Melissa Orlov's Blog, page 22

August 22, 2024

Sensory Issues

ADHD & Marriage News - August 22, 2024Quote of the Week

“Several studies show that kids with ADHD have one or more sensory processing differences that correlate with ADHD traits like hyperactivity.  This is why using sensory techniques in relationships can go a long way.  For example, a partner with ADHD can focus better seated on a swing, hammock, or yoga ball when they are having a conversation or doing work.”

- Anita Robertson, LCSW

Sensory Issues

Sensory approaches to common life issues can really help partners with ADHD.  Here are a few examples:

Walking and talking with their partner in the woods, rather than sitting in the house Playing music while working or doing chores Sitting on an exercise ball instead of an office chair Thinking through a problem in the shower Using a fidget toy or shuffling cards while working so as not to lose focus Walking around while listening to my couples’ seminar

I encourage non-ADHD partners who find sensory approaches unfamiliar to encourage them, none-the-less.  Next time your partner wants to pace the room while talking with you, encourage it. It’s not a sign of disrespect but, rather, an indication that your partner is doing their best to stay engaged.

 

REGISTRATION OPEN!

➤  ADHD Effect In-Depth LIVE Couples' Seminar - provides hope, information and the tools you need to move towards a HAPPIER, HEALTHIER & THRIVING RELATIONSHIP. It begins September 18, 2024.

➤  The Foundations in Habit Development (FHD) Group Coaching is a special series for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar with Melissa. It is designed to help solidify the changes you have started to make and want to firm up.  This group starts September 11, 2024, consists of eight 75 minute sessions and is limited to only 10 individuals. 

➤  Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups - Limited to 10 participants.  Two topics per day.  Recorded for confidential use. Join a community of people exploring similar issues. Note: two of the eleven groups is now full. Some of the groups start in September, and others start in October. They are 7 weeks long, and there are are morning, afternoon, and evening options still available. Each week is a different topic (selected by the group) so you can explore topics more in-depth in a group with others who can relate to, and understand, the experiences you are facing.

Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next LIVE seminar starts September 18, 2024. The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials/recordings from the recent '24 live seminar

Non ADHD Partner Support Group (Registration open) and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group (Registration open) - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - Consider this group if you're interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert.  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We will open our inquiry portal on August 21, 2024 to start pairing individuals and couples with professionals for work that starts in September, 2024.

FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals

Social Media: - follow us for tips and resources

 

ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP.  ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Question? Contact Melissa.

© 2024 Melissa Orlov

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Published on August 22, 2024 16:48

August 13, 2024

You Don’t Have to Succeed

ADHD & Marriage News - August 13, 2024Quote of the Week

“Try to focus on what you are able to control, rather than the way other people may respond to you.  Personal effort, more than favorable responses from others, is the foundation of long-term well-being (Diener 2009).  Moreover, focus on doing the best you can increases the likelihood of a favorable response from others, while preoccupation with getting a certain response from others will probably make them feel manipulated.”

- Steven Stosny

"You Don't Have to Succeed...."

When my children were young, we had two sayings we used to tell them our expectations.  One was “You don’t have to succeed, but you do have to try.”  We wanted our kids to learn to engage with the world around them and try, much more than we wanted them to chase goals.  Sure, we applauded successes…but we emphasized effort.

It turns out that research suggests this is a great strategy for building a foundation of well-being.

It’s a relevant concept in ADHD-impacted relationships, too.  You can only give the best effort you can give and (I hope) that will be enough.

What might best look like?

Managing ADHD symptoms using all three legs of treatment (and sticking with it) NOT trying to get a specific response from your partner (a certain way of saying things, for example) Acknowledging and celebrating effort Learning how to give and accept bids for repair when things fall short Staying calm so the two of you can engage constructively

Stosny is giving a big shout out here to bringing the best you to your life that you can by engaging fully, and making your best effort.

P.S.  The other saying we used with our kids was ‘Tantrums don’t work.  Come find me when you are ready to talk.’  Combined, both sayings set a basic framework for constructive interactions and doing one’s best.

 

REGISTRATION OPEN!

➤  ADHD Effect In-Depth LIVE Couples' Seminar - provides hope, information and the tools you need to move towards a HAPPIER, HEALTHIER & THRIVING RELATIONSHIP. It begins September 18, 2024.

➤  The Foundations in Habit Development (FHD) Group Coaching is a special series for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar with Melissa. It is designed to help solidify the changes you have started to make and want to firm up.  This group starts September 11, 2024, consists of eight 75 minute sessions and is limited to only 10 individuals. 

➤  Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups - Limited to 10 participants.  Two topics per day.  Recorded for confidential use. Join a community of people exploring similar issues. Note: two of the eleven groups is now full.

Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next LIVE seminar starts September 18, 2024. The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials/recordings from the recent '24 live seminar

Non ADHD Partner Support Group (Registration open) and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group (Registration open) - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - Consider this group if you're interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert.  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We will open our inquiry portal on August 21, 2024 to start pairing individuals and couples with professionals for work that starts in September, 2024.

FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals

Social Media: - follow us for tips and resources

 

ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP.  ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Question? Contact Melissa.

© 2024 Melissa Orlov

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Published on August 13, 2024 07:57

August 1, 2024

I Can’t Make You Happy

ADHD & Marriage News - August 1, 2024Quote of the Week

“I cannot make you happy, but I can commit to support you in the creation of your own happiness.”

- Yung Pueblo 

I Can't Make You Happy

I would love it if someone else (or even a magic fairy!) could make me happy.  But, reality check, only I can do that for myself.  Yes, someone can love me, cherish me, support me and be fun to be with.  All of those things will create an environment in which I am much more likely to be happy.  But that is not the same thing as that other person making me happy.

For, all of those things might be in place and I might still feel depressed, or sad that I missed out on something else, or hyperfocused on something other than that wonderful, supportive environment – perhaps not even noticing the support I’m given.

Happiness comes from within yourself.  From loving and respecting yourself…and knowing your own sense of purpose.

If you are unhappy, I encourage you to take a hard look.  Are you waiting for someone else to change things for you?

 

 

REGISTRATION OPEN!

➤  ADHD Effect In-Depth LIVE Couples' Seminar - provides hope, information and the tools you need to move towards a HAPPIER, HEALTHIER & THRIVING RELATIONSHIP. It begins September 18, 2024.

➤  The Foundations in Habit Development (FHD) Group Coaching is a special series for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar with Melissa. It is designed to help solidify the changes you have started to make and want to firm up.  This group starts September 11, 2024, consists of eight 75 minute sessions and is limited to only 10 individuals. 

➤  Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups - Limited to 10 participants.  Two topics per day.  Recorded for confidential use. Join a community of people exploring similar issues. Note: One of the eleven groups is now full.

Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next LIVE seminar starts September 18, 2024. The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials/recordings from the recent '24 live seminar

Non ADHD Partner Support Group (Registration open) and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group (Registration open) - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - Consider this group if you're interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert.  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We will open our inquiry portal on August 21, 2024 to start pairing individuals and couples with professionals for work that starts in September, 2024.

FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals

Social Media: - follow us for tips and resources

 

ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP.  ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Question? Contact Melissa.

© 2024 Melissa Orlov

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Published on August 01, 2024 10:38

July 26, 2024

Self-Suggestibility

ADHD & Marriage News - July 26, 2024Quote of the Week

“I want to talk to you about my favorite part of ADHD- self-suggestibility….When I’m playing a particular piece of music, all of a sudden another melody will come into my mind because I’m suggestible – it’s self-suggestibility….Another aspect will come in, and I’m so off the rails that I create something that’s entirely unique.  (Take the Bach Cello Suite Number One Prelude in G Major…). He wrote it for one cello.  As an ADHD kid I thought ‘What if I added seven more cello parts to the one part Bach wrote?’  On my first album, the unaccompanied version got 10 million streams.  But the ADHD version of this tune has over 150 million streams…”

- Steven Sharp Nelson, cellist and member of The Piano Guys 

Self-Suggestibility

I LOVE this idea.  It’s loving the journey from one point to another as much as you love getting to the destination…and it’s one of the most awesome parts of ADHD.

I won’t write more here, but rather let you go to the youtube link and experience this yourself.

 

REGISTRATIONS OPEN!

➤  ADHD Effect In-Depth LIVE Couples' Seminar - provides hope, information and the tools you need to move towards a HAPPIER, HEALTHIER & THRIVING RELATIONSHIP. It begins September 18, 2024.

➤  The Foundations in Habit Development (FHD) Group Coaching is a special series for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar with Melissa. It is designed to help solidify the changes you have started to make and want to firm up.  This group starts September 11, 2024, consists of eight 75 minute sessions and is limited to only 10 individuals. 

REGISTRATION OPENING JULY 3 1

➤  Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups - Limited to 10 participants.  Two topics per day.  Recorded for the confidential use. Join a community of people exploring similar issues.

Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next LIVE seminar starts September 18, 2024. The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials/recordings from the recent '24 live seminar

Non ADHD Partner Support Group (Registration opens July 31) and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group (Registration open) - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - Consider this group if you're interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert.  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We will open our inquiry portal on August 21, 2024 to start pairing individuals and couples with professionals for work that starts in September, 2024.

FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals

Social Media: - follow us for tips and resources

 

ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP.  ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Question? Contact Melissa.

© 2024 Melissa Orlov

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Published on July 26, 2024 07:44

July 15, 2024

Our Differences are Our Strength

ADHD & Marriage News - July 15, 2024Quote of the Week

“Differences are not intended to separate, to alienate.  We are different precisely in order to realize our need of one another.”

- Desmond Tutu

Our Differences are Our Strengths

 Humans are, I think, inherently tribal.  ‘Same tribe’ feels comfortable and easy.  And yet, there are so many times when diversity of thought and approach are superior:

Parents with different approaches (often based in gender) nurture children who are more flexible thinkers Brainstorming a business problem allows the benefit of a wider range of ideas and approaches Hunters and gatherers allow a broader array of nutritional options than just one or the other ‘Mixed’ ADHD and non-ADHD couples who are not struggling can benefit from a wonderful mix of energy, creativity and directed purpose

What might happen in your relationship if, rather than bemoan your different ways of being, you celebrated how you fill each other’s gaps?  And…thinking generously and lovingly…how DO you complement each other?

 

REGISTRATION OPENS JULY 16, 2024

The Foundations in Habit Development (FHD) Group Coaching is a special series for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar with Melissa Orlov. It is designed to help solidify the changes you have started to make and want to firm up.  This group starts September 11, 2024, consists of eight 75 minute sessions and is limited to only 10 individuals. LEARN MORE.

Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next LIVE seminar will start in Fall 2024. The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials/recordings from the recent '24 live seminar

Non ADHD Partner Support Group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group (Registration opens July 16, 2024 and the group starts September 11, 2024) - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - Consider this group if you're interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert.  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We will open our inquiry portal on August 21, 2024 to start pairing individuals and couples with professionals for work that starts in September, 2024.

FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals

Social Media: - follow us for tips and resources

 

ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP.  ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Question? Contact Melissa.

© 2024 Melissa Orlov

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Published on July 15, 2024 06:56

June 13, 2024

The Transition to Saying No

ADHD & Marriage News - June 25, 2024Quote of the Week

“If I can’t say no, then my wife can never trust my yes…this was a big idea in learning to not take on things I couldn’t handle just to try to please her.  Also important was that I knew I would sometimes get hurt (in the transition).  You are taking a risk when you say no, but the only way through the process is to take the plunge.  I was better prepared for when she was unhappy (with the no) because I knew ahead of time that sometimes she would be unhappy.”

- Joseph Semah, LCSW, and one of the ADHD & Marriage consultants

The Transition to Saying No

Like many with ADHD, Joseph Semah was used to saying ‘yes’ when his wife asked him to do something, even if he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to complete it.  But, happily for them both, he changed that habit to one in which he steps back for a moment, assesses the request being made, and answers as honestly as he can about whether or not he can say ‘yes.’

The transition to more honest ‘nos’ can be difficult, but Joseph recommends that you ‘take the plunge.’  In the short-term your partner may not be happy with your no.  But in the long term your honesty supports a far more important aspect of your relationship – mutual trust.

Do you say ‘yes’ more often than you should?

 

Resources For those in relationships impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next LIVE seminar will start in Fall 2024. 

Non ADHD Partner Support Group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - Consider this group if you're interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert.  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We will re-open our inquiry portal to match clients with consultants on August 15.

FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals

Social Media: - follow us for tips and resources

 

ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP.  ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Question? Contact Melissa.

© 2024 Melissa Orlov

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Published on June 13, 2024 12:57

Think Small

ADHD & Marriage News - June 20, 2024Quote of the Week

“The secret to loving big is thinking small.”

- Steven Stosny

Think Small

There are really big things you do for each other that mean a lot, of course.  And yet, it is your daily interactions that create the true fabric of your lives together.  Some of the small things you do demonstrate your intent towards each other:

Setting up daily appreciation rituals as a commitment to strengthening your bonds Going to a financial planner to finally put that savings plan in place for a well-enough funded retirement

Others demonstrate your respect:

Waiting for your partner to complete a sentence with which he is struggling, rather than jumping in to finish it for him Telling others how proud you are of your partner Thanking your partner for effort they have made on your behalf

And others show how much you care:

Responding positively to a difficult request simply because it came from your partner Pulling your partner close in joy or sorrow Telling them you love them

These are just a few of the small things that support a big love.

What small things are you doing in your relationship to show your love?

 

In The News:

ADHD in Parents — Fostering a Supportive Family Environment - Melissa shares profound insights into the unique challenges faced by parents who are dealing with ADHD symptoms, as well as the impact it can have on partnerships and family dynamics.

ADHD: Unintended Consequences of the Divorce Word - ADHD relationships and the unintended consequences of what takes place the first time the word divorce is brought up. 

Resources For those in relationships impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next LIVE seminar will start in Fall 2024. 

Non ADHD Partner Support Group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - Consider this group if you're interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert.  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We will re-open our inquiry portal to match clients with consultants on August 15.

FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals

Social Media: - follow us for tips and resources

 

ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP.  ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Question? Contact Melissa.

© 2024 Melissa Orlov

 •  0 comments  •  flag
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Published on June 13, 2024 12:55

Heavy Memories

ADHD & Marriage News - June 13, 2024Quote of the Week

“You cannot erase memories but you can let go of the heavy energy that is attached to them.”

- Diego Perez (writing under the pen name Yung Pueblo)

Heavy Memories

Words spoken, and actions taken, can never be unspoken or undone.  When those words are negative, they leave a heaviness that must be unburdened.

One of the things that I and others in my field do is help people allow the heavy energy that they are carrying around flow through their bodies and out.  To learn that actions are often not personal but symptomatic; that words spoken by someone who is flooded are about self-defense more than actual belief; that resentment is a burden that interferes with healing.

We can heal from memories and our past as long as the hurts don’t continue, repetitively, in our lives creating new injury.  This is the power of learning how to manage ADHD symptoms and responses to the symptoms – moving away from entrenched patterns towards a future in which your memories no longer carry ‘heavy energy’. 

 

IN THE MEDIA:

My interview, “ADHD: Unintended Consequences of the Divorce Word,” airs June 14 at 4:00 pm ET on Attention Talk Radio. We discuss ADHD relationships and the unintended consequences of what takes place the first time the word divorce is brought up. 

8 Questions to Ask Before Giving Up on Your Marriage - Psychology Today

Resources For those in relationships impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next LIVE seminar will start in Fall 2024. 

Non ADHD Partner Support Group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals

Social Media: - follow us for tips and resources

 

ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP.  ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Question? Contact Melissa.

© 2024 Melissa Orlov

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Published on June 13, 2024 12:55

May 22, 2024

Flowers on the Porch

ADHD & Marriage News - June 6, 2024Quote of the Week

“I hope

when you come home to yourself

there are flowers lining the front porch

that were left from all the women

you were before”

- I hope from the book when the waves come @maia poetry

Flowers on the Porch

I have been giving a lot of thought lately to self-compassion. When I came across this poem it made my heart warm.  I love the image of past selves supporting showing kindness to our current self…as well as the very positive idea of personal growth this poem suggests.  

In all of us there can be many wise, supportive and caring past selves urging us on.  And a hope that who you are today will support who you become in the future.

 

Resources For those in relationships impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next LIVE seminar will start in Fall 2024. 

Non ADHD Partner Support Group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals

Social Media: - follow us for tips and resources

 

ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP.  ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Question? Contact Melissa.

© 2024 Melissa Orlov

 •  0 comments  •  flag
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Published on May 22, 2024 11:56

Dark, Silent Box

ADHD & Marriage News - May 30, 2024Quote of the Week

“Your brain is trapped inside a dark, silent box called your skull and it is receiving signals from (all over) your body…these inform your brain of changes in the world.  But your brain doesn’t know the causes, it only knows the signals themselves…your brain has to guess at the meaning and causes of those signals.  Even when your brain guesses wrong, those guesses become your experiences.  So, context is incredibly important in understanding our experiences.”

- Lisa Feldman Barrett

Dark, Silent Box

I was blown away when I heard this brain expert talking about how the brain predictively creates our perception of our experiences as it pieces together why it is probably getting the signals it is getting.

This is so backwards from the idea that I’m used to - that our environment creates our experiences – that I had to really stop and think.  But, though it’s a new idea to me, it does make sense.  And supports the idea that context means a great deal.

Context is part of the power of learning about ADHD.  As one example, learning that an ADHD partner’s distraction doesn’t equal “I don’t love you” but rather “I am distracted (symptom).”

The predictive nature of our brain’s interpretations (which turns out to be an evolutionary, energy-saving feature of the human brain, according to Barrett) can slow healing and change, though.  With the brain basing its experiences on past knowledge, it can take a while for partners to stop being nervous about what ‘might’ happen.  In the past, the initial signals in a sequence may have meant something specific (‘you are unloved’).  Now it doesn’t need to.

One way to retrain your brain to interpret things in new ways is with the power of thinking ‘intentionally’ about changing your perceptions and moving into your new future.  Now that you have more accurate context, you can train yourself and your brain to more positively experience the signals you are receiving.

Phew!  Is this an interesting, new way to think about the brain for you, too?

 

FREE:

➤  Get two free chapters of "The ADHD Effect on Marriage"

 

Resources For those in relationships impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next LIVE seminar will start in Fall 2024. 

Non ADHD Partner Support Group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals

Social Media: - follow us for tips and resources

 

ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP.  ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Question? Contact Melissa.

© 2024 Melissa Orlov

 •  0 comments  •  flag
Share on Twitter
Published on May 22, 2024 11:54

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