Betsy Talbot's Blog, page 26

September 16, 2012

How to Get Things Done

Get things done | Manage your dreams


We are pros at getting things done. It has always been true, but it is even more so since we first had the idea to travel the world in 2008. We challenge ourselves personally and creatively to do new things, publicly and privately, and we mostly succeed.


I’m not writing this to brag. I’m writing because people notice these things, and we get this question a lot via email and in person:


Why do we accomplish so many of our personal and business goals while other people struggle to even get started on theirs?


It’s a good question, and one we’ve been exploring in depth after so many people asked us to share our secret. While we’d like to think it is because we are superhuman (only because we could then justify wearing shiny costumes and capes), the answer is much more practical.


In fact, it consists of just 5 basic steps which we’re going to share with you today.


1. Goals have deadlines

We wrote about this in Dream Save Do, that a dream without a deadline is already dead. This is true if your goal is as big as a trip around the world or as small as cleaning out your closet.


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After you’ve determined a goal, whether it is to move, start a side business, paint your house, save money, get a new job, or lose weight, the first step is giving yourself a finish date. Without it, you won’t push yourself to get it done, no matter how much you want it. The status quo and routine of life is too comforting, too hard to break out of, without a specific reason to do so.


When we start a writing project, the first step is to give ourselves a publish date. From the very first word of the project, we know when it is due and how many words have to be written each day to make it happen. When we decide to travel to a new destination, we pick a date to go/arrive. We may leave a lot of details open after we decide to do something, but we never shrink back from a deadline.


The action of setting a date propels you to begin the work to make your goal a reality.


2. Take action on dreams every single day

You can’t really be part-time about your goals and dreams or you’ll never reach them. Many people think life is changed by big steps, huge events, and giant milestones, but the truth is that big, lasting change happens in the tiny steps and choices you make every single day. The cumulative effect of those small steps is what brings about the milestones and big leaps everyone around you thinks happened overnight.


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Before we left on this journey in 2010, we sold a few possessions every single week for 2 years. Creating Craigslist ads isn’t glamorous, but it took this daily attention to decluttering to free us up to leave (and pad our bank account at the same time).


Now we use the same strategy to carve out time to write books, set up an editorial calendar, manage our websites, edit photographs, practice languages, exercise, market our books, and contribute to other websites. We also make time to connect with our friends and family around the world every week. Most people think we’re on permanent vacation, but it is because we do these essential things that we continue to live a life of travel and experience.


You don’t get something for nothing.


The small actions you take on your goals every single day are a better predictor of overall success than your perfectly drafted plans or good intentions.


3. Don’t be afraid to try something new or make a mistake

When you want to accomplish more things, it means you’ll be doing more. It may sound simple to spell it out like that, but people forget. And when the things you want to get done are new to you, you are bound to make mistakes.


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Warren and I screw up regularly, but we typically don’t screw up twice on the same thing. The key in all this new activity is to learn from what works as well as what doesn’t so you continually improve as you go. When you eventually become good at one thing, it opens up space in your life to become a beginner at something else.


When we were in Peru we signed up for our first multi-day trek. We had zero experience other than walking, and we came very ill-equipped to handle the rigors of the journey. We were wet and tired every single day – we didn’t even bring rain gear during the rainy season! – but we learned a lot. Since then, we’ve become pros at trekking and do it all over the world.


They key is to never stop making mistakes because it means you’ve stopped trying new things.


4. Know how to take negative feedback

Opinions are like asses: everyone’s got one. And sometimes the person giving you his opinion is an asshole.  But getting things done requires a certain amount of rubber to your skin. You will always have critics, even when you do amazing things (Campbell’s Soup says thousands will lose jobs after Betsy Talbot selfishly cures common cold! Details at 11.). Sometimes the feedback is justified and you can learn from it, making you or your project better, and other times you’re going to just have to let it bounce off.


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The key is divorcing your personal feelings of worth from feedback on your endeavors, both good and bad. Failure or mistakes on a project do not equate to failures or mistakes as a human being. This is also when you discover that some people will love what you are doing for the exact same reasons others hate it. You will never please everyone, and knowing that from the start will help you keep moving when negative feedback starts.


When you can step to the side and view feedback in a more objective way, it allows you to glean the lessons and discard the trash quickly and productively.


5. Track actions and results

Whether you geek out like we do with a spreadsheet or you journal your progress creatively with video or art, staying on track with a goal requires tracking. If your project is longer than a day, you will forget what you’ve done, the brainstorms you had for what to do next, or the ideas others contribute along the way. Tracking also keeps you from veering off into unnecessary tasks as your attention wanders.


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Weight Watchers has built their entire business around tracking food and calorie intake daily and weighing weekly. Athletes keep track of their personal best times so they can improve. Project managers track everything from software development to building houses.


We keep track of the metrics on our website, Facebook page, and book sales, learning what works and what doesn’t. We track our pitches to other websites, radio, and magazines. We monitor our daily writing counts when working on a book. We make a list of all the things we want to see/eat/do when we arrive in a new location so we won’t forget.


It can be as simple as a small notebook or as elaborate as a software program.


You’ll reach your goals faster if you know what to do, when to do it, and what happens as a result of doing it.


How you can get more things done

Whether you have one big dream in mind or just want to accomplish more of the small stuff on a regular basis, these 5 habits will create the perfect environment to make it happen. We work these habits every day, and they have given us a life we once only dreamed of. (In fact, that’s why we never had it before: we were only dreaming!)



Set a firm deadline
Take daily action on your goals
Don’t be afraid of mistakes and trying new things
Learn from negative feedback (and ignore it when there is nothing to learn)
Track your actions and results

We’ll be writing more on the topic of getting things done in the near future. Do you have a specific question on identifying goals, prioritizing them, or generally getting more done in your life? If so, email (btalbot at marriedwithluggage dot com) and tell us about it. Your identity will remain anonymous, though we’ll answer your questions publicly here, in the weekly newsletter, or on our Facebook page.


Find out how we made our dream of world travel come through with our book, Dream Save Do.




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Published on September 16, 2012 08:00

September 14, 2012

Approaching the finish line to a dream

Finish line to a dream | Achieving goals


We can’t believe the Eurasian Adventure 2012 is almost over. Since April 1 we’ve logged over 15,000 kilometers on our overland journey from Thailand to Portugal, and as of today we are right next door to our destination in sunny Spain.


Our goal was to live in the moment and appreciate the journey along the way, and we’ve certainly done that. There are a lot of practical lessons from this journey, and we’ll be sharing what happens when you cross the finish line to your dream in the weeks ahead.


But we’re not quite there yet. You see, we are heading to the US this fall for the first time since we departed in 2010, and we thought it would be fun to extend the “no plane” rule just a little bit longer. We’re going to take a ship from Copenhagen, Denmark to Miami, Florida, stopping briefly in Lisbon, Portugal to make it fit in with our original goal.


(If you don’t see the video below, click here.)



In the last 6 months we’ve traveled by bus, train, camel, horse, and foot to go through Thailand, Laos, China, Mongolia, Russia, Estonia, Latvia, Poland, Germany, Belgium, Austria, Slovenia, Italy, France, and Spain.


So what’s a few thousand more kilometers by train to Copenhagen and to the US by ship? (Actually, 8000 more kilometers than originally planned.)


But that’s the thing about working toward your goals. As you near the finish line you’ll be aware of the possibilities you didn’t even know existed before. Your life is richer and fuller than when you began, you have better skills than you did before, and you are stronger than you used to be. You dream bigger, and you do bigger.


That’s how we feel as we near the end of this journey, and you won’t believe what we’ve got planned for 2013.


Many thanks to our European travel sponsor Eurail.com, who makes it too damn easy to be flexible with the Eurail passes. We’ve crunched the numbers, and it is a huge savings (not to mention mental savings) to travel this way in Europe. We hope you’ll check out the overall pass or the country-specific passes like Eurail – Spain Rail Pass and Eurail – Italy Rail Pass.


And of course Wimdu makes it really easy to find lodging as we make up these crazy plans and last-minute changes.


Stay tuned as we finish our European travels, sail across the Atlantic – again, and come back to the US for a visit for the first time in 2 years.


This overland journey didn’t drive us crazy, but arriving at election time just might!


Is this the first you’re hearing of our trip by ship? If you were an email subscriber you’d have found out last week! Sign up here for a weekly subscriber-only article on living well plus personal news from us.




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Published on September 14, 2012 08:00

September 11, 2012

Merging My Ideal Self and My Real Self

Who am I? This is a subject each of us has wrestled with at some point or another. Over the course of the next few months I’ll be exploring who you think you are, the reality that begs to differ, and how it all works together to define or delay your dream life. Today I’ll kick it off by turning the microscope on myself and give you a glimpse into my own personal process of self-reflection.


Warren takes a break to think in in China


I want this to be a deep and insightful article delving into personal identify, a subject that occupies my mind most days. I want it to be insightful, cathartic, and deep. I want it to clearly summarize what is going on in my head and the analysis that has been going on the last 2 years. Instead, I fear the words may tumble out of me like an upturned box of thumbtacks, dancing across a tiled floor without finding any meaning.


I’ve never been one to shy away from tough moments so I’ll give it a shot.


For 2 years now I’ve become increasingly aware of an odd state of being:


I am not the man I believe that I am.


This is not the same as saying I am not who I want to be or I wish I could be something different. No, that would be an easier reality to understand. Instead, I find myself looking in the mirror each day and believing I am someone slightly different. It is not a completely different vision I have of myself, more like a copy with a few minor differences. Like a photocopied document with lint on the scanner.


It is clear that it is only me that notices the differences since no one else can see this image I’ve created in my head.


Before I go on to0 long, I feel I should explain a bit about what I mean by the phrase “I am not the man I believe that I am.” Virtually every day I encounter some experience, decision, or opportunity that requires a reaction. Whether it is someone cutting in front of me in line, a stranger eating lunch alone, or a chance to turn left when our plans have us turning right. In each of these situations I stand back and examine the event as if I’m watching a “conversation” between 2 people: the man I am and the man I believe I am.


I believe I am the man who:



Understands and accepts that people cut in line all the time but that I will not let my life be controlled by the actions of others. I let this roll off and continue my day.
Walks over and asks the stranger to join us for lunch. I introduce myself and realize this is a great opportunity to meet and engage with another human being.
Is spontaneous, ready, and able to change plans at a moment’s notice.

I truly believe that is the person I am.


Warren running and jumping through the field


I Am Not This Person

Since we left the US I’ve found a desire to examine myself far greater detail, a scary proposition I realize. Now that I’m living my dream it brings me into a far greater self-awareness phase of life. Or, maybe this is just how a mid-life crisis begins…


Time and time again I’ve shown myself to not be the person who lets unfairness roll off my back. While in China getting off a bus there was a woman who kept pushing me aside to demand the driver get her bag before mine. After 10 hours on the bus I was frustrated that she could not simply wait her turn. I stepped in front and pulled our bags out, barely missing her as in the process. I let this get under my skin and ruin the rest of the night.


I plan to be spontaneous, only to let the planning take hold. Of course, the fact that I type “plan to be spontaneous” should reveal the truth. When we arrived in Europe in August I believed I would be able to just wake up each morning, head to the train station without a plan, and just start going. Each morning I wake up with this belief, only to find myself pouring over maps and train schedules.


There are a few examples of me approaching a stranger in my life, but history shows this is an exception and not the rule. While enjoying lunch in Lucca, Italy I noticed a woman about our age sitting alone reading a guide book in English. It would have been so easy just to pop over, introduce myself, and see if she’d like company. But instead I chose to stick to the comfort of our table.


I am not the man I believe me to be. I am not who I am, but what the hell does that mean? Regardless of the reason, I’m finding that exploring the dichotomy of “the 2 Warrens” to be enlightening.



Why do I believe I am different than I really am?
Which person do I really want to be?
How do I merge these 2 ideas together into reality?

I pose these as 3 common questions that can be answered with a quick Google search, but I’ve found that after 2 years I’m only now able to articulate that this idea even exists. Let alone finding an answer.


I believe I am different

Reality can be sobering. As I look at each of these situations I am genuinely surprised, and typically disappointed, in my reactions. It stinks to discover that your expected reactions to don’t live up in reality.


It is apparently easier to believe in the person I am not than to fully accept the frustrated, unfriendly, planned out person that seems to keep showing up and taking the stage. I constantly vow to respond better “next time” only to find that “next time” and “last time” do not differ in my response. How in the hell could this be?


One of the key reasons is that the person I am, the one living the life of his dreams, wants to grow as a result. I want to be a better person because I am having these experiences and want them to alter me in some way. When I see the person I think I am I am merely surprised that I am not that person already after 2 years of living this life.


Who I Really Want To Be

Ah, the $64,000 question. In my mind there are 2 Play-Doh versions of me standing across the room for each other. I believe the person I want to become is a mashed together version of these 2 ideas. Of course, it could just be saying a lot about me that I use Play-Doh as the best representation of me. Perhaps that in and of itself screams insight.


For the last few months, as I’ve discovered and wrestled with this concept, I’ve actively worked to merge my two selves together. I can see that I am slowly changing. My frustration with the unfairness of life is beginning to dull, my desire to introduce myself to strangers is increasing, and my twitch when hearing the word spontaneous is not as pronounced.


Kissed by an elephat


Merging Two Ideas Into Reality

I can control how I react to perceived unfairness and avoid lashing out. Recently I contacted Expedia about their “best price guarantee” for a package we had purchased. After 30 minutes on hold and 20 minutes on the phone they came back with an excuse as to why I would not be eligible. I responded in a calm manner, expressing my disappointment but not getting angry. This is a big change for me and shows there is hope in becoming a calmer person in the face of unfairness.


I’m finding that I CAN be more spontaneous. I proved this to myself when we took off from Slovenia last month on a train with no destination in mind. I also realized, without distress, that I’ll never be fully comfortable being unplanned. I need some level of structure in my life.


Over time I envision these 2 images of myself merging together, with me changing as a result. I now recognize what I love about myself, but also areas that will always be a “work in progress”. I suppose that is true for all of us. Each experience is an opportunity to explore who we are as people and determine if we like the current answer. If not, we can step back and ask ourselves why and what we’d like to change. There are no right or wrong answers, only questions left unasked.


My name is Warren Talbot and I yam what I yam, but that’s not all that I will be.


In the next installment I’ll be providing you a guide to help you answer the question “Who Am I?” for yourself. I’ll provide you with questions and actions you can use to determine the person that fits with your reality and the dream life you envision.


If you enjoyed this article, please share it on Facebook by clicking the Share button below or drop me an email with your thoughts. We’d love to hear your  feedback.




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Published on September 11, 2012 07:17

September 8, 2012

Build a Community to Support Your Dreams (or just join one!)

Press escape on your life | Follow your dreams | world travel


When you want to do something unusual, at least something unusual amongst your group of friends, it can be a little intimidating. There is no one to ask for help or advice, and your friends may not know how to support you because they can’t understand why you want to do this thing. (World travel? What’s wrong with living here?)



I don’t understand why you’d ever take your clothes off in public.
Tattoos are only for bikers and drug addicts.
Why would you jump out of a perfectly good plane?
Isn’t it a little late in life to become an athlete?
Why would you give up everything you own to travel the world?

You feel like you’re in it all alone, and for that very reason you often drop your more unusual dreams after a half-hearted effort.


It’s not your friends’ fault. It’s human nature to avoid change and stick with the safety of numbers. We do what everyone else does because that’s what kept our caveman ancestors safe. The one who struck it out on his own was likely to be eaten by a tiger. It’s an evolutionary safety switch to crave conformity.


Today you don’t have to worry about tiger attacks on a daily basis, but you do still have to contend with creating the life you really want when you don’t always have the immediate support of your tribe.


Gaining support for your dreams

The solution? Add a new group of friends to your life, ones who are already planning or doing the very thing you want to do. You don’t have to jump the hurdles of explanation with these people and can get on with the business of living. They get you even if they don’t know you all that well, and they are excited about what you are doing because they are doing it, too.


The bonus to this plan is your regular friends, the ones who didn’t quite know how to support you at first, will see your growing confidence and progress toward your goal and come rallying to support you. (They really just don’t want to see you get hurt or make a mistake, which is why they are reluctant at the start to support you.)


When we first decided to make this big life change, quitting our jobs and selling everything we owned to travel the world, we didn’t know anyone else who had done it. It was a bit of a mystery at first, so we did a lot of research on the Internet. There were lots of young people traveling, but we couldn’t find a lot of information on 40-ish couples doing the same thing.


Were we crazy to think we could do this?


Then we began discovering blogs by curious adults like us who did all kinds of unconventional things to live a life of travel and adventure. Twitter was full of long-term travelers, and we gradually became virtual followers and friends of many of these people.


We absorbed their wisdom and advice as we took steps to make our own dream happen.


Building a community

A few months before our departure date, we heard about an event called Meet, Plan, Go, where aspiring career breakers could meet and learn more about the specifics of long-term travel. We quickly contacted the organizers and asked if we could be the hosts in Seattle. We remembered how hard it was for us to start planning our own trip in 2008 when we didn’t know anyone who had done it, and we wanted to give back now that we were so close to our own departure.


Meet Plan Go | Career Break | World Travel


We began seriously looking for panelists for the event, a keynote speaker, and sponsors. We were pleasantly surprised to find a sizable group of long-term travelers right there in Seattle. All this time we were scouring the Internet for information and there were live people in our own city who had already lived the dream we wanted!


(This is what happens when you make assumptions. The lesson: Don’t make assumptions.)


The most surprising thing to us was the diversity in people who had traveled long-term. There were single people, families, couples, and even groups of friends. They came from a range of economic backgrounds and education levels, and their ages ranged from college to retirement. It was inspiring to see them all in one room, chatting it up with each other and with the 150 other people who came to learn more.


This dream of traveling around the world was no longer weird or unusual. Every single person in the room had either done it or planned to do it in the near future. There was no explaining why, just a series of conversations about how and when. It was magical.


We were surprised at how much we learned ourselves, even after 2 years of planning and being just 2 weeks from departure. Keynote speaker Lee Lefever told us of his trip across Russia by train and how it played a part in starting the business he now has, and that stayed with us. As you know, just 2 years after this we took the same magical journey.



This is what it is like when you band together with people who share your dream. You learn from them so you can accomplish your goal, no matter how strange it sounds to your regular friends, and then you can return to share your expertise with those who are a few years behind you.


Joining a community

Meet, Plan, Go is coming up again on October 16, 2012 in 10 cities in North America. We’ve contributed our ebook, Getting Rid of It, to every single person who buys a ticket. There are other goodies available after the event in the digital swag bag to help you get started on world travel if that is one of your dreams.


But the biggest bonus of attending the event is meeting other people who get you, people who come from all walks of life but share the same dream of seeing the world.


Click here to get your ticket and claim your spot in the community of your dreams.




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Published on September 08, 2012 08:00

September 3, 2012

How to stop fighting so damn much

How to stop fighting | Fighting in a relationship


This 18,000-km overland journey from Thailand to Portugal has brought out the bitch in both of us.


We are not a couple unused to fighting or fighting in a productive way, but the frequency of our fights has increased in the last six months.


Why?


Let’s face it, when you do something big together, even something you both want to do, it is going to cause some stress in your relationship. If you’ve ever vacationed, planned a wedding, remodeled a room, raised a kid, moved, started a business, gone on a diet, saved money, or even had a yard sale together, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

The stress of the ‘new’ in your life is piled on to your existing responsibilities, and when you add another person and their different way of coping to the exact same situation, you’re going to have fights. Incredible fights, actually.

So now that we are 14,000 or so kilometers into this journey, we’ve had a few things bubble up to the surface. Considering we are together 24/7 and sometimes making last-minute travel decisions, we are bound to have disagreements and misunderstandings.

There are 3 lessons we keep coming back to as we try to stop fighting so much and become rational again.
Be very specific about what you want/need

This is no time for being vague or putting everyone else first. Stress is high, so you need to make your needs crystal clear or they will get lost in the shuffle and your stress will continue to build until it explodes all over everyone around you. 


I need alone time. For someone who really does love meeting people, I have a lot of hermit tendencies. If I don’t get some alone time, even from Warren, I get testy. I can’t write. My words become sharp. I eat and drink and sleep way too much. I feel very put upon and just want everyone to go away (and generally act in a way to make them want to do it).


Give me an hour or two a day to myself, a few mornings a week to write, and I’m a pretty well-adjusted person, suitable for human companionship. But take a look at how I wrote that last sentence: “Give me an hour or two…” If I really want to maintain my mental health and the mental health of those around me, I have to make sure I get what I need, not wait for someone to grant it to me.


It is not up to your partner to read your mind, sense your needs, fill the gaps, or right the situation. He or she won’t know, can’t know, really. It is your responsibility to make your needs clearly and specifically known.


You are not doing anyone any favors by making sure their needs are being met over your own.


Stop martyring yourself for the greater good. It’s not working.


How to stop fighting so damn much
Know your partner’s trigger points and tread carefully

Especially when embarking on something new, it is important to honor your partner’s quirks and habits so they can soothe themselves through the transition. Don’t ask him or her to adjust to something new AND take away or limit what keeps them on an even keel. 


Just because it is your responsibility to state your needs clearly doesn’t mean your partner is off the hook. We’re in relationships for a reason, and if you don’t know what sets your partner off or how to keep them happy, you are not pulling your weight in the relationship.


Warren hates crowds. He always has, and we typically are able to work around this. We do most of our sightseeing at off-peak times and seasons, saving his sanity and usually costing us less. Win-win.


But this overland journey had us arriving in Europe on August 1, the start of the holiday month, and we’ve been dodging crowds ever since. Warren gets testy just anticipating the crowds.


While we can’t avoid all the crowds, we have been able to adjust our travel plans to minimize them. Thanks to our Eurail passes, we are not locked into any specific schedule.


Just last week while standing on the platform at La Spezia, Italy with about 1,000 other people heading to Cinque Terre for a day at the beach, I told him we should wait for the next train.


We had to pay a small surcharge for seat reservations, but it was worth it. Instead of cramming onto the train with our backpacks, we waited just 15 minutes to have seats with a table to ourselves (and a faster journey to boot). He was more comfortable, and that made me more comfortable.


Make life better for your partner and your life will be better, too.


Find a humorous way to end your fights

In a stressful situation, a resolved fight can still cause a lot of angst as you walk away and replay events in your mind. Give it a humorous end and you’ll get back to center more quickly as individuals and as a couple.


If you can create a funny saying – like, “so do we mud wrestle now?” – it breaks the tension and allows you to more easily move on to regular living.


When we’ve had a heated argument and the tensions have smoothed, Warren always wants to have sex. Sex is the last thing on my mind after an argument. Over the years this has played out over and over again, and now it is a joke between us. Warren makes a comment about getting randy with a hopeful grin, and I make a vaguely threatening comment about the foolishness of exposing his naked body to my waning wrath as I try to hold back a smile.


It’s a familiar dance, and it is a signal to both of us that the fight is over and we are on the road to normal again. We usually hug and make a few more lame jokes about whatever we’ve been fighting over before resuming regular life. There is always a clear cut-off to the fight, which helps us both come together as a team again, internalize the lessons and move on. We avoid the individual simmering that will inevitably erupt in round 2 of the fight in the not-too-distant future.


Create a clear signal for the end of a fight.


A happy ending to a fight
All’s well that ends well

One thing this journey has taught us is that nothing worthwhile comes without work. As we’ve explored Asia and Europe together, we’ve seen some amazing sites, met great people, and reconnected with good friends. Along the way, our relationship has matured as we’ve gotten better at being a team of two individuals.


We still have a month of travel left on this Eurasian Adventure 2012 before we transition to another grand adventure this fall: our first visit to the US after being away for 2 years. At election time.


Goddess help us all.


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Published on September 03, 2012 08:00

September 1, 2012

Image to Inspire: Different Perspectives

Color in Lucca, Italy


In almost 2 years of travel, and well over 20,000 pictures, this image is one of my favorites. I took it last week while we enjoyed a few days in Lucca, Italy, a small village tucked in the Tuscan hills. As we rounded the corner of the main square I saw this woman sitting alone, her pink dress popping against the white of a church.


As I looked at the scene what I found most interesting is that this is a woman using her phone while sitting on the steps of a 7th century church. While I was taking a photo to capture the moment I noticed a young girl riding around the square laughing. I waited until she rode into the frame and snapped a shot, and it was this addition that caused me to fall in love with the image.


To me this picture represents different perspectives of focus in life. There is no right answer. As you view the image your eye may be drawn to the girl and the excitement you recall of being a kid and how much pleasure a simple ride on a bike could bring. Perhaps you focus on the woman, wondering why she is sitting alone in such a beautiful dress. Or maybe the contradiction between the old church and the modern technology draws your attention. The best news is, there is absolutely no wrong answer.


We are all pulled towards different perspectives in our experiences, and this is why we sometimes enjoy the exact same things for vastly different reasons. Taking a moment to step back and see an experience (or a scene) through someone else’s eye can enable you to appreciate the experience even more.




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Published on September 01, 2012 07:11

August 22, 2012

The Importance of Making the First Move

Make the first move in new friendships


About 6 years ago we were sitting in an outdoor cafe in Barcelona sipping on sangria like all good tourists do, wondering what we should see next. It was late fall, and tourism had dropped substantially, leaving the cafe empty except for us.


A couple in their early 50s came outside and made a beeline for our table. We both wondered why they would come over to sit so close to us when the entire place was empty, and we were doubly shocked when they stopped at our table and asked to join us.


“Uh, sure,” was about all we could muster. What kind of people do this?


They were seasoned travelers, having been all over the world as they carved out an incredibly adventurous life in between their careers and rearing children. We were fascinated by their stories, especially because they looked so average. We thought lifestyles like that only belonged to super-rich or glamorous people.


As we were winding up the conversation they asked where we lived and we told them, and they mentioned wanting to come to Seattle at some point. We told them they should, it was a great place, and of course we would love to see them if they did.


This is when it got awkward.


They gave us their contact information and asked for ours, and we hedged, saying we left our business cards back at the hotel. You see, we didn’t actually mean it when we said we’d love to see them, at least not in the “let’s make plans now” kind of way. Didn’t we need more time to get to know each other first?


(Kind of a strange thought when you realize there was no more opportunity to get to know each other if we didn’t exchange contact information.)


“How weird was that?” we thought afterward. Can you imagine coming up to random strangers and then making plans with them so soon after meeting? We failed to make the connection between their social habits and the incredible life they lived.


When we left Barcelona, we emptied their contact information in the trash along with all our receipts and other loose paper. We shut the door on a new relationship before it even had a chance to start.


Making the First Move

Fast forward to today, where we are sitting in a 150-year-old farmhouse in the hills of Slovenia with Russ and Michelle, a couple we didn’t even know a year ago. We met them in Thailand last fall.


These strangers became fast friends as we shared our time in Thailand. But would it last after we parted, when life was less convenient?


Before they left, they mentioned this caretaking job in Slovenia 7 months down the road and said we should look them up if we came that way. We casually agreed we would and said our goodbyes, not even knowing if we’d be in Europe at the same time.


As we began our European leg of this overland adventure from Thailand to Portgual, we remembered their offer and contacted them. Was the offer still good? Because we were on our way.


So what changed between meeting the couple in Barcelona and meeting Michelle and Russ in Thailand?


We did.


(Click here if you don’t see the video below. And listen to the intro music – that’s our friend Russ playing and singing!)



Bad Moves

It’s a particular North American thing to say “I’ll call you” or “we should get together sometime” as a parting comment. We don’t really mean it most of the time, and even when we do, we don’t mean it enough to make concrete plans.


Without that date on the horizon for a phone call, dinner date, or afternoon stroll, it simply won’t happen. Your good intentions get covered up in the busy-ness of life, and before long weeks or months or years have passed and the opportunity to extend the friendship, deepen the bond, or make the first move has vanished.


I would love to reconnect with that couple we met in Barcelona, if only to tell them how much their actions impacted us at a time when we were just starting to question our way of living. We can now see the connection between the fabulous life experiences they shared and their willingness to make the first move in creating new friendships and shared experiences.


It works the same way in your life, whether you travel or not. When you meet someone interesting but don’t follow through, you lose the opportunity to add them to your life.



That funny woman at the cocktail party who would be so perfect in your circle of friends is just a fond memory if you don’t follow up. All it would take to make it a reality is a warm invitation to your next book club.
The guy who explained how to perfectly grill the eggplant from your garden at the grocery store is just someone to briefly recall the next time you fire up the grill if you don’t do something. Imagine how many gardening and cooking tips you could share by inviting him over to your next BBQ.
That couple at the baseball game who loves the team and hotdogs as much as you do will likely be sitting somewhere else next time you score tickets. Why not ask them to tailgate next time or invite them to watch the playoffs with you at your local pub?

It’s Your Move

This transition is a mental hurdle that requires just one simple action in the moment. (You know how much we love deadlines to spur action.)


As you go about your week, mentally add a deadline to your “good intention” thoughts and statements. When you think, “I need to call him,” put it on the calendar to make it happen on Tuesday at 4:00 pm. When you run into an old friend at the grocery store and can’t remember why you drifted apart, ask her to join you for a walk around the park on Saturday morning to catch up. When you meet someone interesting for the first time, make a followup plan to connect again before you leave, even by email.


Most people are not good at this. In fact, you will likely be the instigator of all your interactions at first. Don’t let this dissuade you.


In a worst-case scenario, the new friendship doesn’t start or the other person doesn’t respond or timing just doesn’t work, which is the exact same thing that would have happened had you done nothing.


Every other possible scenario includes a blossoming new friendship and a lifetime to make memories together, potentially in a beautiful old farmhouse in scenic Slovenia.


If you cringe at the idea of making the first move, check out our book, Strip Off Your Fear: Slip Into Something More Confident for a primer on speaking up.


* * *


Many thanks to Eurail , who provided the train passes we’re using to complete the European leg of our adventure. The best way to see Europe is by train, especially if you’re lucky enough to travel through the German and Austrian countryside to come to Slovenia.




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Published on August 22, 2012 08:51

August 17, 2012

Postcards to Ponder: Stories from a Station

Postcards to Ponder are an opportunity for Warren to share one photo from our lives and provide a bit more background on why he took it and what the image means to him. Today we explore the Cologne train station and the lesson of slowing down.



We love trains, which turns out this is a very good thing because for the last few months we’ve spent over 10,000km traveling on them from China to Brussels, Belgium. Trains provide us an opportunity to slow down and appreciate the journey without the hassles of planes. Arriving at every station we gather excitement from the bustling crowds, the sound of the trains, and the knowledge that everyone is going somewhere.


When we pulled into the station in Cologne I was immediate struck by the architecture. We only had a few minutes to change to our next train, I couldn’t resist snapping a few shots to capture the feeling. This was the very first image I captured and turned out to be my favorite. It shows off the old style architecture (the station was almost completely rebuilt after being destroyed in the Second World War) but also captures the movement and stories of the people as they head to new places.



A businessman heading to his office, but taking a moment to notice an attractive woman.
Two girlfriends arriving in Europe for a 2 week holiday, looking forward to the sights and tastes of Cologne.
An older French gentleman arriving in Cologne for a conference of doctors.
A younger man looking anxiously to see if this is the right train to take him on to Paris for his first visit.
The man in the background wondering how in the hell to check-in to Four Square

Train stations are an opportunity to appreciate the stories that surround us. With our trusty Eurail pass (thanks to the great people at Eurail.com) we’re looking forward to a couple months of exploring Europe. We’re anxious to not only create new stories for ourselves but to take the time to slow down and appreciate those of the people around us.


This photo reminds me that everyone has a story to tell and I need to slow down and take time to appreciate them.




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Published on August 17, 2012 04:03

August 11, 2012

Challenging Your Assumptions (The Russian Nesting Doll Edition)

Challenging your assumptions


Russian nesting dolls are so…Russian. We saw rows and rows of them in both cheap market stalls and high end shops during our time in Russia, and most of the travelers we met bought a set.


These brightly colored dolls are almost a mascot for Russia and its folk art.


We imagined the ancient Russian craftspeople – already famous for making religious icons – also carving and painting these brightly colored dolls. We were also curious to find out why they were made. What purpose did they serve in a time when nothing was really “extra” in a home?


Imagine our surprise to find out these dolls were actually created a mere 100 years ago. In fact, they were inspired by a doll from Japan!


Now we still think these dolls are great, but we no longer inject them with this heavy historical and cultural meaning. We can simply enjoy them as recent additions to Russia’s rich folk art heritage.


Challenging Your Assumptions

The same holds true in your life for a multitude of things. You “think” this event, fact, or condition is of much greater importance than it actually is simply because you’ve never examined your assumption. In the case of the Russian dolls, it is fairly harmless, but in your real life this knowledge can mean the difference between:



Comfort and Discomfort
Freedom and Constraint
Joy and Melancholy

What kind of negative assumptions and roadblocks are you throwing at your dreams and goals? Are they legitimate, or are you just copping out from fear or uncertainty?


There are a few good ways to tell:



Go through the 5 Whys exercise to get to the heart of the matter. Pretend you are a 5-year-old and keep asking until you hit the final answer.
Ask yourself if someone else you know would be capable of doing it. If yes, why them and not you?
Some excuses are valid, and some are complete bullshit. Your bullshit detector is here.

The next time you tell yourself not to do something because of X, or to accept something because of Y, stop and consider whether this “fact” is really true or a wildly overblown assumption.


You don’t have to believe everything you’re told, especially when the person talking is you.


Your Challenge

Pick a day this week to question everything, from whether you really need sugar in your coffee in the morning to how often you need to check your email at work to why you require 2 pillows to get to sleep at night. You can give it 5 seconds of additional thought as events happen or make a deeper exercise out of it with a notebook and some focused contemplation.


The idea is not to get you to change your mind about any one thing but to develop your “questioning” muscles to use on the more important areas of your life.


Learn how to challenge your current assumptions all the way through to living your dream life in our book, Dream Save Do. It’s already worked for other people!




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Published on August 11, 2012 05:00

August 6, 2012

Postcards to Ponder: Proclaim Your Passion

Insight behind a snapshot from our travels.



Crossing over a bridge in Yekaterinburg, Russia we came across dozens of locks affixed to the bridge, each representing a couple’s undying love. It is a symbol we’ve seen in various countries, but something about this day made me slow down and take notice. Each lock includes the name of a couple and represents a public proclamation of their enduring love for each other.


Myths and legends abound as to how this tradition was started. However the one I love took place in Siberia, which just so happened to be where we were at the time. A local schoolmistress named Nada, fell in love with a Serbian officer named Relja. After they committed to each other Relja went to war in Greece where he fell in love with a local woman. Subsequently, Relja broke off their engagement. Nada never recovered from that devastating blow, and died soon thereafter from a broken heart. As a result young girls from the area, wanting to protect their own loves, began writing their names, together with the name of their loved one, on padlocks and affixing them to the railings of the bridge where Nada and Relja used to meet.


Like love, we assume that our dreams will always be there for us to chase and that “some day” we will go after them. We hold them tightly to our chest never taking the actions necessary to see them blossom into the life we envision. We are so sure that time will always be on our side to see our passions manifest into the life we envision.


Instead of hope and delay, proclaim your passion and make it happen.




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Published on August 06, 2012 02:13