Definite Tension

Ernst Jung would say that greatness consists in being exposed to the storm. The Camorra bosses would say the same thing. To be the center of every action, the center of power.
-Robert Saviano
"Gommorah"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 30, 1985
Monday

Chad and I were discussing what we'd done for the last few New Year's Eve's. I recalled 1984 and being with Karyn, Ron, and Ryan where we were partying near the Haight-Ashbury at some small circle of friend's house party. In 1983, Helen (who was not my sister in law at the time) dined at HORATIO's and drank and danced at the Hilton Inn. In 1982, Barbara Reynolds and I went to the movies to see Meryl Streep perform in 'SOPHIE'S CHOICE'. We followed that with pasta and free champagne. In 1981 I don't remember. I probably listened to the Top 100 Countdown of songs on the radio while at home in my pajamas. In 1980 I was in the hospital. In 1979 I was at some college party in Sacramento.

I had my talk with Steph, my boss, about how I want her to talk with Hank about a referred order because I didn't get half credit for it. I also mentioned my interest in putting some Job Transfer requests through the system.
"Would you mind writing a letter of recommendation for me?" I asked.
"Of course I will."

I had lunch with Michelle Olsen in the cafeteria today. We had a quaint chat about the general happenings in the office. Dale came by with his 'TWO' pasta dishes.

After work I popped over at mom and dad's house. I munched on some fish and chips and gabbed for a while. They had said they went to my house at around 4PM and saw Chad's car in the garage. I didn't offer an explanation.
I simply said, "Oh, Chad is studying."
Chad actually straightened-up my house pretty well, too.

I telephoned Chad at about 7PM, telling him that I was heading over to the gym.
"I'll meet you there, okay?" I asked.
"Sure."
As I was about to leave my phone rang and it was Frank Vasconcellos. I hadn't spoken to him in a while. We had a chat about Chad. Frank claims that he and Chad had a fling some years ago. This is all according to Frank, so who knows.
Frank continued, "I remember that he sings great. I knew him as Mark and I remember singing was one of his first loves so-to-speak."
Of course, I was amazed. I didn't dare tell (Chad) Mark of what I'd learned. I figured it was not really necessary.
Frank asked, "Does he still live in Fremont? I remember he had a kind size water bed."
Question mark (?).

I met Chad at the gym. We worked out together but his eyes were elsewhere. I didn't like it. His eyes were glued upon this one person, making it ever so apparent (to me—anyway).
It was 9:10PM when Chad said, "I'm going in to the sauna."
"But it's already 9:10," I said, thinking he didn't realize the time.
I continued, "Well, I'm not going in to the sauna."
Of course he snapped.
"You don't have to stay!"
So I showered and I did leave.


I drove over to mom and dad's house. I made myself an orange juice and vanilla ice-cream shake. Then I drove my home, leaving the garage door open until 10:30PM. I finally closed the garage, figuring Chad was going to pull a 'no show'.


Larry called me from his job at the Oakland Airport.
"Hi Mike, Chad is here with me at the airport. Are you mad at Chad?"
"No," I replied.
Chad chose to come over to my house but there was definite tension. I don't like the tension. Sometimes I wish he would quit his abrupt, aloof and surprising attitude.


We ended up lying down together. We watched "The Dove".


I went upstairs to go to bed. Chad followed. We "slept" (period).

Nobody was innocent. There were only varying degrees of responsibility. And somebody was responsible...
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl Who Played With Fire"