Clare De Graaf's Blog, page 39

“I just don’t care!”

If you’ve heard, “I just don’t care” from your kids about things you think Christians really ought to care about deeply, you’re not alone.

A few months ago, I was having dinner with a few great kids - students at a local Christian college. We were talking about the homosexuality issue, which I blogged on last week. At the end of our extensive discussion, one of the young men said, “I just don’t care – it’s just not a big deal to me, one way or another.” Sound familiar?

So, I asked him this question. “Based on what we read in the Bible, do you think God cares one way or another about this issue?” “Yeh, I think he doesn’t like the idea of anyone having sex outside of marriage”, he replied. “Again, based on the Bible do you think he feels strongly about it, or just has a preference?” I asked. “He apparently feels strongly about it,” he answered honestly.

“Well, if you claim to be a follower of Jesus, then whatever is important to God, must become important to you! His worldview must become your worldview, whether you personally agree with it or not. If you’re not prepared to make that one of the supreme goals of your life, you may want to re-think whether or not, you’re a true Christian.” He was shocked, so I went on to explain.

Q&A from Readers on Homosexuality

The following are questions or comments I’ve received as a result of my Monday blog, or from those who’ve previewed it, or covering issues too long for that blog.

Q.  You wrote that you consider born again, celibate homosexuals your brothers and sisters in Christ. What about born-again homosexuals who read the Bible differently and believe the Bible allows them to marry and live in committed, monogamous relationships and/or marriage? Are they your brothers and sisters in Christ also?

A.  “Or do you not know that wrong-doers will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” I Cor. 6:9-10 NIV 2011

The Christian gay/lesbian community has a different interpretation of what the Bible considers a sin in same-sex, sexual activities. I’ll explore some of their interpretations toward the end of this blog.

The historical interpretation of this passage says anyone who calls themselves a believer, but has given themselves over to one of these sins – that is, they have given up calling it a sin and have surrendered themselves to it, and embraced drunkenness, greed, fornication and yes, homosexual sex, as a lifestyle, will not enter the kingdom of God.

This passage does not teach that alcoholics or those who’ve had an adulterous affair, or who are homosexuals, are lost spiritually if they confess their behavior as sin, and ask God’s forgiveness. Even if they “fall off the wagon” and sin again, but by the power of the Holy Spirit repent and try to resist sinning again, they will enter the “kingdom of God”. They are my brothers and sisters in Christ!

Q.  So, then Clare where does that leave non-celibate Christian homosexuals, spiritually?

Three Out-Of-The-Box Ideas for the Church to begin Addressing the Gay Christian Dilemma

Christians tend to vilify the sins we’re least likely to commit ourselves! Nowhere is this more true, than on the topic of homosexuality.

I was tempted to hold off blogging on this topic until after the Christmas holidays, but with kids’ home from college and families gathered, I decided differently. As spiritual leaders in our families, we ought to be the thought leaders, pro-actively engaging our children in this conversation.

Anyone who spends any time with younger Christians will tell you, most are ready to accept same-sex attraction and marriage as a fact of life. And, if Christians don’t, then we’re unloving. Most haven’t thought much about the distinction between practicing homosexuals and celibate ones. But, we have the opportunity to guide that discussion thoughtfully and biblically.

So, for the last year, I’ve been meeting with two Christian gay men. Both are committed to Christ and to celibacy. I’ve met with them to try to better understand the gay experience, the pain, the loneliness and the frustration. In particular, I wanted to explore with them ideas to help homosexual Christians, committed to celibacy, live life in all its fullness, in every way the Bible allows, both in and out of the church.

Here’s my position on this issue; I do not believe it’s a sin to be gay or lesbian any more than it is a sin to be a “straight” who is tempted by lust. We are all tainted by the fall and sin has corrupted God’s original intent for human sexuality. That’s not the way he made us. It’s what we’ve become. All sex outside of marriage is sin and I do not believe the Bible allows same-sex marriage.

I’m happy to call my brother and sister in Christ, any straight, gay or lesbian who has surrendered their life to Christ and is committed to a celibate lifestyle. So, the ideas I’m about to put forward are for this group of Christian homosexuals only.

(For an expanded understanding of my views on homosexuality and “gay marriage” see my blog of; Dear Michael, a Parent’s Letter to a Gay Son, dated 9/23/13.)  http://bit.ly/1bBkTJu

In my discussions with these men, there are certain issues that most discourage homosexuals who are sincerely trying to live a holy life. They are;

Hard Won Lessons on Leadership – Part Six

A few weeks ago I was teaching a group of young fathers and was asked this question, “How do I build confidence with my children for me as a godly father?”

I doubt if there’s ever been a true Christian and a parent, who has not asked that question. It’s the Holy Grail of both Christian parenting and Christian leadership, in general. So my answers will address all Christians who aspire to be men and women of integrity, on the job or in the home.

My answer to that father’s question was this; “Either live up to your children’s expectation for a true follower of Jesus, and/or manage their expectations.” The group understood the first half of my answer, but didn’t understand my “manage their expectations” advice. It sounded to them like a copout – an excuse for under-performing. I disagreed.

Here’s why I believe both observations are so important to build confidence in those you lead.

Hard Won Lessons on Leadership – Part Five

 

A leader should always have an agenda, but it should never be hidden.

I’ve been shocked over the years to discover the distrust people have of their leaders, even those in ministry. We know that’s true in general, but it rarely dawns on an individual leader that their people, or even their own families don’t always trust them. Most leaders believe we’re men or women of integrity and therefore, we don’t have to be concerned about that problem. We do! So, why is it that we often distrust leaders?

1. Almost everyone has had someone in authority over them, who has hurt, embarrassed or betrayed them.

My father had a good friend – a very successful Christian businessman, who I discovered was gossiping about my father behind his back. I once had a teacher who everyone knew gave good grades to his pet students and lesser grades to students who challenged his ideas.

Perhaps you had a controlling parent, a critical spouse, or coach who humiliated you in front of others. So, have the people who work for you. They will often unconsciously project their experience on to you. I’ve repeated this maxim often: No one was raised in a Petrie dish – we all have emotional baggage. We’ve all experienced hurt by others because of sin and as a result, we’ve become wary of the motives and agendas of others.

2. Most of us know that we, ourselves have been deceitful in the past and therefore, we are wary of that sin in others.

Hard Won Lessons on Leadership – Part Four

I’m occasionally asked if there are any fairly simple leadership principles that always work. “Work for whom?” is the question I often respond with. Here’s what I mean by that.

The common misconception of leaders is that their task is to get others to do what they, the leader, wants. The goal of the true Christian leader, if at all possible, is to inspire others to creatively work toward a solution that they, the group, believes is best.



It’s my experience that once a group truly believes in an idea; they will work in harmony to pull it off. But, if they don’t, some will give it only a half-hearted effort, and a few will actually hope it fails. This is true of a family as well as a ministry, a committee or corporation.

So, the following are a few of the best practices of good leaders I’ve observed to inspire others to think outside the box.

Hard Won Lessons on Leadership – Part Three

Perception is truth to those who believe it.

I’ve previously defined a worldview as, the sum total of everything you believe to be true, whether it is or not.



When you’re a leader, some people you lead will not share your worldview. I’m not talking about whether they are Christians or not, or whether they share the same philosophy or politics. On the most elemental level, everyone believes certain facts to be true, that you do not. And, unless you understand exactly what their truth is, you can’t begin to solving problems or change in an organization.

Hard Won Lessons on Leadership – Part Two

Many leaders make the mistake of trying to introduce a big vision before they’ve done the hard work of winning the confidence of those they lead.



This blog won’t make much sense unless you’ve read my Monday blog first of, November 18. And, one of the best ways I know how to instill confidence is by identifying and solving the problems that most trouble those they lead and prevent them from doing their jobs well.

I once made this observation to the leader of a large company. “When you’re sitting on top of the mountain, you can make the mistake of thinking all is well in the village below.” This isn’t just true of big corporations; it’s true of churches, organizations and even families. Do you know, and do you care what most stresses your employees, volunteers in ministry or even your spouse and children? What questions or fears can you help them address, or at very least, show empathy for? It’s not all about you. In a Christian worldview it’s all about God and others.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” Phil 2:3

Hard Won Lessons on Leadership – Part One

Here’s my litmus test for a Christian leader; would the people you lead, follow you if they didn’t have to?

And, I’m not just talking about ministry leaders. Would your children, your wife, the people who are under your care, or those under your authority at work, would they follow you even if the Bible didn’t command them to do so, or they weren’t worried about their paycheck?

In the military, soldiers must follow their leaders or they’ll be jailed or shot. In a corporation, it’s called insubordination, an offense that could get you fired. But, what if they didn’t fear you, the law or the loss of a job? Would the people who God has put under your care, follow you even if they didn’t have to? What does it take to be that kind of leader?



For the next few weeks, my blogs will address the character qualities and best practices of good Christian leaders. But, today let’s examine the one characteristic every leader must possess to be truly admired by both God and man.

Eleven Significant Events that Changed Christianity Since 100 AD

Earlier this year, our family went on Spring Break. All 21 of us! But, it wasn’t all vacation. I decided to begin teaching our 14 grandchildren (or at least 7 of the “olders” ages 8-15) eleven events that changed Christianity. It’s what our grandchildren call “Papa School”.

I wanted to give them a brief history of historical Christianity from the New Testament to the 60’s. I also wanted them to know the major events, people and movements that have shaped the Christian faith and the church.

My second goal was to shore up their confidence about the Bible. I wanted them to know how we got it and who determined which writings should be in our Bible. It’s been my experience if a Christian does not have confidence and conviction about the Bible, he or she will never live under its authority.

So, here are, what in my estimation, are the eleven significant events that changed Christianity since 100 A.D.

You can either read, or download each teaching.

1. The Early Church – Christianity on Fire

2. The Conversion of Constantine and the Council of Nicea (325)

3. The Books for a New Testament

4. Augustine and Systematic Theology

5. The Holy Roman Empire (500-1500 AD)

6. Forerunners of the Reformation and the Invention of the Printing Press (1440)

7. The Reformation 

8. John Calvin and Other Reformers

9. The Age of Reason and Revival (1600 – 1800)

10. John Cary and the Modern Missions Movements (1880)

11. Liberalism, Fundamentalism and the Growth of Evangelicalism