Melissa Orlov's Blog, page 75
May 6, 2014
Marriage is a Marathon - 25 Years of Training...
Today marks our 25th wedding anniversary - an event well worth celebrating! I would like to reflect on the benefits of running the marathon that is marriage...
Somehow, 25 seems a REALLY big number when you are counting years married! I look back at who I was 25 years ago, and what my dreams for my union with my husband were, and realize just how amazingly unformed (and uninformed!) those dreams really were. Did I have ANY idea that marriage wasn't just a happy walk in the woods, but rather a long-distance marathon for which you are always in training and always honing your skills? That living with another person really, truly, is all about negotiating your differences - large and small - so that you may also celebrate your successes?
My 2 books and many blog posts on how to thrive in a relationship with ADHD is not-so-silent testament to the struggles we have faced as a couple, yet I really do feel blessed. I am married to a man who, when he pays attention, is a terrific partner who meets me where I am and who has the capacity to stretch me in ways I never imagined 25 years ago. When he doesn't pay attention...well, that's another story...and that is the nature of ADHD and why I do what I do. But even there, I feel fortunate, for in dealing with the ADHD issues I have learned that I am not in control of other people (most importantly my husband) and with that understanding of our limits comes increased wisdom. There is more to figure out in this realm about balancing lack of control with the efforts we all make to pursue our dreams, and I hope to learn more about this in the years to come.
So what am I celebrating? A wonderful family, with grounded, interesting kids. The fact that my husband and I have - both of us - worked hard to learn how to live with each other successfully. That the commitment made 25 years ago for "better or for worse" was real and binding, to our long-term benefit. That we have learned, finally, how to talk about anything...even if it is painful or emotional. That we have been blessed by interesting careers and financial stability. That we have grown together over the years...and that we have made it, through all the work, for 25 years. We now have a "body of work" in our marriage of which we can be proud.
And most of all, I am celebrating the potential for future happiness that resides in our relationship and in each of us individually, should we seek to pursue it. And doing just that is my project for those next 25 years!
April 21, 2014
Women with ADHD
Want to know what it's like for women with ADHD? Read this forum post and responses - it's very informative!
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April 20, 2014
Improved Website at www.adhdmarriage.com
As you can see, we have updated the adhdmarriage.com website after a good long run of seven years for the old one. I want to publicly thank George for all his hard work - this was a huge undertaking as this site is now massive. There will probably be a few glitches, and if you see one, please report it. And, if you have a moment to thank George for his continued to support of this site, that would be great, too. He is the 'silent' partner in all this, but works hard behind the scenes to keep things running smoothly. THANK YOU, GEORGE!
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April 14, 2014
Overcoming Denial to Heal ADHD Impacted Relationships
The video of Melissa with coach Jeff Copper is all about why getting past denial is so important when it comes to healing ADHD-impacted relationships.
April 10, 2014
When an ADHD Diagnosis is an Assault on Self
Dr. Ned Hallowell argues that the current medical model of diagnosing and treating ADHD is destructive and needs to be replaced. I agree.
April 9, 2014
What's the Difference Between Reminding and Nagging?
When is it nagging and when is it reminding? For non-ADHD partners, it can be hard to figure out whether - or how - to remind a partner of something that needs to get done. Here are some ideas about where to draw the line.
April 7, 2014
ADHD Effect Online Treatment Guide Now Up
We're celebrating! We've just added a free online treatment guide to this site in order to to include the best resources for treating adult ADHD in relationships in one location. Included in this treatment guide is a free download of the treatment chapter of my new book, The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD. It's hard to sort through all the information out there. This guide is an effort to do the sorting for you with our "experts" caps on.
April 5, 2014
The Low Down on ADHD Medication Effectiveness
On average, some treatments are more effective than others. This post provides specific details.
April 4, 2014
Urgent Feelings Expressed the Wrong Way Just Make Things Worse - A Common Problem
All of us have bad days sometimes…even bad months or longer. I’m having one right now that has to do with my negative feelings about the impact of my husband’s job in our lives. The problem is, my responses are making things worse. As always, you can learn from my mistakes - in this case about how NOT to approach your partner.
March 13, 2014
A Quick Guide to Taming ADHD Clutter at Home
Coming home to an ADHD partner's mess can raise the stress levels at home, encourage long-term resentment, and ruin your sex life. Here's how to clear up the clutter fast.
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