Michael Joe Armijo's Blog, page 53

Move-In Day: A Surgeon-Style Vampire

He advised others to keep focusing on the progress that was being made and to continue to tackle each day to accomplish a small goal.--The Orange Frog by Shawn Achor
On October 25, 1989 I found a cool card in L.A. of an athlete stretching his legs that I loved.   I bought it for Paloma and wrote the following while still in Northern California: 10-25-89Hi Paloma,I think JOHN and SHERRI are going to have ‘only’ three kids.   They really want a boy…but they won’t admit it.  If you have another one…well, you may as well have them when you’re young.   
I think Holly Alyssa might be my favorite at the moment…but I like them ALL THE SAME (I don't like playing favorites).  I see Ashley and Holly most often.   Once I move to West Hollywood I may not see them as much.  Then again it’s only a five hour drive.   I’ll probably be in Alameda once a month.   They’ll visit me too.  

Did you hear about Zsa Zsa Gabor (she walked past supporters carrying FREE ZSA ZSA signs on her way to court in Beverly Hills)?  She pleaded innocent to a misdemeanor charge of hitting a Beverly Hills Police officer who pulled over her Rolls Royce because its license tags were expired.Or did you hear the other story of Jim Baker being convicted?    That’s the big national news around here.  
I went back to work yesterday.  I take BART to work.   It’s crowded but they’re allowing me to work 7AM—3PM, so I don’t deal with the heavy duty commuting times (9AM—5PM).   My place in Alameda (at 3348 Solomon Lane) is being rented now for $1100 per month.   A couple in their 40’s live there but my mom gets the money (not me).   If I need a few extra bucks she may be there to lend a helping hand…but I’d only ask if I NEED it.   Jeez, I NEED a JAGUAR car.  Ha…only kidding.   The earthquake was scary.   I was very lucky.   Have you heard of LAMBADA?  It’s a new dance and they say that EUROPE is all hot over it on TV right now.   Your car is cool.   I’ll send you a photo of my new place soon.  Later.Love, Michael (HAPPY HALLOWEEN)


I created another ideal postcard for PALOMA, using an image that reminded me of her sexy body and wrote another card to her:
10-25-89Paloma,When did you pose for this photo?  Ha…That was a great ‘anniversary’ card you sent me.  It was great.  I will have to try and make the time to try and sketch and paint that one someday. 

You’re right when we met at only “24” we were young…but we can both still pass for that age (I think).   And we were both pretty mature back then in comparison to other 24 year olds.  

Thanks to you I got into working out—even if I haven’t been to the gym for quite a while.   Actually, I went last night—but before that it’s been a couple of months.  I do my aerobics tape at home, ride my bike and run ‘now and then’.  

School was a drag. 

Ashley is 5.  Lauren just turned 4 on 10-18-89 (the day after the big earthquake).  It was nice to hear your voice—by the way.  My brother, John, went to work that day but Sherri told me you called them.   Sherri’s not working now.  John’s a bartender at the Holiday Inn in Emeryville.  Wish you were here.  Love, Michael


October 26, 1989 I spent part of the day at mom’s house and had fun with Ashley and Holly.    I took a few memorable photos of them.   They are so much fun.  I’m going to miss seeing them as often as I do.
The ‘real trip of a lady’ that works with me at Pac Bell Directory named Gloria Romero sent me a photo while she was in Washington D.C. earlier this month (October 1989).   Word is definitely OUT that I’m leaving for Los Angeles.  She included a little ‘bunny rabbit’ clip art with these words written on the back of it:

Dearest Michael,“Best Wishes”.   To a Great Guy.   I’ll miss you LOTS. Best of Luck, Your Friend, GLORIA
(ACO-Account Collection Office)
Gloria also included a cool postcard of LE PETIT TRIANON, a Design Center in Burlingame, CA.   I liked the look and feel of the setting.  It looked like a scene for an afternoon tea party.
When I went to L.A. I had a postcard in my mailbox from Mario, the guy who lives in Miami.  He sent me a card while he was in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.  I had forgotten I sent him a postcard with my new West Hollywood address.   It was nice to receive personal mail in a place where I know few people. Mario wrote:
GUESS WHO?  I am in for this sunset.   I can’t really see it now but I’m seated here on the beach, thinking how much I hate cold weather.Love, Mario

Dusty Nipper also wrote me a day or so later, using a postcard of a white Rolls-Royce with this imprinted on it “YOU’RE ONLY A FRIEND…LIKE A ROLLS IS ONLY A CAR.”  At first, I misinterpreted it, thinking she only wanted to be friends.  It made me realize that we will always be MORE than just friends in our very own secret way.    She wrote:
October 27, 1989Dear Michael,Here is yet another postcard!   This is a THANK YOU postcard for the lovely time on (almost) my Birthday!   I know that I will enjoy the “bubbly”!    Hope you liked the Natalie Wood postcard.   Hope to see you soon.  Love, Dusty
Halloween Weekend, West Hollywood, CA

Well, Dale Orlando arrived and we rented the U-HAUL truck and made it to Los Angeles. 

It was MOVE-IN DAY!  Laverne Butler came along, too.  We sang songs on the highway ‘5’ until we reached 1010 North Palm Ave.   I was so worried about parking the U-HAUL truck on the narrow street but the weekend was the best time to go at it.   Dale was such a help.  He loves to be in-control and I love when he rolls his eyes at me when I say silly things (on-purpose).  Does he realize I say these things on-purpose?   Well, sometimes I do.  Ha-ha. Laverne left us for our Halloween festivities.   I’ll miss her, too.   In addition, she and I will always have that memorable trip to Hawaii from earlier this year.
Dale made me laugh hysterically as he usually does on Halloween night.   The main drag of Santa Monica Boulevard was to be closed off for the big West Hollywood Halloween Parade.  He was decided on being a nurse for Halloween.  He adored Nurse Ratched (the character from the film ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEXT).   She was his inspiration.   
I figured I’d be a surgeon-style vampire.   I had fun taking a few photos before we set out into the night.  It was a lot of unforgettable fun to simply see the many costumes.   The gay crowd certainly has the utmost flavor when it comes to creativity. 
The following day I checked my mailbox and found a gay-themed postcard from Dorothy Rua which surprised me—but I took it with a grain of salt, loving the image ‘just the same’.  Dorothy wrote:
10-31-89Dear Michael,Where did you guys get the “unique” Halloween costumes?   The Sunset Strip will never be the same once the cruisers spot you!   Especially if the front is as revealing as the rear view!

How did your move go?   Hope you and Dale managed to get everything down there without any hassle.   Won’t be long and everything will fall into place.   Or has it already?   Let me know how everything’s going.Now that everyone is trying to recover from the tragedy of the earthquake I’ve suddenly realized that it won’t be so convenient to hop in my car and head for my shot of adventure in San Francisco!   A self-centered thought but there it is!   Too depressing to think about…so I won’t…   I just have to come up with other ways to keep myself entertained!   Hope to hear from you…Love, Dorothy
Nurse Ratched: Aren't you ashamed? Billy: No, I'm not. [Applause from friends] Nurse Ratched: You know Billy, what worries me is how your mother is going to take this. Billy: Um, um, well, y-y-y-you d-d-d-don't have to t-t-t-tell her, Miss Ratched. Nurse Ratched: I don't have to tell her? Your mother and I are old friends. You know that. Billy: P-p-p-please d-d-don't tell my m-m-m-mother.--One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975 film)

An Island In The Pacific

“What will become of TIME?”
“Will it reverse?”
“No one knows the answer.”
-as heard during the film MR. NOBODY, 
a 2009 film starring Jared Leto

I received a cute NIAGARA FALLS postcard from the elderly staff clerk I work with in San Francisco.  Her name is Gloria Romero and she’s a trip.   She’s worked for the company for over 30 years and doesn’t want to retire yet.  Jeez…  Well, she has made me want to visit Niagara Falls one day.  She wrote:
October 18, 1989Hi Michael!
The view of the Falls is just great!   Enjoying vacation from Niagara Falls into Washington DC on a bus tour and it is ever so interesting.   The Capitol is beautiful.   Friday…back to Manhattan, New York for a shopping spree.   See you Tuesday.   
Love, Gloria, XO

Paloma found another BIKE postcard for me.   She wrote:

le 20/10/89Dear Michael,

Thanks for calling.   That was funny to hear you.  It didn’t seem like we hadn’t talked to each other for so long.  You’ve got the exact same voice and I remember it very well!   I got another card the day after you called…the CATHERINE DENEUVE one (I was talking about a bigger one).   

I watched Dan Rather’s NEWS on TV this morning.   He was in SF.  The earth is still shaking there.   Do you know that one of these days you’re going to be living on an island in the Pacific?   Are you scared?   I love to watch SF.   That reminds me of so many things…3 years of your life…that’s pretty long!  Especially 3 GOOD years!
…and a couple of other non-dated postcards from Paloma.  This one particular card depicted a beautiful woman with blue eyes who had an uncanny resemblance to one of my old girlfriends (Amy Platt) with the same blue eyes; although she wasn't blond. I guess I shall refrain from sharing that tidbit with Paloma.  Paloma wrote: 
I hope to go to SF.  I hope to visit my brother but I will definitely stay at your place (if I’m still invited, of course).  

You’re not telling me what you’re planning to do with your job at PACIFIC BELL though (?).   Are you going to keep working for them or not?   I’m glad you got so many call backs from the modeling agencies.   I really hope it works for you.  I’m sure you’d be a great actor.
The last time I heard from Carmela was when she got married.  I think that was last year (1988) but I don’t remember very well.   Oh, I remember now that she called me at the beginning of this year.
I laughed at the CLUB MED card Paloma sent, implying that it was a picture of 'her'.   The ironic thing is that it could easily 'be her'.  She looks that GOOD.  Yes!  It's true.   Paloma wrote: 

Here is a picture of me at CLUB MED but no need to tell, right?   Talking about the lottery…I have a ticket from Saturday, you can win up to 100 Million French Francs.   If I win I promise I’ll buy you a Corvette (or another one, if you don’t like the Corvette).   I’ll buy myself a house in the middle of nowhere but with a view of the ocean and maybe…
I am still so very excited about my move to Los Angeles.  It’s time.  I’ve lived in Northern California all of my life.  I need a slight change—not so far away…but just far enough.   This makes me think of one of my favorite songs by A FLOCK OF SEAGULLS called “I RAN (So Far Away)”:  https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=i+ran+so+far+away+song+wiki&FORM=HDRSC3#view=detail&mid=941EFF6EDC147C1E062F941EFF6EDC147C1E062F
While I will run ‘only to Southern California’ I yearn for my solitary bike ride along the coastline as I view the palm trees and move forward with my next plan…whatever that may be.   I wouldn’t mind living on an island in the Pacific…maybe Catalina Island?  Ha-ha…I dare not love you as you deserve,
It is not that I don’t know how,
I do understand the language of love,
And were it a different world
I would write you poems etching you
Into the tender cliché of Negril’s palmy coast…
-Colin Channer, 
WAITING IN VAIN, a novel

I Could Have Been Crushed

“There’s always something to do.  A man with brains is never trapped.” –END AS A MAN by Calder Willingham
October 10, 1989
It was nice being at my new condo in West Hollywood.   Mom was there to help me decorate a bit. 

I loved these Black and White prints that I posted up in my living room.   There were 'three of them'.  One was like a 'From Here to Eternity' scene with a couple making out on the shoreline of a beach.   
The other was what I imagined as an image of me, lying on the couch, taking a nap in only a pair of NIKE socks.  The other was an image of a young, sexy girl in search of Mr. Right and dwelling on 'him' while in bed.   I liked the images of the guy on the couch and the girl in bed...it was as if they depicted the best of both worlds.
Soon I’d be going back to Northern California until my return later this month.  I think Dale Orlando and Laverne Butler-Brewer will be accompanying me in a rented U-HAUL truck to move here officially with more of my furniture.   Dale will stay for the Halloween festivities, so that should be a ‘hoot’.  October 14, 1989 I woke up early for my gloomy, cloudy and brisk bike ride.   When I returned mom was still in bed and I took a cute Polaroid of her just as she opened her eyes this morning.  Classic!
I still remember Sue Miller from my World History class with our teacher, Mr. Billings (who wrote in my yearbook ‘To a gentleman and a scholar’).   Sue Miller electrified me in 9thgrade.  We became fast friends (along with Bonni Jayne).  We became quite ‘the trio’.   And now, on October 12, 1989 it was Sue’s 30th Birthday.   There was a small party for her over the weekend (specifically on October 14, 1989) and I was there to take a few Polaroid shots of her.  It is miraculous how time flies.  Are we old now? 

Dorothy Rua wrote again and sent me a copy of her resignation letter from Pac Bell Directory, SMART Resource Center, dated July 26, 1989.  I applauded her courage to leave.  I know I couldn’t stay there any longer and that is why I retreated to my old job.  It was a wise move as now ‘here I am’ moving-on to Los Angeles via a lateral job transfer.Dorothy Rua also sent a more personal card to me dated October 15, 1989:
Dear Michael, Sitting here at the Coffee Cantata Union Street on this cool, but sunny, Sunday seems an appropriate time to respond to your most recent card.  I couldn’t say much when you called because I was surrounded at the time and three sets of eyebrows would have risen simultaneously if I had!I enjoyed the color, general idea, and most definitely the beach scene!  It made me long for days (wonderful day) gone by…As I mentioned on the phone this expression on the guys’ face roused my curiosity.  It seemed to say, “I’ve been HERE before and I had hoped for more this time.   I don’t need her to touch my soul, but I want to be touched more than just physically.”   The girl is not overly concerned but she knows what he’s thinking.   Do I make more out of those cards than I should?  No, I don’t think so!Earlier today I was at the art gallery on Page St.—different works of S.F. artists were on exhibit.   Quite a variety!   I enjoyed the art, but even more I enjoyed being among the crowd of diverse individuals—also known as CITY PEOPLE!  You know, Michael, sometimes I think I’d go stark raving mad if I didn’t have San Francisco to recharge my battery!  Some days I feel as if I woke up to find myself growing in one of those pods (i.e. The Body Snatchers)!Anyway, Union Street has several interesting print and photo shops.  I saw several framed pictures today that I can definitely imagine are hanging on your walls.  I’d be surprised if they weren’t!   Don’t ruin my image of you and tell me you have painted fruit and flowers on your walls!
I also saw a neat picture/poster of the old Cliff House which included the Sutro Gardens home way up on the cliffs.  I just may get it next time! 

I tried to call Tonee several times today but her phone was busy each time.  If I get a hold of her I’ll ask if she’ll write that letter for you.  I truly hope you get the transfer or promotion you want.  You certainly deserve it after all the effort they’re making you put out!   To be on the safe side, I mailed you the letter you asked for and a copy of the one I sent to John R. Gaulding (PBD President) in July.  Let me know if my comments help.You must be looking forward to your next trip down to “West Hollywood’ this weekend.   Try to fit in some fun while you’re there!As always, looking forward to your next card!  
Love, DorothyPS-Don’t forget to check your mail when you get to “Villa 69”.
Paloma sent me a few classic cards again.  She knew I was doing some painting on canvas on-the-side.   She will always be my muse and inspiration.  She wrote:
October 16, 1989
Dear Michael,Here is a new model for another painting.  I was going to send you this card to celebrate our anniversary (6 years ago we met on Halloween) but you talked about it before I did!   Can you believe we were ‘24’ then?   That seems pretty young now.  That’s scary how fast you get old!  I tried to find a card with a baby on it but I didn’t find one I really liked.   I’m writing your old address since you’re not arriving yet.   I hope I’m doing it right.   Jonathan is now adjusting to school.  He doesn’t cry anymore but I’m not really sure he is crazy about going there (did you like school, yuck!).  
How old is Ashley now?   I remember when Sherri was pregnant.  Is she still working?   What about your brother?  What is he doing?  How many kids do they want?   I should have another one if I don’t want a big age difference between them but I’m not ready AT ALL.   I hated being pregnant.   Do you have a favorite niece?   I hope your bother gets a boy this time! 
What happened with your apartment in Alameda?  Are you renting it or did you sell it?   What is your new place in L.A. like?  I’m sending you a picture of our new car, so you see what it looks like.   Do you?  I don’t remember...
October 17, 1989 I decided to take the express bus to work in San Francisco today.  It’s too convenient.  I simply walk a block and I can “snooze” and not have to deal with the crazy traffic conditions.   My work day was the usual.   It was busy and I adore my lunch time and break time with Carla Guzman.   She says she’s going to miss me and that she will visit me in Los Angeles.
Sometimes an occurrence comes in life and it’s a true wake-up call.   I was relieved from my duties at 4 o’clock and I walked to the San Francisco bus terminal.   My express bus arrived at the normal time and I simply sat at a window seat and shut my eyes, erasing the day.  I was looking forward to arriving home to change clothes and go for a bike ride along Shoreline Drive.   I had hoped I’d run into “Birda” on her bike.  Her smile makes life worth living.   I thrive on the happiness of others.  It rubs off.
As my eyes were resting the bus went over the Park Street Bridge at precisely 5:04PM and the bus seemed to swerve as if it was trying to avoid a fatal accident.   Wow!   That certainly woke me up.  I didn’t know what had happened.   Everyone on the bus seemed to gasp for a split-second as well.   I walked from my usual bus stop and would later learn that ‘I COULD HAVE BEEN CRUSHED’.   
There was a 6.9 magnitude earthquake:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1989_Loma_Prieta_earthquake I had just gone under that overpass structure only five minutes before the swerve that I had felt on the express bus!   Boy, I was lucky?   It wasn’t my turn YET.   Thank God.  How frightening when one realizes that your life could be over in an instant.  I am so glad I’m still here.
Paloma wrote: October 18, 1989This morning I heard about the EARTHQUAKE.  I hope nothing happened to you and your family.  I’m really worried.  I’ve been trying all day to find your mom’s phone number but there is no way.  I called International Information but they have no idea.
On Paloma's BIKE postcard she wrote:
We have very good wines around here, too.   Two of our friends make wine (they have vineyards).  It’s really weird because the night before the jeans you sent arrived I had a nightmare about them!  Maybe it’s what we call in French:  LE SIXIEME SENS.   The only problem is that I don’t know the translation.   Alexandre is in PARIS right now.  He is coming back tonight with our new car.   It’s a ‘309 PEUGEOUT’.  I don’t think you have that kind of card in the States.  I don’t know.   I’m pretty happy about that but I’m also pretty broke.   We won’t go to the States this winter!   I keep trying to write you but every time I start someone comes and bothers me...
On Paloma's Grotte De Clamouse ‘La Nature faite Oeuvre d’Art, Montpellier’ postcard she wrote:
I’m sending you a commercial for THIERRY MUGLER I found pretty nice.  Maybe that can give you some inspiration for your painting.   Two stamps were on one of your letters this way you can write me another one!   This card is a picture of a place where we’ve been last Wednesday with Jonathan that’s really great.   It looks like rock fireworks.  I loved it.   Well, I hope you are OK and that pretty soon I will get a long letter (that’s not a short message!).Miss You, Love you, PALOMA
I also received another postcard from Dorothy.   When I saw the date of October 17, 1989 on the card I realized that if I had been ‘at the wrong place at the wrong time’ I never would have read her card. 
10-17-89Michael—Just because your bathroom floor is being re-tiled doesn’t mean you have to take care of your hygiene needs on your balcony.  Just when you thought you had some privacy someone had to sneak-up with a camera!   I won’t tell you how much I had to pay her.   The truth is the “MODEL” didn’t mind driving from Merced, knowing how much she’d enjoy her special assignment.I hope you’re getting all those little chores done while you’re down there.  You’re probably just glad to be in your new home!   Have you already placed all your furniture mentally?Don’t forget all work and no play makes for a boring guy!   Make sure you have time for that club near your place!   Maybe you’ll get lucky and meet a star!Have Fun!   Love, Dorothy
…and another letter from Paloma that I was happy to be ALIVE to receive:
October 1989When an EARTHQUAKE happens somewhere you think it’s really sad and stuff…but let me tell you that when it happens in a place that you know pretty well and where people you LOVE live…that’s really different (I guess when YOU ARE in the place that’s different too!).
If you live in L.A. no more breakfasts at your mom’s house… 
Did I ever tell you about my friend, Brad?   He used to live in SF but he moved to L.A. right after I left the States.  I think I told you about him before.   He is gay; he never told me but he was a male prostitute (other “nice” people told me).   The last time I heard from him was last Winter.  He called me.  He likes it better in L.A.   He is still there.   
You’ll be as far from you family as I am from mine (about 800 kilometers).   That’s an OK distance except for babysitting.   I almost never got that kind of help.  
It seems like girls are way prettier in L.A. too.  It’s like we say in FRANCE you might find a shoe to fit your foot (pretty nice, isn’t it?).  I remember you had a girlfriend in L.A.   The one who thought it was too cold in S.F.  Do you still see her?
We do get soap-operas in FRANCE.   Thank you.  We even get THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL.  It’s called TOP MODELS in FRANCE, as you can see on these little ads.  I never watch it.  I hate stories that never end!  We also have SANTA BARBARA (we’ve had it for years) but usually we need at least a year to catch up with you (sometimes two or three or even more!).   To give you an idea the other day I saw one of the blond girls get raped (CAROLINE).   You can ask your mom when she saw that.  I’m sure a long time ago.  By now…that same girl must be a grandmother in the States!   I don’t know what guy you saw in L.A. but there is one in that show that I find gorgeous.   I’ll tell you his name.   When I went to L.A. with Carmella one night we went to a Disco in fact.   We went to different club every night!   
In fact—I’m wrong…I remember now that was in San Francisco with my French friend, Elisabeth (remember?) and I danced right next to the guy who plays in that show with a black corvette that talks and stuff.   I don’t remember his name DAVID ‘something’ (David Hassellhoff).   I think he sings now.  Oh well…you know what it’s like to get old!  
We have the movie OLD GRINGO.  I haven’t seen it yet.  I like Jane Fonda.  She’s really pretty.   We don’t have SEA OF LOVE yet.   At least I haven’t heard about it.   I don’t know how to translate ‘Fraicheur de vivre’ but it’s something like ‘Freshness of Living”.   Do you understand that?   Like a cold drink or something like that…Oh well I tried.   Tell me what the earthquake was like.  Write me.  Miss you.Love, Paloma PS-You’ll find with this letter the money I owe you for sending the jeans.   Thanks again.  I love my black jeans.   They’re a little big but I love them.  I’m also sending you one of the last pictures of Jonathan (with my shoes).
How mysterious and difficult it is to live, he thought, and what does it all mean?   Why does my life seem to me so terribly important than anything that has ever happened?   Perhaps in a hundred years people will be reading about me, and about my sadness tonight, and think it only entertaining, if even that.SEVEN GOTHIC TALES (The Roads Round Pisa) by Isak Dinesen

"Did I Get Any Mail?"

Tend to the spirit, the mind and the body, and then establish a balance between the three.
--Betrayal of Love and Freedom,
A novel by Paul Huljich

It felt funny.   I was still living at mom’s house.   She would leave for work and I would be arriving home just as she was leaving.  
My first question to mom was always, “Did I get any mail?”
“It’s right there.”
I’d love it when I’d receive something personal.   This week I received a few cards from Dustin Nipper.  The one she sent of the sole woman, standing reminded me of her (tall, sleek, slender, elegant).  

I knew a letter from Paloma would be coming soon.   I made a point to write her because I found a cool card that I just loved.  I knew she’d appreciate it.  I suppose Dustin would’ve loved it, too—but I had another one for her.
I was impressed by the artistic images that Dustin had found for me with these two cards that I had received that were dated October 4th.

October 4, 1989


Dear Michael,I thought that you might enjoy this postcard.   It was not originally a postcard but you’ve seen my wonderful handwriting.  


I am very excited and looking forward to my Birthday!   I will be the first to admit that I feel as if I should be older…but one day I will be and I will wish to be younger.   LIFE is such a vicious circle sometimes.  It can be very confusing as well.   I am very happy and excited for you about the news of your condo.I guess I should get your new phone number.   I guess I don’t want to admit the reality of you leaving.  I also understand that it is something that you feel you have to do and I understand your need to be on your own.   I will miss you but that is something I will have to deal with.  
This card is called “ISABELLA AND HER POT OF BASIL”.   The other one is called “THE ANGEL AND SAINT CECELIA”.   I must go off to bed but I shall leave you with words from Poe: “WITH THE DEEP, UNTOLD DELIGHT OF LOVES’S SERENITY; THE CLASSIC BROW, LIKE LILIES WHITE
AND PALE AS THE IMPERIAL NIGHT,
UPON HER THRONE, WITH STARS BEDIGHT,
ENTHRALLED MY SOUL TO THEE!" Love, DustyMuch later, I learned that Edgar Allan Poe wrote a letter to Isadore and that excerpt of a poem included much more.  It is so romantic:

Beneath the vine-clad eaves,Whose shadows fall before
Thy lowly cottage door--
Under the lilac's tremulous leaves--


Within thy snowy clasped handThe purple flowers it bore.
Last eve in dreams, I saw thee stand,
Like queenly nymph from Fairy-land--


Enchantress of the flowery wand,Most beauteous Isadore!
And when I bade the dream
Upon thy spirit flee,
Thy violet eyes to me
Upturned, did overflowing seem
With the deep, untold delight


Of Love's serenity;Thy classic brow, like lilies white
And pale as the Imperial Night
Upon her throne, with stars bedight,
Enthralled my soul to thee!


Ah! Ever I beholdThy dreamy, passionate eyes,
Blue as the languid skies
Hung with the sunset's fringe of gold;


Now strangely clear thine image grows,And olden memories
Are startled from their long repose
Like shadows on the silent snows
When suddenly the night-wind blows
Where quiet moonlight lies.


Like music heard in dreams,Like strains of harps unknown,
Of birds for ever flown,
Audible as the voice of streams
That murmur in some leafy dell,
I hear thy gentlest tone,
And Silence cometh with her spell
Like that which on my tongue doth dwell,
When tremulous in dreams I tell
My love to thee alone!


In every valley heard,
Floating from tree to tree,
Less beautiful to me,
The music of the radiant bird,
Than artless accents such as thine
Whose echoes never flee!Ah! How for thy sweet voice I pine:--
For uttered in thy tones benign
(Enchantress!) This rude name of mine
Doth seem a melody!

I found a classic photograph in a magazine and creatively made it into a card for Paloma and I couldn’t wait to mail it to her.  It depicted a young couple (like us) mesmerized with each other.  I wrote:  
October 5, 1989Dear Paloma,How’s this card?  It’s an original.  I made it myself. 
I received your two bike cards yesterday.   They’re at my desk at this very moment.  I love ‘em.  And I’m glad you finally got the box.  I figured the outfit for Jonathan would be too big but if that box took any longer it would’ve fit perfectly.  Ha-ha.   I’m glad Alexandre liked the Champagne and the wine.  You’re all very welcome.   Anything for my European friends.   Is Jonathan adjusting to school now?  Ashley just started kindergarten about a month ago.  Did I tell you my sister in law, Sherri, is pregnant again?   It’s due in April or May 1990.  It’ll be nice to get a BOY this time, considering my four nieces (Ashley, Lauren, Leigh and Holly).   I’m excited about moving to L.A.  I already have address labels made.  My phone service goes in on November 1, 1989 (the new tel# is 1-213-652-4621) and I plan to move my things in on October 31, 1989 (Halloween…6-years from the night we met).   I may physically move-in on November 27, 1989.   I’m working on a transfer to the same job in L.A. (only a half hour drive from where I’ll be living). 
PHOTO:  1010 Palm Avenue, West Hollywood, CA

Black jeans are COOL, when they fade they look even cooler.  I love ‘em.  Enjoy.  You have good/excellent taste, Paloma.   Any shirt you find for me would be a plus!   Love You, Michael







On October 7, 1989 I was in Los Angeles and I took a photo of the front of my new building at 1010 N. Palm Avenue in West Hollywood along with the swimming pool area.  It all seemed to be good enough for me 'for the time being'.  A few days later Dusty sent me another note via a WEST SIDE STORY postcard.   I thought that was a creative choice pick.  She remembered how much I adored Natalie Wood.  Dusty wrote:


October 9, 1989, 7:05PM (at work)Dear Michael,
…Just thought that you would enjoy this card!


I thought it was neat (being that Natalie Wood is on it and all).  Hope your day is great. 
Love, DustyTo love, make love, talk about it, make love again.  Love has office hours.  Love has overtime.  He remembered it all like a nightmare.  Passion is right only for people who are afraid.   Afraid of not being able to take everything.   And afraid of not being able to give everything.-Colette, THE PURE AND THE IMPURE

What Now?

She was dressed in white and her tanned skin had a sheen that made me want to touch every pore in her body.   We did not speak.   I could hear her high heels tapping the slate pavement.   In the dark she seemed an apparition.
--CALL ME BY YOUR NAME, 
Andre Aciman


What now?  I was happily surprised when Dusty sent me the most beautiful card.   I was mesmerized by it.  The image was from what looked like the late 1800s and I imagined it as ‘Dusty and I’ in another lifetime—as if we’d met before.  I kept looking at it, not wanting to take my eyes off of it.   Dusty wrote:
9-25-89Dear Michael,I saw this card and thought of you.  I know how much you enjoy postcards, so I made this into one.  I also wanted to THANK YOU for taking me to the CLIO AWARDS and the delightful dinner at the TRES BON Francais Restaurant!   I had a wonderful time!   Oh, by the way, did I pass mom’s inspection test?   Well, I just wanted to drop you a line.   Thoughts of you!Love, Dusty
I laughed at her letter because I did have her meet mom before we went to dinner and the CLIO AWARDS in San Francisco.  My mom was impressed.   She thought Dustin was beautiful…and she “is”. 
What now?  A few days letter I wrote to Paloma…
9-27-89Dearest Paloma:Here’s my latest.  I create my own postcards instead of buying them now.  I simply search for the “right” picture in some magazine, clip it and paper cement it to a poster board and/or rough textured paper.
Do you like it?   I have some great clippings already.   I decided to do this because there aren’t always very good cards at the stores.  Maybe you can look through your French magazines and do the same.   I know the French magazines have some great pictures.  So…start turning those pages.   I have more for you.   I just need to make the time.
Oh well…I want to come and visit you for a week or two next year.  I know I keep saying that but life’s too short and I better plan on it.  How does that sound?  I hope you got the big box of goodies by now. Maybe I’ll take a FRENCH class.   Miss You, Love, Michael
October 1, 1989It was my sister-in-laws’ birthday (Helen).   We had a little festive gathering for her at mom’s house.   I loved that flaky chocolate cake she found.   I took some fun photos of family on that day.   One photo says it all.

What now?
NOW isn’t simply now.  NOW is also a cold reminder:  one whole day later than yesterday, one year later than last year.   Every NOW is labeled with its date, rendering all past NOWS obsolete, until—later or sooner---perhaps—no, not perhaps—quite certainly.  It will come.--A SINGLE MAN, 
Christopher Isherwood

I'm Gonna Miss You

Fashion people like to talk about having a “moment”.   It could be when an utterly delicious dress comes down a runway.  It could be when a model in exactly the right outfit, hair, and makeup strikes a perfect pose.  It could be when a designer reaches the nth plus ultra of his or her career. 
Usually it’s a brief, a flash.
In 1996, a reporter asked Galliano:  “How would you define fashion?”
“For me,” he responded, “it’s a fleeting moment.”
-Dana Thomas,
GODS AND KINGS

There’s a new musical duo called MILLI VANILLI.   They have this song called GIRL, I’M GONNA MISS YOU:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbUENJ5FjBkWhenever I hear it I can’t help but think of a few gals that I’m going to miss.   It’s like we just got started.  It’s Dustin Nipper (even if she is only eighteen).  Blake Bell is another one but she seems to have her own obligations and priorities elsewhere.   I can’t be sure.   There’s Eileen Grabinsky, too (although I haven’t heard from her for ages).  

I may be moving to L.A. but they’ll know where I am.   I will write to them.   Let’s see if I hear from them.   Perhaps that song just makes me think of them:  "I'm Gonna Miss You".   Paloma wrote me a letter recently.  I think she’s excited for me and my move to Los Angeles.  She wrote:

I remember a store in that little street going to Venice Beach where I saw the most gorgeous bathing suits.  That’s where I bought the one I had on in Santa Cruz.   Do you remember it?   Carmela and I really had a good time in L.A. going to different places every night.  I saw a pretty good movie today on our local SHOWTIME.  It’s called THE BIG EASY with Dennis Quaid and Ellen Barkin.  It was made in 1986 by Jim McBride (the one who made BREATHLESS with Richard Gere).  Have you seen those two movies?   Have you seen AMERICAN GIGOLO?  I loved that film, in fact now that I think about it Richard Gere—in that movie—makes me think about you because of his taste for beautiful things.  Am I hard to understand?

I have to go.  Jonathan is waking up.   I miss you. Love, Paloma

Speaking of movies…I saw a movie recently that I love.   It’s called SEX, LIES AND VIDEOTAPE.   I really like it.  I want to see it again.  I loved the dialogue.  It made me think.  It tells the story of a man who films women discussing their sexuality, and his impact on the relationships of a troubled married couple and the wife’s younger sister.   I love that actress in it named Andie MacDowell.  She captured the screen for me after only a moment.  Her hair reminded me of Paloma's hair.  

I also received a sweet letter from "Dusty" Nipper, the gal I met at the ELITE MODELING CENTER who is only eighteen years old.   I fear telling Paloma of her age as she'll scold me for 'robbing the cradle'.   She included a magazine clipping of a model that had a striking resemblance to Dusty!  Dusty wrote:


September 16, 1989


8:00 PM Dear Michael,


I hope we go to brunch tomorrow.  I am really looking forward to seeing you.   I wish I could see you as often as we speak on the telephone as well.   I really enjoy talking to you but I enjoy seeing you more.  If I don’t see you tomorrow then I will just have to look forward to the CLIO AWARDS (which I am looking forward to anyway). 
I asked my mom if she would take me to your house for next Saturday and she said she would, so it’s all set.  Thank you for making me a new tape.  You have to be one of the sweetest, most thoughtful persons I know!   I had so much fun at your house, Berkeley and at THE CURE concert.   It was really nice being at that concert with you!   In fact, I don’t even really remember the actual concert.   I just remember being with you!   I’m happy for you that your “condo” deal is going through but I will miss you.   When you move we will see each other hardly ever. 


I promise to write as long as you do.  I just want to tell you that I really care for you and wish that you weren’t leaving but like you said “Connie Chung and Maury Povich do it”.   It will be one month since we met on the 21stof August.   I have loved every day that we’ve known each other.  I guess that’s enough words for now and thoughts of you!  Love Always,
Dusty

P.S.  I thought you’d enjoy the flowers!
Another card I love arrived...OREOS from Dorothy Rua:

9-17-89 Dear Michael,
Cold rainy weekends make me want to cuddle up with a good book (or.....) near a warm fire, eating Oreos and drinking milk or hot-chocolate!

Thought of you this afternoon when I woke up suddenly after falling asleep on the sofa for about 20 minutes.   Didn’t I tell you I rarely take naps?  Maybe I’d better re-read your ‘NAP’ article.
Decided not to go into the City today, as originally planned, primarily because of the weather.   I wanted to take some black and white pictures and visit the PALACE OF THE LEGION OF HONOR (Art Exhibit) but have postponed the jaunt until next weekend…or whenever. Hope your weekend turned out more eventful.   Let me know how your testing for the Census goes.   Although, I really hope you get that Budget and Reports Position in L.A.  It seems so perfect for you right now.

My job is coming along well enough.   There’s always that constant pressure that’s part of SALES but I enjoy the freedom.   Hopefully it’ll all work out so I can also enjoy the income! Left a message or two for Tonee (on her recorder) but didn’t hear from her.  I left one on Laverne’s recorder, too.  Maybe I’ll follow-up later this week.   I’ll let you know if I hear any “dirt”.

By the way, your “zucchini” card was great!   I enjoyed it so much I showed the cover to my boss who had a good laugh, too!   I told my friend, Kathy (in Alameda), about it.   She has the same ‘sick sense of humor’ we do!   Thanks again!  Love, Dorothy

Staff Clerk co-worker at Pac Bell Directory, Gloria Romero, knows I love postcards, so she gave me a card she received from Singapore.   She also sent me a card from Santa Ana, CA of the Old Sturbridge Village that was sent to her.   It looks more like two religious dudes baptizing a baby goat (very strange).   Then again, sometimes the strange and unusual can be interesting.

Paloma also sent a postcard that looked like a Caribbean bicycling modeling shoot of fun with the words FRAICHEUR DE VIVRE printed below the image.  She wrote: 22/09/1989
Dear Michael,

Guess what?   We’ve got the box!   In fact, it took seven weeks to get here.  It’s an OK time.   Thank you for everything.   The outfit for Jonathan is great, the shirt fits him, the jeans are a little too big but he’ll wear them in a few months.   We used to be the blue jeans family, now we’ll also be the black jeans family!   I never had black jeans before.  I like them.  

Thank you for the bottle too.  They’re great.  Alexandre was really happy to get them because I don’t think I told you before but he kind of collects them.   In fact, we have a bar and he loves to make cocktails and stuff.   We won’t drink them though.   Love, Paloma



Bob Marley? She wanted to know what he was like.
“Quiet,” he said, “Introspective.  Listened more than he talked, and pretended to know less than he did.  He didn’t like to lose, so he was always good at what he did.  He understood LOVE in all its forms—spiritual, fraternal, and romantic.”
Remember his songs “Forever Loving Jah”, “One Love”, “Is This Love?”
-Colin Channer,
WAITING IN VAIN, a novel

New Kid On The Block

“My name doesn’t matter; neither does yours.   What IS important is what lies beyond names and beyond questions.”
-Dan Millman,
WAY OF THE PEACEFUL WARRIOR

I was counting the day for the escape to L.A.   I was reminiscing on the recent trip my mom and I experienced on that weekend to L.A when I found my new pad.   I am happy about the condo.   I didn’t want to rent an apartment.   I was lucky to have found something.  


The recent Fashion show a couple of weeks ago was a learning experience for me, too.  It was the big ELITE MODELS Fashion show in San Francisco.   I was so nervous.   My mom knew about it but she was working that night.  I really didn't want her to be there.  She sees me enough anyway.   I didn’t tell any of my friends outside of the ones who are fellow models (Dustin Nipper, Blake Bell and Maria—who works for Elite, of course) about the show.   I didn’t need the added pressure of realizing that people I know would be in the audience.   I certainly didn’t tell any of my PAC BELL coworkers (scary!).  I did get the good news about the lateral transfer to work in Los Angeles though with Pac Bell Directory.   They want me to start on or around November 6, 1989.   I’ve accepted.  I’m excited.  I'm going to finally experience Southern California as an actual resident.

I was told that after the Fashion Show on Saturday there would be postings on Sunday for ‘call backs’.   A call back is when a modeling agency took notice of you during the show and is interested in signing you as a client.   Some models don’t get any call back.   I was worried that I wouldn’t get a call back.   Of course, the agency held our hands and reassured us that it doesn’t mean we won’t get picked up by another agency somewhere along the line.   I compared the show to being a ‘New Kid on the Block’.  Every model was new and agencies were looking for new, clean, inspiring red meat.  I kept hearing the latest song by the boy band, NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK, called HANGIN’ TOUGH.   I thought that was funny as I chose to simply ‘hang tough’, go with the flow and just do the show as planned.

I felt the applause when I opened my umbrella as I was one of the first to hit the runway during my assigned segment.   It was kind of a cool thrill for 5-seconds; however, there were so many models.   If I am remembered I know it will be because I did the umbrella flick of the switch trick. It worked!   I had call backs from agencies in New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco.   Obviously, the only one I looked at were the two in L.A. because I knew I was moving there.   One was called ICE Models.   I kind of liked the name.   I simply took the number and figures I’d call when I felt the time was right.  I was in no hurry.   I was just a ‘new kid on the block’.   They’re a dime a dozen. 

For now, my focus is on Los Angeles.  I will get settled-in at my job at PAC BELL DIRECTORY in L.A., then I’d see what other opportunities may arise.   I know one thing I am excited about more than anything is the new bike riding terrain amidst the many palm trees and all around the groovy beaches.

Just when I thought Dorothy Rua was sending really cool greeting cards she gets blown away by some stellar ones sent to me by Paloma (of course).  Paloma sent this cool French gal at a CAFE in Paris postcard that makes me want to be there!
7, Sept 89
Dear Michael,
Thanks for the long letter and the picture.   You look great.  My dad is here for two weeks and I told him about your plans to become a famous model.   He said you should be able to make it.
He said, "He's got the look for that."
See...they remember you as a very good looking man.   So was that leather jacket a good buy?   I remember it as one of the most gorgeous leather jackets I have ever seen.   And I love leather!   I haven't got the jeans yet.   I hope nobody on the way is wearing them.   The guy who brings the mail here seemed really interested by the pair he brought me!  He is very nice though.

The other card she sent was ultra cool of a gal dressed in dots and her spotted dog.
9, Sept 89

Michael,
I took Jonathan out for the first time yesterday and he was screaming, crying and everything.   Some good beginning!   I hope it's not going to be this way for '20' years!
Guess what I just got today?   The card you sent me on July 22nd (the one with an index card taped on it).  Do you remember?  This one sure took the long way to get here, too. 
Thank you sweetheart for thinking that picture of that baby was a picture of me.   That picture was from around 1910...let me just remember you for that, dear!   Love Paloma.

On the night of 09-09-1989 I had a date with Dusty Nipper.  We went to see THE CURE at the Oakland Coliseum.  It was so much fun.   I adore the music and it was very special to have Dusty with me on that night.   I had to drive all the way to Pleasanton to pick her up and take her home though.   That was a long ride.   Too bad she couldn't just spend the night with me.  I wish...

On September 10th, Dorothy Rua found a special beach card for me.   The scene looked quite inviting.  She wrote:



9-10-89 Dear Michael,
It had been a long, busy week when I pulled into the Walnut Creek post-office after work, this past Friday evening.   I didn’t get out of the car right away.   I just put my head back and closed my eyes for a few minutes, feeling the need to re-charge my batteries.   It wasn’t until I opened my mailbox and discovered your card that I finally smiled and left feeling better.  You have no idea how much I appreciated hearing from you.   Thank you.

If I had known you were going to offer to take me to Sutro Gardens I definitely would have waited.   Fun times are always MORE fun when they’re shared.   I didn’t know…and your card made such an impression on me.  I went looking for (and found) Sutro Gardens last Sunday 9/3.   Most of the statues are gone but I found myself standing at the stone wall where the “man on the chair’ was back in 1900.   I thought the view must have been magnificent when the OLD CLIFF HOUSE existed.   It’s still quite beautiful.  You’re right.   It isn’t the same but being there I could clearly imagine just how grand it all must have been.   After a bit of explaining I also found the remains of the old Sutro Baths too.  Yes, it would have been nice to have you there.   Interesting…the journey one can lead another on, isn’t it?   Thanks. You’re right about the job keeping me busy.   In addition, the past week and part of this week includes school starting and in-laws visiting.   Will I be ready to break out soon…or what?

Will I join you at the beach on your recent card?   Of course?   But where on that crowded stretch of sand would we fit?   Who cares, right?   There’s always room to swim in the ocean.   Maybe we could even find a spot with emerald green water and palm trees—like this card.   Ah…to dream! I don’t even know what’s going on with YOU these days.  I’ll try to call later this week.   Hope things are moving along in the direction you want them to go.  Maybe one Sunday we could ‘do’ lunch and explore around the bay afterwards.   Before you head south?  Sounds like fun to me…Thanks again for your card (cards).   Talk to you soon.

Love, Dorothy P.S.  Thought I’d share the picture I took somehow I can’t help wishing for the old CLIFF HOUSE.

And then..."Dusty" sent me a quite revealing, eye-catching card.  One has to love a unique Black and White vintage photo from yesteryear.   Dusty wrote:

September 11, 1989 Dear Michael,
I decided to be creative and make my own postcard.  I found this picture in INTERVIEW Magazine.   This photograph sells from $15,000 to $75,000 dollars in a gallery.  I believe it’s from the early 1930’s.  I had a great time at THE CURE with you!  
Thoughts of You,
Dustin
P.S.  Hope to see you soon!

"Everything has a purpose; it’s for YOU to make the best use of it.”-Dan Millman,
WAY OF THE PEACEFUL WARRIOR

 

Keep It Simple

Son,” he said, “son, just remember this.  Right or wrong, I’m behind you.   Right or wrong, I’m your father and pal.   And I wish you all the luck in the world, believe me.   How’s that from a father to a son?”
-Darcy O’Brien
A WAY OF LIFE, LIKE ANY OTHER

I received another funny card from Dorothy Rua.  I liked the amusing dogs pictured on a sofa.   Dorothy wrote:

9-2-89
Michael,
As I mentioned on the phone, I love the CLIFF HOUSE card.  It speaks to me!  How 'grand' and beautiful it must have been!   I MUST find my way to Sutro Gardens--if I can't have emerald green or crystal blue water I'll settle for a view of the great gray sea!  How I love the ocean!   Thanks for thinking of me.

How do you like these dogs?  I like to think we all have a lot more life in us than these deadbeat dogs appear to have.  Maybe they just finished a fun-filled night of dancing (and drinking those strange colored drinks) at some hot spot down South of Market way.   Isn't that first dog wearing your sunglasses, though--and that's definitely Tonee behind the white shadows!

By the way, how was dinner with "Gizmo's Mother"?   I want details as long as they don't make me ill. 

Don't think I overlooked your new zip code ending with "69" (90069) underlined.   And all this time I thought dear, sweet Michael as innocent.   Well, surprise, surprise, surprise!   What else will I learn as our friendship grows?   Don't tell me, it'll be fun finding out.  
Love, Dorothy

I was happy to receive a letter from Dustin Nipper, my fellow modeling pal.   She's much too young for me at eighteen but I'm flattered.  She's a senior in high-school!  Yikes!   I really like her but now I'm moving to L.A., so is there a future for us?   She wrote me on September 4th, acknowledging the musical tape I made for her.  Each person I know makes me think of very different music.  I like calling her "Dusty". 

September 4, 1989, 8:30PM
Dear Michael,
I just wanted to write you to THANK YOU for all the kindness you've shown me;  I'm so glad we met.  I really enjoy the tape you sent.   In fact, I'm listening to it now.   The postcard is on my wall.   It always cheers me up to read it!   I really enjoyed myself on Saturday; hope you did.   I know it's a real drag to drive here (to Pleasanton) but maybe I'll head out your way some time or we can meet in the City.   I'll give you a call and maybe we can make plans to meet somewhere at THE CURE.   Well, it's almost nine o'clock and tomorrow is the first day of school, so I better get off to bed.
Until I speak with you...you'll be in my thoughts.
Yours Truly,
Dustin C Nipper (and Jamal)
P.S.  The picture you gave me is in my wallet if you were wondering. 

September 6, 1989It was mom’s 54th Birthday today and I thought I’d surprise her with a card that I came across of ELVIS PRESLEY.   It was clearly known that my dad would always be mistaken for Elvis during his heyday, so I bought the card.   The card said it all in front with the words TO MY TEDDY BEAR, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.   Inside I kept it simple and tried to forge my Dad’s signature, JOE N ARMIJO.   I believe it pays to KEEP IT SIMPLE.   I think my Dad whispered to me from above to make this move.   She loved it.   I know she misses him.   I miss Dad, too.

A few days later I received a CINECURE pamphlet from Paloma.   It’s the local theater where she lives in the South of France now (Balaruc).   It was cool to see the movies imprinted in the promotion.

Paloma also included a write-up about her recent trip to Marbella, SPAIN.   I wish I could visit Marbella.   Here is an excerpt of her letter:…While in MARBELLA last week I saw “RAINMAN”.   It was a great movie.   I loved it.  Have you seen it?  
PHOTO:  Mel Gibson in TEQUILA SUNRISE

TEQUILA SUNRISE is just coming out here.   You said something a while ago about that movie, didn’t you?   Was it good? So…you’re living with your mom.   I guess it’s better that way. 

I’m going to stop this letter now.  I’m not in a great mood because of no special reason.   It very often happens to me on Sunday night.   I miss you very much.  Write me.
Love, Paloma

P.S.  The enclosed wasn’t exactly the same card.  In fact, I think the other one said something about the GREEN M and M’s inside.   Do you remember?
I was nervous.  Perhaps a handful of green M and M’s would help me.   The Fashion Show was next weekend.  I am to wear a suit and my idea was to walk on stage and press the electronic button of my umbrella as it would click and poof open, VOILA!  That's the plan.  I'll 'Keep It Simple'.

I wrote Paloma a postcard on the same exact day she wrote the above to me:
9-6-89
LIFE’S A BEACH
Paloma,
Today is mom’s birthday.  It’s 7:30AM and I’ll be at work at 8AM…Yuck!   I am in a San Francisco parking lot writing to you.  I’d rather be on the beach on this card, laying out with you, listening to Modern Alternative Rock.

Did you get the big box yet?
How’s Jonathan and Alexandre?
You haven’t mentioned your brother, Luis, or your ma and pa and stepma…What’s the scoop with them?
Oh well, I better go to work.  At least I’m thinking of you.   I met a gal named DUSTY.
More later (nothing like keeping you in suspense)…
Love, Michael J Armijo

"Against the background of this luminous and sparkling stage Bond stood in the sunshine and felt his mission to be incongruous and remote and his dark profession an affront to his fellow actors."
-Ian Fleming,
Casino Royale, Chapter 5

Right Here Waiting

…In dialogue, you can say absolutely anything.   Even the closest confidence, the deadliest secret, comes out objectively as a mere metaphor or illustration which could never be used against you.
“Say something,” he commands.
“Do I have to?”
“Yes.”
“What’ll I say?”
“Anything.  Anything that seems to be important, right now.”
“That’s the trouble.   I don’t know what is important and what isn’t.  I felt like my head is stopped up with stuff that doesn’t matter to me.”
“All young people are kind of competing with each other, do you know that?”
“Yes, I suppose so---unless they’re in love.”
“I’m like a book you have to read.  A book can’t read itself to you.  It doesn’t even know what it’s about.  I don’t know what I’m about.”
"That was great, this evening.  Let’s do it again, shall we?  Or don’t you believe in repeating things?"
-Christopher Isherwood,
A SINGLE MAN

I was happy about my last Polaroid photo that I’d taken of my niece, Ashley.   She was holding an umbrella in front of mom’s house.  I could see the rainbow image on her umbrella.   She was happy.  A child’s smile is what it’s all about.  Innocence and love is what I felt there as I looked at Ashley's eyes in this photo. Ironically, I was also listening to the latest ‘in’ song called, RIGHT HERE WAITING, a song by Richard Marx. 

Lyrics for RIGHT HERE WAITING:

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
Waiting for you I had sent a postcard to Steven Antol a week or so ago.   I was thinking of him and wondering what was happening in his world.   In many ways he was oceans apart from my world.   I always felt he was just a glimmer of my world even though it somehow seemed so larger than life at one time.

I was surprised to receive a letter dated August 24, 1989 with the latest scoop from him.   It would be my last letter from him.   Steven wrote on HOLIDAY INN, Seattle hotel stationary:

Dear Michael,
Hi there…

I apologize for not writing much sooner but I’m writhing this tonight before I go to sleep.   I was happy and surprised to hear from you a little while back.   Thanks for writing to me… What were you doing in the Bahamas?   Were you on vacation?   Did you have a good time?   And how was your trip to the Big Island of Hawaii?   Did everything work out ok?   When I think of you I often wonder if you were ever called back by UNITED AIRLINES and if you ever got adjusted to your contact lenses.   Let me know.

And how is everything since you’ve moved back in with your mother?   Do you like the new living arrangement? Michael, I have been so busy…like never before.   I’m working on a few business opportunities for my second income in addition to my flying.  I’ll give you the details later.

I haven’t been to San Francisco in quite a while.  I’m just finishing-up a Honolulu-Hong Kong-Seattle-Honolulu trip.   I got to Japan a lot. Please continue to write when you get a chance and I’ll keep in touch, ok?    I hope all is well with you and I’m always wishing you the best, Michael.   Take care.  
Aloha, Steven
I would see Steven one more time during a visit to Los Angeles in 1990; however, I was busy with work and I was in a relationship that was brewing nicely.   I felt a distance and sadness in Steven's face.   Things simply weren’t the same.  He took his path and I had started anew on mine.   
In the early 21st Century I tried to find Steven Antol on the internet to see how he was doing.   I was saddened and surprised to find his obituary.   He died on Saturday, May 17, 1997 of AIDS in Los Angeles.

Steven A. Antol, 36, of Waipahu, a United Airlines flight attendant, died Tuesday in Los Angeles. Born in Whitaker, Pennsylvania, he is survived by parents Bernard and Margaret; brothers Bernard Jr., Kenneth and Ronald; and sister Lee Ann. Services: 6 p.m. Tuesday at Unity Church of Hawaii, 3608 Diamond Head Circle. Internment services: noon Wednesday at Valley of the Temples Chapel. Call after 10 a.m. Entombment to follow.
I was in a writing mood, so I wrote Paloma a 5-page handwritten letter today, August 29, 1989:

Dear Paloma,It was ‘2’ years ago today that my dad died.   They’re letting me go home early today.   That’s good.
I got your “high-fashion girl in silver’ card today.   You said you got that one pair of jeans.   That pair was that extra pair that you’d asked for at the last minute.   Everything else is in the big box.  I hope you get it soon.  It seems like it’s taking forever.
And…I was wondering why you never mentioned the 3-dimensional man on the moon postcard.   Jeez…that one did take a long time for you to receive.
Florida was nice.  It had a lot of palm trees of which I like.  You’d LOVE the Bahamas though!  There were white sandy beaches and blue, blue water.   Once day in Miami Dale and I went through a tour of what is called the VIZCAYA MANSION.   It literally looked like an Italian mansion.  It was great.   The man who owned it four-hundred years ago had it all.

It’s been HOT here too but I haven’t been enjoying it much.   So much has been going on.  I don’t know if you got the postcard I sent recently but I did buy that spacious 1-bedroom condominium in Los Angeles.  I may be moving in November 1989.   It’s hard to tell what will happen over the next 4-months.   I have to simply take one day at a time. The major model fashion show was last Saturday night.   May of the models did NOT get call backs.   A call back means an agent noticed you and wanted to see you.   The next day (Sunday), we all got together to meet these so-called agents.   As it turned out I had ‘5’ call backs.  One in San Francisco (BEST AGENCY); one in Palo Alto (NOUVELLE AGENCY); one in L.A. (CENEX CASTING AGENCY); two in New York (ICE MODELS and PARIS-USA MODELS).   I am supposed to call the San Francisco Agency this week but I’m not because I’m skeptical of them as Mr. Dines, the President of ELITE, is affiliated with them.   They seem like shady characters.   I’m supposed to call the Palo Alto one, too.   I am more interested in the L.A. one.   It’s a casting agency which means possible work in film, TV, commercials or theater which might interest me more.  
The ICE Agency in NY met with me and she said, “We need younger men.”   
That was nice but I wasn’t sure if that was not good for me.   And the PARIS-USA Models Agent wants me to submit photos and information (of which I will mail tomorrow).  In any case once I am in L.A. I’m going to scope the scene down there and see what happens.   The L.A. Casting Agency also wants photos submitted and information which I will also mail tomorrow.   So…we’ll see.   At least I was noticed.   I got a lot of call backs…more than many others which may indicate that I may have an edge over some of the competition.   That’s a plus.

Mom loved the trip to L.A. with me.   She was with me when I found the condo I wanted.   The new address will be: 1010 North Palm Avenue, UNIT 304
Los Angeles, CA 90069

Mom and I ate breakfast in Carmel; lunch in Santa Barbara and dinner in Beverly Hills all in one day.   It was GREAT.  We had fun.  Have you heard from Carmella at all lately?   What’s the scoop with her?   That drive along the coast would’ve been fun with you.   Who knows?  Maybe one day… I know what you mean about ‘our writing to each other for 4 years now’.   It seems unreal.  You ARE my longest ever PEN PAL…but we’re more than that.   I always tell people about my good friend that I always write to in FRANCE.  You are in the South of France now, correct?   We will probably continue writing to each other for a real long time.

I keep my cards in a shoe box.   When I get new ones I usually post them on my desk at work for a good few weeks.   When I mote to my condo in L.A. I think I’ll post my entire bedroom wall with postcards.   That would be creative.   Then I’ll take a picture of it for you.   Speaking of pictures…here’s one laser print copy for you.  Does that jacket look familiar?   LETHAL WEAPON 2 was great.   I loved it.  LICENSE TO KILL was good, too.   I saw CRY IN THE DARK and GORILLAS IN THE MIST, too.   They were okay.   Yeah, I like Mel Gibson, too.   I go to see all of his movies.

I hope you get the big box of goods soon.  Jeez! I am really excited about moving to L.A.   A friend of mine who lives in Orange County went to a club in L.A. (not far from where I will live) called CATCH ONE and MADONNA was there with Warren Beatty.   They’re dating because they just did that new movie together called DICK TRACY (named after the comic book character).   Madonna danced with my friend, John, and some of his other friends on the dancefloor.   Who knows who I might run into while I’m bicycling in the Hollywood Hills or Beverly Hills?   A lot of people talk down about L.A., saying the smog is a problem and people are stuffy and ‘stuck on themselves’…but I know how to SCREEN OUT the good from the bad and make the best of things.   I am looking forward to the change, new beaches, etc.

Oh well…I’m going to close for now.  I’m watching ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT and after this I hope to gather up some energy to do my aerobics tape.   Love,
Michael J Armijo
Hello and Regards to Jonathan and Alexandre.
P.S.  The photos of you proved that your looks and body are as sexy as ever!  (And you had a baby?)
The mystery was resolved; as such things always are with me, in my sleep that night.  --Andre Aciman, CALL ME BY YOUR NAME

Take Time To Dream

We’re all the same.   We all want to feel free, respected and loved.   We might give reasons as to why we’re NOT with someone—but a lot of us live alone.   Relationships are not simple.
-Paul Huljich,
BETRAYAL of Love and Freedom, a novel

Friday Night, August 18, 1989Laverne and I met up in Berkeley and went to the restaurant called SKATES ON THE BAY.  We were there to meet Dorothy Rua for a few drinks.  We laughed and we were in dream mode at the night reflections of the bay.   What a great spot to meet up.  I owe it all to Dorothy for suggesting the place.

While I am living in my mom’s house now I am still alone a lot of the time.  I thrive on my letters to keep me company.   The letters keep me company…as does my music and my movies.   It's fun to escape and go out sometimes, too.   We all need someone to share the joy. I keep dreaming of Southern California (better weather, more palm trees and beautiful beaches).  I must take my mom there to scope the scene.  I want her to see the area.   August 20, 1989
Dorothy Rua did it again.  She found a card that was so ‘me’.   I tried to imagine myself in those shoes and in that very spot.  Delightful.

Imprinted in the card was:TAKE TIME TO DREAM (and in her own writing she wrote ‘…NOT THAT YOU NEED ENCOURAGEMENT!’)Love, DDorothy additionally wrote:

8-20-89 Dear Michael,
How could I NOT think of you when I saw this card?   In its simplicity, the impact of its statement comes across with such clarity.  But then, on closer inspection, I have to chuckle—Michael would NOT be caught (even on a secluded hillside) with those “goober” shoes on!   And those “Castro Street” socks are way too much!   Overall though, I like the total picture with the statement it makes and the fact that it brings you and your dreams to mind.  I can relate…

I really enjoyed Friday evening at SKATES…and so glad you and Laverne came.  I should also say ‘so glad my original date (Tonee) finally showed up’!   There is nothing to compare with wonderful laughter among good friends!   Well…almost nothing!   Okay, I’ll keep it clean. Do hope we all manage to get together again soon.   I hope the Saturday evening in THE CITY we agreed on works out for everyone.

Talk to you later; until then you can at least take off the red shoelaces! Love, Dorothy

I spent most of Sunday (August 20th) at home.  Mom had Ashley and Holly at the house most of the day, so they kept me occupied.   We played and ‘hung out’ as only a devoted Uncle would do.   They make me laugh.   
I captured some cute photos.   Ashley was devouring a piece of cake as if it was the last slice in the world.
I also captured Ashley in three unique poses that I call “Prim and Proper”, “Sassy, Just Take IT!” and “Spiritual”.   I wonder if one could match the inventive titles to each pose as easy as I happened to see it. Mom was around but she left me alone with the girls while she went to SAFEWAY for a short while.   I took one of my all-time favorite pics of mom on this day—upon her return from the grocery store.

I tried to give Holly a lesson in jump rope action but I realized that wasn’t too productive.   Perhaps she needs more time on learning how to jump.

I wasn’t quite sure where the FUTURE NURSE from Children’s Hospital, Oakland came from but it seemed to suit Holly quite nicely.   I wondered.   Will she become a nurse?  That would be cool. And Mom offered her photographic talents using my Polaroid camera.   She snapped a cute group pic of me, Ashley and Holly to tie-up the memento of our Sunday.

  August 21, 1989Lottie wrote me from her latest home in Yreka, California.   I liked the sticker she posted on the blue envelope ‘From one of your greatest fans!’   She wrote ‘Housebook item” next to the sticker which made me smile. 
Lottie always had this line about me being a Ken Doll in search of the right Barbie.   I always laughed at that commentary.  Inside her letter she included a TV guide clipping of Ken and Barbie in dance mode.  I did like the look of that.  I must admit.

Lottie wrote:

August 20, 1989, Sunday 6:00PM Michael,
I apologize for my poor writing habits.  Time seems to be slipping by so quickly.

I am pleased for you on your new (not so new now) job.   Does it seem to be working out for you?   I am going to apply for a position in Placerville.   I do hope I am selected.  Yreka is suffocating me and working with ‘16’ women is driving e ‘stark raving bananas’!   The position in Placerville would be 60% office work and 40% field work…doing inspections on special use summer homes.  It could be fun.   Keep your fingers crossed for me! Thank you so much for my Birthday Card.   It found a special place in my house book.   I have enclosed something for your housebook.   I think of you often, Michael.  I had planned to surprise you with a visit over my Birthday (I had the week off), then I received your card telling me you were jetting off to Florida.   So I spent the week at home doing absolutely ZIP!   It was wonderful!

Your moving surprised me.  I hope it is working out well for you.  I’m a little depressed by it actually…no more SPACE ODYSSEY 2001.  C’est la vie! My latest trauma…I may have to have surgery on my neck.  It all stems from a car accident I was in when I was seventeen.   I should know for certain within the next month.   I can only hope for the best and check out the doctors carefully!

Are you still attending school?   What all is new with you?   How’s your love life?   I hope better than mine…I am going to start wearing white.  I bet that at least made you smile! Before I forget…I would like to have prints made of some of the photos you took while I was down there.  If I send you the money will you have them made for me?   I especially want the one WOMAN ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

Have you heard from Soren recently?   I received a card from him in May and no word since.   I guess I should not have told him I wanted a card from Copenhagen.  Oh well… I will be going to Sacramento September 7-10.   My friend, Rick, bought tickets to Bon Jovi for the 8th.   I hope I survive.   I need your new phone number.   If time permits maybe I could come visit you that weekend?   I miss you! 

I have enclosed some things for your housebook.  I hope you like them.  Closing for now.  Take Care.  Love, Lottie (& Boo)

I loved the insert of clippings she included for my HOUSE BOOK.   She makes me laugh.   It’s great to receive letters with the latest scoop.  How else would I know?Paloma wrote again and I was happy to find her latest words in my mailbox, too.  I could feel her happiness from the very first line.

Le 22, AOUT 1989Dear Michael,
I’ve just got the best pair of jeans you sent me today.  Thank you.  I haven’t got the other ones yet.   I’ve also got a postcard you sent me in May (the one from the moon)…you know, the hard one.   Can you believe it took two months to get here! 

How was Florida?   It is so HOT here.   I love summer but right now it is really too HOT!   I bet it’s the same in California.  Our world is getting warmer all the time.  It doesn’t seem like good news! Thank you for all of the cards you’re sending me.  Keep your collection!   Did you take your mom to L.A.?   I love that drive along the coast.   I did it once with Carmela in 1985 (the year I left).   We should have done it together.  

Can you believe we’ve been writing each other for over ‘4’ years now?   It’s the first time I keep writing (and I keep getting letters) for such a long time.   I’ll send you the bike cards pretty soon.  

What do you do with your cards now?   You don’t have that room to put them in anymore, right?  (That room in your house in Alameda with all of the cards on the wall…)   I want to see LETHAL WEAPON II.  I saw the first one.   I liked it.  I like Mel Gibson.   Remember MAD MAX?  

Thanks again for the jeans! Love, Paloma

I immediately dished out a cool BIG SUR COAST, California postcard for Paloma and wrote:
8-22-89
Dear Paloma:
Mom received the dolls a couple of weeks ago.  Have you received any of the LEVI jeans?
Guess what?  I bought a condo in L.A.   It's not far from Beverly Hills.   I am so excited.  I may be moving in December or January.  I am looking forward to the Southern California switch.  I will be one block walking distance from SPAGO, a famous bar/restaurant for everyone including frequented celebrities.   So that's big news.   I'll write again later.   This Saturday, August 26th is the big fashion showcase deal.  Hopefully I'll capture the eye of an L.A. agent...if not...oh well.   Love, MichaelHow objects are handed on is all about story-telling.  I am giving you this because I love you.  Or because it was given to me.   Because I bought it somewhere special.   Because you will care for it.  Because it will complicate your life.  Because it will make someone else envious.   There is no easy story in legacy.   What is remembered and what is forgotten?  There can be a chain of forgetting, the rubbing away of previous ownership as much as the slow accretion of stories.
-Edmund de Wall,
THE HARE WITH THE AMBER EYES