It’s Not About the Nail!

One of the hardest lessons I’ve ever had to learn, and am still learning, is to listen and only listen to my wife. Susan and I have been married for 46 years. As a young husband and a problem-solver by nature, when Susan would come to me and share a problem, a pain or frustration, I tried what 99% of all husbands want to do – fix it!

As she began to explain what or who was frustrating her, I was quiet, but not really listening. My mind was racing, looking for a solution for her problem. I wanted to be her rescuer! Wasn’t that the job of husbands? And, lucky Susan, she married a clever guy who loved solving problems for people. This was going to be a win-win, if there ever was one!

So before she’d even finish talking, I’d interrupt her and give her some options and my best advice, fully expecting a big smile to come over her face, so thankful for the solution.

Instead, she looked at me like I was the most insensitive clod I could be. Then she’d say, “Clare, I’m not looking to you for answers, I just need you to listen.” And I’d be shocked and confused. It just never dawned on me, and didn’t for dozens of years, that my wife didn’t want my advice just then. She simply wanted empathy and a listening ear. It wasn’t about the nail!