Leon Scott Baxter's Blog, page 13

Love Mom

It’s Mother’s Day! Is there romance tied into this day that we celebrate the women who rear their offspring? Certainly, especially if you are a father. 

“The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”

There are different versions of the quote (“The most important thing…”, “The greatest thing…”, etc…). It’s been attributed to Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Hesburgh, John Wooden, and others.

It doesn’t really matter so much who said it, and what the exact words are. The point is that if fathers treat their children’s mother right, it’s good for the kids. So, this Mother’s Day, fellas, do just that. Treat the mother of your child with respect and love.

In doing so, you are teaching your sons who to respect a woman. You are teaching your daughters what to look for in a man. And, when yo love the mother of your children, you are building a bond between the two of you. That bond can be seen, and it can be felt by the kids. They may not own up to it, but that makes them feel safe and secure. When the kids see the two of you in love, they don’t worry about arguments, separation, or divorce. And, that allows them to focus on school, their friends, and life.

Many people think the most importan

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t connection in a family is that between parent and child. Those people are wrong. Sorry. You know where to send the letters.

the most important connection is between Mom and Dad. That is the foundation for everything else. It teaches our children how to have stroong relatyionships of their own. It creates a positive atmosphere in the home. The kids feel safe and secure. And, Mom and Dad get to share love. 

Today, make Mother’s Day the first day in doing the best thing you can do for your children… love their mom.

Secrets You Keep From Her

Is there ever a time you should keep secrets from your partner? Absolutely, especially if you are merely dating and you have some idiosyncrasies that can be deal-breakers early on in the relationship. Sometimes it’s imperative to let her learn about the “funky” stuff down the road, after she’s already fallen in love with the “good stuff”. Take a look at these 19 things that your girlfriend doesn’t need to know about you… at least just yet.

This was posted on DatingAdvice.com in May, 2014.

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Am I Wasting My Time?

Can You Use Math to Find Love?

Back in the 90′s my wife and I did a little investigating and learned all we could about the crad game, Blackjack. We loved going to Vegas and playing the game, yet didn’t have any strategy. We’d have fun, but would inevitably lose our money. So, we began to study and practice basic Blackjack strategy. There were a few variations, but we worked out the kinks and really learned how to play the game. With that we also discovered that money management was an integral part of play, so that when we did lose, we could recoup said losses and get ahead again. 

For six months we played mock casino hands at home and recorded the data. After 300-plus hands, and looking at the data, we felt we were ready to hit the strip and try our hand at, well, some hands.We started with $200 and played sets of Blackjack, meaning I would play until I lost a certain amount or won a certain amaount. Then, she would do the same. We were in Vegas for two nights, had played a total of ten sets and never lost. We went back home turining our $200 into $750, and at that point we realized we had broken the code. We were going to quit our jobs and become professional gamblers. 

Never, in the next twenty years, had we ever expereinced that level of success at the tables. We’ve never won ten consecutive sets. Sometimes we come out a little ahead. Sometimes we lose. We thought we had created the perfect system to “beat the house,” but we were mistaken. 

Journalist Amy Webb did something similar in her quest for finding Mr. Right. She used data and algorithms to try and find one of thirty-five men in Philadelphia that would fit her relationship requirements. She told her story on this TED Talk

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. I don’t want to ruin the end for you, but I do think that the “take away” is perfect.

Wahlberg Loves McCarthy

Talk show host and author, Jennie McCarthy recently announced that she and singer, Donnie Wahlberg, are engaged. Apparently, Wahlberg enlisted McCarthy’s 11-year old son to help witht he proposal. McCarthy had been adamant after her first divorce that marraige would not be in her future again, yet Wahlberg changed her mind.

That got me wondering how and when Donnie first used the “L” word with McCarthy. Telling a woman you love her is hard enough, but if she’s tld you that she’s not going to marry again, you can’t hep but think that she’s not willng to fullyu commit. So, Is she willing to ever open up enough to love again?

So, how does a fella take that step, put himself out there while also not putting his neck too far on the line? The truth is, many guys just aren’t the first to say “I love you.” Often, guys are just pleased to have a girlfrienda dn commitment isn’t a priority. So, she’ll break the “love” ice first, and he’s got to figure out how to respond.

But, then there are those guys who want to commit, guys like Wahlberg, who need to make that first move, guys like me. Yes, I was that guy who used “love” first. But, see, I’m also a guy who is not always 100 percent self-confident, and I hate riputting myself at emotional risk. So, when I was finally ready to tell me now-wife that I was in love with her, I was a semantics genius. I told her, “I think I am falling in love with you.” In doing this I am alluding to the fact that I’m not quite sure about it (“I think”) and I haven’t fallen. I am still in the act of falling. So, if she had told me, “Sorry, guru, but I ain’t down witchoo like dat,” I could be like, “Cool, cuz I ain’t feelin’ it all the way, any way.”

Luckily for me, she reciprocated the feeling. Actually she said, “I love you, too.” Hadn’t she heard me? I never told her I loved her. She knew me too well and read between the semantics. She heard what I wasn’t saying: “I love you.” Like McCarthy and Wahlberg are planning, we tied the knot and 22-years later we’re still working on getting our first talk show and cutting a single. We’ll get there.

Secrets of the First Kiss (For the Guys)

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Not all guys have a knack for first kisses. It’s a timing thing, and, well, I didn’t quite have it pegged when I was dating. So, to find out how guys like me could be successful reading the “kissing signs” I asked the experts, women. To read what I learned (and what every man should know) click here.

The DJ Submits

Remember DJ Tanner on Full House? Well, she’s all grown up. The actress, 38-year old Cameron Bure, is now a wife and a mother of three. I just read that she considers herself a “submissive” wife. That piqued my interest, so I read an article about her in US Weekly and she says, “My husband and I are absolute equals!” Then she follows that up with, “But he is the man and head of our household…When there are major decisions – like where we want to live – we may or may not agree. We talk it out, but if my husband thinks ultimately, Hey, this is the best and wisest thing for our family, I trust that.”

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And, that’s her definition of “absolute equals”? 

Look, far be it from me to be the one who tells couples what makes them happy. If that truly floats their boats, more power to them, but I don’t understand how Bure can claim they are equals while also saying she’s submissive to her husband. Doesn’t the definition of submissive say that she is not equal to her husband? And, what if the place he chooses really isn’t the best and wisest place for the family? What if her choice was better financially and for the kids? Just because he can grow a beard doesn’t mean he should have the final word on real estate.

I know, it worked for many families from prehistoric hunter and gatherer days, up until the 1960′s. Yes, it can work. But, why should it? I mean, many men will willingly accept the role of “master of the house” if their wives drape that title upon them, but will the women be happy in the long run, or will they just feign happiness to make him comfortable?

If you are in a relationship now like Cameron Bure and her husband, and the arrangement is working for you, kudos. And, I mean that without a hint of sarcasm. Again, whatever works for couples works, and I’m all about working. But, if it doesn’t work, and you want a relationship that feels good being a part of, voice your concerns and feelings. Submission does not have a be a part of marriage in the 21st century. Think of what Bob Saget would say (DJ’s dad).

Air Your Internet Laundry or Not?

So here you are, online instead of spending time with your partner. Problem? Not necessarily, but apparently there’s a new survery out that claims that 80% of women think that their man is cheating on them online through social media. Are you one of these 8 of ten women? What about you, fellas? Are any of you concerned that your partner is cheating on you online? 

Here’s an opportunity for you that won’t last. There’s a new program coming out with Dr. Ramani, a world reknown psycholgist who has appeared on many network programs, for couples struggling with thhis problem. I was approached by one of the program’s producers and they are looking for couples to appear on the show and work through these issues with Dr. Ramani. 

Let me be honest with you. It’s a doub;e-edged sword. if you really have an issue and are both willing to work it ot, but don’t have the finances, this could be your salvation. On the other hand, you end up airing your dirty laundry on national TV,a nd if you divulge the wrong information for all of America to see and hear, there could be no going back.

I’m not telling you to apply for the show or not to. I am giving you the opportunity to discuss it with your partner and weigh the pros and cons and see if you want to try and get on the show. 

A Taste of Rejection

I know I can’t stand being rejected and I think most men feel this way. That’s why hen the folks at DatingAdvice.com asked me to write a piece for them, I jumped at the chance.

The truth is, women think that men are a non-committal, and yes, some of us are, but there’s a deeper reason for our fear of commitment for many of us. Learn about it here. 

Here’s a taste, for starters:

No one likes rejection, but men really don’t like it. Maybe that’s true for women, too, but seeing that I am a man, I can speak from experience.

I, for one, feared rejection so badly that it kept me from dating more often.

I recall in sixth grade having a crush on Charmaine Hutchins during science camp….

Click here for the rest.

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The Art of Kissing

I will be absolutely honest with you. I have not read this book. What?! Yes, it’s true. I haven not even held this book in my hand. I found it on Amazon and it looks decent. So, how, then, has it ended up as my Guru Pick of the Month? It’s not so much about the book, but rather about the kiss itself.

Here’s the skinny on kissing. A recent Oxford University study has found that kissing reflects the quality of a relationship better than sex. Kissing releases endorphins, oxytocin and other brain chemicals that make us feel connected to our partners. They don’t even need to be passionate, make-up lip-smash-ups to make them valuable to our relationships. A good-bye kiss, a good-night peck, and a smooch on the cheek all help us stay connected.

The Art of Kissing is a tool we can use to help keep kissing alive in our relationships. Check out the book. If it looks appealing, order a copy. If not, find another way to be sure you are kissing your partner regularly. Here’s a list of fifty to get you started.

Take a look at this situation taken to the extreme.

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