted, forgetting the ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ of your earlier days. Instead of working hard to please your mate, you begin to wonder why he/she isn’t pulling the fair share of weight in your household or financial obligations. You rush through dinner conversation so you can get back to your laptop and answer emails from work that could easily wait until tomorrow.

Maybe you hide your frustration with each other in sharp comments, chilly silence, or a gap in the middle of the bed where you used to curl up together.

Whether you are at the light end of this scenario and have just a few simmering resentments or so far at the extreme you wear body armor just to say good morning, there is a lot you can learn from the business world in strengthening your marriage.

Improve your relationship with a contract renegotiation

What trips so many good relationships up is waiting too long to fix the problems. And let’s face it: We all have problems in our relationships. You are not alone – not by a long shot.

When you look at your relationship as a series of one-year contracts, open to renegotiation every year, you will be far less likely to wake up one day and realize you don’t even like your partner anymore.

By giving him or her the chance to grow with you by providing ongoing feedback – and by being open to the same yourself – you give your relationship more than a fighting chance of succeeding.

We all grow and change over time, and we cannot expect our partners to read our minds and simply adjust. Nor can we expect to shrug the frustration off, saying it is our problem and not theirs. Any problem in a relationship is the problem of the relationship and needs to be dealt with by both parties.

When you stay in touch with your partner, discuss the ways you are growing and changing individually and together through life, and make promises to adjust your relationship accordingly, you are experiencing the highest form of partnership. Isn’t that why you signed up?

How to perform an annual contract renegotiation

It really isn’t as hard as it sounds. In fact, done right it can make your next anniversary the best one you’ve ever had. (And if it is too long to wait til your next anniversary, go ahead and have a mid-year renewal. It’s okay.)

First, consider the value of your relationship as a whole and as individuals.

Two business entities would realize what each brings to the table and how they are mutually benefitting the other. You each have a strong position from which to start and more to gain by working with each other. Negotiations are better when both parties realize this.

Think of all the ways your partner makes you happy, contributes to your overall well-being, and rounds out your life. Then think of all the ways you do the same for him or her.

Once you have this appreciative mindset, you are in the right frame of mind to start the process.

Begin with the good stuff.

Tell your partner what you were just thinking and how he or she rocks your world. Get into it and tell them all the things you sometimes take for granted. No need to make up a long list of little things to sound more appreciative, but do cover the big ones and mention some that you may have kept to yourself all these years.

“You make our home such a sanctuary from the stress of life, and I feel better every day just walking through the door.”

Starting with all the ways your relationship is working puts your few problems into perspective.

Next, calmly state the thing(s) your partner does or does not do that impacts your satisfaction level and ask how it can be resolved.

This is not a time to bring out a laundry list of gripes and complaints. A company renegotiating terms of a contract may discuss an overall problem with delivery, not a specific order that got messed up. When discussing problems, you should take the same overall view.

“I would like to have sex more often. What can we do to make that happen?”

This opens the door to finding out why one party is reluctant to have sex and how the outlying problem affecting that (work, kids, simmering resentments, incompatible foreplay, physical problems, timing) can usually be resolved. This is so much more productive than “You are withholding sex from me,” which sets the other person on the defensive right away.

Imagine the big fight that would start, especially if the answer to getting more sex is as simple as helping her tidy up the kitchen every night and put the kids to bed.

No interruptions, excuses, or fighting allowed.

Remember, this is a contract renegotiation, not fight. We are just talking terms that will make the overall arrangement more lucrative for both parties. It is not a time to get down in the weeds and fail to see the bigger objective. Listen calmly, with an open mind, and try to see the situation from your partner’s perspective.

Somewhere between the stating of the problem and your gut reaction to it is a solution that will work for your relationship.

Focus on solutions, not the problems.

If she hates it that you work every Saturday morning instead of spending it with the family over a leisurely pancake breakfast, could you negotiate a late night of work on Thursday to allow for more family time at the weekend? The problem is not that you work; it is that you work when the rest of the family is available and wants to spend time with you. If you hate pancakes and are not a morning person, perhaps you can change your family time to Saturday afternoon instead. Or switch to omelettes.

If he thinks you nag too much, find out where it is coming from. The nagging is a symptom of the real problem. Are you worried about something in particular, feel like he’s not listening so you have to repeat yourself, or something else? Getting to the root of the problem will soothe your worries and resolve his complaint.

Sometimes we realize that we are the instigators of actions we don’t like in the other person – and that we can do something about it.

Restate the solutions out loud to each other.

Make sure you are both seeing the solution the same way by saying it out loud to each other. Know your part in resolving the issue going forward and how this act will strengthen your relationship. Make sure your partner restates the solution in a way that will resolve the issue for you.

Clarify if needed, and accept clarification if given.

Last, you seal the deal by signing on the dotted line.

You are recommitting to another year of life together with a slight adjustment in terms to accommodate your changing lives, and it deserves some special attention. Though since there is no real paper in this exchange you’ll have to find another way to document your agreement.

I don’t think you need my help with that one.

Need a little extra help speaking up during your renegotiations? We’ve got the answer right here, in Kindle or paperback.

Rebooting your Fear to Find Focus

Editor’s Note: Today’s inspiration comes from Tanja Pajevic, who writes the blog Reboot This Marriage: Two adults. Two Kids. One Year to Reboot This Marriage. She lives in Boulder, CO with her long-suffering husband Ken and their kick-ass boys, Nico (5) and Gabriel (3), and is currently finishing the final draft of her book proposal.

So let me tell you about my recent Smackdown with fear. It all started last year, when I began writing a blog about the challenges of keeping my marriage afloat while raising young children. While I was laughing/crying over all the usual stuff, my son was diagnosed with a life-threatening peanut allergy, my mother broke her hip and my father-in-law passed away. About the only things that didn’t befall us were plague and pestilence.

As you might guess, my husband Ken and I lost our minds plenty of times along the way. The good news is that we also found them, along with a renewed sense of what was really important to us both.

Lesson #1: If you’re not clear about your dream, toss in some good ‘ole life challenges and see what rises to the surface.

Once Ken and I were finally over the hump, I decided I was going to start writing a book about all the stuff I didn’t have the guts to put into my blog. Easy enough, right?

Ha.

To write a traditional book these days, you usually start with a book proposal, an exciting/excruciating business plan for a book. To finish the damn thing, you have to write plenty of actual sections from the book, then jump through all sorts of exciting hoops like figuring out who your competition is and what your marketing plan is going to be. Like any good dream worth its salt, the process is filled with all sorts of wonderful/awful moments, with plenty of setbacks mixed in for flavor.

Lesson #2: Nobody said it was going to be easy. But the good news is that this Awful/Wonderful period often helps distinguish a real dream from a false one.

The closer I got to my goal, the more I began to freak myself out. I decided I needed a sharper-looking blog, a kick-ass Facebook presence and all sorts of Twitter followers. Suddenly, it seemed incredibly important that I funnel all of my time and energy into shoring up the business side of my writing project.

Recognize what I was doing, anyone?

It’s called Moving the Goalpost, and for Lesson #3, I’d highly recommend you stay away from it.

Did I need to be doing all this marketing and business development?

Sure.

Did I need to do it all right now, while I was trying to finish my damn proposal?

Of course not.

But at the time, I was slightly deranged by the idea that I did, and it wasn’t long before I’d signed up for a free seminar on building your business, taught by a local business woman I’ll call Athena for, you know, legal reasons.

Athena’s free business seminar rocked. I learned all sorts of tips and even got the added bonus of hearing her compliment my project. Now, even though I’ve always believed in the lunacy of my project, I’ve also spent way too much time wondering what others thought of it, and hearing this awesome business woman tell me she believed in my project puffed me up nicely.

Lesson #4: Believe in yourself. Don’t look to someone else—a stranger, no less—for validation.

Then, at the end of the seminar, Athena dangled an exciting carrot before us: to really jumpstart our businesses, she told us, we needed a mastermind group—a group devoted to helping each other succeed through brainstorming, creating goals and holding each other accountable.

Lesson #5: Creating your own mastermind group is the business version of Finding Your Tribe. Done correctly, it rocks.

Now, I know all about mastermind groups—I started two last year. But in that moment, in light of everything Athena had accomplished and everything I wanted to accomplish, my groups started to feel kinda small and piddly. (Sorry, mastermind friends! I was under a spell!)

Of course I wanted what this woman was selling! Who didn’t? She’d started three multi-million dollar businesses and I wasn’t making jack shit these days. Plus, she was charismatic as hell.

There was only one problem. Her mastermind group cost a shitload of money.

But wait! She was offering us a discount, nearly half off, as long as we signed up by the end of the day.

Um.

Right?

Talk about putting on the pressure. Normally, I would have turned and ran as soon as I got hit by a sell this hard, but I’d really liked everything Athena had said up until this point. And I just so liked the idea that I could hand this woman a boatload of money and have my own little guru/business leader to help me get my act together.

Lesson #6: Don’t expect anyone else to do the work for you and/or solve your problems.

If I believed what she said, I’d turn my business around within a year. I’d be a smashing success in my field and I would have her and her pricey mastermind group to thank.

There was only one problem with all of this: my fear. The entire damn program (not to mention a giant entry fee) was based on the fear that I couldn’t do it on my own. That I couldn’t make any decent money on my own. That I couldn’t come up with a kick-ass book on my own, not to mention a marketing plan, etc., etc., etc.

Now, if this isn’t already clear, here’s where I fess up and remind you I’m a writer, not a business person. And while I’ve spent a lot of time this past year teaching myself about the business side of what I do, I wasn’t feeling particularly confident in my business acumen at that moment.

So why not turn them over to someone who really knew what she was doing?

(Cough.)

Isn’t this how a lot of us feel as we’re angling toward our dream? A little unsure about where we’re going, a little insecure about whether or not we can actually pull it off and, hell, maybe even a little bit afraid.

There’s a reason these things are called stretch goals, and part of what makes our dreams so special is that we’re forced to work for them. This, I believe, helps ensure that we really are on the right path and really do want whatever it is we’re gunning for.

But of course I didn’t realize any of this that night. I was too confused/scared/obsessed to think clearly, so my thoughts went like this: I need this mastermind group. I have to do this. But it’s too expensive. Pause. How can I justify spending this much money? And: If I don’t do this, I might not make it. Pause. Then again, I might.

This was the mental loop that consumed the rest of my day. Finally, at about 10:30 p.m. (1.5 hours before the half-off offer expired), I decided to just go for the damn thing. So I walked downstairs to fax in my credit card info, and found there was no fax number on the sheet.

Talk about divine intervention. After a moment of near-shock, my whole body relaxed, and a wave of relief washed over me. I no longer had a hard pit in my stomach and for the first time that day, I felt like I was finally back in my body.

Lesson #7: When you’re having a hard time making a decision, tune in to your body. It will know.

And then the anger started to kick in. At myself. It had been a beautiful day outside, and I’d missed it. I’d been so busy obsessing over my decision that I’d hardly been present with my kids, not to mention my spouse. About the only thing worse than realizing I’d wasted an entire day to my fear was the knowledge that I could have wasted plenty more.

I went to sleep determined not to waste any more. It was time to start living from my power, I decided, not from my fear.

Now, you’re probably wondering if Athena’s mastermind group would have been helpful. Probably. She seemed like a good teacher and I’m sure I would have learned some helpful techniques.

But you know what? For me, that mastermind group would always have been marred by the knowledge that my fear had driven me to it, not my strength.

I didn’t want to live that way any more.

Do you?

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Faces of Yunnan Province – China

What is it about faces we find so appealing? Is it what we see of ourselves reflected back, a recognition of wisdom, or a hope for the future?

We entered China almost 1 month ago and have been overwhelmed with everything about the country. From the public works projects, to the size of the cities, to the friendliness of the people, everything has been a surprise. In that time I’ve had my camera going almost non-stop to capture the endless scenes around us in a futile attempt to convey the experience to others. However, in looking at the pictures the ones that I find the most compelling and insightful have been of the faces we’ve encountered.

While walking down the street in Lijiang we found this boy working with his father’s tools and looking absolutely adorable.  I love children because they are curious, quick to smile, and wear their emotions on their face. I love knowing that this boy represents a future China that will be so different from what his grandparents experienced and that he will have opportunities that were unheard of even 20 year ago.

While on a long bike ride along Lake Erhai in Dali we rode through a small village and stopped in their “town square”. We quickly became the big attraction for the locals who came up to check out the foreigners. This woman was quick to share a smile and laugh and we shared a brief conversation through pointing and our limited Mandarin. During the discussion she was clearly enthralled by the hair on my face, arms, and legs. In the end she petted by arms in exchange for this picture. Can you imagine what this woman has seen in her lifetime?

Before coming to China we did not know what to expect in terms of how dogs would be treated. Well, after a month here I can honestly say that I am delighted to see so many well-treated and cute dogs. Here in Lijiang we passed this dog every day when we walked by his owner’s store. This particular morning he made sure we could not miss him by planting himself in the middle of the street. We rewarded his patience with a leftover dumpling.

This is one of my favorite pictures from China because I believe this man represents so much of what we talk about with Living the Good Life. All about him are people doing various forms of exercise and martial arts. He was sitting at the corner of the park with a huge smile on his face and this large contraption on his lap. A few hundred meters above him is his kite, which we assume he comes out to fly each morning. With all the distractions and people around, I love knowing he is here finding pleasure in the simple act of flying a kite.

Friendship looks the same the world over. This image feels like a stolen moment of conversation between two friends. The subject is not important, but the idea of two people being able to sit together and just talk is a reminder of how much we gain from company with another human. No cell phones, no distractions, just share an afternoon together.

In China we’ve found that people have the same ideas of life, yet different history and experience. I am inspired by their faces and the stories each contains.

Do you struggle meeting new people? Wish you had the confidence to stroll up to a complete stranger and say hello? Click here to get Strip Off Your Fear, your guide to becoming the confident “you” you want to be.

Why later doesn’t matter right now

Do you know how to talk yourself out of doing something? You focus on the details, the outcome, and the potential roadblocks ahead before you even dip a toe into the water of your new project.

Before going back to college you fixate on the one class – statistics, chemistry, whatever – you know will be really hard, even though it is more than one year into the program.
You want to clean out your basement and make it a useful part of your home, but you keep waffling on how you’ll eventually use the space – game room, mother-in-law suite, or home office – instead of actually hauling crap out of there.
You want to meet someone new, but you know it will make your life more complicated. You worry about sharing holidays between families and how you’ll handle finances with a person you haven’t even met yet.

Worrying about the later is the death blow to the now.

The most important decision is the one right in front of your face, not the one days, weeks, or years down the road. In fact, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.

That thing you are so worried about right now will likely be a non-issue by the time it actually comes around. It is only a stumbling block for you right now because you do not have the clarity of action and experience to guide you.

Let’s put it into perspective:

If you go back to college and spend at least one year studying, performing well, and exercising your brain in a subject you love, don’t you think the hard class you dread will become more manageable with that kind of foundation? If you told me I had to take a statistics class right now I wouldn’t be too excited about it, but if I was able to pair my learning with the field I was already studying, it would be much easier. Without that background, though, it still seems overwhelming.
If you start cleaning out your basement, even in just 15 minutes a day, as the space clears you will be able to determine how it best fits into your life. But as long as that crap still sits there, you can’t see it.
If you go out and meet someone new and start a relationship, the topic of sharing holidays and money will come up in the natural progression of things. You will deal with them in real time and in ways you may not even be able to fathom right now. So look for someone compatible and interesting and let everything flow from there.

Have sex before you start naming your babies, for heaven’s sake.

Take the Next Step (all the way to Portugal)

We talk a lot about taking the next step, and there’s a reason for it: It is really freaking important.

Over the next several months we are putting this “take the next step” advice to the test for you to follow along. We left Chiang Mai, Thailand on April 1, 2012, and we’ll be traveling overland through China, Mongolia, Russia, and Europe all the way down to Portugal, for a total of 18,000 or so kilometers (or 11,200 miles).

We don’t have any set itinerary, and we will only be scheduling our lodging one destination out. It is an experiment in living in the moment and adjusting based on the experience we’ve had so far and the opportunities that come our way.

We’ve already had a few potential roadblocks:

Russian visas are more difficult to obtain when outside your home country. We are still unsure if we’ll be able to make this work, which would mean altering our course to Europe to enter from the south instead of the north. We’ll find out more when we get to the Russian Consulate in Beijing. It’s on our radar, but we’re not losing sleep over it.
A long-term house sit offer on another continent was extended out of the blue, but it would mean cutting our adventure short. While it was tempting, we chose to stick with our original plan. The big lesson here is that even if we had chosen to take it, it wouldn’t have been a bad move. We still don’t regret leaving South America early to take advantage of the offer of a cruise across the Atlantic to England, and we keep that experience in mind when it comes to new opportunities.
Our Chinese visa is 90 days, double entry, which means we can stay in the country for 180 days with a border crossing and re-entry halfway through. We plan to use the first 90 to get up to Mongolia for the annual Naadam games, but do we keep going to Russia after that or do we return to explore China for 90 more days? It puts us at risk for bad weather when/if we go to Russia and later to Europe.

As we make our way to our overall goal of traveling overland from Thailand to Portugal, we are leaving everything in between open, focusing the majority of our efforts only on the very next step. We’ll be updating you along the way as to how we fare on this trip and what unexpected opportunities arise along the way (because one thing I know for sure is that they will – action insures this).

How this applies to you

Are you stuck in the here and now while contemplating future problems or decisions? The good news is that step one at getting unstuck is actually the same as step two and step 27 and step 58 and step 193:

Take the very next step toward your overall goal.

That’s it. Nothing bigger, more mysterious, or complicated than that.

Sign up for school.
Take one thing out of your basement and recycle/sell/donate/trash it.
Tell your friends and acquaintances you are ready to date again.

Pick a color, say yes to something good, say no to something bad, set a date, join a club, ask him out, pay the fee, sign your name on the dotted line. Whatever that next step is: Do It.

Take out the drama and just get busy.

We’ll be posting regularly on this topic as we travel to Portugal to show you how we handle real-time decision making while working toward an overall goal. Travel makes a great backdrop to a life lesson like this because of the obvious start and finish points and possibilities for diversions along the way.

Will we make it? (Hint: of course we will! And you will, too, if you simply get started and keep moving.)

Interested in a big project that takes some cash to get started? Check out our book, Dream Save Do, to find out the step-by-step process we used to fund our grand adventure.