Michael Joe Armijo's Blog, page 134

Drama/Romance

'The Boy With Fruit' by Caravaggio was more than an object of desire. It was a portrait of Mario Minniti and it was full of sexual longing.
-Peter Robb
"M, The Man Who Became Caravaggio"

Twenty-five years ago today

January 5, 1986
Sunday

Chad and I woke up late again—but that's okay. We took a drive to South Shore Shopping Center and ate at The Sizzler. We stayed around there for a while and walked to "Magic Video" to return the videotape. We inspected the Alameda Athletic Club.

We browsed at Walden Book Store. Chad bought a book on MALE Photography. I bought one on "Dracula".

We turned home and went to mom's house to pick up a tape of a movie that mom taped called "A Different Story", starring Perry King. It's a 1978 Drama/Romance.

Chad said he had observed my mother give my Dad a dirty look when my Dad mentioned Denise.
Dad asked, "Did you ever call that girl, Denise?"
Chad had volunteered some conversation, "I met Denise. She's pretty but she's too wild for me."

Chad and I left for my place and watched "A Different Story. It was about a homosexual woman who marries a gay male friend to prevent his deportation. Then they end up falling in love. After the movie, Chad and I shared some loving 'good night and good bye' words in my garage.

When Chad left my house I went to mom's house again for a while. I had an ice-cream cone. Tony, Helen and Lauren came over, too. I watched a bit of some flick about teenage alcoholism.

Once home again I concentrated on my Job Transfer Request with a carefully formulated cover letter. Then I 'hit the hay'.


We threw our arms around one another and we kissed. It was a real kiss, and no matter what anybody might think, a perfectly right and fitting expression of our friendship for that time and place for us.
-James Kirkwood
"Good Times, Bad Times",
a novel

The Color Purple

He likes to be generous when it's unexpected.
-Philippa Gregory
"The Other Boleyn Girl"

Twenty-five years ago today

January 4, 1986
Saturday

It was 4AM before we finally fell asleep. Chad and I ended up waking up at 11:30AM.

We went to my bank to clarify my IRA situation. We returned home for a while only to depart again at about 1:30PM.

We ate some Kentucky Fried Chicken and then went to the GRAND LAKE THEATER in Oakland to see the new rave movie called "The Color Purple". I practically cried a couple of times while watching that movie. It was so good. Chad had to wipe his tears, too. It was an excellent flick. It's probably what we needed right now.

We hit FENTON'S CREAMERY for dessert. Then we stopped at "The Magic Video" store where we rented "Body Double". We watched that one at my house.

Oh yeah—I forgot to write about this: Before leaving the house today there was a key episode near the wall and the top of the staircase. The episode between us can only be described in one word: "erotic".


If you want something, you need to look the other person in the eye.
-Paulo Coelho
"Like The Flowing River"

Claustrophobic

Life can make the most surprising turns.
Love is hard to believe.
Many things are hard to believe.
-Yann Martel
"The Life of Pi"

Twenty-five years ago today

January 3, 1986
Friday

I am so glad that it's Friday again. I will miss these short and broken-up weeks as they come to an end.
Upon arriving home from work I was in the mood to go out after not going out on New Year's Eve.

I started to 'handsome-up' when I received a phone call from Chad.
"I was planning on going to the gym after a short nap," Chad said.
"Oh yeah…well, I guess I can meet you there."
We worked out together. We considered going to BAXTER's in Concord after the gym. Chad didn't really want to go to my house either. I could understand his feelings after being there so often for the last couple of weeks. I'm sure he felt claustrophobic.

We got into a tidbit argument.
Chad said, "I'm wondering if I've made the right decision about us after seeing Maria at Chabot College today. And I don't feel like going to your house for the same routine."
My heart sank a little but maybe he is right. He threw a curve ball but I had a good reply.
"We need to be creative is all," I said.
"I agree."

We went to ALPHA BETA for groceries and then we went to my house. We watched FRIDAY NIGHT VIDEOS. We laughed and munched on the snacks.

When we went to bed I wanted to…
…but Chad was too tired and didn't want to.
And so I blurted out, "I hope you know I hate you!"
I then got up and retreated downstairs to the couch. He came downstairs eventually. We had a talk.
Chad confessed, "Deep down I think I may be trying to get you to hate me—but I really don't want you to. I'm just scared now that I'm starting school again that I may find someone new."
"What are you saying?"
Suddenly, Chad started to explain when he said, "You just can't take constructive criticism."
We argued about that one. I also argued with him about his insensitive nature towards my feelings.

Ironically, after all was said and done we made up and went back to bed.


We have to convert anger into some kind of energy that is more constructive.
-Thich Nhat Hanh
"Being Peace"

Ambitious and Driven

"A smile makes you master of yourself."-Thich Nhat hanh
"Being Peace"

Twenty-five years ago today

January 2, 1986
Thursday

I went to mom's house for a little while last night. Dad was telling me all of this stuff that Denise Vinsonhaler shared with him. I had my phone calls forwarded to mom and dad's telephone number and Denise called for me. Dad answered the phone and he was going on and on about her. I think he liked her and was hinting for me to 'go after her'.

Suzy Miller called me on New Year's Eve but I didn't go out with her. She telephoned a couple of more times and I failed to return her calls. She must think I am a snob. I can only believe she's calling lately because of her possible interest in Chad—or for her roommate's interest in Chad. And so, I guess I'm okay for not returning her calls. Ha-ha.

I can't wait to do aerobics at the gym tonight.

Margaret Lai and I went to B&M Chinese Food again. I enjoy that place.

Chad phoned me just as I was about to get started with my work out. It was fun to do the aerobics. I didn't do the entire Muscle Motion videotape work out but I did enough of it.

Chad and I ended up working out together at the gym later—sort of. He was pooping out.

After the workout Chad made a statement.
"You don't seem ambitious or driven."
"I guess that's your point of view," I said.
He's in school. As I recall I felt more ambitious and driven when I was in school also. I don't know. We all want our bit of fame and fortune.
"Well, what…are you going to be star?" I asked.
Chad replied, "Yes, I'll be a star."
So, we shall see.

I telephoned Denise Vinsonhaler. I suppose Dad had persuaded me to call on her after all.
Denise announced firmly, "Chad is a defensive sort. He's a leader type that likes to tell people what to do. That's my first impression."
I thought this to be quite profound. It does fit him on many occasions.

"I believe that being happy is the only important thing."
Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive.
-Joanne Harris
"CHOCOLAT"

Regrets

"Do you regret our love? I must know."
Why do they ask? He thought. Do they ask the sun if it regrets the light?
"No, I do not," he answered tenderly. "I only regret that we must part today."
"Must it be today?"
"Today is easier than tomorrow," he replied.
He did not deny the truth.
-Bette Bao Lord
"Spring Moon"

Twenty-five years ago today

January 1, 1986
Wednesday

The holiday went by so fast. I know it's because of my frequent moments with Chad over my holidays. He makes the time go by faster—for some reason—because he's fun to be with. That's it, of course.

This morning I wasn't in the best of moods. It was because of the previous night. I wanted more than just 'sleep'. Chad was going to leave a note and simply leave because he thought I was unhappy. He decided against of (and I'm glad of that). He didn't leave. If he had left I would have been displeased.

On this New Year Day we took a walk to the Islandia Recreation Center and then on to Alameda's South Shore Shopping Center where we stopped and ate at McDonald's. When we returned home Chad made a comment.
"You know, Mike, you've been boring lately."
I don't think he really meant it. I, at least, hope he didn't mean it.

We ended up leaving my house at 5:45PM and headed for Hayward to meet Larry at the Festival Cinemas. We watched "The Young Sherlock Holmes". I enjoyed it very much.

This would be Chad's last recurring sleepover night. We satisfied our good-byes upstairs in my room. He starts back to school tomorrow. I begin my exercise and nutrition program tomorrow, too.

Creative thinking emerges from stillness.
-Tony Parsons
"As It Is"

Sugar and Spice

All his training and experience suggested that doing nothing was the most reasonable course of action.  After all, often the analyst finds that maintaining silence and a failure to respond to the most provocative and outrageous behavior by a patient is the cleverest way to get to the psychological truth of those actions.
-John Katzenbach
"The Analyst"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 31, 1985
Tuesday

I did not telephone Chad until 11:45AM. It may have even been later. I didn't say much except to call. It was a call that meant I was thinking of him.
Chad questioned me, "Why are you calling if you have nothing to say of any real significance?"
I chose to think nothing of his question. It was just difficult for me to talk from my position. I can't say a whole lot.

I would later learn from Larry that Chad would often say, "He calls me and has nothing to say. It bugs me."
Well frankly, he is starting to bug me. I wonder if I want a prolonging "bug" in my life in 1986. I hope he shapes up. He seems to be more of a GEMINI to me because there are times when he's such a sweet guy and then turns evil. Why do I care so much for him?

I had a great sales day. I miraculously sold eight 'Remote Call Forwarding' Services.

After work Margaret Lai and I went to the Stagecoach for appetizers and White Russian cocktails. We had a good talk and a good time.

When I arrived home Sue Miller called me.
"What are you doing tonight?"
"I'm not sure."
"Maybe a movie would be good," Sue hinted.
"Yeah, but right now I just want to rest," I said.
I also wanted to wait for Chad to call me.

I telephoned mom and learned that Ricky Nelson died in a plane crash. How awful!

I telephoned Larry and he actually made me feel good.
Larry said, "You know…you have to realize how lucky you are. You are good-looking, you have a good job, a nice place and things will work out. You and Chad will adjust."
After that I took a nap.

Erika Hurst called me. She's that elderly woman who likes to talk a whole lot (practically about nothing). She's still interesting in her own right.

Chad finally called at about 9PM to say, "Happy New Year!"
"Happy New Year."
"I'll be coming over."
I was glad about his coming over. I want to see him. Then again this ever-changing attitude (hell of) bugs me. If he'd only be "good" and nice with sugar and spice all of the time. Perhaps his moodiness is because school is starting up again.
Chad had said, "Once school starts I won't be able to spend as much time with you."

Chad arrived at 11:30PM. He seemed down and out. I think he wanted to go out tonight but my funds were too low to even consider it. So, we counted down to midnight in my living room and smacked XXX kisses at midnight.

We watched a sinister film called "SISTERS". And then—to my dismay---we slept much too much.


Life had such a strong hold upon him that a fresh wave of nausea broke out in slight perspiration upon his brow.
-Joseph Conrad
"The Secret Agent"

Definite Tension

Ernst Jung would say that greatness consists in being exposed to the storm. The Camorra bosses would say the same thing. To be the center of every action, the center of power.
-Robert Saviano
"Gommorah"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 30, 1985
Monday

Chad and I were discussing what we'd done for the last few New Year's Eve's. I recalled 1984 and being with Karyn, Ron, and Ryan where we were partying near the Haight-Ashbury at some small circle of friend's house party. In 1983, Helen (who was not my sister in law at the time) dined at HORATIO's and drank and danced at the Hilton Inn. In 1982, Barbara Reynolds and I went to the movies to see Meryl Streep perform in 'SOPHIE'S CHOICE'. We followed that with pasta and free champagne. In 1981 I don't remember. I probably listened to the Top 100 Countdown of songs on the radio while at home in my pajamas. In 1980 I was in the hospital. In 1979 I was at some college party in Sacramento.

I had my talk with Steph, my boss, about how I want her to talk with Hank about a referred order because I didn't get half credit for it. I also mentioned my interest in putting some Job Transfer requests through the system.
"Would you mind writing a letter of recommendation for me?" I asked.
"Of course I will."

I had lunch with Michelle Olsen in the cafeteria today. We had a quaint chat about the general happenings in the office. Dale came by with his 'TWO' pasta dishes.

After work I popped over at mom and dad's house. I munched on some fish and chips and gabbed for a while. They had said they went to my house at around 4PM and saw Chad's car in the garage. I didn't offer an explanation.
I simply said, "Oh, Chad is studying."
Chad actually straightened-up my house pretty well, too.

I telephoned Chad at about 7PM, telling him that I was heading over to the gym.
"I'll meet you there, okay?" I asked.
"Sure."
As I was about to leave my phone rang and it was Frank Vasconcellos. I hadn't spoken to him in a while. We had a chat about Chad. Frank claims that he and Chad had a fling some years ago. This is all according to Frank, so who knows.
Frank continued, "I remember that he sings great. I knew him as Mark and I remember singing was one of his first loves so-to-speak."
Of course, I was amazed. I didn't dare tell (Chad) Mark of what I'd learned. I figured it was not really necessary.
Frank asked, "Does he still live in Fremont? I remember he had a kind size water bed."
Question mark (?).

I met Chad at the gym. We worked out together but his eyes were elsewhere. I didn't like it. His eyes were glued upon this one person, making it ever so apparent (to me—anyway).
It was 9:10PM when Chad said, "I'm going in to the sauna."
"But it's already 9:10," I said, thinking he didn't realize the time.
I continued, "Well, I'm not going in to the sauna."
Of course he snapped.
"You don't have to stay!"
So I showered and I did leave.


I drove over to mom and dad's house. I made myself an orange juice and vanilla ice-cream shake. Then I drove my home, leaving the garage door open until 10:30PM. I finally closed the garage, figuring Chad was going to pull a 'no show'.


Larry called me from his job at the Oakland Airport.
"Hi Mike, Chad is here with me at the airport. Are you mad at Chad?"
"No," I replied.
Chad chose to come over to my house but there was definite tension. I don't like the tension. Sometimes I wish he would quit his abrupt, aloof and surprising attitude.


We ended up lying down together. We watched "The Dove".


I went upstairs to go to bed. Chad followed. We "slept" (period).

Nobody was innocent. There were only varying degrees of responsibility. And somebody was responsible...
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl Who Played With Fire"

A Lazy Sunday

In the last few days I have not gone out, but spent most of the time lying on the chaise lounge.
-Thomas Mann, 1897

Twenty-five years ago today

December 29, 1985
Sunday

Chad and I awoke on this Saturday morning to watch a bit of the 49er and New York Football playoff. San Francisco lost the game. I also lost in terms of my squares on the office pool betting game.

We readied ourselves as it was already close to noon. We ate at NATION'S BURGERS on Webster Street in Alameda.

My funds are disappearing fast. I have no real discretionary funds at all.

After NATION'S BURGERS Chad and I came home and we watched "Nightmare on Elm Street". We both fell asleep towards the end of the flick.

At 6PM we both got up and went to me VERSATELLER machine for needed cash. We ate at McGee's on Park Street (which wasn't so great). The company was exceptional though.

It was a lazy Sunday as we returned home to watch ALFRED HITCHCOCK Presents. We watched an episode starring actor Steven Bauer (the one who starred in that THIEF OF HEARTS movie that I love). The story involved a bet for an automobile and the loss of one's fingers (if they lost the bet). Ouch.


I sent my entry in for the Publishers Clearing House Giveaway today. I wish.


After Hitchcock we saw 'The Mysterious Stranger'. Once 'Lady Chatterley's Lover' started I decided to turn in for the night. I felt a sore throat coming on. I was dreading the idea of work tomorrow. Alas I do have something to look forward to: The discussion of my Job Transfer Requests with my boss, Stephanie.

"I'm not feeling very 007-ish."
-Sean Penn
"Fair Game", 2010

Home

As long as things go well with a man, his conscience is lenient and lets the ego do all sorts of things; but when misfortune befalls him, he searches his soul, acknowledges his sinfulness, heightens the demands of his conscience, imposes abstinences on himself and punishes himself with penances.
--Sigmund Freud
"Civilization and its Discontents"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 28, 1985
Saturday

Chad and I woke up. It was mid morning and we went over to my mom's house where we 'porked-out' on some homemade cookies.

Our next stop was to Suzy Miller's pad to deliver her Christmas gift. She ended up joining us for lunch at 'Round Table Pizza'. It was just 'okay'.


Chad's right.
He said, "Suzy's sort of boring."
I feel the same (sort of) about Mike Miller at times—but not all the time.

After lunch Chad and I looked at some model homes that are for sale on Harbor Bay Isle. I re-met Terri Reiser-Long, a former high-school and all the way back to sixth grade classmate. She was in attendance, working at one of the Model Home Sales Offices.

Chad and I went home to lounge. When we woke up we decided to have a quiet dinner at LUNG KONG, a Chinese Restaurant.

We returned to my home to watch the movie GHOST STORY. Then it was time to go to bed. Yawn.

"Where's HOME?" He asked.  The man pointed to his forehead.  This made sense.
The man nodded.  "I hear ya," he said.
-John Katzenbach
"The Analyst"

Energized

I was looking at a wonderful card of VERMEER that is in Amsterdam called "The Love Letter". It is like music the way things are shaped, the whites particularly in this painting which make it seem luminous.
--May Sarton
At Eighty-Two, A Journal
February 22, 1994 entry

Twenty-five years ago today

December 27, 1985
Friday

I was able to get out of work at Noon today. I had a quick bite to eat with Margaret Lai at 'The Pizza Boat'. I simply drove on home to Alameda after lunch.

I stopped by to see mom for a while. I napped there.

I soon energized and made it to the gym. I saw Leonard there. The latest scoop with him is that he's going to Hawaii next week.

I took the Anne Alberti 6PM Aerobics class. It was really good and invigorating. I worked up a sweat.

While home at 7:30PM I did the finishing touches on my Job Transfer Request Forms.

Chad telephoned me from his mom's house. He arrived at my place at nearly 10PM.

We cuddled and watched some television.


"You know more than you think you do."
-John Katzenbach
"The Analyst"