Betsy Talbot's Blog, page 24
January 9, 2013
How to Handle a Know-It-All (and why we’re opening up comments again)
You’re at a party and you’re trapped in the corner with a guy who knows everything under the sun and your job is to simply acknowledge his brilliance with an occasional nod. Or maybe your kid’s Saturday morning soccer game gives you the opportunity to learn all the best parenting / dieting / political advice from the self-appointed Super Mom of the neighborhood. And sometimes you work for this type of person, the one who doesn’t want your feedback on the job you know inside and out, and expects you to robotically obey his or her commands and never call in sick.
We’ve met hundreds of people in our travels and run into more than a few know-it-alls. Today you’ll learn how we handle the various types so you can avoid being trapped in the future. And for your added enjoyment, you’ll learn why we decided to get down off our own soapbox to have a better conversation with you.
Types of Know-it-Alls
There are 3 basic kinds of know-it-alls, and the types hold true across borders and languages. (I’m referring to the know-it-alls as males for ease of writing, but there is no gender distinction in real life.)
The Evangelist
Sometimes a know-it-all is just really into it, like the off-the-grid hostel owner we met in Peru. He could not stop talking about how liberating it was to live without a phone, internet, or television and one hour away from the closest village. He even glamorized intestinal parasites…over dinner.
Good for him. We want civilization.
Evangelists have experienced great joy or incredible results from an action, event, or realization and they cannot imagine why everyone in the world wouldn’t be interested in it.
These people can be instructive, annoying, or just plain humorous. Or all 3 at once. The main problem is they have no filter and just spew information rather than waiting to share in a conversation with interested parties.
How to handle an Evangelist when you don’t want the message at all: “I’m really happy this worked out so well for you, but it’s not for me.”
How to handle an Evangelist when you don’t want so much information: “This sounds interesting. Can you recommend a book/website/podcast I can check out later for more info?”
Then change the subject or walk/run away. Unless you happen to be an hour from the nearest town and without internet, phone or television in remote Peru.
The All Talk, No Action Person
We meet this guy a lot in the common room of guesthouses and hostels all over the world. He holds court to tell all the other travelers how to best enjoy their time in the area, but he rarely seems to actually leave himself. He’s always working on a money-making strategy that will change the way we look at something core to our lives. When he’s not Facebooking or drinking beer, that is.
This know-it-all has solutions for almost any problem, but none of them are road-tested. He is quick to tell you how to do something he’s never done. He’s always “getting ready to” do something big.
The All Talk, No Action person is more concerned with what others think of him than what he thinks of himself. This is why he wants to impress and why he is so scared of failure that he doesn’t ever follow through on his grand plans.
How to handle an All Talk, No Action guy: Call him on it. Ask for his personal experience or tell him you’ll revisit the topic when he’s actually done it.
Been There, Done That
This is similar to the All Talk, No Action Person, but this one always has a personal experience or a “good friend” who did exactly what you just did but better or in a way you can’t possibly replicate if it is something you plan to do tomorrow.
He is the black hole of fun, always tamping down your experience with a bigger and better tale of his own (or one from his thousands of “good buddies”) that is hardly believable. I’ve seen him rain on the parades of travelers who come back to the guesthouse excited about an experience, only to be told it was far less worthy than his.
This guy is pretty insecure, which leads to his need to dominate every exchange and come out the winner. Why should he care if his Machu Picchu experience was better than yours? Isn’t it cool that you both went and can talk about it?
It’s hard to imagine the aggressive know-it-all is scared underneath the crunchy outer layer, but it is true. Otherwise, why all the bravado and posturing? These people typically haven’t been there and done that. They most often got their information second or third hand, and any credible challenge to it will crumble it. So will ignoring it.
How to handle the Been There, Done That guy: Ignore this guy. Since his commentary isn’t often based in fact, you’ll never have a decent conversation. Better to go out and enjoy your life and let him keep talking about it.
What This has to Do with Comments
We turned off the comments on this site last summer. We thought we’d move the conversation to Facebook, where it would be even more social.
What we discovered is that people don’t always want to comment on personal growth articles when all their friends and family can read them (especially if those friends and family happen to be know-it-alls). We missed some really great conversation with you guys, and you weren’t able to share your perspective. We all lost out in this scenario.
Our “evangelism” over living the good life started to look a lot more like 2 people on a soapbox on the corner instead of 2 people hosting a dinner party in their virtual home for interesting people.
So, we invite you to come back in, take your shoes off, and get comfortable. Tell us what you think about this article, the comments being on or off, or how your new year is starting. Ask a question, tell a story, or share an idea.
The door is open, and we’d love to have a conversation with you.




January 3, 2013
The High Price of Clutter (and How it Keeps You from Living)
If you are still holding on to your past, it’s going to be pretty hard to appreciate the present or make room for the future. Your possessions tie you down physically, mentally, and energetically – at least the ones that aren’t working for you anymore.
When you get rid of what no longer fits in your life, you can stop maintaining the earlier versions of you, the ones you’ve long since outgrown (leg warmers! bread machine! baby furniture!). You are free to be the present you, the most evolved you.
Sounds refreshing, doesn’t it?
Help is on the way. Be sure to sign up for the weekly newsletter (aka the Inner Circle) so you can watch Warren’s free 4-week video series on the basics of cleaning out a garage (oh yes, he cleaned someone’s garage last month JUST to show you how!). If you have any total junk room in your house – a bedroom, attic, basement, or garage – you are going to love these tips. It starts on Sunday, so don’t delay.
And if you want the full plan on getting rid of it, you know we wrote the book on it.
Make 2013 the year you stopped paying to maintain the old you and focused on enjoying the you of today.
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December 27, 2012
How Exposure Increased My Confidence
Exposure was my theme in 2012. While I did manage to keep my clothes on (you’re welcome), I did expose a great deal of myself this year in public.
I published a book about speaking up and going your own way, and in it I outed myself as a feminist, a bastard, a divorcee, and an atheist from a religious household. I revealed my fears of suffocating in my former life and my fears of losing the freedom in my current life. I confessed some of my mistakes, my overwhelming need to be liked, and my discomfort with conflict. Then I boldly told readers how to learn from my mistakes.
To top it off, I wrote it in a stripping metaphor, slowly peeling back the layers to reveal the genuine person underneath. Of course, you had to read the book to figure that out, and if you didn’t you might just think it was a book about stripping. How embarrassing.
After the gut-wrenching decision to publish – an iffy decision up until the moment of launch – I immediately shaved my head. I blamed it on the beer at lunch and Warren’s encouragement, but part of me just wanted to distract you from the contents or me from your reaction to them.
Look, I’m bald! Don’t read the book! (Please buy the book!)”
I was an exaggeration of everything I railed against in the book. Physician, heal thyself. (Which also proves my friend Leslie‘s contention that we teach to instruct ourselves.) I felt extremely exposed, more so than I have ever been in my life.
Exposure in a Relationship
The year carried on with other soft underbelly moments, like the grand overland journey across Asia and Europe where our relationship was tested sometimes to the extreme (thankfully there were only goats in the Gobi desert to hear the worst of the yelling).
The stress and difficulty of the journey forced me to reveal far more of myself to Warren than I ever had, and I feared the loss of his respect and admiration if he realized I wasn’t as tough/smart/adventurous as he thought.
Throughout it all, he’s still deeply committed to me, and that’s still hard to believe sometimes.
”In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen.” ~ Brene Brown
Exposure at Work
In our Married with Luggage business, I had to learn a certain amount of humility where feedback is concerned. As business partners, we often have to override the married part of our relationship to be brutally honest with each other. While it has grown our business substantially in 2012, it has also poked at the boundaries of our personal relationship.
No one is more proud – or critical – of my writing than Warren, and while I hate receiving it I know it makes the end product better. In fact, you could say that half my writing voice is due to Warren’s editing. I have grudgingly allowed him in, but I still fight him at every turn. I don’t like needing this help, despite the fact that all professional writers use editors. (Logic doesn’t apply when dealing with exposure, fear and shame.)
Exposure + Action = Confidence
To sum up 2012, when I wasn’t feeling like a confident badass, traveling the world with the man I love and doing the work I was meant to do, I was quivering in my boots.
Exposure, indeed.
So why am I telling you all this? Well, this is the time of year everyone starts taking about resolutions, and I’m a firm believer you cannot look forward until you have processed what’s behind you. By looking the year and drawing the lessons – even coming up with a word for 2012 like I did – you can better anticipate the challenges and opportunities of the coming year.
I didn’t publicly cower in the corner this year – in fact it was a pretty stellar year overall – but I did feel like it on multiple occasions and I hate admitting it (even more so than actually doing it, which is telling in and of itself). But when you uncover frailties in yourself, especially those intimately linked to your biggest strengths, you can better plot your next move.
Exposure is a package deal with my confidence, and whatever I decide to do in 2013 has to account for this if I want to be successful.
(We talked about evaluating the past year on video in last week’s newsletter - you are getting it, right? - and this week we’ll cover how those lessons can inform your plans for the new year. Warren’s lessons are all around control and comfort with the unknown, so you’ll get an earful of juicy insights from both of us. Sign up here.)
This has been an incredible year of growth for me personally and for us as a team, and while I know 2013 will bring challenges, I’m more practiced and comfortable with the exposure required to live the life of my dreams. I’m gearing up for the opportunities in spite of my discomfort.
It isn’t easy, but if it was, everybody would be doing it.
Thank you for virtually traveling with us in 2012, opening your homes to us on our travels, reading our books, sending us emails, and connecting with us on Facebook. It’s probably easier to expose yourself to strangers, but I much prefer the more intimate reveal to friends we know and love and those friends we just haven’t met yet.
People just like you.
Here’s to deepening our connection with ourselves and with each other in 2013. Happy New Year!
The book that started my Great Exposure of 2012 is Strip Off Your Fear: Slip Into Something More Confident (buy it! don’t buy it!). I’ll be revealing more about this little gem in the new year and the lessons we’ve learned from publishing it.




December 20, 2012
How to Navigate the End of the World
Many are saying that the world will end in a fiery explosion on Friday, December 21, 2012, bringing to fruition a “prediction” they believe came from the ancient Mayans. While I’m certain this will not be our fate, there is a part of me wishing they are right. I would like our world to end.
I’d love to see an end to the world where:
You don’t go after your dreams
You continue in jobs/careers which don’t fulfill you
The path to getting what you want is blocked by the clutter in your home and life
You don’t stand up and tell others what you want most in life out of fear at what they will say
You don’t have a plan for going after your dream
Wouldn’t it be great to begin Saturday fresh, with a renewed focus on going after what you want most in life?
Shape Your Life
If December 21st represents the end of the world, then Saturday, December 22nd marks the beginning of a new one. The day when you stand up and say, “I will not spend another day without action towards my dream.” This is the day you take the first steps towards the life you want.
You can take control of your life and live it on your terms. You can live the life you want, but it will require a change in your mindset and small, positive action every day. Saturday is the first step in the process.
Put One Foot in Front of the Other
If we’re going to use myths and superstition to motivate us, then you’d be hard pressed to do better than the words of a young Santa Clause in Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don’t be the rule be the exception
A good way to start is to stand
For a toe-tapping good time and an inspiring message to boot, check out the full video. If you are over 35 then this is also likely to bring back memories of the Saturday night before Christmas with the family.
The First Step
If you don’t know what your dream is, but know it’s beyond what you’re doing today, the first step is to eliminate what you know you don’t like. Click here for more insight into the importance of getting rid of things.
Eliminating what you don’t want in your life – the clutter in your home, relationships which are not supporting you, and activities which you don’t enjoy – will open you up to see the possibilities in your life. By removing the junk you’ll be shocked at how free you’ll feel, and how addictive the process can begin. You will look forward to putting making more time for the things you love and to writing new ads on Craigslist.
However, focus this weekend on removing just one item, eliminating it from your life. By the end of Sunday, identify 1 item in your home and take it to the closest charity donation. When you do, make note of how it feels to remove this from your life. If you like to share, please drop me an email with your thoughts on the experience.
Once that you’ve taken the first step, the momentum is started. As it gathers steam you will find you” begin to enjoy the process of getting rid of it for the benefits you see. You’ll start to see major changes in not only the organization of your home, but in where you choose to spend your time and with whom.
Eliminating just 1 item may seem small, but the first step in creating your new life needs to be.
Create Your World
Make the next world one where you choose to live your dream. Take this as an opportunity to carve out the life you want from the life you are already living. But you must take action. We’re here to provide you the encouragement and guidance, but only you can take the steps needed to embrace the new world you’ll create.
While the world will not end tomorrow, we hope that it is the end of a world where you don’t go after your dreams. Go on – “put one foot in front of the other”.
Click here to sign up for our newsletter to get deeper insights and ongoing actions you can take to live your dreams. Each Sunday we provide encouragement and actions to help get you closer to living the life you want.




December 16, 2012
How to Develop Critical Thinking Skills (or, how to weed through your Facebook feed)
Editor’s Note: Need help speaking up in the midst of all the noise? Learn to effectively say what’s on your mind in Strip Off Your Fear: Slip Into Something More Confident. Available in ebook or paperback.
It’s been an intense couple of months in the US. A contentious election, explosive violence in seemingly safe public places, and a devastating natural disaster. These events bring on all the armchair quarterbacks and critics, those who pull out their positions like a soapbox and stand on them yelling and screaming until someone pays attention. Unfortunately, they usually get their audience.
Hurricane Sandy is punishment for our sins.
If all the teachers had guns our schools would be safe.
If you vote for Obama/Romney the US is doomed.
There are some pretty extreme comments out there, which is not surprising. What is surprising is the number of people who promote them without thinking. It’s like that woman you went to high school with who always posts urban myths on Facebook. Doesn’t she think about this stuff first – or at least google it?
I first started writing about critical thinking and negotiation skills as part of a book project, but recent events have spurred me to share some of these concepts now.
I don’t have all the answers, and neither does anyone else. But what we do have access to, and can use effectively to find solutions, are critical thinking skills.
These skills will take us from being passive holders of information to actual problem-solvers working on our greatest challenges.
What are critical thinking skills?
Everyone is biased. Your experience and surroundings color your perceptions. What critical thinking does is improve the quality of your thinking through high standards. You essentially put a red velvet rope around your brain and demand that the information looking for a home there first pass a rigorous test to get in.
Critical thinking skills are the big burly bouncer to your brain, and there is a long line of information waiting to get past him.
Researcher Edward Glaser determined 3 elements to critical thinking:
An attitude of being disposed to consider in a thoughtful way the problems and subjects that come within the range of one’s experiences
Knowledge of the methods of logical inquiry and reasoning
Some skill in applying those methods
There are plenty of people capable of #1, but there are many uneducated in #2 and unpracticed in #3. It’s why we have all the screaming and shouting and why progress is often slow or stagnant.
We aren’t problem-solving; we’re posturing with soundbites and guarding our turf.
Develop an Attitude of Critical Thinking
Critical thinking is essentially thinking that assesses itself. You not only put the facts and opinions on trial, you also challenge your own thought processes in coming to a conclusion. You hold yourself to a higher standard and force yourself to thoughtfully consider something before you accept it, share it, or promote it.
In the age of Likes and Retweets and multitasking it is easy to develop a “me, too!” attitude when you hear something that sounds reasonable. But a critical thinker has a followup question or wants to know more.
Critical thinkers don’t jump on bandwagons, parrot soundbites, or look to someone else to form their opinions.
They are confident in their own ability to analyze the information and come to a conclusion.
If they do not have the education, knowledge, or background to make a conclusions, they simply don’t. If they uncover information that disputes their conclusions, they are willing to change them (their opinions, not the information).
To develop an attitude of critical thinking, begin questioning the information that comes your way.
Can I trust the accuracy of this source?
Is this really better than that? Why?
What other factors do I need to consider to make a well-informed decision?
Do I have the necessary background and knowledge to come to a reasoned conclusion?
Are my emotions clouding my judgement?
Perform a Reasoned Analysis
Reasoning is a method for analyzing and evaluating information and coming to a conclusion. It is your ability to recognize the difference between a persuasive argument, an explanatory statement, or a justification for behavior. This knowledge plays into your degree of acceptance of the information and your eventual conclusion.
In order to reason effectively, you have to keep an open mind going in. (If your mind is already made up, you are not reasoning anything.)
Are you drawing in all the right information to make your decision, including dissenters?
Do you understand the motives of the person or publication presenting the information?
What would logically happen if this solution was implemented?
Would a reasonable person not involved in the situation find this to be true?
Do you understand all the terms being used (and are you confident the source does, too)?
When you’ve considered the angles and evaluated the evidence, you can make an informed decision. And when you begin thinking this way all the time, people will learn to value your judgement.
When you think before you speak, your words carry more weight.
Pick Your Battles
Part of critical thinking is to realize not everyone is doing it. So when you engage in someone who’s spouting soundbites like a robot and yelling to make a point, you have your work cut out for you. But you can ask them the same questions you would ask yourself, share your brain’s bouncer with them for just a moment, and encourage them to see things from every angle before coming to a conclusion.
Nothing stops a shallow argument faster than thoughtful questions.
We still won’t all be in agreement on any issue, but we will have a common set of tools to reasonably evaluate our problems and come up with workable solutions. If we hold ourselves to a higher standard in thinking, we can solve a higher standard of problems.
And that we desperately need.




December 12, 2012
The One Tip That Will Make You More Interesting
Be Interested! That’s right. This one change to how you approach each conversation will encourage closer friendships, make you more attractive to your partner, or get you to the second date more often.
Regardless of your motivation, the key is to enter each new interaction with an open mind and a willingness to pay attention to what others say. Paying attention does not mean just watching what is going on around you. To connect with others we must also display genuine interest in what they do and say. We need to ask questions and then actively listen to the responses.
Our Need to Get Along
According to The Anthropology of Belonging “Evolution has instilled in us a powerful desire to be part of a group…and while our social ties to others have become less personal and more complex, social connection (and our fear of losing it) continues to be crucial to the quality (and in some cases, even quantity) of our lives.”
With the growth of social media our human interactions have changed tremendously , yet our need for close relationships continue. We have the opportunity to engage with far more people, but the potential for building “surface” relationships is far to easy. Being interested in others and truly listening to their needs and stories will support the creation of healthy relationships.
By engaging with others and creating relationships we’re able to share experiences, exchange ideas, and solve problems together. At the most basic level, this helps us all cooperate enough to survive in a dynamic and diverse society. At the highest levels we are able to band together to solve seemingly intractable problems such establishing peace between 2 countries who have been at war for decades. The key is listening and being interested in the viewpoints and experiences of the other person.
Benefits of Being Interested
As humans we love to have people interested in us. We enjoy knowing that someone cares enough to ask about our day or find out where our passion for cooking came from or to understand what dreams we have in life. A curious thing happens in our brains when a person starts to ask about our lives and seems genuinely interested in knowing more about us. We begin to find that individual more interesting.
While you become more interesting to those around you, you get the tremendous benefit of connecting with the people you encounter. You will find that in getting to know people better you will learn about cultures, foods, travel recommendations, insights on books to read, movie suggestions, and a host of untapped sources of pleasure.
By being more interested you also have the opportunity to connect with people who may share your dream and can help you in your quest. Listening to their experiences may open up new ideas for how you can take another step towards your own dream life, or they may even be willing to help you chart a new path.
Steps to Be More Engaged & Interested:
Get your head in the game – walk into conversations with an open mind and willingness to learn about the other person. Before engaging in a new discussion, set a target for the number of questions you will ask. If you struggle to start conversations, here is a great set of steps you can use to get started.
Be curious - approach each new conversation is like an archeological dig and you never know what you might uncover. Enter into the discussion being curious about the other person and anxious to learn as much as you can. Find out what they can teach you about the world.
Ask insightful questions – move beyond asking about what someone does for work; instead look to understand more about their passions, thoughts, emotions or dreams. Look to learn from their experiences, travels, or meals. If you find yourself struggling, check out this list from Suite 101 of unique conversation starters. Any of these is sure to spur an interesting discussion. Or, in the words of Sheldon Cooper from the TV show Big Bang Theory: “You know what I like to do when I’m forced to talk with those beneath my intellectual station? I bring up an interesting topic, like the difference between Spiderman and spiders.” One thing is for sure, it will be a new discussion for the group.
Practice “active listening” – avoid the common pitfalls that may trip you up in being a better listener (being distracted, multi-tasking, focusing on what you will say next, pseudo listening, and interrupting the speaker). “Active listening” is a skill you can practice and improve dramatically by focusing all your attention and interest on the other person. This great article from PsychCentral provides insights into how to listen better, which will enhance your next conversation. A great rule of thumb for any conversation is to listen 75% of the time and speak 25%.
Find something you have in common - no matter how small, identify one thing you both share an interest in and push the conversation forward. Ask about why they are interested, when they started, and what they find so fascinating about the subject. Whether it be stamp collecting, sports, food, or travel by identifying a common interest you can liven up any conversation and create a foundation from which to build.
It’s Not You, It’s Me
“Communication is a joint action, by which two brains become coupled…” – Uri Hasson
We’ve all found ourselves trapped in a conversation with a narcissistic, uninteresting boob. I’m sure you can recall a time where the other person spoke incessantly about themselves, with little or no encouragement from you or others at the table. Each attempt to create a dialog or exchange of ideas reverts back to a diatribe about all the ways they’ve been wronged in the last week or bragging about their latest conquest. In the course of the conversation you find your spirit being slowly crushed like ice in a blender.
However, what if the person who is crushing people’s spirits is you? How can you identify it and reverse the process?
Following are some signs that you are the narcissistic, uninteresting boob in your conversations. Think back to a recent conversation where you felt something was “off”. Where you did not quite connect with the other person, but you could not put your finger on the reason. Be honest and ask yourself:
Did you spend the entire time talking about yourself?
Did you find that you did not ask a single question?
Did you constantly check your phone for text messages, calls, or the latest tweet?
Were you easily distracted? Each time you let the other person speak did you find your attention turning to the passing traffic or wondering what the score of the game was?
Were you practicing what you’d say next instead of listening?
If you find out that you are the uninteresting (aka uninterested) one in your conversations, revert back to the steps above to change how you approach your next conversation. Watch how it can change your interactions and make them more rewarding and enjoyable. Pay attention to how your interest will create a closer bond with the other person and allow you to deepen your conversations and relationship.
How you begin conversations does not need to be deep, but getting started is often the hardest part. Once you have started and are genuinely interested, you will learn something new and open yourself up to some fantastic discoveries.
Put it into practice
We know we’ve said it before on the site, but it bears repeating:
To be interesting you must first be interested
We’ve discovered that by opening yourself up to all that you can learn from others you can live a more fulfilling life. By asking questions you have the opportunity to make connections that can create new opportunities and discoveries you never thought possible.
Whether you are looking to reconnect with your spouse, make a good impression with a person at a party, or strike up a new friendship at work being interested in the other person is key. Not only will you be able to build/deepen the relationship, but you will learn about another person. And in the end, isn’t that one of the great aspects of life?
Uncovered the confidence to meet someone new or speak up to someone you’ve known for years. Remove the years of societal pressures and fear to be who you truly want to be. Click here to buy Strip Off Your Fear today and slip into a more confident you tomorrow.




December 3, 2012
Collaborative Consumption (or, how sharing has gone mainstream)
Ready to put your overconsumption to use? Share your excess with the world and make a few bucks at the same time. Find out how in our book, Getting Rid of It: Eliminate the Clutter in Your Life.
When you think of ideas that will change the world, you generally think of new technologies: space flight, bionic limbs, tissue regrowth. But according to Time Magazine, one of the 10 ideas that will change the world is a very old one: collaborative consumption.
You may not recognize it by its new name, but you will by some of its old ones:
Renting
Lending
Sharing
Bartering
Swapping
It’s a regrowth of the neighborhoods of yesterday, where you could borrow your neighbor’s tools, barter your eggs for another person’s vegetables, or trade out baby furniture and clothes as the kids grew.
The big difference is today’s neighborhoods are larger because the Internet is the connector. You don’t have to live in your hometown all your life to develop this network of trust and sharing. You can have it at the touch of a button.
Collaborative Consumption Inspires Trust
We do a lot of housesitting. Our favorite resource is Trusted Housesitters, an online site matching homeowners with people who want to care for their homes while they are away. The comment we always hear from our homeowners is that of friends and family: “You’re going to let strangers in your home while you’re gone?”
It works the same way in our travels. We often rent apartments (also via collaborative consumption sites) for weeks or months at a time, and if a reader or fellow travelers comes our way we often open our temporary home to them. When we offered a place to stay in Edinburgh to a reader passing through she was flabbergasted. “How could you open your home to a stranger?” she asked.
We go about our merry way showing people it’s okay to trust and believe in the good of your fellow man. In the case of house sitting, we have references and plenty of experience. Homeowners can trace our activities online through the site and social media. We live very openly, so there is little risk in hiring us, and we are always interested in meeting other people who live openly as well. Travelers usually fit in this category and we feel very safe with them.
What we love about sharing living spaces is the trust it inspires in complete strangers. It forms a quick bond, and we usually have a long-term friendship develop from the people with which we share space.
Collaborative Consumption Decreases Congestion
When we lived in Seattle, we signed up for the car-sharing service Zipcar. With our membership, we could reserve cars parked in locations all around the city and drive them for as little as one hour or as much as a day. It was perfect for people who lived in the city and could walk most places. We only needed a car occasionally, and $8/hour was a lot cheaper than a car payment and insurance.
This is why we’re also big fans of public transportation, renting public bikes or sharing a bus or metro with other people to get around a city and avoiding the price and frustration of finding parking. In our travels we’ve shared horses, buses, minivans, cars, and even hitched a ride in the back of someone’s pickup.
We’ve also discovered ride-sharing services in Europe where you can pay to travel with someone going your way. It’s common to share transportation resources in other places, and we’d love to see it spread to cut down on the use of gas and congestion on roads. (Did you know 78% of cars on the road contain only 1 person?)
Collaborative Consumption Reduces Clutter
You know this is our big thing, right? The more clutter you have in your life, the less freedom you have to move and grow – literally and figuratively. When you can easily borrow the beach umbrella from your neighbor once a year instead of buying your own, you are reducing clutter (and saving money). The circle is complete when you can also loan your hedge trimmers to the neighbor each spring.
We work so hard to be independent, we’ve forgotten how freeing it can be to have a community of support. Proponents of The Compact movement vow to buy nothing new for a year (except food and bare necessities for health and safety). They are instead encouraged to go without, barter, or buy used. Our reader Angela documented her year on The Compact and still lives by the tenets of collaborative consumption 3 years after completing her original commitment. She’s learned the value of sharing and bartering, especially as she considers what is enough in her life.
When you work to use what already exists in our world – at used bookstores, by shopping on Craigslist or Gumtree, or by asking around before you buy – you’re developing community, reducing clutter, and saving money. You’re also asking yourself at every turn what is essential in your life and what isn’t. When you start to look at your world this way in every thing you do, every purchase you make, you’ll begin to see how much power you have in crafting the life you want.
Collaborative Consumption vs. Self Sufficiency
You don’t have to go your own way, provide for all your own needs, and take self-sufficiency to the extreme. Asking for help from your community means you are also open to giving it. Think if we were all a little bit more trusting, a little more generous with our neighbors, and a little bit less wasteful. It doesn’t decrease our self-sufficiency, but it does raise our collective efficiency. And in a time of overpopulation and reliance on limited resources, it’s the smart thing to do.
Old-school sharing is making a comeback thanks to the Internet, and it’s about damn time.
Sign up for our newsletter to get weekly video installments of Warren performing a major garage decluttering in January. You’ll see how an overwhelming task is manageable when broken down into projects.




November 27, 2012
How Listening to Your Mother-In-Law Can Improve Your Relationship
Paying attention to your partner’s family and friends will improve your relationship, and we’re not talking about sucking up to the in-laws.
As we’ve traveled around the world we’ve discovered that our attention to details has heightened dramatically. We pay far more attention to conversations, to the people walking by, and to the scenery around us. We’ve learned to be better observers, taking time to understand what each experience can teach us and learning to be patient in the process.
For example, last week Betsy wrote about “how paying attention helped us lose weight, gain energy, and achieve healthier blood counts” By taking time to be aware of what we eat and how we move we’ve been able to become healthier as we follow our dream.
Becoming more aware of the experiences around us all, we can learn to be more present in our daily lives. By stopping to watch the interactions more closely in Betsy’s family I was able to make some surprising discoveries.
Watch and Learn
We recently spent two weeks with Betsy’s family in Hobbs, New Mexico. After 2+ years away it was great to be able to catch up over family dinners, explore the area around her hometown, and share some great food we’d both missed.
During our stay I was able to learn more about my wife by watching and listening to her interaction with her family. Given that we are together constantly, I was shocked to find that I was learning more about the woman she is by observing the people who shaped her personality growing up.
Throughout our time I’d listen to the conversation and watch as the family interacted together. Slowly I started to see the similarities in the small things I’ve noticed in Betsy over the years. The first time I realized this was when Betsy’s mother, Connie, was waiting for the water to boil to make soup. It was taking awhile and I looked over and realized that she had the heat on medium. It was an “Ah ha!” moment for me. For years I’ve wondered why Betsy never cooked above medium heat and curious if there was some deep seeded high heat cooking incident buried deep in her past. But in watching her mom I realized this is a habit many years in the making.
This moment was a pulling back the covers and revealing that I had a lot to learn from this great group. I could glean insights to better relate and understand my wife. For the entire time I quietly, and often not so quietly, watched to see what else I could learn. I discovered:
Betsy’s desire to always sit facing the door in a restaurant or bar is shared by her brother Bo. For years I assumed it was an early life as a mobster, and now I realize the whole family may have been “connected”.
From her Aunt Pat Betsy learned the joy of eating one thing at a time on her plate. Focusing on absorbing as much joy rom each individual item before moving on.
Betsy has always wanted to be alone when she is not feeling well. It turns out this is a trait that is shared by the entire family. Instead of constantly trying to force help upon her now I can finally accept that she is not secretly hoping I’ll take care of her.
Discovering all this about Betsy has brought me closer to her and to her family. By knowing her better I feel we have a stronger relationship and appreciation for her approach to life. I would have thought that after 2+ years of living together 24/7 this would not have been possible, but I’m delighted to discover I was wrong.
You are Who You Surround Yourself With
We have all been shaped by our families and childhood friends. These influences can affect all aspects of your life:
Patterns of speech
Preference in foods
Housekeeping habits
Religious convictions
Political leanings
Desire to travel
Sense of adventure
Attention to health
It should not be a surprise to realize that your partner has been influenced by their families as well. You can better appreciate them by seeing their habits in context with those who shaped their lives.
Pay Attention and Be a Better Partner
By observing your partner’s family and friends, you can glean a great deal of insight about who they are…and why. It can be an enlightening experience and give you a much better perspective into your life partner.
To dive in to observing during your next family visit you don’t need to don a white lab coat and pull our your clipboard. Instead, actively engage in the conversation. Ask questions of all the family to understand more about them. Listen attentively to their responses, making note of how the insights apply to your mate.
These are skills that will not only teach you more about your mate, but will in the process make you more in tune with your partner. Learn to observe and listen more and you will be able to gain a deeper understanding and appreciation for you mate.
By slowing down and paying attention to your heart you can define what your dream life looks like. Learn how to define, save, and go after your dream today with Dream Save Do. Click here to get your copy.




November 22, 2012
Finding a Way Back from Loss
Editor’s Note: This personal essay is from Kathleen Fordyce. She looked to an old joy to solve a new pain and found her way back from a devastating loss.

Just a few months ago I was sitting in a windowless office, my leg twitching as I took a break from work to scroll through some new-found blogs.“Look at these people,” I said to my close friend and office mate, Jenna. “These people are out living their lives and we are stuck in here.”
She simply shook her head and continued typing. She was used to this discussion, the one we were constantly having about how I felt my life slipping away, day by day. I felt unfulfilled, frustrated and absolutely miserable because of it.
“Just look at these people!” I exclaimed, turning my computer screen so she could see the pictures I was scrolling through (some of them Warren and Betsy Talbot’s). “They are traveling and exploring, seeing new places and doing new things. They look happy! Alive! Excited! I want that.”
The problem really wasn’t my job – it was by all marks a decent one. The problem wasn’t the company I worked for, which offered great pay and benefits.
The problem was me.
Adjusting to Loss
My life had taken unexpected twists and turns (don’t ours all?) the biggest being my husband’s death from cancer two-and-a-half years before. After battling the demons of grief, I began trying to build a new life for my young son and I. But despite my best efforts, it wasn’t working.
A few weeks after my husband died, I dutifully went back to work. I sat in meetings where I had once enthusiastically offered ideas and engaged in passionate debates and discussions, and felt frustrated and impatient. I wondered how everyone could sit there so calmly as the days droned on, spending hours away from loved ones and arguing over some things that now seemed so petty to me.
I cut back my hours and that helped for a while. But still, I became restless. Months later I decided a change of scenery might help. So I moved us back to my home state, energized by the notion of a new house, a new job and a fresh start. Eventually I took a new full-time office position, one that I was sure was going to make our new life feel complete.
Except that it didn’t.
I was still unhappy. I was going drudgingly through the motions each and every day. I hated the mad rush we endured each morning and night, my long, energy-draining commute that ate up two-and-a-half hours each day. And most of all I hated my lack of excitement for the projects and the path my career was taking, and how little energy I had at the end of the day to put towards something I did want to do.
But as a single mom, I felt trapped. Despite having savings and options, I felt I could not leave the safety and security of a full-time job simply because I was an only parent. I preoccupied myself with thoughts of what I perceived I should be doing instead of focusing on what I wanted to be doing.
As time went on, my anxiety grew. I realized I was trying to live life like I did before he died, but that was impossible. Things had changed. Life had changed. I had changed.
And instead of trying to fight it, I figured I might as well try to embrace it. I finally became more afraid of continuing to live my life as I was, and wasting it away unhappy, than of trying to do something about it.
Embracing Life
After seeing my husband’s curtain call arrive at the age of 29, I want more. I don’t want to miss out on the little moments with my son, because looking back on life with my husband, I realize those are the moments I miss the most. I don’t want to wait to travel and see the world, because by waiting my husband missed out on seeing so much of it. And I want to finally tackle the dreams that I had long ago stashed on the backburner because if I don’t do it now, I worry I’ll never get the chance.
And so I began writing.
Even though I made a living writing years before as a newspaper reporter, I had not written anything aside from my corporate and marketing work in many years, long before my husband’s death. I worried about everything: finding time to write, that I no longer could write, that I had nothing worthwhile to say and that it would all just downright suck.
It took me months of angst and worry before a loving, honest and encouraging friend, who also happened to be my very first editor years ago, told me,
Just do it already!
And finally, I did. One night after I got off of the phone with him, I unceremoniously sat down and started to write.
The essay I wrote that first night was posted on The Huffington Post and I have been writing ever since. I left my office job and have been freelancing for several months. While I still do corporate writing, speechwriting and marketing work, it is now enjoyable again because I get to take on a variety of other assignments and have time for other projects, too.
And I have the added bonus of spending more time with my little guy who keeps me smiling each and every day. I get to drop him off at preschool each morning and listen to stories about his day on the way home. In the afternoons while I work, he is by my side, coloring, painting, making things out of my post-it notes and putting staples in every piece of paper he can find.
Yes, there are countless interruptions (which include temper tantrums and time-outs) and my schedule is often hectic and irregular. Many days I get up early at 5 a.m. or stay up long after he’s tucked in to bed to finish projects. The perfectionist in me gets frustrated that I am not doing enough each day, that I am not writing enough and that my writing is not good enough. And even though projects continuously pop up, I still fret over finding the next job and earning the next paycheck.
But I try to quiet this voice in my head and focus instead on the many exciting new opportunities I’ve had, the feeling of accomplishment when I finally do finish a piece and the excitement of finding new stories I want to write. I may not be able to do it all today, this week, this month or even this year, but at least I am moving in the right direction.
And even on my worst day, I am happier than I ever was before.
About the Author: Kathleen Fordyce is a writer living in New York. She contributes articles to websites including Newsday.com and The Huffington Post, as well as helping companies and professionals share their messages through compelling storytelling. To follow her blog or see her work, visit www.KathleenFordyce.com.




November 21, 2012
Finding a Way Back from Loss
Editor’s Note: This personal essay is from Kathleen Fordyce. She looked to an old joy to solve a new pain and found her way back from a devastating loss.

Just a few months ago I was sitting in a windowless office, my leg twitching as I took a break from work to scroll through some new-found blogs.“Look at these people,” I said to my close friend and office mate, Jenna. “These people are out living their lives and we are stuck in here.”
She simply shook her head and continued typing. She was used to this discussion, the one we were constantly having about how I felt my life slipping away, day by day. I felt unfulfilled, frustrated and absolutely miserable because of it.
“Just look at these people!” I exclaimed, turning my computer screen so she could see the pictures I was scrolling through (some of them Warren and Betsy Talbot’s). “They are traveling and exploring, seeing new places and doing new things. They look happy! Alive! Excited! I want that.”
The problem really wasn’t my job – it was by all marks a decent one. The problem wasn’t the company I worked for, which offered great pay and benefits.
The problem was me.
Adjusting to Loss
My life had taken unexpected twists and turns (don’t ours all?) the biggest being my husband’s death from cancer two-and-a-half years before. After battling the demons of grief, I began trying to build a new life for my young son and I. But despite my best efforts, it wasn’t working.
A few weeks after my husband died, I dutifully went back to work. I sat in meetings where I had once enthusiastically offered ideas and engaged in passionate debates and discussions, and felt frustrated and impatient. I wondered how everyone could sit there so calmly as the days droned on, spending hours away from loved ones and arguing over some things that now seemed so petty to me.
I cut back my hours and that helped for a while. But still, I became restless. Months later I decided a change of scenery might help. So I moved us back to my home state, energized by the notion of a new house, a new job and a fresh start. Eventually I took a new full-time office position, one that I was sure was going to make our new life feel complete.
Except that it didn’t.
I was still unhappy. I was going drudgingly through the motions each and every day. I hated the mad rush we endured each morning and night, my long, energy-draining commute that ate up two-and-a-half hours each day. And most of all I hated my lack of excitement for the projects and the path my career was taking, and how little energy I had at the end of the day to put towards something I did want to do.
But as a single mom, I felt trapped. Despite having savings and options, I felt I could not leave the safety and security of a full-time job simply because I was an only parent. I preoccupied myself with thoughts of what I perceived I should be doing instead of focusing on what I wanted to be doing.
As time went on, my anxiety grew. I realized I was trying to live life like I did before he died, but that was impossible. Things had changed. Life had changed. I had changed.
And instead of trying to fight it, I figured I might as well try to embrace it. I finally became more afraid of continuing to live my life as I was, and wasting it away unhappy, than of trying to do something about it.
Embracing Life
After seeing my husband’s curtain call arrive at the age of 29, I want more. I don’t want to miss out on the little moments with my son, because looking back on life with my husband, I realize those are the moments I miss the most. I don’t want to wait to travel and see the world, because by waiting my husband missed out on seeing so much of it. And I want to finally tackle the dreams that I had long ago stashed on the backburner because if I don’t do it now, I worry I’ll never get the chance.
And so I began writing.
Even though I made a living writing years before as a newspaper reporter, I had not written anything aside from my corporate and marketing work in many years, long before my husband’s death. I worried about everything: finding time to write, that I no longer could write, that I had nothing worthwhile to say and that it would all just downright suck.
It took me months of angst and worry before a loving, honest and encouraging friend, who also happened to be my very first editor years ago, told me,
Just do it already!
And finally, I did. One night after I got off of the phone with him, I unceremoniously sat down and started to write.
The essay I wrote that first night was posted on The Huffington Post and I have been writing ever since. I left my office job and have been freelancing for several months. While I still do corporate writing, speechwriting and marketing work, it is now enjoyable again because I get to take on a variety of other assignments and have time for other projects, too.
And I have the added bonus of spending more time with my little guy who keeps me smiling each and every day. I get to drop him off at preschool each morning and listen to stories about his day on the way home. In the afternoons while I work, he is by my side, coloring, painting, making things out of my post-it notes and putting staples in every piece of paper he can find.
Yes, there are countless interruptions (which include temper tantrums and time-outs) and my schedule is often hectic and irregular. Many days I get up early at 5 a.m. or stay up long after he’s tucked in to bed to finish projects. The perfectionist in me gets frustrated that I am not doing enough each day, that I am not writing enough and that my writing is not good enough. And even though projects continuously pop up, I still fret over finding the next job and earning the next paycheck.
But I try to quiet this voice in my head and focus instead on the many exciting new opportunities I’ve had, the feeling of accomplishment when I finally do finish a piece and the excitement of finding new stories I want to write. I may not be able to do it all today, this week, this month or even this year, but at least I am moving in the right direction.
And even on my worst day, I am happier than I ever was before.
About the Author: Kathleen Fordyce is a writer living in New York. She contributes articles to websites including Newsday.com and The Huffington Post, as well as helping companies and professionals share their messages through compelling storytelling. To follow her blog or see her work, visit www.KathleenFordyce.com.



