Clare De Graaf's Blog, page 41

“I Told You So!” and Other Words that Kill Relationships

I tend to be a cautious person. I was raised, hearing “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of care”. I was a Boy Scout and our motto was “Be Prepared”.

My wife Susan and I have been married 45 years. There are things I occasionally see her doing that I “know” just are not going to turn out well. And as her husband, of course, I can’t just keep my mouth shut. That would be irresponsible! What kind of husband would I be, not to warn her?

We had a situation like that just a few weeks ago. I was upset because I thought she was not being as cautious as she could be to keep from getting poison ivy. In my mind, the results were both predictable and preventable.

As I walked away from that conversation, it dawned on me that there was something else that was predictable and preventable – my response!

Dealing with People Who Continue to Make Sinful and Foolish Choices

It’s bad enough when you see a friend or family member make an unwise or sinful decision and then have to live with the consequences. But, it really drives me crazy when it’s a repeat offense – they’ve made that decision before, failed and are now, back at it again. It’s not like it’s a pop quiz! Can’t they see the outcomes are both predictable and preventable?

I’m guessing that God occasionally has the same feeling toward you and me.

Why? Because every habitual sin you and I commit is both predictable and preventable. And, if I were God, I’d be just as frustrated with me as I am with a friend who knows what they ought to do, but won’t.

“If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.” James 4:17

When I ran my business and something went terribly wrong, I’d gather my management team. Together we’d analyze the problem, propose some solutions and decide how we could keep this mistake from ever happening again. And, occasionally it would happen again, so we’d tighten something else up to make a third time even less likely. The more pro-active we were, the better results we achieved.

So, why is it we don’t apply that same technique to personal holiness, particularly those sins we repeat over and over?

Spiritual Mentoring Tip #8

  #8  Plan for the Future. Ending a Mentoring Relationship.  Every spiritual mentoring relationship will end, so plan for it! Most of my mentoring relationships generally wind-down in 3-5 years. And, I need them to wind-down to be able to take on other men. I’ve also found that in that time frame, I’ve helped a man […]

Spiritual Mentoring Tip #7

  #7  Evaluate Your Progress Regularly.  At the beginning of every year, I go away for a half day and pray about all the men I mentor. I also try to honestly evaluate the progress, (or lack of progress) we’ve made over the last year. Some men love to grow and stretch themselves. Others just […]

Spiritual Mentoring Tip #6

  #6  You Don’t Have to Solve Every Problem your Protégé Has. When I talk to people about being a mentor, clearly one of their greatest fears is that they’re not knowledgeable enough to answer every question they imagine will come up. Relax – you don’t have to! The Metamorphosis of a Mentor I’ve observed […]

Spiritual Mentoring Tip #5

#5  Be as transparent as you dare. Believe it or not, your protégé will learn as much from your failures as from your successes. By being transparent, you’re also teaching them it’s okay to be transparent. This will help them immensely in their marriage and with their children. Also, it will deepen the relationships between […]

Spiritual Mentoring Tip #4

  #4  Show your protégé you care about them. Your protégé needs to know that you care about them personally. So, be creative. Do something special at least once every three-four months to show that you are thinking of them. Write a short, handwritten note. Just call occasionally to see how he/she is doing or […]

Spiritual Mentoring Tip #3

  #3  Ask your protégé questions that will help you, help them. A great way to get to know your protégé is to ask questions. People love to talk about themselves. As they answer, watch their face and listen to the inflection in their voice. These “tells” will help you understand who, or what excites [...]

Spiritual Mentoring Tip #2

  #2  Ask your mentor lots of questions. Your mentor is a wealth of knowledge and experience. But, sometimes you have to “unlock” the storehouse. Here are some great questions you might consider asking your mentor over the course of your relationship. What are some of the most important decisions you’ve made in your life? [...]

Spiritual Mentoring Tip #1

  For the next month, instead of a blog, twice each week, I’ll be posting practical ideas for being a more effective and fruitful spiritual mentor. So, here’s the first tip; #1  Give the men or women you’re mentoring, assignments. Life is short and I only want to mentor men who are serious about growing spiritually, [...]