Betsy Talbot's Blog, page 21
May 23, 2013
7 Goals You Can Achieve without a Lot of Time or Cash
May 21, 2013
Track Your Expenses – Podcast #11 (Simon Fairbairn)
May 16, 2013
The Middle-Aged Adventurer
May 14, 2013
How Parents Inspire our Dreams (Podcast #10)
May 7, 2013
Be Brave with Chris Brogan (Podcast #9)
May 6, 2013
The Real Reason Why You’re Frustrated
May 2, 2013
How to Meet New People
April 30, 2013
Challenge Your Assumptions (Podcast #8)
An Action Plan for Dreamers is a weekly 20-minute podcast where we provide practical and actionable advice about what it takes to create the life you crave. It’s short enough to listen on your commute or coffee break, but long enough to contain 3-5 practical steps you can take to make your dream life a little bit closer. View our our past episodes here on the site or click here to subscribe at iTunes .
Thanks to Russ Kiel who performs our theme song every week. We sound better because of his tune.
Show Notes
The least questioned assumptions are often the most questionable.” ~ Paul Broca
You are likely holding on to unproven assumptions that are standing in the way of living your dream life. Whether you want a promotion (but assume your boss does not understand your work), start a business (but assume it will take too much money), or become a writer (but are assuming no one will like your writing) you are lettings assumptions stand in the way of the life you crave.
In this week’s episode we discuss the importance of challenging every assumption by asking questions and doing the research to find out the facts. We talk about the false ideas we had when we first chose to travel and how we overcame then.
In addition, we are joined by psychologist and coach Karen Sargent, who escaped the corporate world to live life on HER terms. She’s written an ebook called The Art of Making Big Dreams Happen, which you can find on her website, The 1 Big Thing, for free. Karen shares her insights and tips to help you challenge these assumptions and unlock the life you dream about.
Your Action Plan to Challenging the Assumptions in your Life:
Become aware of the assumptions you are holding on to by asking the question “What is it that I want?”
Free write for 5 minutes listing out the assumptions you have about your dream life. Leave it then for 1 day and then come back and read what you’ve written and highlight your assumptions.
Ask yourself “What new possibility can I create to open up new choices in my life?”
Sponsor Love
Today’s sponsor is Eurail.com. Explore Europe by train in up to 24 countries with the Eurail pass and choose from thousands of fascinating destinations to visit. Go to Eurail.com for more information.
Coming Up
On next week’s podcast we will be talking with superhero Chris Brogan about bravery. We’ll learn about the importance of “borrowing bravery” and how to give yourself permission to go after the life you crave. You won’t want to miss this episode so subscribe to the podcast here.
Until next time, remember to take the first step and keep on moving.
If you enjoyed this episode please click here to leave us a review on iTunes. We would love your help in letting others know about the show.
April 23, 2013
One Year Marriage Contract (Podcast #7)
Send to KindleAn Action Plan for Dreamers is a weekly 20-minute podcast where we provide practical and actionable advice about what it takes to create the life you crave. It’s short enough to listen on your commute or coffee break, but long enough to contain 3-5 practical steps you can take to make your dream life a little bit closer. Here is a link to our past episodes.
Show Notes
Today is our 9th wedding anniversary and Betsy and I are celebrating with a nice hike, some good food here in Guanajuato, Mexico, and a contract renewal. That’s right we’re spending some time, as we do every year, to discuss what has gone well in our relationship, what we’d like to see more of, and determining if we are ready to commit to another year. Listen as we discuss the process and provide advice and suggestions to use for your own annual renewal.
We are then joined on the show by Dr. Amy Johnson to discuss how to talk about challenging issues with your partner. We dive into the importance of open communication to create a healthier and happier relationship and how it all ties into to a regular renewal of your commitment to each other. [NOTE: the recording with Dr. Amy has a couple of points where the audio breaks up slightly and we've done our best to clean it up to ensure you can capture all her great advice.]
Your Action Plan Steps for better communication with your partner:
Come in to each day together as if you are starting fresh. Get rid of the old negative feelings.
See yourself and your partner part of the same team
Remember that communication is neutral
Sponsor Love
Today’s sponsor is Eurail.com. Explore Europe by train in up to 24 countries with the Eurail pass and choose from thousands of fascinating destinations to visit. We used the Eurail Global Pass for the European leg of our overland adventure last summer and loved the convenience and flexibility.
Coming Up
On next week’s podcast we will be challenging your assumptions. We’ll be discussing how to question that little voice in your head which tells you that you can’t do something. We will also be providing your actions and encouragement to replace what you assume to be true with facts and information.
Until next time, remember to take the first step and keep on moving.
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April 17, 2013
Be the Hero (or, Take Turns Freaking Out)
Send to KindleEditor’s Note: This is part of an occasional series titled, The 24/7 Relationship: Lessons on Life, Love, and Laughter. If you have a relationship topic you’d like us to write about, email us. And if you want a bigger sneak peek into how our habits create the life we live, be sure to sign up for our weekly Sunday email.
I was writing at my desk in the alcove off our bedroom when I heard yelling…in English. Normally I can hear drifts of Spanish conversation and music in the breezy desert air, but never English in this quiet Mexican town.
Something was up.
When I walked into the shared courtyard, I found the landlord with bulging, bloodshot eyes and a bright red face yelling at Warren while his tiny wife threw herself in front of him to calm him down. Warren turned to me and said, “he just choked me!” He was a curious blend of shocked and furious, holding his throat and trying to understand why someone would come unleashed over a request to borrow 2 lawn chairs.
Now, we don’t travel with a suitcase full of drama. We prefer to get our excitement from great experiences, not manufactured suspense. We’ve taken great pains to surround ourselves with positive people and cull the negative influences in our lives, so when one sneaks in under the radar it’s a little shocking. Okay, a lot shocking.
But this is where one of the key strengths of our relationship comes into play. Instead of being drawn into the drama and mayhem like gut instinct would propel us to do, we made an almost instant decision to distance ourselves from nonsense.
To do that, we had to fall back on what our friends Kent and Caanan call “being the hero.”
Take Turns Freaking Out
In any relationship, there are going to be outside stressors that mainly affect one party. This can be through work, in family situations, with social obligations, or even while undergoing health crises or personal struggles. It’s not that it doesn’t affect you both, but it doesn’t affect you both to the same degree.
One of you sees it, but the other one is in it.
In a healthy relationship, you balance out your freak outs. We like to joke that we still freak out occasionally, but it works because we don’t do it at the same time.
The key to managing these events and not getting drawn into your partner’s breakdown is to realize that it’s not your turn. The person who freaks out first has “called it” and you don’t get to join them on the freak out. They are dealing with the drama at capacity and have the most emotional investment, and it’s your job to buffer for them.
Because if you both take a ride to freaky town, it’s a long road back to normal.
Be the Hero
When your mate is freaking out, stressed to the brink, or just walks into someone else’s bad day, it’s time to step up and be the hero. This doesn’t mean a flashy move in a superhero costume. What it means is quietly and effectively working to defuse the situation for your mate and getting them back to normal as soon as possible.
Your first priority is always your partner.
As all this was going down in Mexico, our houseguest Tara came home from her Spanish class and walked into this little telenovela. She was confused at first, but then she quickly rallied and began packing her things. (Again, this is why it pays to surround yourself with great people.) We told our landlord we’d be vacating immediately and collecting our deposit.
Warren began packing our things while I went online to find us a new place to live. In every interaction with Warren I spoke in a calm but straightforward tone and told him I would take care of securing a new rental and getting our deposit back. He didn’t need me to amp up the stress, even if I was agreeing with him. He also didn’t need me to talk him out of his anger. We focused on logistics and facts, not emotions.
Remember, the focus is just on getting through the crazy situation.
As you would expect from his earlier behavior, my interaction with the landlord to get the deposit back was not smooth sailing. He tried a variety of tactics to delay me and keep our money and extend the drama. Instead of getting mad or taking the bait, I kept repeating the phrase, “I’d like to settle our business as we agreed” and “I’m interested in resolving this, not rehashing it.” It was my job as the hero not to get drawn into the drama and instead work as the fixer to get us back to normal.
When he finally gave up on baiting me and counted out the money he owed us, he looked up, sighed, and said, “I’m empty.” It was unexpected, and probably the realization at the end of his freak out that he’d made a bad move. After all, he just lost $1800 in guaranteed rent at the start of the slow season. But it’s hard to work up any sympathy for someone who uses violence and intimidation as communication tools.
Money in hand, I walked away from the drama and back into normal life. The whole thing was over in just over an hour.
Coming to the Rescue
When crazy things happen, it’s easy to focus on how it got that way, what could have been done to prevent it, or any number of “what ifs.” But in the moment, this is the most destructive thing you can do for your relationship. The overriding goal is to simply get your partner through it and find a way back to normal as quickly as possible.
You can Monday-morning quarterback this later and figure out how to prevent it or make it easier next time. But in the thick of it, the only goal is getting through unscathed.
By the time Tara and I drove up to our new rental, Warren had already met our new landlord, toured the lovely new home, and rented it. He knew I’d be drained after dealing with the situation at our old house, and he was calmed down enough to be the hero for the rest of the evening.
He brought in all our things, poured us glasses of wine, and began cooking dinner in the new kitchen.
We toasted normalcy.
Lessons Learned
While I don’t advocate testing your skills in this way on purpose, having a plan for freak outs (both expected stressful situations and unexpected ones like this), can strengthen your relationship instead of weaken it.
To the person in freak out mode:
Your job is to make it back to normal in the fastest and best way you can.
In the instance of a situation like this, it means focusing on just one action to make it through (deep breathing, walking away, chopping wood, going for a run). In the instance of a more long-term stress, like a tough family visit or difficult work situation, it’s your job to find your zen and use it to make it through each day. Don’t take on anything else. Use all your energy to simply make it through.
To the hero:
Your job is to keep your partner safe and sound til it is over.
You are constantly scanning the horizon for triggers and alleviating them as quickly as possible. You run interference and block oncoming assaults to your partner. You are not in judgement mode, and you are above being drawn into the fray no matter how much you want to. This is not your freak out, but it is your partner’s so you must protect.
You may not ever run into a situation as outlandish as this (in 95 destinations we’ve not run into it either), but you will find yourself in work, family, personal, and social situations that can cause an incredible amount of stress on your relationship. When you realize that it’s the two of you against the outside obstacle, it’s a lot easier to win than if you each fight alone (or worse, turn against each other in frustration).
Know your job:
Get through the freakout if it’s yours
Be the hero if it’s not
And then both of you can get back to normal as fast as possible
If you struggle with being the hero for yourself or your mate, learn how to uncover the confidence you’ve got hiding inside. It’s in there, and we can show you how to find it.
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