Right Here Waiting

…In dialogue, you can say absolutely anything.   Even the closest confidence, the deadliest secret, comes out objectively as a mere metaphor or illustration which could never be used against you.
“Say something,” he commands.
“Do I have to?”
“Yes.”
“What’ll I say?”
“Anything.  Anything that seems to be important, right now.”
“That’s the trouble.   I don’t know what is important and what isn’t.  I felt like my head is stopped up with stuff that doesn’t matter to me.”
“All young people are kind of competing with each other, do you know that?”
“Yes, I suppose so---unless they’re in love.”
“I’m like a book you have to read.  A book can’t read itself to you.  It doesn’t even know what it’s about.  I don’t know what I’m about.”
"That was great, this evening.  Let’s do it again, shall we?  Or don’t you believe in repeating things?"
-Christopher Isherwood,
A SINGLE MAN

I was happy about my last Polaroid photo that I’d taken of my niece, Ashley.   She was holding an umbrella in front of mom’s house.  I could see the rainbow image on her umbrella.   She was happy.  A child’s smile is what it’s all about.  Innocence and love is what I felt there as I looked at Ashley's eyes in this photo. Ironically, I was also listening to the latest ‘in’ song called, RIGHT HERE WAITING, a song by Richard Marx. 

Lyrics for RIGHT HERE WAITING:

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
Waiting for you I had sent a postcard to Steven Antol a week or so ago.   I was thinking of him and wondering what was happening in his world.   In many ways he was oceans apart from my world.   I always felt he was just a glimmer of my world even though it somehow seemed so larger than life at one time.

I was surprised to receive a letter dated August 24, 1989 with the latest scoop from him.   It would be my last letter from him.   Steven wrote on HOLIDAY INN, Seattle hotel stationary:

Dear Michael,
Hi there…

I apologize for not writing much sooner but I’m writhing this tonight before I go to sleep.   I was happy and surprised to hear from you a little while back.   Thanks for writing to me… What were you doing in the Bahamas?   Were you on vacation?   Did you have a good time?   And how was your trip to the Big Island of Hawaii?   Did everything work out ok?   When I think of you I often wonder if you were ever called back by UNITED AIRLINES and if you ever got adjusted to your contact lenses.   Let me know.

And how is everything since you’ve moved back in with your mother?   Do you like the new living arrangement? Michael, I have been so busy…like never before.   I’m working on a few business opportunities for my second income in addition to my flying.  I’ll give you the details later.

I haven’t been to San Francisco in quite a while.  I’m just finishing-up a Honolulu-Hong Kong-Seattle-Honolulu trip.   I got to Japan a lot. Please continue to write when you get a chance and I’ll keep in touch, ok?    I hope all is well with you and I’m always wishing you the best, Michael.   Take care.  
Aloha, Steven
I would see Steven one more time during a visit to Los Angeles in 1990; however, I was busy with work and I was in a relationship that was brewing nicely.   I felt a distance and sadness in Steven's face.   Things simply weren’t the same.  He took his path and I had started anew on mine.   
In the early 21st Century I tried to find Steven Antol on the internet to see how he was doing.   I was saddened and surprised to find his obituary.   He died on Saturday, May 17, 1997 of AIDS in Los Angeles.

Steven A. Antol, 36, of Waipahu, a United Airlines flight attendant, died Tuesday in Los Angeles. Born in Whitaker, Pennsylvania, he is survived by parents Bernard and Margaret; brothers Bernard Jr., Kenneth and Ronald; and sister Lee Ann. Services: 6 p.m. Tuesday at Unity Church of Hawaii, 3608 Diamond Head Circle. Internment services: noon Wednesday at Valley of the Temples Chapel. Call after 10 a.m. Entombment to follow.
I was in a writing mood, so I wrote Paloma a 5-page handwritten letter today, August 29, 1989:

Dear Paloma,It was ‘2’ years ago today that my dad died.   They’re letting me go home early today.   That’s good.
I got your “high-fashion girl in silver’ card today.   You said you got that one pair of jeans.   That pair was that extra pair that you’d asked for at the last minute.   Everything else is in the big box.  I hope you get it soon.  It seems like it’s taking forever.
And…I was wondering why you never mentioned the 3-dimensional man on the moon postcard.   Jeez…that one did take a long time for you to receive.
Florida was nice.  It had a lot of palm trees of which I like.  You’d LOVE the Bahamas though!  There were white sandy beaches and blue, blue water.   Once day in Miami Dale and I went through a tour of what is called the VIZCAYA MANSION.   It literally looked like an Italian mansion.  It was great.   The man who owned it four-hundred years ago had it all.

It’s been HOT here too but I haven’t been enjoying it much.   So much has been going on.  I don’t know if you got the postcard I sent recently but I did buy that spacious 1-bedroom condominium in Los Angeles.  I may be moving in November 1989.   It’s hard to tell what will happen over the next 4-months.   I have to simply take one day at a time. The major model fashion show was last Saturday night.   May of the models did NOT get call backs.   A call back means an agent noticed you and wanted to see you.   The next day (Sunday), we all got together to meet these so-called agents.   As it turned out I had ‘5’ call backs.  One in San Francisco (BEST AGENCY); one in Palo Alto (NOUVELLE AGENCY); one in L.A. (CENEX CASTING AGENCY); two in New York (ICE MODELS and PARIS-USA MODELS).   I am supposed to call the San Francisco Agency this week but I’m not because I’m skeptical of them as Mr. Dines, the President of ELITE, is affiliated with them.   They seem like shady characters.   I’m supposed to call the Palo Alto one, too.   I am more interested in the L.A. one.   It’s a casting agency which means possible work in film, TV, commercials or theater which might interest me more.  
The ICE Agency in NY met with me and she said, “We need younger men.”   
That was nice but I wasn’t sure if that was not good for me.   And the PARIS-USA Models Agent wants me to submit photos and information (of which I will mail tomorrow).  In any case once I am in L.A. I’m going to scope the scene down there and see what happens.   The L.A. Casting Agency also wants photos submitted and information which I will also mail tomorrow.   So…we’ll see.   At least I was noticed.   I got a lot of call backs…more than many others which may indicate that I may have an edge over some of the competition.   That’s a plus.

Mom loved the trip to L.A. with me.   She was with me when I found the condo I wanted.   The new address will be: 1010 North Palm Avenue, UNIT 304
Los Angeles, CA 90069

Mom and I ate breakfast in Carmel; lunch in Santa Barbara and dinner in Beverly Hills all in one day.   It was GREAT.  We had fun.  Have you heard from Carmella at all lately?   What’s the scoop with her?   That drive along the coast would’ve been fun with you.   Who knows?  Maybe one day… I know what you mean about ‘our writing to each other for 4 years now’.   It seems unreal.  You ARE my longest ever PEN PAL…but we’re more than that.   I always tell people about my good friend that I always write to in FRANCE.  You are in the South of France now, correct?   We will probably continue writing to each other for a real long time.

I keep my cards in a shoe box.   When I get new ones I usually post them on my desk at work for a good few weeks.   When I mote to my condo in L.A. I think I’ll post my entire bedroom wall with postcards.   That would be creative.   Then I’ll take a picture of it for you.   Speaking of pictures…here’s one laser print copy for you.  Does that jacket look familiar?   LETHAL WEAPON 2 was great.   I loved it.  LICENSE TO KILL was good, too.   I saw CRY IN THE DARK and GORILLAS IN THE MIST, too.   They were okay.   Yeah, I like Mel Gibson, too.   I go to see all of his movies.

I hope you get the big box of goods soon.  Jeez! I am really excited about moving to L.A.   A friend of mine who lives in Orange County went to a club in L.A. (not far from where I will live) called CATCH ONE and MADONNA was there with Warren Beatty.   They’re dating because they just did that new movie together called DICK TRACY (named after the comic book character).   Madonna danced with my friend, John, and some of his other friends on the dancefloor.   Who knows who I might run into while I’m bicycling in the Hollywood Hills or Beverly Hills?   A lot of people talk down about L.A., saying the smog is a problem and people are stuffy and ‘stuck on themselves’…but I know how to SCREEN OUT the good from the bad and make the best of things.   I am looking forward to the change, new beaches, etc.

Oh well…I’m going to close for now.  I’m watching ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT and after this I hope to gather up some energy to do my aerobics tape.   Love,
Michael J Armijo
Hello and Regards to Jonathan and Alexandre.
P.S.  The photos of you proved that your looks and body are as sexy as ever!  (And you had a baby?)
The mystery was resolved; as such things always are with me, in my sleep that night.  --Andre Aciman, CALL ME BY YOUR NAME