Clare De Graaf's Blog, page 42
July 25, 2013
Finding the Right Spiritual Mentor and Getting Started on the Right Foot
If you’ve ever thought about mentoring or getting a mentor, the toughest part is getting started. So, where do you begin? (By the way, this blog will make a lot more sense if you’ve read my July 22 blog, three days ago.)
The most difficult part of the entire mentoring process is choosing the right mentor and then making “THE CALL”. Hopefully, by the end of this blog you’ll feel less anxious about the process and more excited about how having a mentor or being a mentor, can shape your life.
Finding the right mentor for you.
First pray. As God puts names on your mind, write them down immediately. You may be tempted to dismiss some people as too busy or inaccessible, but if God is calling them to mentor you, you’ll only know that by asking them. Then ask your pastor or spiritually mature friends for names of potential mentors, in or outside your church. Ask God to guide you to the right mentor.
Finding a protégé who needs your wisdom.
If God has blessed you with a level of spiritual maturity and some years of experience, I’d urge you to pray about becoming a spiritual mentor yourself. You don’t have to be a spiritual giant. I have met men who could have been very good mentors, but who disqualified themselves because they’re not successful leaders or strong Bible teachers. All you really need to be a mentor is to love God, care for people, know the Bible reasonably well, and be willing to be transparent and available to another person. But, how do you find people to mentor?
The most difficult part of the entire mentoring process is choosing the right mentor and then making “THE CALL”. Hopefully, by the end of this blog you’ll feel less anxious about the process and more excited about how having a mentor or being a mentor, can shape your life.
Finding the right mentor for you.
First pray. As God puts names on your mind, write them down immediately. You may be tempted to dismiss some people as too busy or inaccessible, but if God is calling them to mentor you, you’ll only know that by asking them. Then ask your pastor or spiritually mature friends for names of potential mentors, in or outside your church. Ask God to guide you to the right mentor.
Finding a protégé who needs your wisdom.
If God has blessed you with a level of spiritual maturity and some years of experience, I’d urge you to pray about becoming a spiritual mentor yourself. You don’t have to be a spiritual giant. I have met men who could have been very good mentors, but who disqualified themselves because they’re not successful leaders or strong Bible teachers. All you really need to be a mentor is to love God, care for people, know the Bible reasonably well, and be willing to be transparent and available to another person. But, how do you find people to mentor?
July 22, 2013
My “Cliff’s Notes” on Spiritual Mentoring
When I came to faith at age 31 I knew I needed a spiritual mentor – someone to disciple me. Up until then, I’d been a cultural Christian. So, I started going to a Bible study weekly and it was incredibly helpful, but I knew I needed something more – a coach, a teacher - a mentor.
I was clueless about how people who were serious about following Jesus went about doing that in real life. What did they talk about on the golf course, when they went to lunch, or on the job? How did they share the good news of Jesus with others in a way that was natural and winsome? How did they treat their wives, make business and personal decisions? How did they pray, when did they pray, and for how long? I had a million questions.
It’s like this; when I decided to take up golf, I got a golf pro to teach me. He not only demonstrated how to properly hold a club, hit a ball out of the sand, but how to keep from getting into the sand in the first place – and a hundred other things I needed to enjoy the game. I learned because he played along with me. I watched him and he watched me and gave me the confidence I needed to play the game better. I knew I needed similar lessons about living out the Christian life.
But how do you go about finding a spiritual mentor?
I was clueless about how people who were serious about following Jesus went about doing that in real life. What did they talk about on the golf course, when they went to lunch, or on the job? How did they share the good news of Jesus with others in a way that was natural and winsome? How did they treat their wives, make business and personal decisions? How did they pray, when did they pray, and for how long? I had a million questions.
It’s like this; when I decided to take up golf, I got a golf pro to teach me. He not only demonstrated how to properly hold a club, hit a ball out of the sand, but how to keep from getting into the sand in the first place – and a hundred other things I needed to enjoy the game. I learned because he played along with me. I watched him and he watched me and gave me the confidence I needed to play the game better. I knew I needed similar lessons about living out the Christian life.
But how do you go about finding a spiritual mentor?
July 18, 2013
Questions
Q: Do you advise praying for 10 second rule impressions or just letting them happen? Julie A: The answer is both. I do pray for God to give me “spiritual radar” for people to bless. I also ask the Holy Spirit to warn me of sin. Years ago, I noticed that when I was [...]
July 15, 2013
Yoga and the Martial Arts – Should Christians Practice Either?
I was asked by a reader to comment on whether or not Christians should practice or participate in either yoga or the martial arts. My short answer is – very carefully.
Depending on your age, you may have very little interest in either activity. However, if you have children, grandchildren or you mentor someone who does, you would be wise to have a position on these activities. (See my May 6, 2013 blog on Writing Jesus’ Speeches).
I’ll be right up front. I have less concern with yoga, the exercise, not the practice of spiritual meditation, than I have with martial arts. I realize that both came out of eastern religions and both were practiced for centuries as a religion, or a way to connect with “the gods”, and in most cases, still are. But, we don’t stop celebrating Christmas even though December 25 was originally a pagan holiday – Roman Solstice. So, I’m less concerned about the historic roots than the actual practice today by Christians, or led by Christians.
I’m also aware that there are serious Christians who believe we should stay as far away from both as possible. And, that could be the wisest choice for you. However, the Church in Corinth had similar questions. For instance, should they eat meat sacrificed to idols? In I Cor. 8, Paul addresses this issue straight on when he says, “Some people are still so accustomed to idols that when they eat sacrificial food they think of it as having been sacrificed to a god, and since their conscience is weak, it is defiled. But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do.” I Cor. 8:7-8
But in the same chapter Paul goes on to say that he’d never eat such meat if it offended another believer’s conscience. “Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall.” I Cor. 8:13
So here’s my first warning; I would not want to see either yoga or the martial arts practiced in a church or family if it seriously violated the conscience of another Christian. My second warning is this; just the other fact that these practices have their origin in eastern religions, should not automatically disqualify Christians from practicing them, unless any element of that religion is also practiced or encouraged.
Here’s how this issue worked out for my wife and I recently.
Depending on your age, you may have very little interest in either activity. However, if you have children, grandchildren or you mentor someone who does, you would be wise to have a position on these activities. (See my May 6, 2013 blog on Writing Jesus’ Speeches).
I’ll be right up front. I have less concern with yoga, the exercise, not the practice of spiritual meditation, than I have with martial arts. I realize that both came out of eastern religions and both were practiced for centuries as a religion, or a way to connect with “the gods”, and in most cases, still are. But, we don’t stop celebrating Christmas even though December 25 was originally a pagan holiday – Roman Solstice. So, I’m less concerned about the historic roots than the actual practice today by Christians, or led by Christians.
I’m also aware that there are serious Christians who believe we should stay as far away from both as possible. And, that could be the wisest choice for you. However, the Church in Corinth had similar questions. For instance, should they eat meat sacrificed to idols? In I Cor. 8, Paul addresses this issue straight on when he says, “Some people are still so accustomed to idols that when they eat sacrificial food they think of it as having been sacrificed to a god, and since their conscience is weak, it is defiled. But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do.” I Cor. 8:7-8
But in the same chapter Paul goes on to say that he’d never eat such meat if it offended another believer’s conscience. “Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall.” I Cor. 8:13
So here’s my first warning; I would not want to see either yoga or the martial arts practiced in a church or family if it seriously violated the conscience of another Christian. My second warning is this; just the other fact that these practices have their origin in eastern religions, should not automatically disqualify Christians from practicing them, unless any element of that religion is also practiced or encouraged.
Here’s how this issue worked out for my wife and I recently.
July 11, 2013
Questions
Q: Every time I hear someone say, “God told me to do… whatever,” I want to run for cover. I’m generally skeptical. What should I say to these people and how would I know if God has actually spoken to them? Karen A: That depends on what God “told them to do.” [...]
July 8, 2013
How to “Lose” Gracefully
A few weeks ago, I was trying my best to persuade a group of Christian leaders of my church to take a course of action that I believed strongly in. Of course, I believed I was right! But, I lost. And, I don’t always like losing. (But, that’s another blog for another day.) It wasn’t [...]
July 3, 2013
Questions
Q: Aside from giving some money to a few men with “need work” signs, I’ve not had many 10 second rule impressions. Is that normal? Todd A: Well, I’m not sure what “normal” is. However, most of my impressions have to do with encouraging people and warnings from the Holy Spirit about saying or doing something I [...]
July 1, 2013
It’s 6:00 a.m., Do Your Children Know Where You Are?
The title of this blog is an actual question I asked a group of parents recently. The question gets to the heart of leaving a spiritual legacy for your children.
Do your children know where to find you daily, in prayer or studying scripture?
When I begin mentoring a man seriously, I’ll often ask them this, “Make a list of your gods.” They never include the one I’m addressing in this blog.
God said in the first commandment, “You shall have no other gods before me.” If I didn’t have a block of time regularly (preferably daily) to devoted solely to the worship and study of God, I think it’s quite reasonable that God would conclude that everything else in my life was more important than him!
And just for the record, I don’t think much of the One Minute Bible, having your only reading be Oswald Chambers or some other brief devotional, praying while on a treadmill, or listening to a sermon on the radio. Those are all great things to do, but in my opinion are not substitutes for worship, real Bible study or serious prayer.
If we were meeting with our most important client, or our boss, we’d never talk to him from a treadmill, or spend one minute getting to know him. It’s not that it can’t be done. I do pray occasionally as I walk or drive. I just can’t imagine God being truly honored by slipping him in when it’s convenient. If I were God, I think I’d want to know that for at least 15-20 a day, I have your undivided attention and loyalty. “You shall have no other gods…”
There may be godly men or women who don’t have a serious, regular time alone with God. I’ve just never met one.
So, where do you or the person you’re mentoring begin?
Do your children know where to find you daily, in prayer or studying scripture?
When I begin mentoring a man seriously, I’ll often ask them this, “Make a list of your gods.” They never include the one I’m addressing in this blog.
God said in the first commandment, “You shall have no other gods before me.” If I didn’t have a block of time regularly (preferably daily) to devoted solely to the worship and study of God, I think it’s quite reasonable that God would conclude that everything else in my life was more important than him!
And just for the record, I don’t think much of the One Minute Bible, having your only reading be Oswald Chambers or some other brief devotional, praying while on a treadmill, or listening to a sermon on the radio. Those are all great things to do, but in my opinion are not substitutes for worship, real Bible study or serious prayer.
If we were meeting with our most important client, or our boss, we’d never talk to him from a treadmill, or spend one minute getting to know him. It’s not that it can’t be done. I do pray occasionally as I walk or drive. I just can’t imagine God being truly honored by slipping him in when it’s convenient. If I were God, I think I’d want to know that for at least 15-20 a day, I have your undivided attention and loyalty. “You shall have no other gods…”
There may be godly men or women who don’t have a serious, regular time alone with God. I’ve just never met one.
So, where do you or the person you’re mentoring begin?
June 27, 2013
Questions
Q: A group in our church is discussing The 10 Second Rule. A few people in our group believe that you need to have a good attitude about obedience or it doesn’t please God. “The Lord loves a cheerful giver.” What do you think? Peter A: Jesus actually told a parable to a group [...]
June 23, 2013
A Pecking Order of Sins
“Clare, aren’t all sins equal?” That was the question posed by a guy I was meeting with who was trying to justify a serious sin he had committed. I replied, “Nate, I don’t think even you believe that.”
All Christians rank sin – that is, we all have a mental list, or hierarchy of sins. On our list some sins are moral felonies and others are misdemeanors. Is that true? Are some sins greater or more serious than others? Yes! (And, I’ll explain why later.)
A second question is even more intriguing, “How did you come up with your ‘list’?” Evangelicals generally have at the top of their list rejecting Christ, while Emergent Christians have, not living like Christ. Conservatives have near the top of their list, abortionists, gays and liberal theology. For liberal Christians, indifference to the poor, hypocrisy and intolerance top their lists. Rich Christians often think the poor’s big problem is laziness, while the poor believe the rich are greedy. I’ve actually caught myself looking down from my self-righteous perch at an adulterer or divorcee and glad I’m not one of them.
So, I have a theory; most of us unconsciously rank the sins we’re the least likely to commit at the top of our list, and our own sins in the middle or below. Let’s talk about why we do that.
All Christians rank sin – that is, we all have a mental list, or hierarchy of sins. On our list some sins are moral felonies and others are misdemeanors. Is that true? Are some sins greater or more serious than others? Yes! (And, I’ll explain why later.)
A second question is even more intriguing, “How did you come up with your ‘list’?” Evangelicals generally have at the top of their list rejecting Christ, while Emergent Christians have, not living like Christ. Conservatives have near the top of their list, abortionists, gays and liberal theology. For liberal Christians, indifference to the poor, hypocrisy and intolerance top their lists. Rich Christians often think the poor’s big problem is laziness, while the poor believe the rich are greedy. I’ve actually caught myself looking down from my self-righteous perch at an adulterer or divorcee and glad I’m not one of them.
So, I have a theory; most of us unconsciously rank the sins we’re the least likely to commit at the top of our list, and our own sins in the middle or below. Let’s talk about why we do that.
