Mark A. Rayner's Blog: Mark A. Rayner's Goodreads Blog, page 125

An Unlikely Apocalypse

At first, it had seemed possible to continue moving through the desolate landscape on foot, but soon, it was obviously impracticable. Many bad things happened to the people travelling in traditional, bipedal mode: Ether-snakes. Entropic planter fasciitis. Electric sand. (And that was just the 'e's.)

Before the catastrophe, everyone thought that Edith and Sally Womble had been insane, going everywhere via giant rubber ball.

But as with all visionaries, they were ostracized, and...

Worst. Dystopia. Ever.

I find this quite horrifying.

Alltop likes to unleash its inner Marlow.

More disturbing Olympic Mascots

The London Olympic Committee continues the fine tradition of creating Olympic Mascots that kind of freak me out.

Obviously, nothing is going to ever be as on the nose as the Beijing Olympic Mascots, but these do stand out for their freakishness.

Actually, isn't there something vaguely Simpsonian about these? Are they perhaps just redrawings of Kang and Kodos? I'll post a pic of them below and let you decide.

Certainly, Lunchbreath has nailed it:

Am I right?

Alltop loves spork. mascots...

Professor Quippy: Raising Narcissists

"What is happening to our young people? They disrespect their elders, they disobey their parents. They ignore the law. They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions. Their morals are decaying. What is to become of them?"

Plato said that in the 4th century BC (back when men were men, women were not, and boys had to be watch the men carefully — kind of like the Catholic Church today.) But I digress; his was only the most recent version of the complaint. There are Egyptian hieroglyphs...

Fractured Fairy Tales: The Ugly Duckling

Enjoyed this retelling of The Ugly Duckling by Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal (SMBC):

Alltop can dream, can't it?

The Fabulous Toast Brothers

Neville and Ezekial Broughton grew up on the frontier, working the ranch their father built out of hard work, genocide, and cruelty to animals. Yet they rose above these humble beginnings to form the first Gentlemen's Inventor League west of the Mississippi, dreaming of the day they would one day attend the Annual Inventor's Exhibition in London, England.

They made their fortune on toasters. Everyone enjoyed toast, and this gave them the wherewithal to pursue other, more esoteric...

Urban American Gothic

Urban American Gothic, originally uploaded by ZebraMule.

Love this! Creative and funny!

Bear practicing his bo stick

Yep. This is a black bear, doing some kind of forest martial art. I'm not sure if it's Kung Fu, but the song goes perfectly with the video.

Is anyone else alarmed that fearsome beasts are now learning how to fight us with our own weapons? What's next, a mongoose with a machine gun? Wild turkeys with trebuchets?

Click here to view the embedded video.

You can find it online here, and the original footage here.
Alltop is pretty sure this video is messing with its chi.

Paging Dr. Godhead

"…whoever wishes to become a philosopher must learn not to be frightened by absurdities." –Bertrand Russell

"The satirist is prevented by repulsion from gaining a better knowledge of the world he is attracted to, yet he is forced by attraction to concern himself with the world that repels him."–Italo Calvino

"There is only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous."–Napoleon Bonaparte

"All human race would fain be wits.

And millions miss, for one that hits."–Jonathan Swift Alltop would fain ...

Ask General Kang: Can you explain how international finances work?

You must have me confused with an economist.

Perhaps it is because I have not been allowed to answer any questions on The Skwib for some time (due to an extensive run of drivel produced by that Dadaist wanker, Toulouse Le Grandfig), or perhaps it's because you're a typical low-intellect human. In any case, economists all fabricate the truth based on a set of assumptions. (Interestingly, the etymology of that word is based on the Latin, umptio, which means "theoretical model" and the...