Albie Cullen's Blog, page 14

Moxie

   When I was young my Mother did not allow us to drink Coke.  (She also served us wheat germ for breakfast; she was way ahead of her time.  Although I am pretty sure that's why I now guzzle Red Bull and chain smoke cigars.)  My Grandmother used to allow us to drink soda although it was something called Moxie.  Moxie was like drinking carbonated V8 with a thick molasses sweetener.  I imagine it was akin to drinking sewer water as it happened to be the same color.  Moxie was so unpleasant it actually became an adjective to describe toughness amongst other things.

  People in Boston have Moxie.  You have to to survive the winter, nearly a century of Red Sox heartbreak and all around mistreatment.    You can also tell people who don't have Moxie.  These are people who have been repeatedly blessed with good fortune and confuse it with actual accomplishment.

  People with Moxie have an edge to them.  Think of Matt Damon versus Robert Redford.  Both great actors but Damon being from Boston has that edge while Redford being from the West Coast has more of a glow. 

  Personally, I don't like people (in general), but especially people who lack Moxie.  The whole country has anointed The Miami Heat with D Wade and King James the new champions of the NBA.  Fortunately, the defending East champions and former world champion Celtics garnered all their Moxie last night and gave the rest of the country the middle finger salute, big time.  No one showed more Moxie than Rajon Rondo, who after suffering at a minimum a dislocated elbow, but more likely a broken bone played with one arm in defeating the Heat.  Wade and James while glowing with star quality had no response.  Neither has any Moxie. 

  My nephew's first communion was yesterday.  Much to my cousins' chagrin my sister didn't have juice for the kids, only Coke.  One of my four-year-old cousins, who had never had soda, defied his parents' orders (with my assistance) and sucked down a half a can in one sip. 

  "How was it?" I asked.  "Awesome," he replied.  "How come I never had this before, it makes me want to do the tango!"  He began spinning around the room.  His mother, none to pleased gave me the evil eye.

  "What do you want from me?" I said.  "The kid's got Moxie."

  KOKO

Life Is Unfair

  Growing up I challenged my Father on just about everything.  He repeatedly reminded me of two things.  Despite living in a democracy our house was actually a monarchy and he was king.  When I protested he responded "life is unfair".  Unfortunately, it was far too long before I conceded he was right about that and pretty much everything else. 

  So when a black politician is elected with an opportunity to right the many wrongs (including wars) imposed by a selfish, greedy few but decides to sell out rather than fight, that is unfair.

  When a black governor criticizes the amount of money the state pays people providing services to the poor and then leaves the state for two weeks to promote his autobiography on tax payer expense that is unfair. (The fact that anyone would publish the story of a person who has at best accomplished his own selfish ends, is unfair.)

  When the IRS hounds the working man for every last dime while financial institutions, oil companies and wealthy individuals receive billions in refunds despite not paying any tax that is unfair. 

  When family members of the person committing the biggest fraud in history are allowed to keep millions despite both conspiring in and being complicit in the fraud that is unfair.

  When gas stations and oil companies raise the price of gas daily when oil prices rise but do not decrease the price when oil falls, that is unfair. 

When health care companies raise premiums despite billions in tax free profits and not for profit hospitals can afford to advertise that is unfair.

When public health insurance companies are prohibited from negotiating with drug companies that is unfair.

  When a white Speaker of the House (who fell out of the ugly tree and then was hit by an ugly branch falling on him) uses his office to steal millions so he can afford his trophy wife is allowed counsel of his choosing at taxpayer expense that is unfair.

  When inept judges paid by the government side with the government despite the inequity in the law that is unfair.

When being treated unfairly becomes so common that it is met with complete apathy the unfairness will not only continue but will increase until we finally decide its unfair to be treated so unfairly.

KOKO

Nostradumbass

  The Kentucky Derby is like an exclusive prep school.  Some kids are there because they posses brilliant talent.  Other kids are there because their Fathers are both well connected and can afford to donate a hockey rink.  (Not really sure why I was there, probably why I was thrown out.) That's how you end up with twenty horses of varying qualifications running a mile and a quarter.  For a more eloquent description of the chaos dubbed "The Run For The Roses" read horse picker extraordinaire Jay Cronley's take.

  The Bruins haven't lost since I dissed them.  My American Idol picks for the most part are home voting.  Fortunately, the Red Sox are still playing poorly as predicted and my Oklahoma State Orange Bowl pick earned some silver for the Faithful.   So if you need gas money (and who doesn't) here are my picks:

  1.  Soldat – Finished in the money 7 out of 8 races.  His history is to improve after a poor performance.

  2.  Twice  the Appeal – Two words, "Calvin Bo"rail"".

  3.  Santiva – Likes the track, Jay Cronley likes him (For Jay's picks click here).

  4.  Nehro – Improving talent, tough post position.

  I wish I knew who Mariah Carey liked.  Since she named one of her kids "Moroccan" after the style of her home decor, we could disqualify her picks and increase our odds. 

  KOKO

Billion Dollar Lies

  Up until now I have never been a supporter of the death penalty.  In fact I had been opposed to the punishment.  The reason being I am particularly concerned with the death penalty for innocent defendants.  But I am now willing to consider it in ceratin situations.  Osama Bin Laden is such a situation.  (For those now saying he was "unarmed" when shot take solace that his wife and children were allowed to live and then shut up.) My only regret there is that his demise came to soon.  A little torture would have been nice.  Bin Laden was a complete coward who manipulated idiotic, religious zealots to kill thousands of innocent people.  Because of all the heightened security concerns he has permanently affected this world for the worse.   

    Solely because of its proximity to Afghanistan you and I (American taxpayers) have been paying the Pakistani government close to a billion dollars a year for the past nine years.   Supposedly the jackass-a-stani's have been leading the search for Bin Laden.   For at least the last nine months Bin Laden had been living in the Pakistani version of a mcmansion in say Weston, Andover, or Marshfield.  That is a custom designed villa in a wealthy suburbian capital.  The jackass-a-stani's couldn't believe he was "hiding in plain sight".  When you are the most wanted man in the world there is only one way to "hide in plain sight".  You have a lot of help.    (You don'ty really think the FBI is looking for Whitey Bulger do you?  They are not.)  In addition to the immediate cessation of any aid to jackass-a-stan, I think the death penalty for the puppet President, and  the heads of the spy agency, the state police and military would be a good place to start.  I'm all wet but I didn't come down with last night's rain.  If you check each of these individuals I bet you'll see they spend quite a lot of time with those terrorist loving Saudis. 

  I came across another multi-billion dollar lie when I happened to watch, "Inside Job".  This was a phenomenal documentary about how the financial industry, through the Secretary of the Treasury (Warren Greenspan, Tim Geitner and Lawrence Summers) was allowed to gamble with the house's money.   They reaped the financial rewards while the house went broke.  So what you ask?  Well you and I were unwittingly the house. 

  If you think a junkie who accidentally pulls the trigger while robbing a liquor store for money for a fix deserves to die, what about someone who wipes out generations of families for his own personal gain.   That is family businesses, retirements, college funds, homes all stolen virtually overnight.    Summers, Greenspan, and Geitner gas 'em that's what I say.  You know I could get used to this death penalty thing.

KOKO

If I Were President

  So thanks to the LOL's 24 hour cablethon of everything royal, I was thinking of the Tom Petty song, "It's Good To Be King".  Contrary to a number of elected officials' belief we do not have a king in this country.  This includes Elvis who hasn't even been seen in a few years now.  We do have a rather ineffective, inept, and overall indifferent President (O so bad for me and my mama) at the moment.  When I was overheard complaining about Ba car wreck someone  asked me what I would do differently.  She asked the wrong person. 

International Policy

  1.  Immediately end the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Forget the financial cost and the political futility, the loss of another single American life is both unnecessary and completely in vain.  

  2.  If a country receives any form of US assistance the country will repay the US in natural resources.  The country will repay at wholesale cost as opposed to FFR (Full F-in retail).  The terrorist loving Saudis, Iraq, and Libya can start by sending a couple hundred million barrels of oil.

  3.  If a country can't repay then we can't help.  As seen in Egypt it is not like the aid provided to these countries makes its way to the people.  So to Pakistan and Afghhanistan for starters I say good bye and good luck. 

  4.  If someone is found guilty of committing a terrorist act on US soil that person's nationality shall be banned from visiting, entering or otherwise emigrating to the US permanently.  Further any members of that nationality here illegally will be deported immediately.  This policy should provide a deterrent to any dissension raised by policies 2 and 3.

Domestic Policy

  1.  Oil Companies are subject to a 25% tax on all profits.  Exxon made an $11 billion profit tax free last quarter.  They can get by on $8 billion a quarter, particularly when Big Oil is driving both the price and the economy out of sight.

  2.  If you make over one million dollars a year in income or capital gains you are subject to a 25% flat tax, over $500,000, 15% and over $250,000, 10% percent.  Fifty percent of the people in this country pay one hundred percent of the income tax:  twenty five percent are too poor,  twenty five percent are too rich.   Something just doesn't sound right.

  3.  All bank stimulus money will be recalled immediately.  All future government loans will be made not to mismanaged financial institutions but rather to infratructure repair, high speed rail and any other job creating project.

  The political response to the above common sense ideas is always the same: people do not understand the financial and security risks these changes would create.   

  I understand this, the policies in place for the last ten years have put the working class people of this country in the crapper.  If something doesn't change soon we are all about to get flushed.

KOKO

The Royal Scam

  The Royal Scam was Steely Dan's fifth album released in 1976.  The album was critically acclaimed as the band's most cynical which is an accomplishment considering the band's perspective was never positive.  In these cynical times I think the Royal Wedding is actually a nice distraction.   

   I wasn't a big fan of the first wedding between Gold Digger Diana and (Always a Prince Never a King) Charlie.  Diana might have been the "people's princess" but if you're net worth was in the eight figures she was more than willing to be your mistress.  Think "gets around" like Kate Hudson but with a crown. 

  However I feel a little different about this one. First of all there is something about a commoner marrying a king. In this world where the few selfish kings are trying to set the rest of us commoners back to serf status, this is a victory for the people.  Also Prince William seems like a decent dude.   Served his country, hasn't embarrassed his family, and over all has dealt well with the burden his name carries. Finally it's a nice distraction in these times of pointless wars, gas gouging, and ever increasing greed. This distraction is particularly true for the estimated 500 million single women who will be watching and dreaming.   This will leave at least 300 million cats wondering why they are awake at 3:30 AM watching their owner cry for eight hours while stairing at a flat screen on the wall.

KOKO

Jesus

  "Jesus found me last night, I saw some kind of new light/March me down to the seven seas, bury me with a ruby ring/Kiss me baby on an Easter Sunday, Make my hate blow away." – Black Crowes

  Some of the Faithful say that the blog has been both too critical and too negative lately.

  "Come down off the cross, we could use the wood"- Tom Waits

  I was surprised given that this is the year of positivity. So I figured given the time of year in religious terms I would try and be more positive.

 I'm not sure what Jeremy Jacobs puts in that Kool Aid but it's stronger than heroin. The Bruins fans were outraged by the last blog. I'm not sure we have been watching the same team for the last forty years.  The last time I've seen Mikey B of Supergenius that excited was when the Rat told him they were out of Johnnie Walker Black.

  "Jesus rides beside me, he never buys any smokes." – Replacements

  I have put a lot of things in my pipe and smoked them so to speak. Ironically tobacco was never one of them. Strictly as a prop for the Drown photo shoot I started smoking a few cigars.  Now, I'm up to three a day. I have had a respiratory infection for about two months.

  "I don't even have the strength to get up and take another shot/And my best friend my doctor won't even say what it is I got." – Bob Dylan

  Upon my second trip to the doctor he told me I have to quit smoking. Notwithstanding that smoking solves all of my problems (and most of the world's) for ten minutes, I just started. If you think the blog is negative now wait until I can't have a smoke.

  "A woman is just a woman but at least a good cigar is a smoke." – Rudyard Kipling (Who was later found out to be gay.  Being gay, however, doesn't make him any less right.)

  What was this blog about again? Oh, that's right, "What would Jesus do?" As in be more positive. Personally, I don't really see what's the big deal about Jesus' resurrection.

  "And I don't guess it matters even why Jesus died, I can tell you about sins." – James McMurtry

  I mean Steven Tyler and yours truly have risen from the ashes several times and nobody celebrates that.

  KOKO

Bruins Are Always Winners

  The Boston Bruins won their last Stanley Cup thirty-nine years ago.  Their last appearance in the Cup finals was twenty one years ago.  You don't become that inept by accident.  The unique combination of owner Jeremy Jacob's greed and front office mismanagement has kept the franchise mired in mediocrity (putting it nicely). 

  The Bruins fan base that grew up with the Big, Bad, Bruins of Bobby Orr, Derek Sanderson, Pie McKenzie and Gerry Cheevers used to bleed black and gold.  Now Bruins fans after four decades of disappointment can only pee black and gold after drowning their sorrows in black rum and ginger ale.   Nonetheless the B's fans remain both rabid and faithful.  Almost every spring my buddy Fab calls and says this is the year the B's make a run. 

    The Bruins absentee owner Jeremy Jacobs has exploited this passion for his own financial gain. Jacobs is a billionaire who chooses to live in Buffalo, New York.  That fact alone should tell you he is not a genius.  Jacobs saying he wants to win makes Bernie Madoff look sincere when he said he could make you 20% in any market. All Jacobs wants is fannies in the seats with an $8 watered down, Busch Light in each hand. Jacobs knows the fashion challenged fans from Southie and Charlestown can't buy enough game, replica jerseys at $150 a whack.  Despite having not come close to a championship in over 40 years the Bruins are one of the most financially sound franchises in sports.

  Bruins management gets Jacob's message loud and clear.  Harry Sinden was one of the worst general managers in sports history.  For 26 years Harry had know idea how to draft, evaluate or compile talent. However, he knew how to sell Jacob's Kool Aid.  A drink  that gives the allusion of honestly thinking the Bruins can compete.  When rising player salaries threatened Jacobs profitability Sinden single handedly convinced the owners to lock out the players. The sport whose popularity was dwindling at the time has never recovered. (The NHL's "national" television contract is with a fourth rate cable carrier: Versus).

  The Bruins front office made the worst trade in the history of sports.  No one (including fan fantasy leagues) had ever traded the league MVP in mid-season.   In exchange for Hall of Famer Joe Thornton the Bruins' received some used Zamboni parts, wooden sticks (everyone now uses composite sticks) and athletic tape. The Bruins who are offensively challenged surmised they didn't need a 50 goal scorer. (The Bruins mantra has been defense, defense, defense.  I have a news flash for Causeway Street, the object of the game is actually to score more goals than your opponent).

  The Bruins have made a couple of good moves.  They groomed Stanley Cup winning coach Peter Laviolette.  The problem is they fired him before he won the Stanley Cup a year later with Carolina.  He made it to the Finals last year with the makeshift Philadelphia Flyers.

  If you added a wig and a clown nose to their current coach Claude Julien he could pass as Bozo.  This is ironic in that Bozo would do a better job preparing his team to play. 

  The Bruins did draft David Krejci who is the best third line center in the game.  The problem is he plays first line for the Bruins. 

  Mikey B of Supergenius is another big fan.  When he went to watch the Bruins lose Game 1 to Montreal (shocker!, not) it negatively effected his relationship with my best friend Ben Franklin.  About four Ben Franklins went from Mikey's pocket directly into Jacobs. 

  So until me, Fab, Daddy, Mikey and scores of others put down the Kool Aid the Bruins will continue to be winners.  Meanwhile the heart and soul of the team the fans will continue to be losers.

KOKO

It's Probably Where You Left It

  Even before the murder of millions of brain cells by chemical poisoning my short term memory was never good. I particularly had trouble finding my sunglasses (on my head) and car keys (in my hand). I also would consistently blame someone for either taking or moving the missing object. This lead my Mother to recite the refrain, "It's probably wherever you left it."  Being not just a mother but also my Mother she was always right.

  Unfortunately the LOL does not subscribe to this motto. Everything has a place and that place is anywhere but where I left it. At night I watch the TV with wireless headphones. This way I can hear the TV and not the LOL. (This makes them one of the greatest inventions of the twentieth century.)  The reception works best if the wireless transmitter is on the top shelf. Apparently this is not aesthetically pleasing as every morning the receptor is moved a total of four inches to the second shelf. The problem with the move (other than it is totally unnecessary) is then the headphones don't charge.  If the headphones don't charge the LOL's frequency comes through loud and clear. 

  When I come home for a minute I throw my keys on the table and my jacket on a chair. I use the facilities and by the time I'm ready to head back out the keys and jacket are gone, returned to their rightful place. More accurately that day's given rightful place as the rightful place repeatedly changes.

  This musical chairs also applies to clothing and shoes. I may know exactly where in a closet a particular outfit is up until the day I want to wear it. With uncanny foresight the LOL has moved something that has been in one place the better part of four months to a new home. Begging the question, if it lasted four months in one place why on earth did it need to be moved.

  I'm sure some of the Faithful, particularly the gentler sex are asking, "What's the big deal? Moving items is a small price to pay for a neat home".

  Well let's assume I spend ten minutes a day looking for necessary items that have both inexplicably and unnecessarily vanished. That's over an hour a week, four hours a month or two whole days a year! That's two days I could be surfing not getting aggravated.  At this point I don't have many days left (due to the aforementioned chemical poisoning) much less two extra days a year (or a month every decade) to look for crap that should have and could have stayed where I left it.

KOKO

Rather Be Happy Then Right

  My experience is that people who say, "I'd rather be happy then right" are neither. I know this because this was the Lovely Old Lady's (LOL) mantra for a while.   I on the other hand am both happy and right.

  First several months back I mentioned that I had an altercation with actor (a term I am using in the loosest sense of the word) Nicholas Cage outside the Stones' concert in Chicago. Somehow, Mr. Cage who can neither act nor invest (he's broke thanks solely to his greed, he invested everything with Bernie Made Off easy) won an Academy Award. Reminds me of the old adage that even a broken clock is right twice a day. The altercation was strikingly similar to the one for which he was arrested for in New Orleans Saturday.  So Nicholas assaults big time entertainment attorney (me) and gets away with it.  He assaults his wife and gets arrested.  You would think she was probably used to it by now.

  Also I have been right on with my AI predictions.  I was sorry but not surprised to see Paul go.  Bad song choices, failure to improve and lack of originality doomed him weeks ago.  If he can write music he will be fine.  I would even consider attending a Paul McDonald show.  All things being equal I think it's James' show to lose.   See what my expert Andrea thinks.

  Finally, I have been warning the Faithful for a couple years now about the Boy Wonder, GM over at Fenway.  Theo like my buddy Nicholas has been lucky.  The problem with luck is it runs out.  (Lately, I can't seem to run out of bad luck fast enough).  The 2004 Championship team was built largely by Dan Duquette.  Carl Crawford is just the latest in a long line of bad free agent busts.  JD Drew, Julio Lugo, Edgar Renteria, Dice-K were all both expensive and obvious mistakes, obvious to everyone but Theo. The trades haven't been much better either. Two legitimate major leaguers in Clay Meredith and Josh Bard for Doug Mirabelli.  Bronson Arroyo was traded for Willie Mo Pena.  Finally, who can forget the acquisition of Eric "Gas Can" Gagne.  Mirabelli, Pena and Gagne are all reading this blog and not playing professional baseball.  If you think it's going to get better over on Landsdowne Street think again.

  So "while I ain't always right but I 've never been wrong", I am not happy because I am right.  I am happy because the surfboard is on the car and I'm meeting Daddy and YZERTIME at the Secret Spot tomorrow.

KOKO