Albie Cullen's Blog, page 11

Regrets

"Regrets I've had a few/but then again too few to mention I did what I had to do" – Frank Sinatra

  I think one of the keys to happiness (other than catching three waves a day) is to live life without regret. If you believe in fate, that there is a master plan, as I do, I guess this makes it easier. This is the only explanation I have for how an inexperienced Senator from Chicago came to be leader of the free world. Likewise this would provide an answer as to how a collection of greedy, incompetent, brain dead individuals was somehow elected to Congress. Since most of these mental midgets are personally mortgaged to the hilt, I guess they don't care if the United States follows suit and defaults on its obligations.  Obligations not just to its creditors but to each and everyone of us who will again be left holding the bag.   As the deadline nears I grow increasingly confident that this President and Congress are uniquely qualified (or unqualified) to F this up big time.

  Of course even with our destinies predetermined we still have free will. This is how President O so bad for me and my mama pissed away the opportunity of a lifetime. When elected the entire country was behind him.  However, his continued bail out of Wall Street, his failure to end two meaningless wars and his kowtowing to the wealthy not only broke every promise he made; it also cost him the support of an electorate who naively believed he was somehow different.

  A Marine General put it best, "Is the juice worth the squeeze?" But Obama doesn't have the stones to put the squeeze on anyone.  The end result will be higher taxes, fees, insurance premiums, interest rates and gas prices for you and I and bigger profits and more money for the wealthy.

Personally, I share Ryan Bingham's philosophy, "If I ever get home I'm never gonna worry about things I could have done, Cause I've done a lot of things I could have done better, but now it don't matter none."

That being said I do have one regret, believing that the Senator from Chicago would even try to make a difference.

KOKO

Poker

The game of poker has become increasingly popular over the past decade.  My 104 soon to be 105-year-old grandmother taught my sister and I to play poker when we were four and five.  As Nana said child welfare would probably not look kindly on this treatment today.  But Nana's theory was we were going to learn to play cards sooner or later, why not learn from a family member.

  "I've been gambling hereabout ten good solid years/If I told you 'bout all that went down, probably burn off both your ears." 

  And even though "I don't have any more luck to lose [and] I wish that train would haul away every card I choose," there are a couple of people I would like to see sitting across the table from Nana and I. 

  President O so bad for me and my mama for starters.  Two years ago his reputation was as a tough guy, willing to make tough choices. Now it's clear he is the worse bluffer in the world.  He's passed on ending the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Imposed no consequence for the Pakistani's harboring of Bin Laden.  More recently (as predicted here last week) he's caved in the budget debate relenting on new taxes for the rich.  If he's talking and betting big, call him every time; he'll fold.

  The other guy is Red Sox GM Theo Epstein.  There isn't a guy on the planet who over bets his hand more than Theo.  Julio Lugo, Edgar Renteria, and Marco Scutaro and that's just the shortstop position.  If the playoffs started today it's likely that neither JD Drew or John Lackey would be on the roster.   That's two of the Sox' highest four paid players, $30 million in annual salary, and nearly 20% of the Red Sox entire payroll who are complete busts.     

  The other reason I would like to play the President and the GM is both of their luck has about run out.  It's clear the country realizes all that "change" talk was a bunch of, well, crap.  As the dead arms: Keith Foulke, Eric Gagne, Lackey and Bobby "eat another burrito" Jenks, and dead bats: Carl Crawford, Mike Cameron, Drew, and Lugo pile up on Causeway Street, Theo is looking neither lucky or smart.   

  The reason I would want Nana at the table is you don't get to be 105 without a little luck (and knowing how to stack the deck in your favor if necessary).  Plus Nana ain't going to let a couple of posers like Theo and Obama take down her number one grandson.    

  "Couple of them cowboys accused my Uncle of cheating/why no, that couldn't be/I know my uncle and he's about as honest as a [Boston] man can be."

  KOKO

Deficit Spending

The greatest country on earth is slowly heading towards becoming the biggest deadbeat on the planet. There is no doubt in my mind that President O so bad for me and my mama will cave on the new tax issues. You're right Mr. President in 2011 we can sustain revenues based on a 1950′s tax rate; idjit.

There is also no doubt in my mind those the least deserving (the poor) will as always take the biggest hit: more money for Wall Street and Big Oil, less grandmothers. After all the grandmothers are old and may not be around to vote in the next election. It's a reasonable gamble.

Notwithstanding my disdain for the President and Congress I actually can sympathize. Spending what you don't have (and can never pay back) has become the American mantra. The single most painful and stressfuil event of my adult life, purchasing a house, may be coming to end. Not only can I see why people rent I see why people live in their cars. As the big day approaches the LOL (Lovely Old Lady) and I agreed that we would not make any new purchases until after the closing.

With all of the inspection, appraisal and application fees, closing costs, insurance, and condo fees I have no idea what will be left in my pocket, if anything. Having to incur so many costs it seemed prudent to hold off on any unnecessary expenses.

Three days ago the LOL informed me that she had found two stools for the island. At about $200 they must be made out of gold. Alright, I mean if you have an island you need stools, right?

Two days ago she found the "perfect" dining room table, $700 (chairs not included). I was a little confused because with the new stools we could eat at the island. Yesterday I was informed the front window requires, "Plantation Blinds". I'm not sure what those are but anything that sounds old and southern must be expensive.

This morning I woke up and she had a tape measure stretched across the floor. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Trying to determine what size shed we need."

KOKO

Andy Irons

  After catching close to 100 waves up at Daddy's home break yesterday surfing is on my mind.  Surfing with someone better than you always raises your game.  No need to thank me Daddy, you'll be able to handle the "steep" stuff soon enough.

  Andy Irons is not a household name.  Unless you are a surfer in which case he was a God.  I think Daddy's description as the "Jim Morrison of surfing" is the most accurate.  He was one of the very few surfers to have beaten ten- time world champ Kelly Slater.  Unfortunately, Mr. Irons was also an addict. 

  Like most addicts Mr. Irons had a hard time with just living everyday life.  He found it somewhat baffling.  He said that out on a surfboard however, everything made perfect sense to him.  When asked why he surfed, he answered, "When he came in from a session he knew he was a better person."  These are all experiences and sentiments that I share. 

  Mr. Irons died at the age of 32 in an airport hotel room in Dallas, Texas.  He left behind his seven-month pregnant wife.  The family initially attributed the cause of death to Dengue Fever a mosquito born illness that is fairly common on the pro surf tour but almost never fatal.  Given Iron's lifestyle rumors immediately began to swirl.  An autopsy was performed but just before the release of the results a "family attorney" received a court order blocking the results.  The family later denied the attorney worked on their behalf. 

  The reason for the delay was so the family could hire "a prominent forensic pathologist", a Dr. Di Maio to review the report.  This quack Di Maio concluded that Mr. Iron's died of a heart defect and that the cocaine, methamphetimine (speed), xanax, methadone (most often used for heroin or opiate withdrawal) played no role.  He further stated that the xanax and methadone were consistent with therapeutic levels.  I guess the best explanation for the cocaine and speed was to simply ignore them. 

  I have no reason to doubt that Mr. Irons did in fact have heart issues.  I also know that years of drug and alcohol abuse even at so called "therapeutic levels" would hasten that condition.

  I understand that addiction is very painful for family members.  I also believe that hiring quacks like Di Maio to cover the truth does a disservice to addicts and their families everywhere.  Addiction affects us all.  If the truth behind Mr. Iron's death helps one addict he did not die in vain.  Trying to hide this truth only feeds the miserable cycle of addiction.

  KOKO

Play Guitar

"All women around the world want a phony rock star who plays guitar." -John Cougar

"Play that guitar on the MTV, get your money for nothing and chicks for free." – Dire Straits

  The rythm section of a rock and roll band consists of the bass, drums and keyboards.  They are in effect the engine that drives the music.  So while the lead singer and lead guitar player get all the headlines (and first shot at groupies) if your have engine trouble you won't go far.  For example the early eighties Boston super group, Conspiracy featured myself on keys, Daddy on bass, and Danny McDuffie on drums.  But all that anyone remembers is what a great singer Johnny Levesque was and how Eli could make that six string sing.  As an aside rumors of a Conspiracy reunion have begun circulating. 

  The recent arrest of Coheed and Cambria's bass player got me thinking.  I have absolutely no idea who Coheed and Cambria are and wouldn't know a song if they were playing in my kitchen.  Fortunately like the band that is not relevant.  After they're bass player who attempted to rob a Walgreen's of pain killers just before a recent Boston area concert was arrested the band issued the following statement:  "No shows will be canceled." 

  The night before the opening  of The Who's final tour (their tenth final tour in as many years) bassist John Entwistle died.  Mr. Entwistle a founding member was probably the classiest and most talented individual of the group.  Nonetheless the band issued a statement, "No shows will be canceled." 

  Finally when Rolling Stones original member Bill Wyman finally went completely off the deep end (surprising it took him forty years given the short distance he had to travel); he was quickly replaced by a session musician.  The band didn't even bother to issue a statement and no shows were canceled. 

  So if your young and envision a future as a rock star (a job I highly recommend) for the love of god please play guitar.

  KOKO

I Was Just Thinking . . .

  Greetings Faithful, been a while.  Going forward when the blog goes silent check the surf report.   If the conditions are flat call 911 and tell them the Lovely Old Lady (LOL) is a person of interest.  Fortunately, after a long flat spell I found some tasty waves over the weekend.  In addition to two solid surfing sessions Donovan Frankenreiter performed a mesmerizing "Sunday Service" last night up at Salisbury Beach.

  Sitting on your board waiting for your set provides one time to think.  A couple of things crossed my mind.  Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann's husband runs a government subsidezed, Christian counseling center.  One of the services he provides is transforming through prayer "gay" (or sinful) patients into "straight" (sin free) people.  Forgetting this utter lunacy for a moment a counselor was caught on hidden camera telling a gay male that, "God had trained our eyes to the attraction of a woman's body and breasts".  Now I'm no biblical scholar but I thought lust was one of the seven deadly sins.  

  Speaking of relationships the Bachelor couple of Brad and Emily didn't work out.  Shocker!  When you are traveling the world first class on ABC's dime you can overlook certain things.  Like Brad was an unemployed, petty criminal, alcoholic.  When the lights fade, however these traits apparently become a little more glaring (and problematic).    

  The Bachelorette, Ashley isn't having much luck either.  If we didn't have gravity here on earth the Bachelorette and Emily would drift back to their respective planets of origin.  Ashley is that girl that gets drunk and then starts sobbing uncontrollably.  Who wouldn't want to come home to that every night?   Of course the good news for Ashley is The Bachelorette started with twenty guys and there weren't two testicles to be found in the whole group. 

  Of course reality TV is actually a reprieve from the reality going on in Washington.   I think we should start paying politicians based on performance.  We'd owe President O so bad for me and my mama a couple of bucks for the health care bill and that would be it.  We wouldn't owe Congress a dime.  How cutting Medicaid and Social Security is a live discussion and taxing the rich or Big Oil is not up for debate has me a little perplexed to put it mildly. 

  As little Bobby Dylan said, "It ain't dark yet but its getting there."

  KOKO

Nonscents

Someone learned a long time ago that you could actually sell air and water primarily to women.  We've been over the hair care products, 99% water and 1% inexpensive chemicals.  Now how about air? 

  The Lovely Old Lady (LOL) likes things to smell nice.  Like all obsessions it starts slow. Maybe spray a little Lysol after I smoke a cigar or a little Fabreze on the couch if I sit down after a little roadwork. However, we have moved on to much more sophisticated, expensive and completely ineffective air freshening devices.

  The first device I refer to as "smelly sticks". This complete fraud alleges that if you place these "sticks" in smelly oil, the sticks will absorb and then emit the oil. The smelly sticks worked so well that discounters' Marshall's and TJ Maxx have boxes of them. Although not the Marshalls or TJ Maxx in South Boston as the LOL has bought them out at $19.99 a whack.

  The latest invention I can only best describe as a plug in "Chitty, chitty bang, bang engine." It's a bulb that's filled with some liquid that is somehow electrically transmitted into the air.  Apparently we have been using them for months. I haven't noticed any nicer odors but I have noticed at least $25 a month spent on this fraud.

  Well, at 4:45 this morning I was awoken by the following, ("Lords name in vain, F-Bomb, derogatory description of people who have sex with females who have children, Wake up you f-bomb, F-bomb.") I wasn't sure if we had been broken into or the building was on fire.

  Turns out I had misinstalled the device. I plugged in the container upside down and the oil all leaked out. My first thought was, "Why didn't we smell the release of such a large dose?" Apparently what made the LOL most upset was the device is no longer sold and that was the last of her stash.

  They must be working on a new way to sell air. 

KOKO

Declaration of Independence 2011

  Partly out of respect for the 4th of July, but mostly out of boredom (no waves anywhere) I decided to revisit the document that serves as the basis for today's festivities.  Anything over 225 years old could use a little updating so I decided to take the liberty (get it ?:)).

  "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal," should now read:  "The truth is no longer relevant, men of equal net worth are equal."

  "That they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness," now reads:  The arguments over "Creator" having grown to divisive and "rights" an overstatement, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are certain privileges that may be given to a certain few at the aforementioned rich men's sole discretion and election.

  "That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed,"  now reads:  "That to secure individual's wealth, the Government will act at the wealthy's direction and wield its power to control the governed from threatening this wealth.

 "That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government . . . ."   This is where I became a little lost.  Back then a few guys with muskets had just overthrown the British Empire.  The forefathers probably thought revolution whenever necessary was relatively easy.  Not so easy (or legal these days).

 At the time the Declaration was written I think altruism was at an all time high and people genuinely wanted the best for each other.  None of the forefathers could imagine that the greed created by capitalism would result in such inequality and ultimately corrupt both their whole vision and the documents true meaning. 

  On the other hand maybe they were talking about change through elections.  I hope not, we tried that a couple of years ago. 

  The document and what it represents is no longer worth the paper on which its written.

  KOKO

Seriously?

   Michele "seeing the world on the taxpayer dime" Obama's babies mama was in Boston this week.  She was here to pick up a $600,000 check.  I guess that's a pretty good reason to interrupt your unending leisure travel.

  Speaking to 125, "close supporters" Mrs. Obama still needed a teleprompter for her remarks.  She first discussed how she was against President O so bad for me and my mama running for President.  Either she is lying or she is the most well adjusted person on the planet.  When she and her daughters are not gallivanting around the globe she is getting face time for every nickel and dime cause around: bullying, obesity, travelocity just to name a few. 

  Not to mention that in addition to immediate family, aunts, uncles and cousins are all on these trips.  The only relative not going is his Aunt in South Boston.  Of course she's not a citizen and the Obama's are probably worried she wouldn't get back in the country from Hawaii or Martha's Vineyard.

  She then moved on to the toll the job is taking on her First Man.  "I see the worry creasing his face. I hear the passion and determination in his voice. 'You won't believe what these folks are going through;' he told me that last night. 'Michelle, it is not right. We've got to fix this. We have to do more.'"

  Do more?  How about do something?  Seriously what have they done?  I'll tell you, other than leisure travel to the likes of Africa absolutely nothing, bumpkiss, zip, zilch, zero.   (Unless you include lining their own pockets.)

 Remember when he was one of us.  That ended as soon as the election results were in.  Now we are, "these people."  News flash Michele, you and Barrack sitting on your big rear ends reciting "change" over and over is not trying. 

  Lying awake at night wondering if you'll have a job in a month takes a toll.  Figuring out how to make ends meet when your income is shrinking and your health insurance, taxes, and gas prices increase daily that's stressful.  Throw in the fact that Wall Street, the government, insurance companies and Big Oil rape us at every turn and you don't get much sleep. 

  "Barack always reminds me that we are playing a long game," she added, replicating her husband's call for patience amid the country's slow emergence from a recession. "He reminds me, as I said to you, too, that change is slow."

   I'm sure traveling through all the different time zones from vacation to vacation you lose track of time.  Hey Michele, its been two going on three years, that is a long time, particularly when time is both short and running out. 

  Michele you may need a teleprompter but I know when someone is pissing on my leg and trying to tell me its raining.

    KOKO

Hell In A Handbasket

  When I was growing up my grandmother used to say, "The world's going to hell in a handbasket."  Well Nana, we're there;  at least as far as the world of politics goes. 

  Somehow the good people of Minnesota elected Michele Bachmann (also known as Sarah Palin, Jr) congresswoman.  This despite the appearance she doesn't have the common sense God gave her.  I guess 10 months of winter and one month of spring and fall will do that to you.

  On Sunday, Mrs. Bachmann appeared on a national news talk show.  She was asked if she was a "flake".  The politically correct police went crazy (along with the feminists) and the interviewer immediately apologized.  (As an aside can we still have "feminism" now that women pretty much rule the world?  Just ask any twenty first century male.)

  On Monday, after announcing her presidential bid (God, help us) she was asked if she accepted the apology.  Before she could answer an aide ended the interview.  This event is a microcosm of a larger problem.  That is no politician can speak his or her mind without first gauging a response from a Facebook poll.  No one stands for anything anymore.  Just look at President O so bad for me and my mama.  It seems politicians just can't handle the truth.

  Of course candidate Bachmann has said that a recent Obama trip to India cost taxpayers "$200 million a day."  She said she was happy to be in the birthplace of the American Revolution during a recent visit to Concord, Concord, New Hampshire.   She also claims that neither she or her husband have received any government subsidies despite the fact that they both have claimed the income on tax and related documents. 

  If you knew my grandmother you knew what she stood for whether you agreed or not.  That's because she realized a long time ago, you can't please all the people all the time so don't bother trying.

  KOKO