Clare De Graaf's Blog, page 32
February 23, 2015
The Stories We Tell – Tell a Story About Us
When I was a kid, my grandparents had a cottage. Every Sunday afternoon in the summer, my aunts, uncles and cousins would come out for the day. In the evening I loved sitting around the edges of the conversation near my father, grandfather and uncles and listening to them tell stories.
I remember few details of those stories, but I do remember this; two of my uncles always talked as though they were so clever and wise, but everyone else, their bosses, the government and even “friends” were buffoons. They were complainers and I remember thinking that I really didn’t want to be like these men when I grew up. The stories they told – told me a story about them.
On the other hand, my father and my grandfather were far less critical and I actually remember many of their stories – stories of mistakes they made, of men they admired and why. Their stories both inspired me and taught me about business and human nature. Their stories also made me aware of traps men can so easily fall into. I longed to be like my father and my grandfather. I also wanted to be virtuous enough to make them proud of me someday.
Sadly, I don’t remember too many stories about spiritual things even though everyone went to the same church. No one talked about Jesus, as though he was someone they knew personally. The religious talk, if any, was about what was happening at “our church.” So, I rarely heard stories that drew me to Jesus.
I remember few details of those stories, but I do remember this; two of my uncles always talked as though they were so clever and wise, but everyone else, their bosses, the government and even “friends” were buffoons. They were complainers and I remember thinking that I really didn’t want to be like these men when I grew up. The stories they told – told me a story about them.
On the other hand, my father and my grandfather were far less critical and I actually remember many of their stories – stories of mistakes they made, of men they admired and why. Their stories both inspired me and taught me about business and human nature. Their stories also made me aware of traps men can so easily fall into. I longed to be like my father and my grandfather. I also wanted to be virtuous enough to make them proud of me someday.
Sadly, I don’t remember too many stories about spiritual things even though everyone went to the same church. No one talked about Jesus, as though he was someone they knew personally. The religious talk, if any, was about what was happening at “our church.” So, I rarely heard stories that drew me to Jesus.
February 16, 2015
Conversations with a Future Son-In-Law
Three of our daughters got married within seven months of each other. I was hemorrhaging money! My best advice to fathers of the bride is this: pray, pay and stay out of the way.
But, long before the wedding, I was convicted to invest some time in my future son-in-laws. They were, and still are amazing men and I couldn’t have a better relationship with them. But about marriage – they didn’t know, what they didn’t know. And I thought it was my job to tell them.
So, shortly after they were engaged, I made them each this offer; “I’d like to get to know you better and give you an opportunity to know me better as well. So, let’s go away for four or five days, to any place in the U.S. you’d like, and do something fun together. But there’s another reason for this trip. With your future mother-in-law’s permission, I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned about marriage – how to handle your first temptation, what you should and shouldn’t do when you have your first serious fight and other real life issues they rarely talk about in pre-marriage counseling.”
The look on their faces told it all. The first part of my offer, about the fun, brought all smiles. The last part, not so much. They probably felt like I’d handed them keys to a Porsche, then told them to drive it over a cliff!
But, we went. Three separate trips. One chose spring skiing in California. Another chose rock climbing in Colorado and the last flat-boat fishing in the Florida Keys. And we had a ball!
But, long before the wedding, I was convicted to invest some time in my future son-in-laws. They were, and still are amazing men and I couldn’t have a better relationship with them. But about marriage – they didn’t know, what they didn’t know. And I thought it was my job to tell them.
So, shortly after they were engaged, I made them each this offer; “I’d like to get to know you better and give you an opportunity to know me better as well. So, let’s go away for four or five days, to any place in the U.S. you’d like, and do something fun together. But there’s another reason for this trip. With your future mother-in-law’s permission, I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned about marriage – how to handle your first temptation, what you should and shouldn’t do when you have your first serious fight and other real life issues they rarely talk about in pre-marriage counseling.”
The look on their faces told it all. The first part of my offer, about the fun, brought all smiles. The last part, not so much. They probably felt like I’d handed them keys to a Porsche, then told them to drive it over a cliff!
But, we went. Three separate trips. One chose spring skiing in California. Another chose rock climbing in Colorado and the last flat-boat fishing in the Florida Keys. And we had a ball!
February 9, 2015
Is the Term “Servant/Leader,” an Oxymoron?
Is the idea of servant/leader just another Christian cliché that we’d like to be true but rarely is?
This week, I received the following email from a sharp, young aggressive 20 something guy, I’ve been meeting with, who’s still “kicking tires” spiritually.
“I have always wanted to lead. In fact, I’ve done a good job of it. I get moved by leading and having responsibility. It seem contradictory that a strong leader is also a servant.”
Is my young friend right? Is the notion of being a servant/leader contradictory? It almost seems so when we read passages like these;
“Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,” Matthew 20:26
“When the ten heard about this, they became indignant with James and John. Jesus called them together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,” Mark 10:41-43
But the Bible also calls some to leadership in the church and in the home. And Moses, David and others were called to lead nations. I believe God would never command us to do the impossible, therefore servant/leadership must be doable.
This week, I received the following email from a sharp, young aggressive 20 something guy, I’ve been meeting with, who’s still “kicking tires” spiritually.
“I have always wanted to lead. In fact, I’ve done a good job of it. I get moved by leading and having responsibility. It seem contradictory that a strong leader is also a servant.”
Is my young friend right? Is the notion of being a servant/leader contradictory? It almost seems so when we read passages like these;
“Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,” Matthew 20:26
“When the ten heard about this, they became indignant with James and John. Jesus called them together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,” Mark 10:41-43
But the Bible also calls some to leadership in the church and in the home. And Moses, David and others were called to lead nations. I believe God would never command us to do the impossible, therefore servant/leadership must be doable.
February 2, 2015
Perhaps We Need New Spiritual Songs, for Non-Believers!
Have you ever been embarrassed in church, because your teenage children were barely moving their lips when singing? Later, in the car on the way home, there’s silence or the all-purpose “whatever,” when you ask why they weren’t singing.
A decade ago, I was doing a series of teachings to the large high school group at our church. Before I spoke, we’d have a time of worship and I observed that at least 50% of the kids weren’t singing or sang sporadically – boys mostly. During the course of the year, as I got to know many of them in a small group study or on retreats, I began to notice an important correlation.
A decade ago, I was doing a series of teachings to the large high school group at our church. Before I spoke, we’d have a time of worship and I observed that at least 50% of the kids weren’t singing or sang sporadically – boys mostly. During the course of the year, as I got to know many of them in a small group study or on retreats, I began to notice an important correlation.
January 26, 2015
God Isn’t My Co-pilot
When I was a kid, I watched a lot of black and white war movies on TV. My parents didn’t seem to care because WWII especially, was a “virtuous war.” The Americans were fighting evil and we were Christians, so of course God was on our side. (And I think he actually was!)
One of the more popular movies was entitled, God is my Co-Pilot. As the title implies, it’s about a fighter pilot who lives through a terrible dog fight with the Japanese, but makes it back because he believes God was right in the seat next to him, protecting him all the way and “talking him in.” The movie wasn’t about theology obviously, but I grew up believing God was my co-pilot and I meet with lots of Christians who still think that.
Here how I’d describe “God-is-my-co-pilot theology.”
One of the more popular movies was entitled, God is my Co-Pilot. As the title implies, it’s about a fighter pilot who lives through a terrible dog fight with the Japanese, but makes it back because he believes God was right in the seat next to him, protecting him all the way and “talking him in.” The movie wasn’t about theology obviously, but I grew up believing God was my co-pilot and I meet with lots of Christians who still think that.
Here how I’d describe “God-is-my-co-pilot theology.”
January 19, 2015
Dark Arrow and Light Arrows
Christians talk about “walking in the Spirit” or, being “led by the Spirit,” all the time, but what does that really mean in everyday life? I posted this blog three years ago, when my readership was much smaller. I’m posting it again because so many people I meet with one-on-one, have found it helpful for […]
January 12, 2015
What’s Your “Life Verse?”
I have a life verse. My children, our older grandchildren and my close friends know it. It’s Matthew 5:16. “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
This verse reminds me that I can bring God glory by how I live. But the inverse is also true. By not living virtuously, I can actually rob God of the praise he would have received.
A life verse is generally a reminder of who God wants you to be. It’s much like a personal mission statement, but God has written this one. Here are some examples of life verses others have chosen and why I believe they’ve chosen them. (Perhaps you’ll find one for yourself)
This verse reminds me that I can bring God glory by how I live. But the inverse is also true. By not living virtuously, I can actually rob God of the praise he would have received.
A life verse is generally a reminder of who God wants you to be. It’s much like a personal mission statement, but God has written this one. Here are some examples of life verses others have chosen and why I believe they’ve chosen them. (Perhaps you’ll find one for yourself)
January 5, 2015
How Much “Bad Theology” Can you Believe and Still be Saved?
Thirty years ago, as a new follower of Jesus, I went with several reformed pastors in my city, to the World Conference on the Holy Spirit and Evangelism in New Orleans. Here I was a Dutch Reformed guy, new to serious faith, in the Super Dome surrounded by 40,000 charismatics!
I went to that conference for the same reason I’ve since attended masses, gone to a monastery and attended healing services and evangelistic revivals. Most of my life I’d arrogantly written off other expressions of faith, as being either in error or a bunch of misguided goof balls. As I wrote in The 10 Second Rule:
My people are Dutch. Responsible. Wary of spontaneity. We knew where that led. We’d seen them on Christian TV sitting on gold thrones, with helmets of white hair, jumping up praising the Lord after getting some “word” from him. We were not about to let that happen us – get ourselves bushwhacked by emotion. Ours was a sensible faith.
So, when I had repented of my cultural Christianity, I began my quest to understand why other Christians believed things I didn’t, or worshipped in ways that were really uncomfortable to me.
So, one evening after a long day in the Super Dome, we were discussing what we had heard and seen. I asked the question, “How much bad theology can a born-again Christian believe and still be saved?” (I’ve also since repented of the assumption that all theology I didn’t agree with was “bad.”)
I went to that conference for the same reason I’ve since attended masses, gone to a monastery and attended healing services and evangelistic revivals. Most of my life I’d arrogantly written off other expressions of faith, as being either in error or a bunch of misguided goof balls. As I wrote in The 10 Second Rule:
My people are Dutch. Responsible. Wary of spontaneity. We knew where that led. We’d seen them on Christian TV sitting on gold thrones, with helmets of white hair, jumping up praising the Lord after getting some “word” from him. We were not about to let that happen us – get ourselves bushwhacked by emotion. Ours was a sensible faith.
So, when I had repented of my cultural Christianity, I began my quest to understand why other Christians believed things I didn’t, or worshipped in ways that were really uncomfortable to me.
So, one evening after a long day in the Super Dome, we were discussing what we had heard and seen. I asked the question, “How much bad theology can a born-again Christian believe and still be saved?” (I’ve also since repented of the assumption that all theology I didn’t agree with was “bad.”)
December 29, 2014
Why Men Struggle with Prayer
I’ve been a follower of Jesus for 35 years now and still struggle with having a deep prayer life – consistently. I have days while praying, when tears are streaming down my face and I feel unbelievably connected to God and alive as a believer. Then come stretches when my mind wanders and my prayers feel lifeless – like I’m just going through the motions.
And most men I talk with have the same struggle. Perhaps women do as well, but men for sure. So let’s explore some spiritual and practical reasons why that may be true in your life.
1. Men are doers!
Men like to get things done. I’ve noticed this about myself; that perhaps 75-80% of the things I set out to do, I get done. I’ve also noticed that a much smaller percentage of the things I pray for “get done.
Sadly, I may have concluded subconsciously, that one of the reasons I work harder than I pray, is that I have more confidence in me than in God to accomplish things. It pains me to admit that sin, but I think it’s true sometimes. If it weren’t true, I’d pray more, wait on God more, and work less.
When I’m lucid enough to realize what’s happening, I’ll cry out to God to both forgive me and ask him to give me eyes of faith to enable me to “wait upon the Lord.”
And most men I talk with have the same struggle. Perhaps women do as well, but men for sure. So let’s explore some spiritual and practical reasons why that may be true in your life.
1. Men are doers!
Men like to get things done. I’ve noticed this about myself; that perhaps 75-80% of the things I set out to do, I get done. I’ve also noticed that a much smaller percentage of the things I pray for “get done.
Sadly, I may have concluded subconsciously, that one of the reasons I work harder than I pray, is that I have more confidence in me than in God to accomplish things. It pains me to admit that sin, but I think it’s true sometimes. If it weren’t true, I’d pray more, wait on God more, and work less.
When I’m lucid enough to realize what’s happening, I’ll cry out to God to both forgive me and ask him to give me eyes of faith to enable me to “wait upon the Lord.”
December 22, 2014
Kissing the Face of God
I have a gift for you! This is one of the most moving and worshipful Christmas videos I’ve ever seen. It’s a wonderful reminder of Immanuel – God with us. God in the flesh!
Think of it – Mary, the mother of Jesus actually kissed the face of God! This video says in song, better than any blog I could ever write, what Christmas is all about. So, this is “my blog” this week. Consider forwarding it to your friends and playing it for your family this Christmas.
Think of it – Mary, the mother of Jesus actually kissed the face of God! This video says in song, better than any blog I could ever write, what Christmas is all about. So, this is “my blog” this week. Consider forwarding it to your friends and playing it for your family this Christmas.
