Gillian Colbert's Blog, page 10

Gillian a Go-Go

As many of you know, I’m from Washington, DC. There is a particular form of music that is unique to the DC area … Go-Go. This music has African roots and driving beats. I adored it growing up. I was a dancer through and through and this is serious dance music. My friends and I never went to parties where all you did was stand around, drink and get high, we went to dance parties. There was always Go-Go playing and we’d dance and sweat until our clothes stuck to us. I can’t dance with quite the...

On Being Abandoned or Suppression is a Motherf**ker

I have abandonment issues. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why, but apparently it does take roughly twenty-seven years for the pieces to fall into place. This evening, I once again came face-to-face with another piece of Gillian’s obnoxiously dysfunctional past that has affected her at deeply subconscious levels without her even being aware of it.

It all stems back to one hot summer day when I was eleven years old. My father had conscripted me into helping with the grocery shopping at t...

Conformity

Another poem that I particularly enjoyed. Written about a year ago as well.

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What wouldthe worldsay

if I paintedmyself grey?

What wouldthe worlddo

if I paintedmyself blue?

What wouldbe said

if I paintedmyself red?

I cantell youone thingtrue

It wouldn’t be “we love you”

No, in this worldwe mustconform

To someone else’s version of norm

Why?

Tell me whymust Ibe what yousay

ordie aslowdeath oflonelinessand pain

Fear and shame a constant refrain

Fuck that!I say

It’s my new dawn, my new day

If youcan’t handl...

Getting Out of Jail Free

Stealing Sunday… again.

1. When you’re home alone, do you still close the door when you use the restroom?

No. I’m alone, why bother?

2. If you have to go grocery shopping, would you rather go alone or with someone?

Alone. I hate grocery shopping and I don’t like to linger. I have my list sectioned according the the order of the aisles and I like to just go through quickly and get out. Whenever possible, I get my groceries delivered. In VA, I never set foot in a grocery store unless I ran out of s...

Broken

I wrote this poem last September. CC at Discovery posted something tonight that brought it back to mind.

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Surroundedby a crowd

alone with thoughts

I’d never speakout loud

The type of thoughts

that separate me

from my humanity

and make me feel

that I dwell

in insanity

As if I’m,just flesh and bone

taking up space

but never truly part

of the human race

I’ve thoughtof endingit all

Once, as a teen, I even tried

but, I found out I didn’t want to die

I’m just so sickof livingthis eternal lie

The one w...

On Submission, BDSM and a Personal Awakening

When I first found BDSM I thought I’d found my holy grail. The answer to all of my issues and questions surrounding my sexuality. With BDSM as the answer, everything else fell into place. My early promiscuity wasn’t the result if irresponsibility and a callous disregard for my body. No, it was a subconscious pursuit for something beyond the vanilla meaningless sex I was having. Trading my cunt like a commodity wasn’t about a near-sociopathic disconnection from my own emotions, it was about a...

Quote of the Day, May 5

Reblogged from Alchemy of the Word:

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.

—EarnestHemingway

Oh, do I relate to this ....

He Spanked Her Ass and Sucked on the Marks

Just watched Weeds Season 6: Episode 8 – Gentle Puppies. All I’m going to say is there is a scene where Nancy gets spanked with the belt and then her lover sucks on the marks. Um… Gillian didn’t make it to the shower. This is available on Netflix.

LOL

Weeds

The Soundtrack of My Soul

This is one of the first poems I ever wrote … about three years ago. For me, I find that if a song is running through my head, it is indicative of my mental state. Literally, it’s as if my subconscious is trying to communicate with me because often I’ve not even listened to the song recently.

———————————-

Music

A manifestation

of my unconscious

thought

Each line bought

and paid

in memory

laid bare

Only the lyrics

dare

speak what I

cannot

Show what

I see not

Lines collected

over years

each one

so dear

lovingly la...

In the Company of the Misunderstood

This was written July 1, 2010 and represents my first step on the path of tearing down my personal illusions of my character and small-mindedness. It’s ironic, really, there I was thinking I was being so magnanimous rescuing this little, abused Pitbull when in truth, he was saving me.

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Bella & Floyd Spooning

I grew up thinking Pitbulls and their owners were the lowest of the low. They were street thugs and trailer trash who fought these monstrous dogs in some phallic rite to prove the...