Clare De Graaf's Blog, page 35

I’m a Christian! (and other false claims made by “Christian cults”)

A few months ago, I met with a great young man, bright and articulate, who introduced himself as a Christian. But, 10 minutes into the conversation, I found out he was a Mormon. So we talked about that. He insisted Mormons were Christians, so I asked him just one question, “Do you believe Jesus Christ has always been and is today the Son of God, a member of the trinity?

“We believe Jesus is a great prophet and became God through his obedience, we revere his teachings in our church,” he answered. “I know that,” I said, “but one of the central tenants of historical orthodox Christianity is that Jesus is and always has been one with God the Father and Holy Spirit. To not believe that, is to be outside of the Christian faith. That’s why we consider Mormonism a Christian cult. It embraces many Christian beliefs, but rejects Jesus as an eternal being. That’s a deal killer for Christians!”

He continued to insist he was a Christian, because I believe to do so adds legitimacy to Mormonism. So, lets examine some of the key issues that separate “Christian Cults,” from true, historical Christianity. I’ll end with two questions you can ask anyone in a cult who claims to be a Christian.

Are You Sending Mixed Messages?

If this question were asked of your children, ages 14-19, what do you think their answer would be?

What do you believe your mother and father most expect of you, personal achievement – excellence in school or sports, or that you are kind and you care for others? (you can pick only one)

In a national survey of 10,000 middle and high school students conducted by Harvard University, 80% of students said their parents value success over character. (www.makingcaringcommon.org)

Not my kids!
I’ll bet your first reaction was like mine. “Not my kids! I’m sure they would think doing good and being good is more important to Susan and me than hard work and achievement!”

Our children are 10-25 years out of school, so I guess I’ll never know. But if you have children or grandchildren in this age group, please consider these insightful observations and recommendations by the surveyors. (The Christian comments and suggestions are mine.)

Changing Sides (The Story of Salvation)

I’ve been meeting with a gifted athlete and student, not yet a believer. He was raised in the church, so he knows the storyline, but he’s not yet committed his life to Jesus and he knows it. The good news is, like many young people, he finds Jesus compelling and wants to believe, but is wary of religious Christianity.

Perhaps you too, have a son, or daughter, or grandchild who believes Jesus is the son of God and has an interest in being more like him, but just doesn’t know what it means to step over the line and follow him.

The following is a presentation I’ve used of what it means to leave your old life and commit yourself to another life and lifestyle. Please cut me some slack. This isn’t a presentation of the gospel but once a person has been presented with the basic facts of the gospel story, what does it mean to “commit your life to Jesus Christ?”

What House Rules Should Apply to Children Who Are Home From College?

For 17-18 years your children have lived under your roof and hopefully have lived by the rules of your family. Then, they head off to college with all the freedom in the world (even at Christian colleges). When they come back for breaks or the holidays, what then? What household or family rules now apply?

Healthy parents want their children to learn to live independently. However, when they return home, we often treat them as the children we raised, rather than the adults they are becoming.

Even if you’re a long way from that time of life or your past it and are empty-nesters yourself, read this blog and if you agree, forward it to a friend or relative about to face these decisions.

Unfortunately, the Bible gives very little specific directions about these issues. The following are ideas my wife, Susan and I learned by painful trial and error after raising six college students of our own.

Another Great Question Every Christian Should Ask Themselves

There’s a little book someone put me on to entitled, True Friendship, by Vaughan Roberts. There’s a question he asks in it that reminded me of a question I used to ask myself but haven’t recently;

If you were the devil, where would you attach yourself?

It’s been a long time since I’ve asked myself that question. So, my first question to myself was, “Is one of Satan’s plans for attacking me, to get me to stop asking that question?” I think the answer is “yes.”

Were you raised by a legalist?

Many of the men I mentor were raised by legalistic parents or in a legalistic church. While they believe legalism isn’t spiritually healthy, they’re often clueless as to how to teach their own children to live Christ-like lives, without rules.

The first thing I tell them is this; you can’t raise children or spiritually mature adults, without teaching them that there are rules for Christian living! Isn’t that legalism? I don’t think so. Legalism is a form of Christianity that adds extra-biblical, man-made rules, to God’s laws.

So, here are some ideas to teach your children or those you mentor, to organize their thinking about these issues. All Christian thoughts, and moral, or ethical teachings fall into one of these three general categories:

Funeral Wisdom: Things you should or should not say at a funeral

At age 65, I’m beginning to spend more time standing in line at funerals or pre-funeral visitations. Over the years, I’ve heard people say things that have made me cringe. And, I’ve probably said some of those same trite phrases myself years ago. Now, because we’ve heard other people say those things they’ve become part of our own “funeral language.”

It’s surprising to think that we’d take time out of our busy lives to pay our respects at a funeral, but give so little thought to what we will say to comfort those who are mourning, when we get there. We should be asking ourselves, “What would we like to hear if it was our loved one who was lying there?”

So, about a dozen years back, I took a little time to think about it and made some pre-decisions about what I ought to say, or ought not to say at funerals. I’ll share some of these ideas here, but I’d also like to hear your own ideas.

Dealing with Guilt Over the Death of an Unloving Parent – Part 1

A man I mentored years ago, called me a few months back to tell me that his father had died. I knew that his father, although a public Christian, was privately emotionally abusive to his whole family. All his adult children were afraid of him. So, when he finished, I asked him this question, “You’re feeling very guilty right now because you’re really not sad about his death, aren’t you?”

“Oh my gosh, how did you know?”, was his response, said with palpable relief in his voice that the elephant in the room was finally out. He could talk about his guilt. I assured him that many other fine Christians, who’ve had an unkind or abusive parent beside him, have felt the same emotions.

Many aren’t sad because the person who made them so miserable is finally gone, but they do feel guilty. They’re relieved that they will no longer have to dread holidays with that parent, or hear from brothers and sisters who cannot or don’t want to forgive and forget, or think you’re nuts because the abuse didn’t happen to them. Like Holocaust survivors, the unstated motto of some abuse survivors has become “never forget.”

But now, they have to stand in line at the funeral home, put on a sad face and endure people saying all kinds of nice things about their parent. They’re sad that the kindness of their deceased parent was rarely shared with them. Another reaction is anger that these people would actually want to honor such a dishonorable person. It feels like abuse heaped on abuse. They either want this farce to be over, or for someone to tell them, they understand and that they knew their parent was unkind at them. They really want to hear, “it’s okay to be sad.”

Sound familiar? Here are some thoughts I shared with him.

“I’ll never get Caught!” and other lies we tell ourselves

I can’t tell you how many men have sat in my office, crying their eyes out, having been caught having an affair, and shocked to have been caught. Twenty-five? Maybe more. What delusion makes them think they’ll never be caught?

One of my favorite non-Christian authors is Garisson Keillor. While he and I are worlds apart theologically, he is one of the funniest writers I know. He’s also an astute observer of human nature. In this story I’m about to quote, he get’s right to the heart of the spiritual problem, every man I’ve met with, had.

Most of his stories take place in the fictional small town of Lake Wobegen, Minnesota, in the mid-50’s. Flo is the town’s self-righteous know-it-all. In this excerpt from Lake Wobegen, Summer 1956, she’s waxing eloquent to a bunch of women around the beauty parlor, after one of their husbands is found unfaithful.

It’s Not About the Nail!

One of the hardest lessons I’ve ever had to learn, and am still learning, is to listen and only listen to my wife. Susan and I have been married for 46 years. As a young husband and a problem-solver by nature, when Susan would come to me and share a problem, a pain or frustration, I tried what 99% of all husbands want to do – fix it!

As she began to explain what or who was frustrating her, I was quiet, but not really listening. My mind was racing, looking for a solution for her problem. I wanted to be her rescuer! Wasn’t that the job of husbands? And, lucky Susan, she married a clever guy who loved solving problems for people. This was going to be a win-win, if there ever was one!

So before she’d even finish talking, I’d interrupt her and give her some options and my best advice, fully expecting a big smile to come over her face, so thankful for the solution.

Instead, she looked at me like I was the most insensitive clod I could be. Then she’d say, “Clare, I’m not looking to you for answers, I just need you to listen.” And I’d be shocked and confused. It just never dawned on me, and didn’t for dozens of years, that my wife didn’t want my advice just then. She simply wanted empathy and a listening ear. It wasn’t about the nail!