Clare De Graaf's Blog, page 29

How Single Fathers Can Help Their Children Honor Their Mother

Chances are, one of your sons, a nephew or someone you mentor is a single father. Perhaps they are, because of sinful, stupid choices they made, or their former spouse or girlfriend made. But, however they got to be single fathers, the only true victims are the children. 43% of children in the U.S. are without a father in the home. (U.S. Dept. of Census)

The purpose of this blog isn’t to rail against the statistics, but to provide you with something to say to the single dad in your life that can significantly improve their children’s chances of growing up to be more spiritual and responsible adults. And surprisingly, it’s encouraging them to be more respectful of their mother.

The rest of this blog, with some minor edits and additions, was written by a good friend of mine, Matt Haviland. He’s a single father and the founder of, A Father’s Walk, a ministry to single fathers. (http://afatherswalk.wix.com/a-fathers...). Listen to this guy!

Moral Laws and Soccer; Life Lessons You Can Pass On

In 1992, only two years after the fall of communism, I was sitting in a huge soccer stadium in Kiev, Ukraine, surrounded by screaming fans. The Russian team, the national champion, was getting beat by the Ukraine team and the crowd was going crazy.

At the time, I was president of the John Guest Evangelistic Team, and John had been invited to give a 10 minute “religious talk” at half-time. I could not imagine how he was going to pull that off. The fans were there for soccer, not religion. (Perhaps you have children or grandchildren who have the same problem!)

As John began to speak, God silenced the stadium. It was eerie and surreal.

3/4 Time

A decade ago, Bob Buford wrote a wonderful book called Half-time. In it, he begs Christian men and women approaching middle age, to think past earthly success and leisure, and to live the second half of their life for significance. But if you blew past that milestone and are still cranking it out in the marketplace or are now retired, and you think you missed your chance you’re wrong!

I’m 67 now, and statistically 3/4 of my way through life. Millions of Christian men, baby boomers they call us, are facing the last 1/4 of life and if we’re not careful, we’ll end up like so many, simply killing time pleasantly in warm places. A wasted life!

Here’s how to make sure you finish strong.

10 Things You Can Do to Prevent Pedophilia in the Church

We found out recently that an adult member of our church had intentionally touched a child sexually, and repeatedly. As an elder, I was called in. It was my first experience with this sin, but sadly, our church has dealt with it several times before. I’m grateful this incident did not, to the best of […]

Should You Die, Have You Left Instructions to the Guardians of Your Children?

Almost every parent I know has made a legal decision about who the guardians of their children will be, if both of them die. Here’s my first question; is it in writing? My second; are they still the best choice? However, even if the answer to both questions is “yes,” very few parents have gone to the next level and left written instructions for these guardians about how their children are to be raised, or cared for.

The following is a prototype for just such a letter I helped prepare for one couple.

Six Important Questions Every Wife Should Ask About Estate Planning and Retirement

It still surprises me how often good, Christian, married men die, unexpectedly, and their wives have to scramble desperately to figure out what financial shape they’re in. It’s not that their husbands were trying to hide anything. But, either they never really sat down to discuss these matters, or the husband simply didn’t plan well. It may also be that a will signed 15 years ago, never really got updated and now there’s problem, or a big tax bill.

So, here are some questions every wife should ask of their husbands (and husbands ought to ask themselves.)

Have You Had a Family Meeting on Inheritance Issues?

Twice in the last 15 years, we’ve held family meetings to discuss inheritance. As an advisor and spiritual mentor, I’ve seen first-hand, the devastation poor communication with grown children, can cause over inheritance issues.

Most Christian parents avoid telling about their inheritance plans, because “it’s none of their business.” But, it will be their business once you die and the hurt of surprises found in so many wills, often destroys all the goodwill and joy an inheritance ought to bring. Wise parents will leave behind wise and informed children.

So, the following letter, except for changes in the financial data or personal information, was sent to our children, in preparation for one of our family meetings on inheritance.

Topic #6: 7 Things You Can Do to Help Your Church Get Ahead of the Curve on LGBT Issues

“Even for those Christians who agree that homosexual practice is contrary to the will of God, there is very little agreement on how we ought to speak about it being contrary to the will of God or how the church speaks to this issue.” (Kevin DeYoung)

So here are seven ideas for you to bring to the leadership of your church, to speak confidently, boldly, biblically and with grace. We need to move from being reactive, to being biblical thought leaders on the subject of homosexuality.

1. Urge your leadership to write a Statement on Human Sexuality.

This statement should be more than a statement about what your church believes. It should include a blueprint for how your church desires to respond to LGBT Christians and the greater LGBT community. (Some of those ideas I’m proposing in the balance of this blog.) Here is a link to the official Statement on Human Sexuality by the Evangelical Free Church of America, that I really like. (http://go.efca.org/sites/default/file...)

Topic #5: Teaching Your Children to Think Biblically and Respond Wisely

One of the real dangers of being parents today, is that you never really know all the ideas your children are being exposed to. This is especially true in the area of sex – especially homosexuality! Most Children don’t just come home from school and start conversations about homosexuality around the dinner table! Perhaps they suspect you’ll get angry if they appear to agree with some things they’ve heard.

However, with the Supreme Courts ruling, it affords parents and grandparents a great opportunity to get these issues out in the open. Below, are a number of questions or ideas student are, or will be encountering in the classroom and cafeteria. You can start these conversations by asking a question. “In light of the Supreme Court ruling, perhaps we should talk about…” Or “Have you ever heard someone at school say…” and then rephrase some of the questions and ideas I’ve stated below, which I’ve actually gotten from parents.

Topic #4: Not All Homosexuals are Alike

A few years ago, I began attending a series of lectures at a local Christian college on the general topic of homosexuality. The presenters ranged from non-Christians who couldn’t imagine Jesus ever condemning homosexuality, to serious Christians who believed the Bible required them to be celibate. After the lectures, I asked a few of the audience members who I assumed were gay, based on the questions they’d asked, if they’d have a cup of coffee with me. I told them I didn’t want to argue the issues with them, I just wanted to hear their story growing up gay, what their families reaction was when they “came out” and how their church treated them. I left troubled and sad.

Not all homosexuals are alike, but we Christians treat them as if they are.
One of the mistakes we heterosexual Christians make, is lumping all gays into one category. They (we) assume all gays are sexually promiscuous, live a gay lifestyle, are proud to be gay and if they claim to be Christians, have simply dismissed the clear teachings of the Bible against same-sex.

But, not all homosexuals are alike.

And the reason it’s important to understand that, is because our attitude and approach, and that of our churches must be different with each group. I’ve found it helpful to think of homosexuals in these general categories.
• Non-Christians
• Christians who have felt same sex attraction, all their life
• Christians who did not always think of themselves as “gay,” but fell into a same sex relationship(s).
• Christians who believe they must be celibate and gay marriage is not an option for them.
• Christians who believe the Bible allows, same sex, but loving, life-long, monogamous relationships – married or not.

So, let’s discuss how we might approach each group.