Mark A. Rayner's Blog: Mark A. Rayner's Goodreads Blog, page 123

The mind-bending fury of monkey-pirate-robot-ninja-zombie

Why play rock-paper-scissors (also known as rochambeau), or lame versions thereof, when you can experience the awesome, mind-bending fury of monkey-pirate-robot-ninja-zombie!

See my earlier post for the suggested noises to go with the game.

Also available as a t-shirt.

Alltop is easy to beat, cause they always pick ninja. Suckers.

6 excellent reasons not to have an opinion outside the "designated speech area"

As you may know, the authorities in Canada have set up special places where citizens may demonstrate, protest, rant, and stand on crates and do some lunatic speechifying.

Finally, Canada embraces the notion of free speech.

Now, it's limited to a mosquito-infested field in the Muskokas, and a roped off area to the north of Queen's Park in Toronto (behind the portapotties, underneath the low branches of the maple trees).

But what if you decide to have an opinion outside of these "designated ...

The Sarcastic Cyborg Debriefs

[recording starts:]

Is this thing on?

Seriously. Is it on? I'm not getting any neural feedback.

You humans are so odd. You are human aren't you? Why don't you just implant a microphone in your scull — there's lots of room. That way the rest of the world could hear the same voice you do.

Oh yeah, you don't sound like that. Right. Everybody says that when they hear their recorded voice the first time. It's so predictable.

But just imagine what it was like for us before we improved the speaker s...

How to Play Monkey-Pirate-Robot-Ninja-Zombie

Here is the new version of rock-paper-scissors, or rochambeau, as it is sometimes known. As you can see from the schematic below, each thing can beat two other things, and is, in turn beaten by two other things.

The players both count to five (three), though it is obviously better to repeat the name of the game (Monkey! Robot! Pirate! Ninja! Zombie!). Each time you raise your fist and swing it down. On the fifth (third) count, you form your hand into one of the five gestures. (It is...

How to Play Monkey-Robot-Pirate-Ninja-Zombie

Here is the new version of rock-paper-scissors, or rochambeau, as it is sometimes known. As you can see from the schematic below, each thing can beat two other things, and is, in turn beaten by two other things.

The players both count to five (three), though it is obviously better to repeat the name of the game (Monkey! Robot! Pirate! Ninja! Zombie!). Each time you raise your fist and swing it down. On the fifth (third) count, you form your hand into one of the five gestures. (It is...

Ask General Kang: If you were running the World Cup, would you ban the vuvuzela?

First of all, we should explain what a vuvuzela (pronounced vu-vu-zay-la) isn't. It is not, as it sounds, the delicate private parts of a female Venezuelan sex dancer. It is a long, brightly colored plastic horn that can only be played in one pitch.

And it is delightful.

I would never ban it. Ever. In fact, I'd find a way to weaponize it. You see, you're forgetting two things:

1) on my homeworld, Neecknaw, where I was undisputed and much-feared ruler for some time, some of my favourite...

Forget rock-paper-scissors, I'm playing monkey-pirate-robot-ninja-zombie!

Why play such a simple game, when you can play monkey-pirate-zombie-robot-ninja? The only way this could be more accurate? Zombie beats everything!

Now, you can find the hand signals for the game here.

Alltop decapitates Zombie. Thanks to Swirlee for inventing this graphic. Originally published in March, 2009.

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I always wondered why the Vitruvian Man looked so grumpy

Most of these are good except for Manet's barmaid. Be warned though, it is one of those corporate ads, trying to be viral. (Hey, at least I warned you.)

Click here to view the embedded video.

You can find the Samsung ad here too.

Alltop does funny impressions of Monet.

Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles Go Medieval On Shredder's Ass

The heroes on a half-shell wise up, and learn to fight crime with their weapons, instead of bad puns. Comedy is saved too!

Also available at College Humor.

Pantomime Jaw-Warbler

Albert Ploof was an early pioneer in the field of haberdaeronics, and celebrated throughout Europe, despite the fact that his mother was Jewish and his father was a mime. He entertained throughout the courts of Europe, telling of plans to conquer one of the great mysteries of time — can man fly using only a hat?

After the success of the Wright Brothers in 1903, he was commanded by the Belgian king, Leopold II, to find a way for a man to fly, using only the power of science.

"May I also...