Melissa Orlov's Blog, page 77
January 7, 2014
How To Get Bedtimes Aligned with ADHD
I posted recently about bed times and got several questions about how to get bedtimes aligned better. I work with couples on this issue with great regularity - those with ADHD often go to bed late, while exhausted non-ADHD partners often go to bed early. Couples miss out on good time to connect when they hit the bedroom at different times. Here are some ideas to help:
December 30, 2013
A Look Back - Four Favorite Posts About ADHD and Marriage
The new year is a time for looking back and looking forward. For my annual end of the year post I thought I would pull out four of my favorite posts from over the years and review why they remain so relevant for couples looking to tame the impact of ADHD in their relationship. As it happens, two posts are written for those with ADHD and two for those married to people with ADHD. Hope they give you some food for thought about adult ADHD and your relationship as you are thinking about the New Year!
December 18, 2013
My ADHD Partner Barely Notices Me at Bedtime - 8 Ways to Get the Attention You Want
Many non-ADHD partners want to connect at night with a meaningful "goodnight, honey," a kiss and hug or with some sexual intimacy. Yet disappointment follows when their partner is too distracted or too tired to shine the spotlight of their attention in the non-ADHD partner's direction. (Conversely, I sometimes hear complaints from ADHD partners who say that the demands of their non-ADHD partner to come to bed at a certain time are obnoxious...but that's for a different post.) What to do?
December 12, 2013
NYC ADHD Mindfulness Training Seminar
For those in New York City and the surrounding area, there is a mindfulness training course for adults with ADHD (6 sessions) coming up that I thought you should know about. It's being given by Dr. Mark Bertin, and sponsored by the ADD Resource Center in NYC. You can find information about it here. Mindfulness is an important tool in the Leg 2 behavioral treatment for adults. When you are more mindful you are more aware of what is going on around you at any given time. This helps you slow down and pay better attention. Mindfulness is also a good stress reducer. The course starts January 16 and runs for 6 weeks, from 7-9pm. There is a fee.
December 6, 2013
Next ADHD Book for Couples is On the Way
I am happy to announce that the next book that I am publishing, along with my co-author Nancie Kohlenberger LMFT, is getting closer to completion. The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD manuscript is now at the editor, and the publication date is set for April, 2014! Where The ADHD Effect on Marriage focused on identifying the impact of ADHD on adult relationships and got couples started on the path to relationship recovery, this book helps couples respond to the emotions they encounter as they try to repair their relatio
December 1, 2013
One ADHD Man's Perspecitve: Turning Your Relationship Around
Melissa once asked her husband for his perspective as the ADHD partner on their experience turning their relationship around. At another time, she also asked him if he was glad he went through finding out about his ADHD. Both answers were very enlightening.
Turning the relationship around, in his eyes, consisted of three basic steps:
November 26, 2013
Thankful for...Years of Working With Couples Impacted by ADHD
Thanksgiving is a great time to reflect on what you are thankful for. This year, as I complete my second book, I am particularly aware of how grateful I am to be working with a community of people impacted by ADHD. There are so many seeking ways to love their partner more fully and working to make their lives better...truly it is a privilege. Thank you!
October 30, 2013
Miracles in ADHD Relationships
This is a guest blog post by ADHD coach Kathy Sussell about her marriage and what has helped it over 32 years.
When my husband asked if he could take me out for a fancy dinner this weekend I was more than pleasantly surprised, I was absolutely shocked because it’s not the kind of thing he does.
“Why would you want to take me out for a fancy dinner?” I asked. “Don’t you want to celebrate our 32nd anniversary?” he replied.
I thought to myself, “Miracles never cease.” Here was my husband, the love of my life, the father of my children, remembering our anniversary for the first time in 30 years and taking the initiative to plan a date. This may sound like small potatoes but my husband has ADHD and he struggles with planning, initiating, remembering and other executive functioning skills.
October 9, 2013
50 Ways to Stay
I don't often do this, but I have just posted a blog entry at Psychology Today entitled 50 Ways NOT to Leave Your ADHD Lover - inpsired by seeing Paul Simon this summer, perhaps! It's fun as well as informative - a nice cheat sheet of ideas for all of you. I urge you to read it at this Psychology Today link.
October 3, 2013
ADHD Issue - I Feel Like a Fraud
I regularly hear from successful adults with ADHD - particularly men - that though they experience success at work they worry that they still don't feel successful. In fact, they feel as if they have others 'fooled' and that some day they may be discovered as a fraud. A marriage tip reader recently wrote me to ask "what's at the root of this? I often feel this way but can't pinpoint why..." As I've talked with adults in counseling about this issue I believe it has to do with the inconsistency of ADHD.
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