Albie Cullen's Blog, page 13

Those Who Forget The Past

  "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it."  Having now spent 45+ years on this planet I know this may be the one and only truism.  I have been reluctant to comment on the Boston Bruins since they were the subject of a blog a month ago.  Despite inconsistent play they have been successful making it to the Stanley Cup Finals.  However, like all dreams sooner or later you must awake to cold, hard reality.  That time is now for Bruins fans.  Had the Bruins done what I suggested or rather implored last month and fire Coach Claude Julien after their Game 2 loss to Montreal we would not be in this situation.

  I always believed that coaches, who don't play, receive both too much credit and too much blame.  However, in Claude's case you can't place enough blame.  Granted this Bruins team is not as talented as Vancouver but as the second period demonstrated last night the Bruins can play with Vancouver. With the play of Tim Thomas the Bruins can beat Vancouver. 

  After last night's 3-2 overtime debacle and effectively series clincher one report stated, "Julien chalked up the loss to "decision-making and puck management.'' That's what he thinks the Bruins need to do better."  Physical mistakes happen, mental mistakes and lack of discipline are the sole result of poor coaching.   I don't recall a Bill Belicheck team ever making bad decisions.  You don't win three Superbowls by losing focus and making mental errors.

  The Bruins have had trouble scoring goals. Arguably their best natural scorer, Tyler Saguin was benched prior to an injury necessitating his play.  Julien insists on trying to justify the benching by limiting Saguin's ice time as much as possible.  Julien's argument is that Saguin, being young. makes to many mistakes in the form of turnovers.  Well Claude, Bruins defenseman Johnny Boychuck assisted on the Vancouver game winner in Game 1 and Bruins defenseman Andrew Ferrence had two assists on Vancouver goals last night including the overtime winner.  How is playing Saguin going to make things any worse?

  To say may clairvoyance in the necessity to can Julien was due to my high hockey I.Q.  would only be partially correct.  In 2007 Julien coached the New Jersey Devils to a first place regular season finish with 102 points.  (The Bruins finished first this year in their division with 103 points.)  Just before the start of the playoffs New Jersey G.M. Lou Lamoriello fired Julien.  

  "I don't think we're at a point of being ready both mentally and [physically] to play the way that is necessary going into the playoffs," Lamoriello said outside an empty Devils locker room at the Continental Airlines Arena. "I am not saying that is going to change. But I think there has to be better focus going forward."

  So as I said a month ago unless Julien goes the Bruins are gone.  How did I know?  New Jersey went on to win the Stanley Cup.   

  KOKO

What's The Point?

  "What's the point to calling shots, this queue ain't straight in line/Cue balls made of styrofoam and no one's got the time" – Mississippi Half Step Uptown Toodeloo

  Used to be you'd worry about getting STDs (sexually transmitted disease).  But as you get older you lose things: hair, hearing, and interest to name a few.  So you drop the "T" and you are left with SDS (seasonal depressional syndrome).  SDS might be the explanation as to why lately when I wake up, my first thought is What's the Point?

  This led me to a larger discussion.  As in what's the point of prosecuting John Edwards for using campaign contributions to hide his whore from both his cancer stricken wife and voters.  (Somehow when you have the money to support a prostitute she becomes a "mistress".  Alternatively when you are the New York Attorney General and can pay $1,000 an hour she becomes a "call girl" or an "escort".  In reality they are all just whores, right?)  John Edwards is never going to spend a day in jail.  Further poses a danger solely to his family, one member of whom he's effectively killed off already.  This makes the Government's prosecution ridiculous on every level. 

  What's the point in believing any politician, the bigger the office the larger the lie.  Governor Devoid (of principal) Patrick is good but President O so bad for me and my mama is big time.

  What's the point of telling the newest bimbo Bachelorette that one of her suitors is no good when she thinks he's a dreamboat.  That's how, when you look as good as she does, you remain single for an eternity.

  What's the point of saying Bruins coach Claude Julien's inability to adjust the power play will cost the Bruins the Stanley Cup when Claude after going 0-6 in a Game 1, 1-0 loss said, and I quote, "I was pleased with the power play's performance."

  What's the point of telling Red Sox Nation Papel blew another one is part of the problem after he gave up a four run lead and then blamed the umpire.

  What's the point of going surfing for 10 days?  Out on the water is the only place where nothing bothers me not even myself.

  KOKO

The American Dream

For almost as long as we've been a country one of the great selling points of America has been the ability for the individual to own his own home.

Some think with the Wall Street mortgage meltdown and the drop in housing prices this "dream" has become more difficult if not "unachievable" for the average American. In fact a recent study showed for the first time in history the net worth of the generation graduating college this year will be less than their parents' generation. About forty percent will not own property in their lifetime.

Fortunately, I haven't found this to be true. In fact in the last couple of months I've bought three houses with a cumulative value of over $1,000,000.

The first house the broker took my bid and then started a bidding war with two other clients. Clients with whom he would make a full commission.

The second house I came a little closer. The broker assured me that the unit came with two deeded parking spaces. The bank told me I could close with ten percent down. After six weeks I received the condo docs. No deeded parking. When I accused the lawyer of misleading me, he stated "I didn't know what the F- I was doing." So much for the customer who was spending $500,000 being right.

I asked my nephew whose eight to review the docs. He couldn't find the words "deeded" and "parking" in the same paragraph much less the same sentence. Turned out to be a mute point as the bank's ten percent became over $100,000 at the closing. Later found out all of that broker's properties come with "two deeded parking spots."

The last house the owner bought at the absolute height of the market in 2007. While her broker agreed prices had "dropped slightly" apparently this particular unit was "unaffected". The LOL, however, made it clear that this deal goes through or my well being may be the next casualty of the falling housing market. We agreed on a price, a little too high for my liking and proceeded with the inspection.

The broker was twenty minutes late to the inspection. He never bothered to see if the utilities were on (they were not) and couldn't get on the roof. My first inclination was to throw both the arrogant broker and the deal right out the window, however, the LOL's words seemed more like a promise than a threat.

KOKO

Sugaree

  "When they come to take you down, When they bring that wagon round."

  A few months back I was left in charge of my eight-year-old nephew.  He lives a pretty sheltered life in the little hamlet of Hollis, New Hampshire.  I thought we would do a little city living.  So on Friday we went to the matinee at AMC Loews to see "The Adventures of Yogi Bear."  On the way out I noticed (just as I had planned) "Tron" IMAX, 3-D was emptying out.  We grabbed a couple discarded 3-D glasses and watched "Tron" for nadda, goose egg, doughnut hole, zip, zilch, zero. 

 "When they come to call on you and drag your poor body down."

  Seemed like my nephew rather enjoyed his foray into the life of crime and I was quite happy about passing on my skills to another generation.  After that weekend that was the last I heard of it, or so I thought.  My nephew made his first communion a couple of weeks ago.  In order to make your first communion you also have to make your first confession.  Apparently my nephew (most likely at the hands of my sister, his mother) was overcome with guilt about the $11.95 (children's ticket) for which we took AMC Loews.  My understanding it went something like this, "Do you have something you would like to confess my child?"  "Well father a few weeks back I went to the movies . . . ."

"Just one thing I ask of you, Just one thing for me/Please forget you know my name my darling Sugaree"

  The priest thinking more like a police detective than a confessor than asked, "Who took you to the movies?"  Now my nephew adamantly swears he did not give me up.  I tend to believe him because he said the priest then said, "Well tell him he should go to confession too."  Also I haven't even been named a "person of interest" in the ongoing fraud of seeing a double feature on one admission.   "Tron" made about $1 billion at the box office, AMC Loews took me for $22 for .50 cents worth of popcorn and .10 cents worth of lemonade.  I can sleep at night but I guess my nephew couldn't.

  Thank god I didn't make him the wheel-man on the last bank job.

  "Shake it, shake it Sugaree, Just don't tell them that you know me."

  KOKO

American I Dull

  I had watched AI over the past few years more as a casual observer rather than a fanatic.  Part of the reason I remained non-committal was in the end Idol became more of a popularity contest than a singing competition.  Carrie Underwood was able to use Idol as a launching pad for her career.  Otherwise winning Idol was as if gravity was temporarily suspended for one night.  However such (not so) notable artists: Taylor Hicks, David Cook, Lee Dewyze and the immortal Kris Allen's careers careened downward the second the Idol lights dimmed.  I wouldn't recognize any of them in a Holiday Inn lounge which would be a big gig for any of them these days.

  The only other reasons to watch the show were Simon's sarcastic and biting commentary and the train wreck of intoxication Paula Abdul.  Idol's formula although neither original nor ultimately very entertaining was a success.  I was skeptical as to what Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez could bring.   Unlike "game show hosts" Paula and Randy these were two legitimate musical superstars.  Early on I was surprised.   Jennifer and Steven due to their diverse and extensive musical backgrounds identified all kinds of unique talent.    This year's Idol saw performances of music outside the mainstream by artists such as Ryan Adams.  There was an eclectic mix of blues, rock, jazz and country.  Idol was like an old time travelling rock and roll show.  Each week was fun, full of surprises and very entertaining.  

  At some point Steven and Jennifer lost their influence over the show and eventually we returned to I Dull.  If you went to any blues club in any major city you would hear someone better than Haley Reinhart.  Likewise if you went to any singing competition at any mall south of the Mason Dumbass line you would hear a dozen Lauren Alainas.  Scotty McCreery is great old school country nothing more and nothing less.

  At the end of the day lets remember Idol is not about music but rather about selling Ford, Coca-Cola and AT&T.  The producers know both what demographic and which geographic region to please.  Lauren Alaina will win and like most of her predecessors the last note we hear from her, thankfully, will be tomorrow.  This is why I believe Idol is fixed because America can't be that tone deaf.  Then again many Americans voted for George Bush.  Twice.

KOKO

End of Days

  There's a few coconuts who have enough money to rent billboards nationwide proclaiming May 21, 2011 our last day.  Not sure exactly how they know apparently someone spoke to God.

  My Saturday shaping up something like this:  Morning surf (waves permitting), Bruins/Lightning 1:30 face-off, masseuse/miracle worker Yuki at 5, followed by The Preakness.  So if the 21st is the end, hey we had a hell of run, let's just hope God can hold off until a couple minutes after post time. 

  Speaking of The Preakness, horse handicapper extraordinaire Jay Cronley's picks are here.  He has a heck of a record once he has a baseline like the Kentucky Derby.

  For picks ordinaire look no further:

  1.  Flashpoint (runs fast, which is always good in a "race", just doesn't always run fast long enough).

  2.  Animal Kingdom  (Spent his whole life training for the Kentucky Derby not the race two weeks after the Derby.)

  3.  Astrology (Great bloodlines, although I'm reminded every morning when I open my eyes, good breeding guarantees pretty much nothing). 

  4.  Dialed In (Unfortunately, "mails in" the first half of the race.)

  I feel good about these picks.  Why, you ask?  I spoke to God. 

  KOKO

Confessions

  Not sure exactly when I was taught taking responsibility was important.  I know I was taught long before I actually began taking responsibility.  A classic trait of all addicts is to picture him or herself as the perennial victim.  As such when in active addiction taking responsibility for your addiction, your actions or their tragic consequences never really crosses your high, twisted mind.  Staying clean requires constant attention to your part in the problems you inevitably continue to create.   Being a decent human being means admitting your faults so that you can avoid repeating these harmful mistakes.

  So while I had at least an explanation (not an excuse) for my irresponsibility I'm not sure what everyone else's reason is for not owning up.  Let's start with Governor Steroidnegger out there in la la land.  He now (after his (not so attractive to put it kindly) baby mama files a paternity suit) takes "full responsibility" for both sleeping with and fathering a child with a maid over ten years ago.  A maid who continued to both work (and bang the patriarch) at the family mansion for another ten years.  Huh?  Takes responsibility?  He lied to the voters of California.  As disconnected as they are I think his family situation would have been relevant to their decision.  More importantly he lied to his wife and children.  He essentially had a prostitute on his staff, living in his house.  With regard to his wife, I give her credit.  No stand by your man BS here, get the F out.  She's a Kennedy keep in mind.  I kind of wish Joe Kennedy Sr. was still around.  Arnie would go out for cigar and never come back. 

  Of course Steroidnegger looks like a stand up guy next to the serial rapist head of the International Monetary Fund, Dominique Strauss-Kahn.  He's not sorry rather all of his victims (there are more than the maid in New York) wanted his ugly Frenchmen.  (I concur with Captain Jack Sparrow, "I hate the French").  Strauss-Kahn should have just put a few working girls on his staff like Steriodnegger, God knows he could afford it.

  Finally, the Catholic Church has commissioned a study essentially absolving them of all responsibility in the pedophile priest scandal.  Makes you wonder why the Church has paid billions to settle all of those lawsuits.

  I guess if the Catholic Church no longer believes in confession why should anyone else?

KOKO

Senator Ketchup's Conflict of Interest

  Been a while since we've discussed Senator Kerry (D (Dimwit) – Mass) aka Senator Ketchup. Unfortunately do to the weather he hasn't been able to enjoy his multi-million dollar, foreign built, Rhode Island registered tax free, yacht.

  First year of law school we took a class called negotiation. The first day of the class the teacher described the crux of the art of negotiation: If you have something the other party needs withhold it until you get what you want.

Seems to me Jackass-i-stan needs the billion dollars we send every year. We need to speak with Osama's three wives. We also need pieces of our high tech helicopter back. Would seem to me we just withhold the cake until the jackass-i-stanis come around.

  Problem is we sent Senator Ketchup over to negotiate. Ketchup has a soft spot in his heart for anyone who receives a billion dollar bailout. Last time I saw Senator Ketchup in person was backstage at a Rolling Stones concert. He was either with his daughter, niece or a young woman he clearly could not afford. Deciding it was easier to learn how to love then to learn how to work he took up with Theresa Heinze. Heinze is almost as ancient as her billion dollar fortune. So Kerry understands about coming to rely on a windfall or bailout no matter how unjustified. So for now thanks to Ketchup the jackass-i-stani's keep helping the terrorists and keep the billion Benjamins.

  Nobody knows the art of negotiation better than women.  The LOL (and I hear Andrea as well) are world class diplomats. When there are no waves and the hockey playoffs are over, men want one thing. You better believe that is being withheld until the LOL gets everything she wants and then some.

Hey President O so bad for me and my mama, next time send Hilary.

KOKO

The Fix Is In

  I've watched (and lost) enough horse races to know when I've been had.  I have long thought American Idol was fixed.  There is no way to confirm the actual number of votes, if any.  They never announce how many votes each individual contestant received, if any.  Finally, there is absolutely no independent accountability with regard to the voting. 

  Now I know, AI, like government, Wall Street, professional wrestling and life in general, is fixed.  Haley doesn't belong in the top 10 much less the top 3.  I wouldn't get off the couch if she were singing in the kitchen. But she is not controversial and easy on the eyes.  Lauren Alania has not improved since her audition.  However, when Steven Tyler dubbed her the "next" American Idol after that audition both the judges and the show were boxed in.  Plus she is young, innocent and represents the South and Midwest a large portion of AI's viewership.  (Ironically this part of the country's intelligence or more accurately lack thereof also saw fit to support President Bush unconditionally.)  In a few years she'll be the country version of Kirstie Alley, a big (as in size), b-list has been.  I see Dancing With the Has Beens season 2013 in her future.  Scotty has the talent, is the All American boy, wears that big cross and sings country.  Nobody can dislike him.

  That leaves James.  Poor James, the devil worshiping, metal loving, tattooed, jewelry and bandana wearing rocker.  James represents everything the Fox Network raves against daily. (You think Fox consultant Sarah Palin had James' back?)   So despite the fact that he had both the most talent and the most originality he is odd man out.  Also with all that he has overcome he epitomizes what America used to reward: hard work, desire, and courage.   Now America rewards greed.   Greed in television terms means ratings.

  It's good to know that if you're the slightest bit different The Man will still do everything to keep you down.  Of course The Man doesn't have much trouble given the apparent stupidity of the American public (concentrated largely between the Coasts which is also coincidentally where AI gets it's largest viewership).  

  At least my Wednesday and Thursday nights will be free to surf from here on.  James Durbin you're welcome to join us anytime. 

  KOKO

NBA (Not (about) Basketball Anymore)

  Speaking from experience when you find yourself in a crisis its usually not the result of misfortune.  Self-imposed crisis is the result of a bad decision which usually begets a series of regrettable choices.  Take Hurricane Katrina for example.  New Orleans, a black, poor and corrupt city held little political clout.  As such the city and its infrastructure needs were pretty much ignored by Washington.  Further through pure good fortune the city had dodged hurricanes year after year.  This made for complete apathy regarding a potentially dangerous storm.  So when a storm cloud the size of the Gulf of Mexico set its sights on the Magnolia City it was game over.

  David Stern the Commissioner of the NBA will soon face such a crisis.  I'm not sure when it started, maybe with the tattoos.  I'm a supporter of expressing yourself through body art.  But using your entire body as a canvas complete with gang tattoos is a little much.  The next step was players who were not interested in playing just collecting the unearned millions.  Antoine Walker was a poster boy for this generation.  Never in shape, overrated as both a player and a person, and more likely to be at the casino then practice.    Next it was the criminal cases.   Alan Iverson would never leave his house without an unregistered and illegal firearm.  Alan ("practice, we talking about missing practice, practice I don't practice") was not exactly an advocate of perfecting the art of your craft through hard work and repetition.   Then league darling Kobe Bryant started committing sodomy on random strangers.  Fortunately with the leagues lawyers and the players' money both incidents were swept under the rug.  I can just say, also from experience, had Kobe and Allen been just underprivileged, black city kids they would both still be in the clink for their respective crimes.  Finally the Lakers down 3-0 in games and twenty points in game 4, went out with cheap shot after cheap shot.  The Lakers defined classless.

  Honest, hard working players like Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen have bailed the league out keeping both interest and TV ratings up.   But it looks like the Celtics dynasty is done.  Players like Garnett and Alan are few and far between.  The Miami Heat will generate some interest but the three remaining Western teams, Dallas, Oklahoma City and Memphis do not scream advertising opportunity.  So until Stern regains control of the inmates we'll continue to have Not Behaving African Americans as opposed to the National Basketball League.

KOKO