Leon Scott Baxter's Blog, page 12

Are You Doing All Nine in Your Relationship?

I found this great piece, 9 Good Signs You’re in the Right Relationship. Take a gander at it. I think some of the pints are good, while others are great. It explains why you should have time away from each other and with your friends. It explains why actions must match words. It talks about although we may say we have the perfect partner, why we don’t and why that’s okay. I think number nine is the funniest, because if you are reading this, in a sense, you are not falling number nine. But, I believe that a little outside guidance can be very helpful.  

©iStockphoto.comDeanMitchell

Insomnia and Migraine Cures in Bed

You have a headache, you don’t have the time, you’re not really in the mood, there’s too much to do. All excuses for not having sex. The thing is, the longer we are in a committed, long-term relationship, the more often we come with excuses to put off what we once looked so forward to.

Truth is, science tells us, if we’re not having sex for fun or procreation, we still should make time for it, because it’s good for our health. Would you rather jog for 30 minutes or have sex for just about as long? Both will burn about the same number of calories. Take a look at this infographic, and if you feel the need to print it up and tack it up by the bed to prove to your partner that you’re not making this up, feel free!

Check out more at http://www.evoke.ie/category/health/.

 

 

Naked and Really Afraid

So, there’s a new show out on VH1 called Dating Naked. The idea, a man and a woman meet one another on a tropical island, take off their clothes, date one another. Then, they do it again with two other prospective partners. At the end, the original two contestants decide who they want to get naked with from this day forth.

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I think what happened was that the producers got the idea from Naked and Afraid, a program that takes complete strangers, a man and a woman, throws them together naked in on island with a knife and some flint and expects them to survive for three weeks. They said, “What would happen if the two didn’t have to survive, but we kept them on an island with no clothes on?”

So, I’m initially thinking this is just for ratings and the idea of having a date naked with a complete stranger really is not going to help a relationship take off. But, after watching the first episode, I am thinking otherwise.

The original contestants were a Guido from New Jersey and an average looking woman about a decade older than him. Along the way, the Guido gets to date a dark-haired Barbie looking young lady, and I’m thinking he’s going to go for her, but in the end he heads back to his original partner, although she didn’t have the ideal body and cover girl face. Surprise!

So, what happened? I think that, at least in this first episode, after the initial discomfort of being naked with a stranger wears off, there’s no more of that wondering “What’s this person going to look like in bed?” That whole sexual aspect of a first date is stripped away once it’s thrown in your face. There’s nothing to hide, no push-up bras or socks stuffed in skivvies to give false impressions. You can’t flatter your best parts nor hide your less than best with clothes. It’s all out on the table.

Once it’s been thrown in your face, you can get down to really knowing the other person. I would have thought just the opposite, that the nudity would distract from the personality, but Guido proved me wrong.

What does this mean for your relationship? Guess it’s time to mow the lawn, do the dishes and balance the checkbook in the raw… you know, to get to know your partner better.

 

She Is “The One”

I thought I’d run this today, seeing that it’s my anniversary and I truly believe that I married “the one”.

Recently I discovered this list of Ten Signs You Have Found the One. 

My wife is definitely my best friend. I don’t like being away from her. We definitley don’t always get our own way. I mention changing together in this piece. I always want to tell her news before anyone else. She’s

©iStockphoto.com/chrisgramly

loves me unconditionally.

Take a look at the list yourself and see how many of the ten you identify with. 

 

 

Love Will Keep Us Together…Not!

I want you to read this article by Mark Manson called Love Is Not Enough. I was intrigued by the title, because I say this all the time. Too many couples think that if they are in love, all of their relationship problems are solved, but it’s not true. You need more than love to make a relationship work. 

Be warned, Mark uses a bit of profanity in the piece. So, if that offends you, skip it. He has some very valid points. Love definitely is not synonomous with compatibility. You can fight and still be in love. So, love doesn’t dissolve disputes. But, what about romance? Come on, Mark! If you want to complete the thought, you have to discuss romance and why romance is what makes the world go ’round, not love (and it’s my job to make everyone dizzy).

Also, I don’t understand why this guy is so angry about the fact that some think love is enough. I agree with you, Mark. They are wrong, but what’s with all the profanity and bad-mouthing Jon Lennon. Look, just because Trent Reznor wrote a song with the same name as your blog post, doesn’t make him a saint. Stick to the facts about love, and get off of the whole rocker-personal-life-thing.

I do disagree with one major point in the piece, though. Manson says that we wouldn’t tolerate the crap from a bad partner if it was a friend doling out the trash. Wrong! We do tolerate that kind of stuff, but the difference is when it’s a friend, we can keep our distance. We don’t hang out with them until they cool down. And, even a year or two later, if they contact us, we generally will hang out with a friend, but that’s generally not the case with a partner who has done us wrong. And, if you keep your distance from your partner, usually that’s the first step to the end of the relationship

If we are truly expected to love another fully, we first must learn to love ourselves. Once we respect ourselves enough not to let another disresepct us, then we can start loving. Check out the piece

©iStockphoto.com/kycstudio

and tell me what you think.

“What Is Your Love Word?” Test

These tests are popping up all over the place on social media: Which decade should you have been born in? Which kind of dog are you? What is your music style? 

I have tried many of them (Why? I really don’t know. I have better things to be doing with my time), and none of the results seem to resonate with me. I should have been born in the 20′s (The Depression Era? Really? I LOVED Happy Days when it was onTV). Apparently, I’m a poodle. Come on. I would have taken Boxer, Lab, even a Greyhound. And, the survey said I was a baroque music kind of guy! Absurd. Give me Motown or 90′s Hip-Hop all day.

But when I saw the “What is your love word?” survey, I had to take it. And, they said my word was “Passion.” Right on the nose! Does everyone get “Passion”? I don’t know. Take it yourself and find out. Share it with your significant other.

Let me know what your word was. I’d love to know what other love words are available and if you think it was accurate.

How Your Relationship Affects Your Child

©iStockphoto.com/stevecoleimages

If you are in a toxic relationship with your partner AND you are a parent, you relationship is not only affecting your partnership, but it also affects your child.

Growing up, I lived in a house with a couple of parents in a toxic relationship. I recognize that it was toxic because of this five-point list. The interesting thing is that I also realized that I identified with these points also as a child.

Take a look at this. Does it speak to you? If so, you may be in a toxic relationship. If you are a parent, consider that your child may also be feeling this way. If that’s the case, you need to do something about it, if not just for you and your partner, do it for your child!

Steal Some Ideas From This List

I offer relationship tips for couples on the blog, because I’m a “so-called” expert. But, what the heck do I know? Sometimes the best resource we have are those who have experienced it first-hand and have done it right.

(©iStockphoto.com: chrisgramly)

I found this list of 24 Real Life Habits of Actual Couples recently. Some I have suggested. Some I do with my wife. Some are reminders for me, while others are new.

So, I did number one yesterday for my wife. I’ll try number seven tomorrow. Number eleven is terrific!

Take a look at the list and steal some of these ideas and create some of your own.

Help Me! Age Is Making a Difference

Help me out here. I’m a pretty progressive guy. When it comes to relationships, I’m all about telling folks that if what they do floats their boat and doesn’t hurt anyone else, go for it. I’ve written many posts about May/December relationships, and feel there’s nothing inherently wrong with them as long as the couples can get over any age obstacles and connect in a loving way. 

©iStockphoto.com:shaunl

So, why in God’s name am I having so much trouble with this couple? Am I the only one? And, here’s the worst part, logically there’s really nothing wrong with it if they are truly happy. So, why is it that it makes me so incredibly uncomfortable?

Kyle is 31, and his girlfriend, Marjorie, is 91. If you watch the video you might agree with me that he really is into older women and not after Marjorie’s finances or inheritance or looking for a Sugar Mama (or Granny). On top of that, he’s also seeing other women including 68-year old Anna. In the video Kyle swaps spit with both women, and I cringe. I don’t like this about me! Why can’t I be happy for them if they are happy with the arrangement?

Please, someone tell me what I’m missing about myself.  How do you feel bout Kyle and his lovers? Can you either help me find the underlying problem I have yet to identify, or maybe convince me it’s all good?

 

For Guy’s Eyes Only: She’s Not Going to Look

Let’s just start with the end, fellas; if you are dating a woman, put the toilet seat down. 

I know, I know, I know. I’m a guy, and I have had numerous battles over why it’s not a big deal when I leave the seat up. But, it makes no difference the kind of man-logic we throw out, women want the seat down.
 
I’ve been married for over twenty years. My wife has told me that if the seat is up, she falls into the toilet. Now, had I never used the toilet in a sitting position, I probably would have concurred with her. But, we sit like women. Our knees bend the same direction. Gravity pulls us down the same, if not more so, than women. And, since we men sit also, we too could fall prey to the “cheeks in the water” syndrome…Yet, we don’t. Why? Because we look. It’s that simple. We look before we sit.
 
Did you ever have your chair pulled out from under you in grade school? If it happened once, it was probably the last time. Why? Because, from then on you looked. When you go to a restaurant and walk up to the table, do you just sit haphazardly hoping that there’s a chair behind you? Of course not. You look! If you fall in a toilet once, wouldn’t you think from then on you’d look to be sure the seat was down?
 
I know that men are used to leaving the seat up so it’s natural for us to check. I know that we only sit a fraction of the time, so there are fewer chances of us to fall into the bowl. Still, I would think that’s really no excuse for women to continue to fall into the toilet. To be honest, I would think all of that practice since the toddler years would make women experts at checking the seat before sitting. Fall once shame on you (the man). Fall every single week for 27 years, shame on me (the woman)…right?
 
Apparently not. The brains of women and men are wired differently. So, guys, you can’t assume that the woman you are dating thinks the same way that you do. And, no matter how she tries to explain it to you, you are not going to understand her logic, because your brain doesn’t work the same way hers does. Think of her like a dog owner and you are a Labrador Retriever. She leaves a pork chop on the dining room table and explains to you that you are not allowed to eat it. It’s not doggie food. It’s not good for you. You look at her and concentrate on every sound that is coming from her mouth. She leaves. What you got from her talk were the words: “eat,” “food,” and probably your name. She leaves food, which must obviously be for you. So, you eat it.
 
She returns and scolds you. Why? You just don’t get it. You did something wrong, but it doesn’t make sense to you what exactly was wrong with what you did.
 
Don’t fight it. Don’t try to understand it. Don’t argue. It’s not worth it. Just accept it. You can’t win, because the two of you are both playing the same game using different instructions. 
 
So, put the seat down. It’s not that hard to do. It’s not like you’ll forget to lift it when you take a leak. When you are dating, there need to be compromises. At times you’ll need to be flexible and she’ll return the favor, just not with the toilet seat. At least she’ll be happy it’s down when she goes…because, she’s just not going to look!